F I D O N E W S Volume 17, Number 09 28 Feb 2000

F I D O N E W S Volume 17, Number 09 28 Feb 2000
+----------------------------+---------------------------------------+
| The newsletter of the | ISSN 1198-4589 Published by: |
| FidoNet community | "FidoNews" |
| _ | 1-717-732-6820 1:270/720 |
| / \ | |
| /|oo \ | |
| (_| /_) | |
| _`@/_ \ _ | |
| | | \ \\ | Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720 |
| | (*) | \ )) | [email protected] |
| |__U__| / \// | |
| _//|| _\ / | |
| (_/(_|(____/ | |
| (jm) | Newspapers should have no friends. |
| | -- JOSEPH PULITZER |
+----------------------------+---------------------------------------+

Table of Contents
1. EDITORIAL ................................................ 1
Sysops Majorly Against Rough Treatment ................... 1
2. CORRECTIONS .............................................. 2
3. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR .................................... 3
An open letter to Charles Hunter ......................... 3
New Principles ........................................... 3
4. COLUMNS .................................................. 5
Engineering 401 .......................................... 5
ECHO TALK - Try saying this .............................. 6
This Weeks Web Page ...................................... 8
5. NET HUMOR ................................................ 10
Letteral Definitions ..................................... 10
6. COMIX IN ASCII ........................................... 11
Even moo cool cows ....................................... 11
7. FIDONEWS INFO ............................................ 12
Masthead ................................................. 12
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 1 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
EDITORIAL
=================================================================

Sysops Majorly Against Rough Treatment
Doug Myers

Admittedly, my recent nomination as the Overlord of the ElfLords
went to my head for a while, but I've been knocked down a peg or two
since then. I called upon my illusory powers to form a new
alliance, the Association of Sympathetic Sysops - an elite group to
embrace those delicate users of Fido who are easily offended. I
called upon the sysops to create a womb of understanding in which
the sensitive could nurture protected from the bullies of Fidonet.

But response to my registration drive has been light. Perhaps
sysops know that bringing these senistive souls into Fido is going
to be tough... or perhaps my personal magnetism became degaussed.
For whatever reason, sysops have largely ignored my plea for them to
step forward and make an A.S.S. of themselves.

Undaunted, I am pressing forward with yet another association to
assist the first. Only this time, we're not going to fool around
with sensitivity training or sissy concepts like a protective womb.
Sysops Majorly Against Rough Treatment will focus instead on
practical advice to emerging sensitive individuals.

I'm happy to report that this combination of groups seems to be
well-received, and I think I can safely predict that sensitive
individuals such as "The Hunter" can present their problems and be
assured of a prompt S.M.A.R.T. - A.S.S. reply.

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 2 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
CORRECTIONS
=================================================================

If you tried to contact Roy Reed from the address listed in the
masthead, it was incorrect prior to this edition.

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 3 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
=================================================================

An open letter to Charles Hunter
Email from Steve Fredette <[email protected]>

_ _
/~\\ //~\
_----_ | \\ // |
,__./#% o `, [ || || ]
.__.--%##%% ,' \. ] Y || || Y [
/%%########%% .====\ | \_|l,------.l|_/ |
__.;%##/// ,/ | >' `< |
____-- ,,,,,/ ,/ \ (/~`--____--'~\) /
__====..,''''''' ,/ `-_>-__________-<_-'
..__-- ,,,,,, ,,,, ,./ /(_#(__)#_)\
/ ,,,,.'''`````'/////// \___/__\___/
""""" \/ \/ /__`--'__\
<< << /\(__,>-~~ __)
\\ \\ /\//\\( `--~~ )
\\ \\ '\/ <^\ /^>
--``-``===; _\ >-__-< /_
\, \, (___\ /___)

....Steve (1:163/551)

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New Principles
Email from [email protected]

I would like to comment on David Smith's recent article regarding
first principles of Fidonet. The Internet vs. Fidonet debate has
been going on in my memory since approximately 1994, and I think a
few things have changed over the years that deserve addressing.

