what the hell do you think you're doing dragging your butt through the day
selling body and soul into a bunch of bland normals acted stupid so they'll the
time to get all the guilt but none of the sexes there is a simple answer dear
friend but glowing beacon of slack amidst the turmoil and darkness its jail
living black mask church of the subject bob is a new destiny for the abnormal
Wow comes to justify our sex to unmask the conspiracy and to get us back the
they stole away it's us versus them are you gonna try and hell on earth
alongside the boys are when you pull the ball over your own eyes and accept
follow up into your body repair quit your job slide and praise church of the
17-time so they should have triple your money praise Bob the fates have brought
you into possession of the SubGenius instructional video barage tape prepare
yourself you are about to be remade into hidden knowledge previously kept
secret for centuries by the jealous three strips of many religions caution
improper viewing techniques may lead in summers dependency seizures radio fits
priapic conditions micturition standing there is some calendula mutations and
in some territories illegal arrest however if the viewer follows instructions
and trusts completely and bar the state can produce an unsurpassable beatific
experience that can last for hours these possibly even centuries this videotape
there's appended ops drone powershell time gold which may cause some home video
decks to react unpredictably although only a small percentage of playback
systems or their owners have suffered permanent damage signal the SubGenius
foundation Incorporated is not responsible for injuries or damages inflicted by
paranormal events during the paper plane the tape also contains a supplemental
hypno pediatric strength inducement tone operating beyond the range of human
perception exhibit a small children and certain less evolved adults if such
behavior anomalies last more than two days after you consult a physician
however this brainwave infolding single is generally harmless actually actually
enhance your learning abilities during the program special interactive masonic
stereo effects produced on the ultamate cerebral sync loc interocitor are
designed to trigger stem cleavage or brain division between the forebrain and
hindbrain using newly-discovered break thinking principles the viewers
brainwaves are locked into synchronization with the tapes underlying
suggestions by means of neuroelectric fossils plant gas mileage of nearby
automobiles maybe invented for the unworthy this tape maybe a one-way ticket
down a bottomless metal clip from which there can be no escape in unreceptive
viewers there is a danger of synaptic backfire in the brainpan caused by
overheating of the attention glad this dense packing of brain cells without
proper organic coolants such as problem has been bleeding for three recent
cases of spontaneous human combustion do not over medicate identities have so
sensitized third nostril receptors of some others that they were unable to stop
seeing the tape even after it had been turned off this tape is to be used only
by the person to whom it is prescribed do not operate a motor vehicle following
do not operate heavy machinery at speeds over 70 miles an hour macy during the
initial SaLuSa nation sequence are not real if you do not panic this phase will
end after a few minutes always resurfaced from the hypnosis slowly coming out
the tape has been likened to a couple rebirth process successfully if you have
trouble reentering the earth plane focus on Bob adjusted we're having operating
difficulties which has suspended array do not attempt to flip the tape when you
reach the end of side one no matter what you are told by later instructions on
the tape there is no side too however if you do discover one don't look at it
if you follow these instructions you will experience a profound cathodic
reaction to the flow of archetypal images and racial memories you may find
yourself laughing and crying impossible and cast really protective these
reactions are normal enjoy them but your room that will taper the empowerment
without long you had 30 Bob Bob Bob files between the two down Bob alarm santa
fe parents met again with elementary school officials last night to discuss the
growing presence of Bob in the school's Bob the deity of the dallas-based
church of the SubGenius is a comic book character who communicates with aliens
and worships money parents and teachers complain that the Bob stickers and
pamphlets which have turned up in school laboratories with increasing frequency
encourage troublemakers and weird behavior it's not healthy for the children
convinced this there has been a pamphlet going around a bob pamphlet that i
have looked at and it's the least well-adjusted they are uncomfortable with
their classmates it is because they are better than their classmates you
imagine is better not smarter mind you but better live up there out to get you
the gift by a global conspiracy where men arrived find out who you are and how
to smash them you probably already knew that the u.s. government is a sham
something prompt up there for you to blame but did you know the real powers
that be are not even people that they are actually shambling believing
unmentionable on the thinkable things yes Jobar drills and bailey and still
