King Pest

                 A TALE CONTAINING AN ALLEGORY

         The gods do bear and will allow in kings
         The things which they abhor in rascal routes.
              --Buckhurst's Tragedy of Ferrex and Porrex

    About twelve o'clock, one night in the month of October, and
during  the  chivalrous reign  of  the third  Edward,  two seamen
belonging  to the crew  of the Free and  Easy, a trading schooner
plying between  Sluys and the Thames, and  then at anchor in that
river, were much astonished to find themselves seated in the tap-
room of an ale-house  in the parish of St  Andrews, London--which
ale-house bore for sign the portraiture of a 'Jolly Tar'.
    The  room,  although  ill-contrived,  smoke-blackened,  low-
pitched,  and in  every other  respect agreeing with  the general
character of such places of  the period--was nevertheless, in the
opinion of the grotesque  groups scattered here and  there within
it, sufficiently well adapted to its purpose.
    Of  these groups  our two  seamen  formed, I  think,the most
interesting, if not the most conspicuous.
    The one who appeared to be the elder, and whom his companion
addressed by the characteristic appellation of 'Legs', was at the
same time much the taller of the two.  He might have measured six
feet and a half, and an habitual stoop in the shoulders seemed to
have been the  necessary consequence of an  altitude so enormous.
Superfluities in height were, however, more than accounted for by
deficiencies in  other respects.   He was  exceedingly thin;  and
might, as his associates asserted, have answered, when drunk, for
a pennant at  the mast-head,  or, when sober,  have served for  a
jib-boom.  But  these jests, and others of a  similar nature, had
evidently produced, at no time, any effect  upon the cachinnatory
muscles  of the tar.   With high cheek-bones,  a large hawk-nose,
retreating  chin, fallen  under-jaw,  and  huge protruding  white
eyes, the expression  of his countenance, although  tinged with a
species of dogged indifference to matters  and things in general,
was not the less  utterly solemn and serious beyond  all attempts
at imitation or description.
    The  younger  seaman was,  in  all  outward appearance,  the
converse of his companion.   His stature could not  have exceeded
four  feet.   A  pair of  stumpy  bow legs  supported  his squat,
unwieldy figure,  while his unusually short and  thick arms, with
no ordinary fists at  their extremities, swung off dangling  from
his  sides like  the fins  of a  sea-turtle.   Small eyes,  of no
particular  colour,  twinkled far  back in  his  head.   His nose
remained buried in the  mass of flesh which enveloped  his round,
full,  and purple face; and  his thick upper-lip  rested upon the
still  thicker  one beneath  with  an  air  of  complacent  self-
satisfaction,  much heightened  by the  owner's habit  of licking
them  at intervals.  He evidently regarded his tall shipmate with
a   feeling   half-wondrous   half-quizzical;   and   stared   up
occasionally in his face as the  red setting sun stares up at the
crags of Ben Nevis.
    Various  and eventful, however,  had been the peregrinations
of the worthy couple in and about the different tap-houses of the
neighbourhood during the earlier hours of the night.  Funds, even
the most ample, are not always everlasting; and it was with empty
pockets our friends had ventured upon the present hostelrie.
    At  the precise  period,  then, when  this history  properly
commences, Legs,  and his fellow, Hugh Tarpaulin,  sat, each with
both elbows resting upon the large oak table in the middle of the
floor, and with a hand upon either cheek.  They were eyeing, from
behind  a   huge  flagon  of   unpaid-for  'humming-stuff',   the
portentous  words, 'No  Chalk',  which to  their indignation  and
astonishment  were scored over the door-way by means of that very
mineral whose presence they purported to deny.  Not that the gift
of deciphering written characters--a gift among the commonalty of
that  day considered  little less  cabalistical  than the  art of
inditing--could, in strict  justice, have been laid to the charge
of either disciple of the sea; but there was, to say the truth, a
certain twist  in the formation of  the letters--an indescribable
lee-lurch  about the  whole--which foreboded,  in the  opinion of
both seamen,  a long run of dirty weather; and determined them at
once,  in the allegorical words of Legs  himself, to 'clew up all
sail, and scud before the wind'.
