F I D O N E W S Volume 16, Number 45 08 Nov 1999

F I D O N E W S Volume 16, Number 45 08 Nov 1999
+----------------------------+---------------------------------------+
| The newsletter of the | ISSN 1198-4589 Published by: |
| FidoNet community | "FidoNews" |
| _ | 1-717-732-6820 1:270/720 |
| / \ | |
| /|oo \ | |
| (_| /_) | |
| _`@/_ \ _ | |
| | | \ \\ | Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720 |
| | (*) | \ )) | [email protected] |
| |__U__| / \// | |
| _//|| _\ / | |
| (_/(_|(____/ | |
| (jm) | Newspapers should have no friends. |
| | -- JOSEPH PULITZER |
+----------------------------+---------------------------------------+

Table of Contents
1. ARTICLES ................................................. 1
R12 Election: the Runaround .............................. 1
2. COLUMNS .................................................. 5
Fidonet-related sites .................................... 5
Ol'WDB: Scientific Thinking .............................. 8
3. COMIX IN ASCII ........................................... 10
Cow-Operation ............................................ 10
4. NOTICES .................................................. 11
Future History ........................................... 11
5. FIDONEWS INFORMATION ..................................... 12
Masthead ................................................. 12
FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 1 8 Nov 1999

=================================================================
ARTICLES
=================================================================

Here's a story, sad but true
From Lesley-Dee through me to you
About an RC she once knew
And his tantrums when he was through

Chorus: Stay away from the Runaround, Mike

Lesley-Dee Dylan @1:250/201
as told to Doug Myers

This strange story is, in part, the result of your editor trying to
get someone from Region 12 to post news on the election there.
<Sigh> Everyone was busy trying to get routed netmail working, and
most considered that exercise to have more intrinsic value than
trying to keep a demanding Snooze editor silent.

However, Leslie-Dee did respond, though her responses got lost in
routed netmail (okay, so maybe they had a point about priorities)!
Earlier this week, Dee crashed me packets of the goings on in her
regional echo where the election was being (kinda) conducted. Her
effort was unsuccessful, though, in that I couldn't absorb the over
1 Meg of messages in time to write a comprehensive story. Just as
we went to press it occurred to me, however, that Dee had summarized
the latter part of the election in a post to me telling me why she
couldn't write the story.

So the poem at the beginning is to represent the fact that this is
not a conventional article... more like poetry in motion. And the
"as told to..." in the credits is to represent the fact that I
absolutely did not even ask Dee if I could post her netmail, let
alone ascribe the story to her. You'd think I'd learn to stop
taking liberties with the Chief Super-Bitch, but the rest of the
story is in her words, though extracted from two different netmail
messages and edited.

---------------
It begins with Shawn O'Connor posting a test message, responded to
by Mike O'Connor, followed by Shawn O'Connor's announcement of the
calling of the election. When Shawn is called on it, since he
didn't have the authority to call an election, Mike O'Connor (then
RC) came in and announced that he had been away on business and had
to ask Shawn to make the post on his behalf. But he did have time
to respond to the test post, just before Shawn posted the
announcement, and it would have taken only a moment to say - Shawn
will be posting the election information with my authority.

The message base continues on through a comedy of errors, and flames
and attacks, through four ballots, until Mike declares Darrell
Salter the winner, in a rather farcical debacle.

FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 2 8 Nov 1999

There are some real gems in there - look in particular for Steve
Fredette's campaign poetry - a take off on HMS Pinafore.

Please make an effort to get something from this to put into the
Snooze. I am finally starting to recover a bit from this flu, but
I'm still pretty sick, and I have a lot of other stuff to catch up
on. This provides a perfect example of spontaneous human combustion
of an elflord RC. It's absolutely classic.

We were heading into yet another runoff, with an absolute tie
between Darrell Salter and Steve Fredette, when Steve Fredette
posted an hilarious message, from the alias of Mike O'Connor Jr.:

From: Mike O'Connor Jr. Oct-30-99 11:53:08
To: All Oct-30-99 15:16:34
Subj: Runoff election
---------------------------------------------------------
Dad phoned me from the rest home earlier today and asked if I would
take over the job of returning officer for the election. He's
having a hip replaced and can't spare the time right now. Don't get
into a panic now, folks. I don't have nearly as much trouble with
counting as Uncle Shawn did.

The 923rd runoff begins on July 14, 2017 at 9:00pm and ends Friday,
July 21, 2017 at 9:00pm.

Results to date:

Darrell Salter 27
Steve Fredette 27

17 votes invalidated due to sysops having passed away.

From: Mike O'Connor Nov-03-99 20:58:32
To: All Nov-04-99 11:14:56
Subj: My vote
---------------------------------------------------------
Steve just screwed himself.

I withdraw my vote tallied under the password KillKenny.

It's truly a sad state of affairs when mail forgery is considered
funny.

You are all pathetic.

Bye.

From: Mike O'Connor Nov-03-99 21:46:44
To: Darrell Salter Nov-04-99 11:14:56
Subj: Cheers
---------------------------------------------------------
My condolences on your winning of the R12 election. A package is on
FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 3 8 Nov 1999

it's way to your address.

You've got till Thursday Nov 11 to set things up with the ZC.

Cheers
Mike

From: Steve Fredette Nov-04-99 00:56:36
To: All Nov-04-99 11:14:20
Subj: Show of hands
---------------------------------------------------------
All right people, how many of you actually thought my "Mike O'Connor
Jr" post was funny?

