Why can't I sleep? Why can't I just lay down at night and go out? I
mean, sometimes I do, but those times are exceptional. Is it stress?
Is it age? Should I look into "medical" assistance (sleeping pills)? I
tend to take a shot or two of rum at night, in the same old tradition
and for the same purpose as people used to take a hot toddy, and it DOES
tend to help, but...not really. If I'm going to be honest, I need
something more effective. That seems to help most when I'm already
exhausted, but can't seem to relax. And I'm not the touchy-feely kind,
who goes in for meditation and bio-feedback and essential oils and all
that crap. When my mind races, there's not a whole lot to be done, but
spend the time thinking. But it's the racing that's the problem, isn't
it? Too much to think about, too many daily regrets and enervating
stresses.
I've been thinking that I need to take a page from my own book, and get
myself into a routine. By that, I'm referring to my as yet unreleased
HPR episode on podfading, wherein I also touch a bit on the creative
process. There's been too little of that lately. I need to hammer down
a recording and editing method; I need to integrate my writing more
completely into my days and nights; I need to network better than I do.
Maybe the latter is less of a priority right now, since I don't have
much to promote, but if I INTEND to get some stuff out there, telling
people about it probably ought to begin sooner rather than later.
All that being written, I must say that the exact approach to this is a
little amorphous yet. The AIC (Ass-In-Chair) philosophy dictates that I
need to get these things done, but it doesn't provide the road map. It
is the motivator when I have none. It's the stick and the carrot in
one. It's the reason why I should work, since inspiration is fickle.
But that's the beeyotch of it right there: though the CONTENTS of my
days rarely vary, though my SCHEDULE rarely does, the priority of and
exact details of those days do to a great extent. This hitherto made
hard and fast scheduling an exercise in frustration.
Just thinking out loud here (metaphorically speaking), but what if I
made up that hard and fast schedule for myself, but left the impetus or
freedom to work up to the chance of the day? Sounds unsteady, right?
But what if I just put together a straight-up day-by-day, hour-by-hour
list of tasks? Then, whenever I DO have the time and freedom to work,
all I need to do is look at the clock, look at the schedule, and get to
work. No second-guessing my muse, no losing myself and my time in the
quagmire of idle surfing, no beating myself up over wasted moments.
And, if regular sequences of missed tasks reveal themselves from this
system, then I can mark those places, and either adjust the schedule to
fit, or do something to change the root cause(s). The ultimate goal,
after a week or the month has passed away, is to have accomplished more
than I otherwise would have. That seems modest enough. Looks like I
have a job for today.