    Having accordingly disposed of what remained of the ale, and
looped up the points of their short doublets, they finally made a
bolt  for the street.   Although Tarpaulin rolled  twice into the
fireplace, mistaking it  for the  door, yet their  escape was  at
length happily effected--and half  after twelve o'clock found our
heroes ripe for mischief, and running for  life down a dark alley
in  the  direction of  St Andrew's  Stair,  hotly pursued  by the
landlady of the 'Jolly Tar'.
    At the epoch  of this eventful  tale, and periodically,  for
many years before and after, all England, but more especially the
metropolis, resounded with the fearful cry of 'Plague!'  The city
was  in  a  great  measure  depopulated--and  in  those  horrible
regions, in the  vicinity of  the Thames, where,  amid the  dark,
narrow, and filthy  lanes and  alleys, the Demon  of Disease  was
supposed to have had his nativity, Awe, Terror, and  Superstition
were alone to be found stalking abroad.
    By authority  of the king  such districts were  placed under
ban, and all persons  forbidden, under pain of death,  to intrude
upon  their  dismal solitude.   Yet  neither  the mandate  of the
monarch,  nor the huge barriers  erected at the  entrances of the
streets, nor  the prospect  of that  loathsome death which,  with
almost absolute  certainty, overwhelmed the wretch  whom no peril
could  deter from  the adventure,  prevented the  unfurnished and
untenanted dwellings from being stripped, by the hand of  nightly
rapine, of  every article,  such as  iron,  brass, or  lead-work,
which could in any manner be turned to a profitable account.
    Above  all,  it was  usually found,  upon the  annual winter
opening of  the barriers, that  locks, bolts, and  secret cellars
had proved but slender  protection to those rich stores  of wines
and  liquors which, in consideration  of the risk  and trouble of
removal,  many  of  the  numerous dealers  having  shops  in  the
neighbourhood had consented to trust, during the period of exile,
to so insufficient security.
    But there  were very few  of the terror-stricken  people who
attributed  these doings  to the  agency of  human hands.   Pest-
spirits, plague-goblins, and  fever-demons were the popular  imps
of  mischief; and tales so blood-chilling  were hourly told, that
the whole mass  of forbidden buildings was, at  length, enveloped
in terror as  in a shroud,  and the  plunderer himself was  often
scared  away by  the horrors  his own  depredations had  created;
leaving the entire vast circuit of prohibited  district to gloom,
silence, pestilence, and death.
    It was  by one of  the terrific barriers  already mentioned,
and which indicated the  region beyond to be under  the Pest-ban,
that,  in  scrambling down  an alley,  Legs  and the  worthy Hugh
Tarpaulin  found their progress suddenly impeded.   To return was
out of  the  question, and  no  time was  to  be lost,  as  their
pursuers were close  upon their heels.  With thorough-bred seamen
to  clamber up the roughly fashioned plank-work was a trifle; and
maddened with the twofold excitement of exercise and liquor, they
leaped unhesitatingly  down within the enclosure,  and holding on
their  drunken  course  with   shouts  and  yellings,  were  soon
bewildered in its noisome and intricate recesses.
    Had they  not, indeed, been intoxicated  beyond moral sense,
their  reeling footsteps must have been palsied by the horrors of
their situation.  The air was cold and misty.  The paving-stones,
loosened from their  beds, lay  in wild disorder  amid the  tall,
rank grass, which sprang  up around the feet and  ankles.  Fallen
houses  choked  up the  streets.   The  most fetid  and poisonous
smells everywhere prevailed: and by the aid of that ghastly light
which,  even at midnight, never  fails to emanate  from a vapoury
and pestilential atmosphere, might be discerned lying  in the by-
paths and  alleys, or rotting in the  windowless habitations, the
carcass of many a nocturnal plunderer arrested by the hand of the
plague in the very perpetration of his robbery.