remind the sinister star forces which marcus all people demons have kept the
truth from humanity for thousands of God has been misquoted all this time his
actual words may disturb you but Bob Dobbs is a bulwark against the unbearable
fear and anxiety tormenting six million cycle . Dobson's the world between a
new idea on which a few years open more wonders and Michael's change and
insanity and destruction that all mankind's history and before all the best for
America type of traffic transport economic trade for the offer on all pictures
of power while building serving conspiracy groups for uncontrolled control all
sure your schedule of us fell three super riches the restoration of loss for
the lives of those people that's what what time cheers Mars now with the stuff
I best processes revealed this is the only faith that promises action thriller
success insects and businesses we want to build the 17 slot master with the
spiritual home how to help to first block your way to financial ever used for
13 shortcut the slock now see another dimension on your tuning this year the
step sister removal no longer become physically attractive overnight attain
status prosperity find blowing Bob's promises to widen the scope and nature of
abnormal behavior to explore urge and coming right back . gotta throw 35
possible from the cycle dynamics of how volatile personality disorders around
and channel them into an illusion of creativity brothers you normals and get 6
30 minutes welcome to Babylon children it's great to be here in the belly of
the beast tonight before we get started with our second LAPD bottle we could
all please bow our heads and have a moment of sacred traditional no I little
realized even by leading scientists there are really two races actually two
distinct species of so-called human beings if you gaze upon any given the
normally you might never suspect that only some of these people are true humans
outside appearances offer no clue that among this ordinary-looking crowd on an
ordinary day a certain number of these people are actually subject geniuses we
would have to creep inside their heads to know whether this person but once
inside those kids we would discover a vast new universe a new dimension
coexisting not always in harmony alongside the mundane work at a world of the
common human another world that until now has been forced into hiding now at
this very moment the sales of secrecy can be torn aside we have persecuted me
now dare raise our heads high and declare behold us for we are we differ so
much from the humans whose nonsensical laws and customs we have been forced to
obey I have so many of us been kept in ignorance of our true heritage a
heritage that dates back farther than man is thought with existed for in the
days of Atlantis we helped to design the humans certainly in retrospect this
now seems to have been our greatest mistake so what is the difference examine
this seemingly jostle crowd and know that in some few simmering beneath the
Placid surface there Broyles a veritable cauldron of repressed SubGenius
awareness ready at any moment to explode stickers and repeat were showing have
been really strange places like inside pencil sharpeners and so on and in some
classes that we don't even know who the SubGenius is but as always I hear about
this use called this church of the SubGenius gia I don't know how about you
saya what well then what about you it's about Barbie odds it's Bob that's it
that is great but just who is this make some call him the slack master the high
E popped the saint of sales others call him a liar kids for monger a sleazy con
man voicing his dangerous scam off on gullible suckers well dear friend JR Bob
Dobbs isn't some outmoded over used data from ancient fairy tales but a living
leading vanity for today the divinely appointed messenger of slack the mystic
super salesman upon the wheeling and dealing skills the fate of the universe
you can tell you anything and i bought and i know you want that flower mound of
pockets fill-in-the-blank Bobby is filling the garbage that can be the
trickster obviously look at this face and you can just see you know what's
behind that smile you know what's what's the 530 smoking and what is what is
this game that that is Bob dogs represents of jail dog red with the stage with
his mind which rather more black everybody or to Humble parents somewhere in
the Midwest the child bomb experienced a traumatic close encounter with a UFO
at the age of three soon thereafter he began to exhibit strange powers of
persuasion by age six he had made his first million almost by accident in
college he met and married his first and still his primary wife Connie who is
now revered by female sub GE as the molested and I version with Connie's
encouragement the young dogs became a Salesman of legendary almost frightening
abilities known to his beers as the man who could sell anything he worked his
way up to the very top of the conspiracy ladder and might have stayed there but
late one night in 1953 while working on an amateur television of his own design
an event occurred which was to become a milestone on man his mind path to slack
he was suddenly seized up in the spirit by the hand of jail over 1 itself the
cosmic puppeteer of the Old Testament the wrathful alien space guard from some
corporate in galaxies in this timeless moment which we call the divine
immaculee shin of the bob dobbs received the first of countless brain curdling
