F I D O N E W S         Volume 16, Number 50             13 Dec 1999
    +----------------------------+---------------------------------------+
    |  The newsletter of the     |   ISSN 1198-4589 Published by:        |
    |    FidoNet community       |   "FidoNews"                          |
    |          _                 |   1-717-732-6820     1:270/720        |
    |         /  \               |                                       |
    |        /|oo \              |                                       |
    |       (_|  /_)             |                                       |
    |        _`@/_ \    _        |                                       |
    |       |     | \   \\       |   Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720    |
    |       | (*) |  \   ))      |           [email protected]          |
    |       |__U__| /  \//       |                                       |
    |        _//|| _\   /        |                                       |
    |       (_/(_|(____/         |                                       |
    |             (jm)           |   Newspapers should have no friends.  |
    |                            |                    -- JOSEPH PULITZER |
    +----------------------------+---------------------------------------+


                              __________ (___)
                             /|         `(0 0)
                            / |           \ /
                           *  |||----|||-/ *
                              |||    |||

                         Rudolph the Red-Nosed Cow



                       Table of Contents
    1. EDITORIAL  ................................................  1
       Reading the 'bones  .......................................  1
    2. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR  ....................................  2
       Memo from Santa Claus  ....................................  2
    3. ARTICLES  .................................................  4
       Shenkenberger is R13C by acclamation!  ....................  4
    4. COLUMNS  ..................................................  5
       Ol'WDB:  Barbeque 101  ....................................  5
       Fidonet-related sites  ....................................  6
    5. NET HUMOR  ................................................ 11
       Engineers and Lawyers  .................................... 11
    6. COMIX IN ASCII  ........................................... 12
       Christmas Cowols  ......................................... 12
    7. FIDONEWS INFORMATION  ..................................... 13
       Masthead  ................................................. 13
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 1                   13 Dec 1999


    =================================================================
                                EDITORIAL
    =================================================================


                             Reading the 'bones
                                 Doug Myers

    What's happening on the backbones after George Peace announced that
    he'll be shutting down?  I'm getting mixed signals, myself.  On one
    hand, Butch Walker announces that Brenda Donovan will serve as Zhub
    for the NAB after George shuts down... on the other hand he
    announced his own resignation effective December 15th. On the one
    hand, Brenda is sure to inspire confidence in her new position, but
    on the other hand this editor wonders why Bob Seaborn would only
    reveal "It's already handled." when the Zone 1 Backbone inquired.

    What's it going to be for the new Millennium?  Are the 'bones going
    to settle down to the business of moving mail, or are we going to
    see more of the pointless bickering punctuated by power plays?  This
    editor finds prognostication very difficult... especially now that
    the future is getting involved.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 2                   13 Dec 1999


    =================================================================
                          LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
    =================================================================

     Memo from Santa Claus:

     I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
     longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve.
     Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
     contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
     209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,
     Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract, I
     also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.

     However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
     your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
     Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
     goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
     there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:

     1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
     Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
     reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

     2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
     leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.
     And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so
     please have a empty spit can handy.

     3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
     instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
     my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
     fireplace.

     4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..."
     when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
     Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and
     Petty."

     5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
     likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

     6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
     have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words
     "Back Off." The last I heard it also had other decorations on the
     sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that
     race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa
     Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.

     7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
     Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
     negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
     Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds
     as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
     other.

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 3                   13 Dec 1999


     8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,I'd make sure
     you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over
     to put presents under the tree.

     And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
     "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is
     Coming to Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played
     on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will
     be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's
     "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank
     Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It."


     Sincerely Yours,


     Santa Claus (member, North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 4                   13 Dec 1999


    =================================================================
                                ARTICLES
    =================================================================


                       Region 13 Coordinator Election
                  Carol Shenkenberger wins by Acclamation!
                               by Doug Myers

    As of Sunday night, December 12th, the nomination period for
    candidates for Region 13 Coordinator are still open, so the above
    headline is premature and unofficial.  However, my nomination of
    Carol Shenkenberger appears to be the only one received by David
    Calafrancesco, the Election Coordinator, and it appears that Carol
    will be unopposed as candidate for the Coordinator office.