    But it lay not in the power of the images, or sensations, or
impediments  such  as  these, to  stay  the  course  of men  who,
naturally  brave, and at that time especially, brimful of courage
and  of 'humming-stuff', would have  reeled, as straight as their
condition might have permitted, undauntedly into the very jaws of
Death.   Onward--still onward  stalked the grim  Legs, making the
desolate solemnity echo and re-echo with yells like the  terrific
war-whoop of  the Indian;  and onward,  still  onward rolled  the
dumpy Tarpaulin, hanging  on to  the doublet of  his more  active
companion,  and   far  surpassing  the  latter's  most  strenuous
exertions in the way  of vocal music, by bull-roarings  in basso,
from the profundity of his stentorian lungs.
    They  had  now  evidently  reached  the  stronghold  of  the
pestilence.  Their way at every step or plunge grew  more noisome
and  more horrible--the  paths  more narrow  and more  intricate.
Huge stones and  beams falling momently  from the decaying  roofs
above  them, gave evidence, by their sullen and heavy descent, of
the  vast height  of  the surrounding  houses;  and while  actual
exertion  became necessary  to force  a passage  through frequent
heaps of  rubbish, it was by  no means seldom that  the hand fell
upon a skeleton or rested upon a more fleshy corpse.
    Suddenly,  as the seamen stumbled  against the entrance of a
tall  and  ghastly-looking building,  a  yell  more than  usually
shrill from the throat of  the excited Legs, was replied to  from
within,  in  a  rapid  succession  of  wild,  laughter-like,  and
fiendish shrieks.   Nothing daunted  at sounds which,  of such  a
nature, at such a time,  and in such a place, might  have curdled
the  very blood in hearts  less irrevocably on  fire, the drunken
couple  rushed headlong  against  the door,  burst  it open,  and
staggered into the midst of things with a volley of curses.
    The room within which they found themselves proved to be the
shop of  an undertaker; but an  open trap-door, in  the corner of
the floor near  the entrance,  looked down upon  a long range  of
wine-cellars,  whose  depths  the  occasional  sound  of bursting
bottles  proclaimed  to be  well  stored  with their  appropriate
contents.  In the middle of the room stood a table--in the centre
of which again  arose a huge  tub of what  appeared to be  punch.
Bottles  of  various  wines  and cordials,  together  with  jugs,
pitchers,  and flagons of every shape and quality, were scattered
profusely  upon the board.   Around it, upon coffin-tressels, was
seated  a company  of  six.   This  company I  will endeavour  to
delineate one by one.
    Fronting  the  entrance, and  elevated  a  little above  his
companions, sat a personage  who appeared to be the  president of
the  table.   His  stature  was  gaunt  and  tall, and  Legs  was
confounded to behold in him a figure more emaciated than himself.
His face was as  yellow as saffron--but no feature  excepting one
alone, was sufficiently marked to merit a particular description.
This  one  consisted in  a  forehead so  unusually  and hideously
lofty, as  to have the appearance  of a bonnet or  crown of flesh
superadded upon the  natural head.   His mouth  was puckered  and
dimpled into  an expression of ghastly affability,  and his eyes,
as indeed  the eyes of  all at table,  were glazed over  with the
fumes of intoxication.   This gentleman was clothed from  head to
foot  in a  richly-embroidered  black silk-velvet  pall,  wrapped
negligently around his form after the fashion of a Spanish cloak.
His head was stuck  full of sable hearse-plumes, which  he nodded
to and fro with a jaunty and knowing air; and, in his right hand,
he held a huge  human thigh-bone, with which he  appeared to have
been just knocking down some member of the company for a song.