pronouncements which form the sacred pre-scripted of the church he was shown of
vision a world where all humanity was equally but without working this
experience combined with his UFO given sales magic let him inevitably into the
religion field he quickly discovered the Golden Rule embodied in his classic
saying they'll pay to know what they really the truth of genius can learn to
think for himself but only and so Bob Dobbs founded his church upon a sandy
beach of common sense sense of humor and dollars and cents a likely story you
say but it's simple really bob is lucky not smart in fact by the perverted
conspiracy standards of intelligence is gifted with incredible stupidity he
lives in a perpetual state of contracted consciousness this enables him to act
without thinking to surf effortlessly on the lock plane to float down the
fabled path of least resistance in fact to make a million thus it is not his
wisdom but his divine follies his holy blunders which we emulate the miracle is
not in what Bob does to you but in what he allows you to he brings the student
to the realization that everything you know is true under the conspiracy you're
being ripped off every day but you can learn to enjoy it he called his seminars
instant instructions for those who follow no master key journey to type it and
under ancient holy man he perfected the arts of gland scaping and a key meeting
he also began modeling for hundreds of magazine heads leaving early clueless of
his presence these old ads are the only known photos of jobs for the otherwise
remains elusive running both the spotlight and the authorities in 1979 he
recruited to randomly selected nobody's Dr Philo drama and iphone is stained to
begin a public outreach arm and begin spreading his seed word of slack put the
church is so only pervasive and so full that we could not possibly get into the
dog in any more any less than three or four hours this will everything clear
concise detail easy-to-read keep an area and we promise that any answers that
you need will be found this little handy little body one dollar for salvation
one-dollar let's look at the word SubGenius does not simply mean just below a
genius subji intelligence level can range far far below genius good challenge
have what you do it 11 joke 1000 find my candy bar but the SubGenius does not
begin to super knowledge but to sub knowledge knowledge of the underthings the
Hollow Earth from whose darkness issues and not the hell creatures and other
demons of the abyss it is in contemplation of the underthings the underwear
lurking just below the closing of existence that the sub Jeannie display what
genius they have the study of this strap the foundation garment underlying
reality is the SubGenius strength for it is from this source that he or she
taps the infinite resources of a horse that is completely in comprehensible to
humans your brother wants to take away from it all at once again where if you
want to grab hook black and I we're grabbing life bottle fell and granddad like
what well if you have to ask you will never know you were born with original
cycle and even its supply of but the conspiracy has most of it no they don't
even know what it is but that hasn't stopped him from stealing it away how do
you think you ended up a slave to their so-called work do you have your
brainstem goes down your spine here and how the conspiracy puts easy piano wire
ropes and things and pulls a real time to you can't think and state read all
the time . of the church is done not those not get the piano wire from around
your neck and make life wonderful the conspiracy is a of a patchwork of
different things some of our nation's some our product summer hypnotic
television shows summer bad hills now there's a distinction is good pills and
there's bad pills and there's a good Bob as a bad Bob right okay and the
conspiracy is the bad Bob the bad pills the bad TV shows anything that you know
is is keeping you from realizing you've got to get right with Bob it's the
human it's things falling apart as fat ladies and double knit jumpsuits being
their kids in krogers a strange idea of just looks like you they apply actually
like 43 course of the world is a good dinner right here buddy ya 3000 get
started after Mexico like a true slack is by definition indefinable it is a
kind of direct perception unfettered it is not mere laziness it is rather a
kind of active slope slack in its pure form makes happiness seem like my
comparison next to slack the Nirvana known the mystics and saints is like one
might call it something for nothing but the normals the mediocrity tins the
somnambulist accent pseudo sub slams have tried to make it something which
we've been led to believe we must work to buy it is this yearning for slack the
human may live out his entire life in a grinding cycle slackness is our is
consumed by meaningless toil interspersed meetings Asia yet he never perhaps we
should pity them but face it most people are single jerks half-witted cattle
racing each other to be first to the slaughterhouse and stampeding you that's
really anti Bob and thing creatures who would defame our temple yeah that was
kinda depressed and I went over to my friend Rick matters house i and I just
went in there just to show you right now have a nice day in the skulls of
normals that replicated across the car when I trust my lower even mother nature