    Unless there is a last-minute nomination and acceptance before
    midnight, David will then send Carol's name to David Moufarrege as
    the region's choice for Coordinator.  David has pledged to appoint
    the regional choice as Z1C.

    Carol is presently acting as interim RC, appointed by David
    Moufarrege when he vacated the post to serve as the newly elected
    Zone 1 Coordinator.  Carol has served as interim Coordinator with
    distinction, acting to find and restore many "lost nodes" and
    restore regional echomail links.

    It's conceivable that an unopposed election would be viewed with
    suspicion by the members of Fidonet, but in Region 13 it's more
    indicative of a region which is already working together and
    already made its choice.  Carol is already viewed as an able and fit
    successor to David Moufarrege by those normally active in regional
    affairs.  Further, a last minute nomination is unlikely as those who
    were likely to show interest in the Coordinator's position are
    already occupied.  David Moufarrege, of course, has moved on to the
    Zone 1 Coordinator position, appointing Jim Balcom as ZEC (Jim would
    have been considered a leading contender for RC).  David
    Calafrancesco, though popular in the region, presently serving as
    REC, and a formidable candidate had he chosen to run, eliminated
    himself by accepting the Election Coordinator duties.  Doug Myers,
    defeated by David Moufarrege in the Z1C election, has since accepted
    the position of Fidonews Editor and choose to back Carol rather than
    run himself.

    So, at the risk of jumping th gun a little bit, I'd like to
    congratulate Region 13 on its choice for RC, and congratulate Carol
    on her victory.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 5                   13 Dec 1999


    =================================================================
                                 COLUMNS
    =================================================================

                                 BBQ - 101:
                          LIGHTING CHARCOAL GRILLS
                                     or
                  WHY R10 FIDONET ENGINEERS ARE FAR OUT...
                                 by  Ol'WDB

    Our subject today is lighting charcoal grills. Two of our favorite
    charcoal grill lighters are named Mark Luetger, and Joe Jared,
    (really!!), a couple of computer programmers in the Fidonet 1:103
    engineering department.

    Each year, Mark and Joe hold a picnic in Mile Square Park, Fountain
    Valley, Ca. for Region 10 SoCal Fidonet engineers. There they cook
    hamburgers and hotdogs on a big grill, for the Region 10 Fidonet
    engineers and their friends and families.

    Being engineers, they began looking for practical ways to speed up
    the charcoal-lighting process as the newspaper + match had failed to
    do the expected job in a reasonable time.  Mark and Joe put their
    heads to the task of speeding up the process of infighting the
    charcoal...

    "We started by blowing the charcoal with a hair dryer," Mark told me
    about last years picnic.  He said,"Joe borrowed his mates five speed
    Sassoon cordless hair blower".  He continued, "Then we figured out
    that it would light charcoal faster if we used a vacuum cleaner with
    the hose in the air exhaust port."

    If you know anything about (1) engineers and (2) Computer nerds in
    general, who have their head in a computer or software for it,  you
    already know what is going to happened: A couple of beers later the
    purpose of the charcoal-lighting shifted from cooking hamburgers to
    seeing how fast they could light the charcoal.

    From the vacuum cleaner, they escalated to using a propane torch,
    then an acetylene torch. Then Mark and Joe started using compressed
    pure oxygen, which caused the charcoal to burn much faster, because
    as you recall from chemistry class, fire is essentially the rapid
    combination of oxygen with a reducing agent (the charcoal).

    We discovered that a long time ago, somewhere in the valley between
    the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, in Fidonet's infancy, (or somewhere
    along those lines).  I think it was way back when George Peace was
    the Fido IC. The Egyptian pyramids were still one of the eight
    wonders of the world.

    By this point, Mark and Joe were having a pretty good time. But in
    the world of competitive charcoal-lighting, "pretty good" does not
    cut the mustard.  Thus, Mark and Joe hit upon the idea of using -
    get ready for this *** Liquid Oxygen ***!

    This is the form of oxygen used in rocket engines; it's 295 degrees
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 6                   13 Dec 1999


    below zero and 600 times as dense as regular oxygen. In terms of
    releasing energy, pouring liquid oxygen on charcoal is the
    equivalent of throwing a live hand grenade into a 50 gallon vat of
    150 proof White Lightening.