I should begin by bidding adieu to the sentiment I often saw at the
beginning that the Internet was 'just a passing fad' - that the
whole thing would crash under the weight of spam and BBS systems
would enjoy a new renaissance. I don't shed too many tears for its
passing, since each day when I hook up to the Internet it never
ceases to amaze me the sheer volume of useful content I can access
quickly (far faster than calling a BBS or freq) and with zero
marginal cost.

I think that David misses some of the point when he addressed the
lack of useful interactive content on the Web, and characterises it
as "whatever a machine can provide out of it's [sic] canned
responses & stored files." I respectfully disagree. There is
valuable interactive content on the Internet - it just takes some
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 4 28 Feb 2000

searching. For example, I am a regular participant in Joe Grasmick's
US immigration web site form (www.grasmick.com) which is a very
valuable resource for Canadians working and living in the United
States. I ocasionally participate on a Toyota MR2 owners' web site
forum that continually provides me with excellent content.

I will readily concede that it has taken a fair amount of time to
reach this point - and part of the battle has been in the creation
of effective discussion applications on the Web that facilitate
search, browsing and easy reading. We are reaching that point today.
What has amazed me all these years is that FidoNet has never changed
the fundamental technology upon which it operates. I don't think for
a second that that a text-based dial-up technology is superior to a
GUI display that, thanks to high-speed lines, allows thousands of
users to connect to a site at once.

From a content provider's point of view, the greatest aspect of the
Internet has been eliminating the necessity of worrying about
infrastructure and allowing one to concentrate on content. I don't
need to have multiple modems and phone lines - if I host on an ISP
or other hosting service, I don't even need to own a computer. If we
consistently suggest that FidoNet's greatest value is its content,
why don't we take the principles that worked so well for FidoNet and
implement a Web-based solution that will achieve the same end? Lord
knows it wasn't FTS-0001 and ZMH that got FidoNet where it was in
its heyday.

Cheers!

--
Luke J Kolin (KLJ-ORG)
Senior Consultant
Xerox Connect, Inc. (Atlanta)
770-569-5683

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 5 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
COLUMNS
=================================================================

Engineering 401
by Ol' [email protected]

"Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss"

Professors of different subjects define the
same word in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two
straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the
expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between
two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary
bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis
oris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable
when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is
higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends
on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 6 28 Feb 2000

for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction;
it is more common than proper; it is spoken
in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. <chuckle>

WDB

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. -- -- -- -- -- ECHO TALK -- -- -- -- -- .
| Food for thought from Fido's echomail. |
| Purloined without permission by D Myers |
` -- -- -- -- -- -- - -- -- -- -- -- -- '

August Abolins, 1:163/144

A Letter from Fidonet Management

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout Fidonet have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation in echomail. Due to complaints received from
the one person who may be easily offended, this type of language
will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical
importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when
communicating with others.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so
that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
effective manner without risk of offending this one sensitive
person.

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can help you with that.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f*ck do you expect me find an answer for that?

TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f*cking way.

TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a shit.
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 7 28 Feb 2000

TRY SAYING:
Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF:
Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f*cking problem.

TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f*ck?

TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING:
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F*ck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING:
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 8 28 Feb 2000

I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This sucks.

TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.

TRY SAYING:
I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF:
I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a prick.

TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.

Thank You,
Fidonet Management

-----------------------------------------------------------------

This Weeks Web Page
by Frank Vest
1:124/6308(.1)

What: Net282
Where: http://www.rxn.com/~net282/

The meat of it.

Net 282 is a FidoNet sub-net covering the extended metropolitan area
of the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. The Twin Cities are
located in east-central Minnesota. (taken from the page)

This is a long page. It starts with a map of the U.S.A. on which the
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 9 28 Feb 2000

location of Net282 is circled. Other than the WebRing banner at the
bottom, this is the only graphic on the page.