[pausing to count show of hands]

Twelve. Ok, how many 'got' the joke, but thought it was juvenile,
and not particularly amusing?

[counting]

Seventeen. (Hmmm... gotta try harder next time.) Ok, how many
didn't get the joke at all, and actually believe that the real Mike
O'Connor Jr (if there is one) actually teleported himself 18 years
into the future, moved to Ottawa and posted a message from my
system, and also doesn't know the difference between an alias and a
forgery?

[counting]

One.

...Steve

From: Mike O'Connor Jr. Nov-04-99 01:12:48
To: Mike O'Connor Nov-04-99 11:14:20
Subj: My vote
---------------------------------------------------------
MO> You are all pathetic.

Oh, fuck off, Dad. Grab a sense of humour. Drink your geritol and
shut up. Or it's off to the pasture with you.

Oh, by the way... the Directeur General des Elections du Quebec
called again asking about you & uncle Shawn. The polls indicate
that the upcoming 17th sovereignty referendum will be very close,
and they need your 'special skills' again this year.

...Your loving son

From: Steve Fredette Nov-04-99 11:42:50
To: All Nov-04-99 23:11:44
Subj: Show of hands
---------------------------------------------------------
FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 4 8 Nov 1999

* Forwarded (from: STEVE) by Steve Fredette using timEd 1.10.
* Originally from Mike O'Connor (1:167/166)
to Steve Fredette (1:163/551).
* Original dated: Thu Nov 04, 09:00

* Replying to a message originally in area REG12

SF> Twelve. Ok, how many 'got' the joke, but thought it
SF> was juvenile, and not particularly amusing?

Insulting a supporter is just plain stupid.

BTW. You used my real name. I have the same name as my DAD.

Fuckin idiot.

SF> [counting]
SF> real Mike O'Connor Jr (if there is one) actually

That's me you fucken moron.

Don't bother to reply. I've severed all links.

Mike

---------------------------------------------------------

So the result of our fourth ballot in the R12C election was 14 for
Darrell Salter, and 14 for Steve Fredette, but at the last moment,
Mike O'Connor withdrew his own vote for Steve, making it 13 for
Steve, and declared Salter the winner.

I told you the Reg12 election would be worth covering. :-)

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 5 8 Nov 1999

=================================================================
COLUMNS
=================================================================

------------------------------------------------------

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 7 8 Nov 1999

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--
FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 8 8 Nov 1999

* FTP = Internet File Transfer Protocol
* VMoT = Virtual Mailer over Telnet (various)
* UUE = uuencode<->email type transfers
* BinkP = front end mailer for TCPIP networks

----------------------------------------------
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----------------------------------------------

Please send updates, corrections and suggestions to
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complaints to [email protected] .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Ol'WDB: Scientific thinking at its best...

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that
the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law, (gas cools when it expands and heats up when it is compressed)
or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave; therefore, no souls are
leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions of the world. Some of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 9 8 Nov 1999

there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go
to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
added. This allows for two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.

So is it #1 or #2? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms.
Teresa Banyan during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold
day in Hell before I go out with you." -- and take into account the
fact that I still have not succeeded in winning Ms. Banyan's
affections, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am certain Hell is
exothermic and will not freeze."

The student received the only "A" on the exam.
(author unknown)

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 10 8 Nov 1999

=================================================================
COMIX IN ASCII
=================================================================

\ / ________________________________
\/ / \
(__) /\ | At times likes these you |
(oo) O O | REALLY CoVet a proper surgeon! |
_\/_ // O \________________________________/
* ( ) // O
\ (\\ // o
\( \\ ) o
( \\ ) /\
___[\______/^^^^^^^\__/) o-)__
|\__[=======______//________)__\
\|_______________//____________|
||| || //|| |||
||| || @.|| |||
|| \/ .\/ ||
. .
'.'.`
COW-OPERATION

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 11 8 Nov 1999

=================================================================
NOTICES
=================================================================

Future History

31 Dec 1999
Hogmanay, Scotland. The New Year that can't be missed.

1 Jan 2000
The 20th Century, C.E., is still taking place thru 31 Dec.

1 Jun 2000
EXPO 2000 World Exposition in Hannover (Germany) opens.

15 Sep 2000
Sydney (Australia) Summer Olympiad opens.

21 Sep 2000
10 years of FidoNet in +7 (xUSSR)

1 Jan 2001
This is the actual start of the new millennium, C.E.

-- If YOU have something which you would like to see in this
Future History, please send a note to the FidoNews Editor.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 12 8 Nov 1999

=================================================================
FIDONEWS INFORMATION
=================================================================

FIDONEWS MASTHEAD

Fidonews Staff:
Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720, [email protected]
Webmaster: Jim Barchuk, [email protected]
Columnist: Joe Jared, 1:103/0, [email protected]
(Fido Via Internet Hubs column)
Columnist: Warren D. Bonner, 1:103/401, [email protected]
(Warren uses the pen name "Ol'WDB")
Editors Emeriti: Tom Jennings, Thom Henderson, Dale Lovell,
Vince Perriello, Tim Pozar, Sylvia Maxwell,
Donald Tees, Christopher Baker, Zorch Frezberg,
Henk Wolsink

------------------------------------------------------

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 13 8 Nov 1999

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FIDONEWS 16-45 Page 14 8 Nov 1999

"Disagreement is actually necessary,
or we'd all have to get in fights
or something to amuse ourselves
and create the requisite chaos."
-Tom Jennings

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