    Opposite  him, and with her back to  the door, was a lady of
no  whit less extraordinary character.  Although quite as tall as
the person  just described, she  had no right to  complain of his
unnatural emaciation.   She was evidently in the  last stage of a
dropsy; and her figure resembled nearly that of the huge puncheon
of October beer which  stood, with the head  driven in, close  by
her  side, in a corner of the  chamber.  Her face was exceedingly
round, red, and full; and the same peculiarity, or rather want of
peculiarity, attached  itself to her countenance,  which I before
mentioned  in the case of the president--that is to say, only one
feature  of her  face was  sufficiently distinguished  to need  a
separate characterization: indeed the acute Tarpaulin immediately
observed  that  the  same  remark  might  have  applied  to  each
individual  person  of the  party, every  one  of whom  seemed to
possess  a monopoly  of some  particular portion  of physiognomy.
With the  lady in question this  portion proved to  be the mouth.
Commencing at the right  ear, it swept with  a terrific chasm  to
the left--the  short pendants  which she wore  in either  auricle
continually bobbing into  the aperture.  She made, however, every
exertion to keep her mouth closed and look dignified, in  a dress
consisting of a newly-starched and ironed shroud  coming up close
under her chin, with a crimpled ruffle of cambric muslin.
    At  her  right hand  sat a  diminutive  young lady  whom she
appeared to  patronize.   This delicate  little creature,  in the
trembling of  her wasted fingers,  in the livid hue  of her lips,
and in the slight  hectic spot which tinged her  otherwise leaden
complexion, gave evident indications  of a galloping consumption.
An  air  of   extreme  haut  ton,  however,  pervaded  her  whole
appearance;  she wore, in a  graceful and degage  manner, a large
and  beautiful winding-sheet of  the finest India  lawn; her hair
hung in ringlets  over her neck;  a soft smile  played about  her
mouth; but her nose, extremely long, thin, sinuous, flexible, and
pimpled, hung down  far below her under-lip, and, in spite of the
delicate manner in which she now and then moved it to one side or
the other with  her tongue,  gave to her  countenance a  somewhat
equivocal expression.
    Over against her, and  upon the left of the  dropsical lady,
was seated a  little puffy,  wheezing, and gouty  old man,  whose
cheeks reposed upon the  shoulders of their owner, like  two huge
bladders of  Oporto wine.   With  his arms  folded, and  with one
bandaged leg deposited upon the table, he seemed to think himself
entitled to some consideration.  He evidently prided himself much
upon  every  inch  of  his  personal appearance,  but  took  more
especial  delight  in  calling  attention  to  his  gaudy-colored
surtout.   This, to say the  truth, must have cost  him no little
money, and was  made to fit him exceedingly well--being fashioned
from one of the  curiously embroidered silken covers appertaining
to those  glorious escutcheons  which, in England  and elsewhere,
are customarily  hung up,  in  some conspicuous  place, upon  the
dwellings of departed aristocracy.
    Next to him, and at  the right hand of the president,  was a
gentleman  in  long white  hose and  cotton  drawers.   His frame
shook,  in  a ridiculous  manner, with  a  fit of  what Tarpaulin
called 'the horrors'.   His  jaws, which had  been newly  shaved,
were  tightly tied up by a bandage  of muslin; and his arms being
fastened  in  a similar  way at  the  wrists, prevented  him from
helping  himself  too freely  to the  liquors  upon the  table; a
precaution  rendered necessary,  in the opinion  of Legs,  by the
peculiarly sottish and wine-bibbing  cast of his visage.   A pair
of prodigious  ears, nevertheless,  which it  was no  doubt found
impossible to confine,  towered away into  the atmosphere of  the
apartment, and were  occasionally pricked  up in a  spasm at  the
sound of the drawing of a cork.