    What followed was the most impressive charcoal-lighting I have ever
    seen, featuring a large fireball that, according to Joe, reached
    10,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The charcoal was ready for cooking in, *
    this has to be a world record *, 3 seconds.

    Will the 3-second barrier ever be broken?  Will engineers come up
    with a new, more powerful charcoal-lighting technology?  It's
    something for all of us to ponder NEXT summer as we plan the R10
    SoCal picnic!

    Basically, the grill vaporized," said Mark. "We were thinking of
    using Ol'WDB's Gas BBQ next year... it has wheels and we may get it
    up to speed in as little as 3 - 4 minutes with automatic lighter,
    and water sprayer to cool the fast ignition of the meats".


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    ! = New entries this week
    ? = not responding
    ?? = unknown content, doesn't look like fidonet

                      . -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- .
                      |    FIDONET-RELATED SITES    |
                      ` -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- '
                         Last update:  Dec 11, 1999

    FidoNet
    Homepage:     http://www.fidonet.org
    FidoNews:     http://www.fidonews.org   [HTML]
                  ftp://ftp.nwstar.com/fidonet/fidonews/
                  ftp://sstar.com/fidonet/fnews/
    SDS Files:    http://fidobbs.dk/download (Web Access to SDS)
    FTSC page:    http://www.ftsc.org/
    General:      http://owls.com/~jerrys/fidonet.html
    List server:  http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/fidonet-discussion

    Zone 1:       http://www.z1.fidonet.org
      Region 10:  http://www.psnw.com/~net205/region10.html
                  http://www.tnl-online.com/andy/rgn10.htm
        Net 103:  http://www.webworldinc.com/club103/
    !   Net 203:  http://www.geocities.com/Area51/8687/net203index.html
      Region 11:  http://oeonline.com/~garyg/region11/
       Net 2410:  http://oeonline.com/~garyg/net2410/
      Region 13:  http://www.net264.org/r13.htm
        Net 264:  http://www.net264.org/
      Region 14:
        Net 282:  http://www.rxn.com/~net282/
      Region 17:  http://www.nwstar.com/~region17/
      Region 18:  http://techshop.pdn.net/fido/
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 7                   13 Dec 1999


      Region 19:  http://members.home.net/hbh3/r19
        Net 124:  http://www.startext.net/np/net124
                  http://texoma.net/~flv
        Net 130:  http://www.startext.net/homes/net130
        Net 393:  http://www.chatter.com/~wb/
    Zone 1 Elist  http://members.xoom.com/echolist/

    Zone 2:       http://www.z2.fidonet.org
    !              ftp://sstar/fidonet/zone2 (Zone 2 nodelists etc.)
      Region 20:  http://www.fidonet.pp.se (in Swedish)
      Region 23:  http://www.fido.dk (in Danish)

      Region 24:  http://www.swb.de/personal/flop/gatebau.html (German)
        Fido-IP:  http://home.nrh.de/fido/ (English/German)
      Region 25:  http://www.literary.freeserve.co.uk/net2502/
      Region 26:  http://www.nemesis.ie
         REC 26:  http://www.nrgsys.com/orb
      Region 27:  http://telematique.org/ft/r27.htm
      Region 29:  http://www.rtfm.be/fidonet/  (French)
      Region 30:  http://www.fidonet.ch  (German)
    ? Region 33:  http://www.fidoitalia.net  (Italian)
      Region 34:  http://www.pobox.com/cnb/r34.htm  (Spanish)
          REC34:  http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/4552/
      Region 36:  http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/7207/
      Region 38:  http://public.st.carnet.hr/~blagi/bbs/adriam.html
      Region 41:  http://www.fidonet.gr (Greek/English)
      Region 42:  http://www.fido.cz
      Region 50:  http://www.fido7.com/  (Russian)
       Net 5010:  http://fido.tu-chel.ac.ru/  (Russian)
       Net 5015:  http://www.fido.nnov.ru/  (Russian)
       Net 5030:  http://kenga.ru/fido/  (Russian & English)
       Net 5049:  http://www.n5049.z2.fidonet.org  (English/Russian)
    ??  Net 5085:  http://www.fidonet.uz/ (Russian)