Now... you might be saying "No graphics!?!"... but wait. This page
is rich in access to historical documents on Fidonet as well as
current information. From the bottom of the map to the top of the
WebRing banner, it is filled with links with subjects such as "Find
out how to join Net 282!" as well as "Link to Net 282 Member's Home
Pages " and more. Under this section are links to Fidonet related
sites, Fidonet Policy documents (both present and past), technical
standards, Fidonews, the Nodelist, Fidonet history and more.

I haven't checked every link, but I will tell you that I intend to
visit and read and/or capture a lot of the information on this page.
If you're looking for a wealth of information on Fidonet, check this
page out. Even if you aren't, check it out anyway... You just might
learn something. :-)

Till Next week, regards,

Frank

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 10 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
NET HUMOR
=================================================================

Letteral Definitions
Thanks to Roy Reed

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some
recent winners

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
reader who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an butthole.

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 11 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
COMIX IN ASCII
=================================================================

Even moo cool cows...

----------------------
(__) | \-/ \-/ || |
(oo) | _|_ _|_ |__| |
/-------\/ ----------------------
/ | || | \-/ | | | |
* ||----|| | _|_ |_| |_| |_| |
^^ ^^ ----------------------
Just a humble cownoisseur

oo --
\/

cow by night sleeping cow by night Chesire Cow

__ ________ ------
_/__\_ |__| | |====|
/=(OO) (oo) * | v|
--/==-\/==\ /-------\/ |^^ *|
/ | \==|| \==\ /// / | || ------
* ||-|==|| \==\/==/ * ||----||
~~ ///~~ \===/ ^^ ^^
Gallifreyan Cow Straight out of Cowllege

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FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 12 28 Feb 2000

=================================================================
FIDONEWS INFO
=================================================================

Masthead

+ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- FIDONEWS STAFF - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +
| |
| Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720, [email protected] |
| Webmaster: Jim Barchuk, [email protected] |
| Columnist: Joe Jared, 1:103/0, [email protected] |
| (Fido Via Internet Hubs column) |
| Columnist: Warren D. Bonner, 1:103/401, [email protected] |
| (Warren uses the pen name "Ol'WDB") |
| Humor: Roy Reed, [email protected] |
| Features: Frank Vest, 1:124/6308.1 |
| |
+ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +

+ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - EDITORS EMERITI - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +
| |
| Tom Jennings, Thom Henderson, Dale Lovell, Vince |
| Perriello, Tim Pozar, Sylvia Maxwell, Donald Tees, |
| Christopher Baker, Zorch Frezberg, Henk Wolsink |
| |
+ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +

"Fido", "FidoNet" and the dog-with-diskette are U.S. registered
trademarks of Tom Jennings, P.O. Box 410923, San Francisco, CA
94141, and are used with permission.

Fidonews is published weekly by and for the members of Fidonet.
Fidonews is Copyright (C) 2000 by Douglas Myers, though authors
retain rights to their contributed articles. Opinion expressed by
the authors is strictly their own. Noncommercial duplication and
distribution within Fidonet is encouraged. Authors are encouraged
to send their articles in ASCII text to Douglas Myers at one of his
addresses above.

The weekly edition of Fidonews is distributed through the file area
FIDONEWS, and is published as echomail in the echo FIDONEWS. These
sources are normally available through your Network Coordinator.
The current and past issues are also available from the following
sources:

+ -- -- -- -- -- -- - FIDONEWS AVAILABILITY - -- -- -- -- -- -- +
| |
| Freq FIDONEWS @ 1:270/720, 1:140/1, or 1:396/1 |
| ftp://ftp.sstar.com/fidonet/fnews/ |
| ftp://ftp.nwstar.com/fidonet/fidonews/ |
| http://www.fidonews.org |
| email subscription: [email protected] |
| (subject: help body: list) |
| ftp mail: [email protected] (subject: help) |
| |
+ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +
FIDONEWS 17-09 Page 13 28 Feb 2000

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