    Fronting him, sixthly and  lastly, was situated a singularly
stiff-looking  personage, who,  being  afflicted with  paralysis,
must, to  speak seriously,  have felt  very ill  at  ease in  his
unaccommodating habiliments.  He was  habited, somewhat uniquely,
in a new  and handsome mahogany  coffin.   Its top or  head-piece
pressed upon the skull of the wearer, and extended over it in the
fashion  of  a  hood,  giving  to  the  entire  face  an  air  of
indescribable  interest.  Arm-holes had been cut in the sides for
the sake not more of elegance than of convenience; but the dress,
nevertheless, prevented  its proprietor from sitting  as erect as
his associates; and as  he lay reclining against his  tressel, at
an angle of forty-five degrees, a pair of huge goggle eyes rolled
up  their awful whites towards  the ceiling in absolute amazement
at their own enormity.
    Before each of the party lay a portion of a skull, which was
used as a drinking-cup.  Overhead was suspended a human skeleton,
by  means of a rope tied round one  of the legs and fastened to a
ring in the ceiling.  The other limb, confined by no such fetter,
stuck off  from the body at right angles, causing the whole loose
and rattling frame to  dangle and twirl about  at the caprice  of
every  occasional puff  of  wind which  found  its way  into  the
apartment.  In the cranium  of this hideous thing lay a  quantity
of  ignited charcoal, which threw  a fitful but  vivid light over
the entire scene; while coffins, and other  wares appertaining to
the shop of  an undertaker, were piled  high up around  the room,
and  against the  windows, preventing  any ray escaping  into the
street.
    At sight of this extraordinary assembly,  and of their still
more extraordinary paraphernalia, our  two seamen did not conduct
themselves  with that  degree of  decorum  which might  have been
expected.   Legs, leaning against the wall near which he happened
to be standing, dropped his lower jaw still lower than usual, and
spread  open  his  eyes  to  their  fullest  extent;  while  Hugh
Tarpaulin, stooping down  so as to  bring his nose  upon a  level
with  the table, and spreading out a palm upon either knee, burst
into  a long, loud, and  obstreperous roar of  very ill-timed and
immoderate laughter.
    Without, however, taking offence at behaviour so excessively
rude,  the  tall  president   smiled  very  graciously  upon  the
intruders--nodded  to them in a dignified manner with his head of
sable plumes--and,  arising, took each by the arm, and led him to
a  seat  which  some others  of  the  company had  placed  in the
meantime for his accommodation.  Legs to all this offered not the
slightest  resistance, but sat down as he was directed; while the
gallant Hugh,  removing his coffin-tressel from  its station near
the  head of the table, to the vicinity of the little consumptive
lady in the winding-sheet, plumped down by her side in high glee,
and pouring out a skull  of red wine, quaffed it to  their better
acquaintance.  But at this presumption the stiff gentleman in the
coffin seemed exceedingly nettled; and serious consequences might
have ensued, had not  the president, rapping upon the  table with
his  truncheon,  diverted the  attention  of all  present  to the
following speech:
    'It becomes our duty upon the present happy occasion--'
    'Avast  there!'  interrupted  Legs,  looking  very  serious,
'avast there a bit, I say, and tell us who the devil ye  all are,
and  what business ye have here, rigged off like the foul fiends,
and swilling the snug blue ruin stowed away for the  winter by my
honest shipmate, Will Wimble, the undertaker!'
    At this unpardonable piece of ill-breeding, all the original
company half-started to  their feet, and  uttered the same  rapid
succession of wild fiendish  shrieks which had before caught  the
attention of the seamen.   The president, however, was  the first
to recover his  composure, and  at length, turning  to Legs  with
great dignity, recommenced:
    'Most willingly will we  gratify any reasonable curiosity on
the part of guests so illustrious, unbidden though they be.  Know
then that  in these dominions  I am monarch,  and here rule  with
undivided empire under the title of "King Pest the First".