    Zone 3:       http://www.z3.fidonet.org

    Zone 4:
      Region 80:  http://fidobrasil.8m.com  (Portuguese)
      Region 90:
        Net 904:  http://members.tripod.com/~net904 (Spanish)

    Zone 5:       http://www.eastcape.co.za/fidonet/

    Zone 6:       http://www.z6.fidonet.org
      Region 65:  http://www.cfido.com/fidonet/cfidochina.html
                  (Chinese)


                         Fidonet Via Internet Hubs

    a @ preceding an individual's name implies a virtual email address.
    The email is translated as follows [email protected] will
    automatically route to the appropriate individual's email.  Anyone
    in this list will also receive routed notice of this feature.  In my
    case, it would still be [email protected], but you get the
    idea.
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 8                   13 Dec 1999


    Also, as information is provided to me, I will be adding a latency
    field to each node, which is defined as the maximum time between
    when the message is received, and when it is sent on to other nodes,
    or available to be sent onward, defined in minutes. A latency of !
    implies that there is an immediate response, and an attempt to
    deliver immediately after processing, or a "MinuteMail System", as
    it were.

               v-email flag [email protected]
               | email address or
    Node#      | Operator          | Facilities (*) | Speed,| Basic Rate
               |                   |                |latency|
    -----------+-------------------+----------------+-------+------------
    Zone 1     |                   |                |       |
      10/3     @ Brenda Donovan    | FTP,UUE,BinkP  | T1?,30| $??/$10
      10/345   @ Todd Cochrane     | FTP            | T1,!  | n/c
      12/12    | Ken Wilson        | FTP            | T1    | $24mo.
      13/25    @ Jim Balcom        | FTP            | 56k   | $20mo.
     103/5     @ Mark Luetger      | BinkP          | 384k,!| n/c
     103/153   @ Michael Box       | BinkP          | aDSL  | n/c
     103/301   @ Joe Jared         | BinkP,FTP      | aDSL,!| n/c
     105/8     | Russ Johnson      | FTP,BinkP,VMoT | 384k  | n/c
     105/72    @ Larry James       | FTP            | aDSL  | $5/$15 mo.
     106/1     @ Matt Bedynek      | BinkP, FTP     | DS-3,5| $5/$15 mo
     106/6018  | Lawrence Garvin   | FTP, VMoT      | aDSL  | n/c,60
     107/453   @ Jeffrey Estevez| FTP,BinkP,VMoT,UUE| 56k,60| $10 mo.
     140/1     @ Bob Seaborn       | FTP            | T3,30 | $5/$16
     167/133   | Stephen Monteith  | BinkP          | 128k+ | n/c
     211/417   @ Korombos          | BinkD,UUE,FTP  | T1    | n/c
     246/160   @ Mason Vye         | FTP, UUE       | 56K   | n/c
     271/140   @ Tom Barstow       | UUE,FTP        | T1    | n/c
     280/169   | Brian Greenstreet | FTP            | 33.6  | $2mo.
     342/3     | Richard Dodsworth | BinkP,FTP      | 128K+ | n/c
     396/1     @ John Souvestre    | FTP,VMoT       | T1    | $10/mo
     396/45    | Marc Lewis        | UUE            | 33.6  | $26/yr
    2401/305   | Peter Rocca       | FTP,UUE        | T1    | unkn
    2424/101   | Kari Suomela   | FTP,VMoT,BinkP,UUE| T1,!  | $25.00/mo
    2604/104   | Jim Mclaughlin    | FTP,VMoT,UUE   | 33.6  | $1mo
    3613/2     @ [email protected] | UUE            | 28.8  | n/c
    2613/404   @ David Moufarrege  | BinkP,FTP,VMoT | 128k+,!| n/c
    2624/306   @ D. Calafrancesco  | VMoT           | 33.6  | n/c
    3632/84    | Robert Todd    |FTP,VMoT,UUE,BinkP | 57.6k | n/c
    3639/93    @ Ross Cassell      | FTP, BinkP     |128K+,!| n/c
    3651/9     | Jerry Gause       | FTP,VMoT       | 33.6  | $3/$6
    3803/1     @ Ben Ritchey       | UUE            | 56k   | n/c
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Zone 2     |
      20/11    | Henrik Lindhe     | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
      31/1     | Gabriel Plutzar   | BinkP          | T1+   | n/c
     203/600   | Mikael Karlsson   | UUE            | 64k   | n/c
     221/360   @ Tommi Koivula     | BinkP,UUE      | ???   | n/c
     236/205   @ Michael Kaaber    | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     246/2098  | Volker Imre       | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     284/800   | Jeroen VanDeLeur  | FTP,UUE        | 64k   | n/c
     292/626   | Filip Ruymen      | Binkp, UUE     | 128K+ | n/c
     292/2003  | Eric Vaneberck    | BinkP          | 768k  | n/c
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 9                   13 Dec 1999