    'This apartment, which  you no doubt profanely suppose to be
the shop of Will  Wimble the undertaker--a man whom we  know not,
and  whose  plebeian  appellation  has never  before  this  night
thwarted our  royal ears--this  apartment,  I say,  is the  Dais-
Chamber  of our Palace, devoted  to the councils  of our kingdom,
and to other sacred and lofty purposes.
    'The  noble lady who sits opposite is Queen Pest, our Serene
Consort.  The other exalted personages whom you behold are all of
our family, and  wear the insignia  of the blood royal  under the
respective titles of "His Grace the Arch Duke Pest-Iferous"--"His
Grace the Duke Pest-Ilential"--"His Grace the Duke Tem-Pest"--and
"Her Serene Highness the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest".
    'As  regards,' continued  he, 'your  demand of  the business
upon  which we  sit  here in  council, we  might be  pardoned for
replying that  it concerns, and  concerns alone, our  own private
and regal  interest, and is in  no manner important  to any other
than  ourself.  But in consideration of  those rights to which as
guests  and strangers you  may feel yourselves  entitled, we will
furthermore explain that we are here this night, prepared by deep
research  and accurate  investigation, to  examine, analyse,  and
thoroughly determine the indefinable spirit--the incomprehensible
qualities  and  nature--of  those  inestimable treasures  of  the
palate, the  wines, ales, and liqueurs of this goodly metropolis:
by  so doing to  advance not more  our own designs  than the true
welfare of that unearthly  sovereign whose reign is over  us all,
whose dominions are unlimited, and whose name is "Death".'
    'Whose name  is Davy  Jones!' ejaculated  Tarpaulin, helping
the lady  by his side  to a skull of  liqueur, and pouring  out a
second for himself.
    'Profane  varlet!'  said  the  president,  now  turning  his
attention to the worthy  Hugh, 'profane and execrable wretch!--we
have said, that in  consideration of those rights which,  even in
thy filthy person,  we feel  no inclination to  violate, we  have
condescended  to   make  reply  to  thy   rude  and  unreasonable
inquiries.   We nevertheless, for your  unhallowed intrusion upon
our councils, believe it our duty to mulct thee and thy companion
in  each a  gallon of  Black Strap--having  imbibed which  to the
prosperity  of our  kingdom--at a  single draught--and  upon your
bended knees--ye shall be forthwith  free either to proceed  upon
your way,  or remain  and be  admitted to  the privileges  of our
table, according to your respective and individual pleasures.'
    'It would be a matter of utter impossibility,' replied Legs,
whom  the  assumptions and  dignity of  King  Pest the  First had
evidently  inspired with some feelings of  respect, and who arose
and  steadied himself by the table as he spoke--'it would, please
your majesty, be a matter of utter  impossibility to stow away in
my  hold even  one-fourth party  of that  same liquor  which your
majesty has just mentioned.  To say nothing of the stuffs  placed
on board  in the forenoon by  way of ballast, and  not to mention
the  various ales  and liqueurs  shipped this evening  at various
seaports, I  have, at  present, a  full cargo  of "humming-stuff"
taken in and duly paid for  at the sign of the "Jolly Tar".   You
will, therefore,  please your majesty, be so  good as to take the
will for the deed--for by no manner of means either can I or will
I  swallow another drop--least of  all a drop  of that villainous
bilge-water that answers to the name of "Black Strap".'
    'Belay that,' interrupted Tarpaulin, astonished  not more at
the length  of his companion's  speech than at the  nature of his
refusal--'Belay that,  you lubber!--and I say, Legs, none of your
palaver.  My hull is still light, although I confess you yourself
seem to be a little top-heavy;  and as far as the matter of  your
share of the  cargo, why rather than raise a  squall I would find
stowage-room for it myself, but--'
    'This proceeding,' interposed the president, 'is by no means
in accordance with the  terms of the mulct or  sentence, which is
in  its nature Median,  and not to  be altered or  recalled.  The
conditions we have imposed  must be fulfilled to the  letter, and
that  without   a  moment's   hesitation--in  failure  of   which
fulfilment we  decree that you  do here  be tied  neck and  heels
together, and duly drowned  as rebels in yon hogshead  of October
beer!'
    'A sentence!--a sentence!--a righteous and just sentence!--a
glorious  decree!--a   most   worthy   and   upright   and   holy
condemnation!'  shouted  the  Pest  family together.    The  king
elevated his forehead into innumerable wrinkles; the gouty little
old  man puffed like a pair of  bellows; the lady of the winding-
sheet  waved her  nose to  and fro;  the gentleman in  the cotton
drawers pricked  up his  ears; she  of the  shroud gasped  like a
dying  fish; and he of the coffin  looked stiff and rolled up his
eyes.
    'Ugh!  ugh!  ugh!' chuckled  Tarpaulin, without  heeding the
general excitation,  'ugh! ugh!  ugh!--ugh! ugh! ugh!  ugh!--ugh!
ugh!  ugh!--I was saying,' said  he--'I was saying  when Mr. King
Pest poked in his marlinspike,  that as for the matter of  two or
three gallons more or  less of Black Strap, it was a  trifle to a
tight sea-boat like  myself not overstowed--but when  it comes to
drinking the health of  the Devil (whom God assoilzie)  and going
down upon my marrow-bones to his ill-favoured majesty there, whom
I know, as well as I know myself to be a sinner, to be  nobody in
the whole  world but Tim Hurlygurly  the stage-player!--why! it's
quite another guess sort  of a thing, and utterly  and altogether
past my comprehension.'
    He was not allowed to finish this speech in tranquility.  At
the name of Tim  Hurlygurly the whole assembly leaped  from their
seats.
    'Treason!' shouted his Majesty King Pest the First.
    'Treason!' said the little man with the gout.
    'Treason!' screamed the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.
    'Treason!' muttered the gentleman with his jaws tied up.
    'Treason!' growled he of the coffin.
    'Treason! treason!' shrieked her  majesty of the mouth, and,
seizing  by  the hinder  part  of  his  breeches the  unfortunate
Tarpaulin, who had just commenced pouring out for himself a skull
of liqueur,  she lifted him high  into the air, and  let him fall
without  ceremony into the huge open puncheon of his beloved ale.
Bobbing up and down, for  a few seconds, like an apple in  a bowl
of toddy, he, at  length, finally disappeared amid the  whirlpool
of foam which, in the  already effervescent liquor, his struggles
easily succeeded in creating.
    Not  tamely,  however,  did   the  tall  seaman  behold  the
discomfiture  of his companion.   Jostling King  Pest through the
open trap, the valiant  Legs slammed the door down upon  him with
an oath, and strode towards the centre of the room.  Here tearing
down the skeleton which  swung over the  table, he laid it  about
him with  so much energy and good-will that, as the last glimpses
of light died away within the apartment, he succeeded in knocking
out the  brains of the little  gentleman with the gout.   Rushing
then  with all  his  force against  the  fatal hogshead  full  of
October ale and Hugh Tarpaulin, he  rolled it over and over in an
instant.  Out poured a deluge of liquor so fierce--so impetuous--
so overwhelming--that the room was flooded from wall to wall--the
loaded table was overturned--the  tressels were thrown upon their
backs--the tub of punch into the fire-place--and  the ladies into
hysterics.   Piles  of death-furniture  floundered about.   Jugs,
pitchers,  and carboys  mingled promiscuously  in the  melee, and
wicker flagons encountered desperately with bottles of junk.  The
man  with the horrors was drowned upon the spot--the little stiff
gentleman  floated off  in his  coffin--and the  victorious Legs,
seizing by  the waist the fat lady in the shroud, rushed out with
her  into the street, and made a  bee-line for the Free and Easy,
followed under easy sail by the redoubtable Hugh  Tarpaulin, who,
having sneezed three or  four times, panted and puffed  after him
with the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.