     301/1     | Peter Witschi     | BinkP          | 768k   | n/c
     332/807   | Roberto Mascolo   | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     335/535   @ Mario Mure        | BinkP,VMot,UUE | 64k   | n/c
     335/610   | Gino Lucrezi      | UUE            | 33.6  | n/c
     344/201   | Julio Garcia      | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     346/3     @ Carlos Navarro    | UUE            | ???   | n/c
     382/100   | Sinisa Burina     | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     406/555   | Marius Kaizerman  | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     406/555   | Ofir Michaeli &   | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     423/81    | Milos Bajer       | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
     464/4077  | Serguei Trouchelle| UUE            | 19.2  | n/c
     465/204   | Va Milushnikov    | BinkP          | 33.6k | n/c
     469/84    | Max Masyutin      | VMoT           | 256k  | n/c
     480/112   | Adam Sarapata| FTP, VMoT, UUE,BinkP| 128k  | n/c
    2411/413   @ Dennis Dittrich   | UUE,BinkP      | 64k   | n/c
    2446/301   | Lothar Behet | BinkP,VMoT,UUE,FTP  | 64K   | n/c
    2474/275   | Christian Emig    | UUE            | 64k   | unkn
    5030/115   | Andrey Podkolzin  | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
    5100/8     | Egons Bush        | BinkP          | ???   | n/c
    5020/1159  | Gennady Kudryashoff | UUE          | 33.6  | n/c
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Zone 3
     633/260   @ Malcolm Miles     | FTP,BinkP      | 64K   | n/c
     640/954   | Rick Van Ruth     | FTP,VMot,UUE,BinkP| 56K| n/c
     774/605   @ Barry Blackford|BinkP,VMoT:10023,ifcico,FTP |33.6| n/c

    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Zone 4
     905/100   | Fabian Gervan     | VMoT,UUE,BinkP | 128k  | n/c
     902/18    | Javier Tejedor    | UUE            | 33,6  | n/c

    --
    * FTP   = Internet File Transfer Protocol
    * VMoT  = Virtual Mailer over Telnet (various)
    * UUE   = uuencode<->email type transfers
    * BinkP = front end mailer for TCPIP networks

    ----------------------------------------------
    Fidonet oriented news servers

    news.osirusoft.com
    news.tardis.net

    Fidonet oriented chat rooms.

    room #fidonet  5PM (PDT 11AM GMT) Sundays
    irc.isonline.com
    irc.killaz-r-us.com
    irc.korombos.org


    ----------------------------------------------

    Please send updates, corrections and suggestions to
    Joe Jared, 1:103/301, [email protected], and
    complaints to [email protected] .
    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 10                  13 Dec 1999


    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 11                  13 Dec 1999


    =================================================================
                                NET HUMOR
    =================================================================

                           Engineers and Lawyers
                             Thanks to Roy Reed


           Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a
           conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy
           tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single
           ticket.

           "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?"
           asked one of the three lawyers.

           "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.

           They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective
           seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close
           the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed,
           the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on
           the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens
           just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
           The conductor takes it and moves on.

           The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
           So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the
           engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they
           get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return
           trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket
           at all.

           "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one
           perplexed lawyer.

           "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.

           When they board the train, the three lawyers cram into a
           restroom and the three engineers cram into another one
           nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the
           engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom
           where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
           "Ticket, please."


    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 12                  13 Dec 1999


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                         Christmas Cowols


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    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 13                  13 Dec 1999


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    FIDONEWS 16-50               Page 14                  13 Dec 1999


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