father within every person there's good and there's bad and it's a choice you
choose whether you want to love or hate person and for myself I just choose to
her hey try to sell its 20th century traditions is the old traditions it's all
the things that got us where we are now he's part of the conspiracy really know
it's presidents that don't look like there are capable of getting directions
and that's the conspiracy and experience I want I want the worst crime that
ever was is the easiest to commit the word prime is serving the conspiracy what
good brain to think about what we do side way it is if you actually have to
think about confronted with conspiracy ride down with thing about that
President great tool i wouldn't you like revenge on these mediocrities these
peak boys these boxes grilling by armies and kins these normals who have made
normality the norm thinks about living left and fear the spark of originality
that ignites every SubGenius soul but the long senseless march into slack
business may soon come to an end oh it won't happen without a bitter struggle
but at least there is own foreign this the 20th century we have seen the coming
of the Savior a beacon of slack a banner behind which we may all your night it
is the coming of JR Bob dogs and his mighty church of the SubGenius girl shut
off the house perfect world always looking down here tonight was getting down
to help your fight always going to be here is your strike come on suckers left
Bob into your life from master rap motherfucking let's go to class now see you
know what was me but I'm here to tell you where p x is here to make a paper for
the functions of the past was going to have to go through a Reaper and that
he's paying the spaceship earth school come from planet from the people's heads
in the meantime we will have I said yes and not conspiracy on make your fucking
gas for him free what free clean the bathrooms on a blood fried got three more
mustard or babe i like the shape and size of control your butt so come over
here and give up the gap we can send me bitch fucked me all your cash Richard
you want to worry about your soul when excess come on my pole drops compilation
we will draw for you to the pool hall building our time you just want to
fucking and now i might be lying there with the ice pack on my nuts over the
outfits are on fire official have the wheel machine the country from the
swelling way to have things you're wishing on a star for yourself until the
church of the SubGenius is probably the single most important organization in
twentieth-century our function is quite literally to save the world the people
really need to be able to understand things very quickly and the church of the
SubGenius I think confuses and computing it they are baba I don't practice what
I preach another come and get you is there a typical SubGenius of course the
very thought is the last one the only thing that most some geniuses have in
common is that they're all different and they have nothing in common with the
conspiracy of indoor pools by definition the church of the SubGenius can't
really exist because it's an organization for people who are not joiners
eccentrics unpredictable true visionaries let us observe a few examples using a
hidden camera was in the first 30 years of nineties worm comics and I think
it's been 14 years of four and a half minutes so g.711 Alex those are the
comments box delivery speed features of the saving living they have a person
that works instead of living and just writes down everything and never the
whole coming is shaped like a big seven three-dimensional and they've got the
idea from flying saucer shaped like little later that would then flew over one
it was a euro believed to be a sub genius obviously the speech patterns are
unmistakable and here is another one for you and here's another one and here is
another one but what of this man all very different yet all sub plz 'as they
share only the quest for / and the love of their beloved spiritual teacher the
living avatar black JR Bob Papa you cannot get a bigger and bigger dogs the
whole got no I was getting mixed messages in the back of my brain hi long ago
is about 12 or 13 months is comparing the word bomb bob is everywhere bob is
bursting out all over the place just work through any phone book in any city
you get the same thing Bob's construction company Bob's mark cleansing Bob's
floor Bob's auto parts Bob's automotive service Bob's Burgers box wrench jalopy
and then here we've got bobs used furniture store I mean he's like everybody's
dad should be Bob is about as American besides only exaggerated human nature
and the powers graduated over London mob also benefits from being the chosen
broker on earth for superior beings from the farthest reaches of known space
the so-called men from Planet X or exes were they are bob has a covered in
jelly a cosmic contract on July fifth 1998 at 7am the exes shall make a mass
lending on this planet the children of Bob shall be rewarded at this porthole
rupture this day of judgment when all those who paid you may be lifted up in
power and glory to gain new homes and bodies aboard the nation saucers of the
sex goddesses all the while watching the hapless peaks twitchin bleedin whale
in the death throes of their world and we faithful shall be transfigured new
enlightened superior mutants called over men will start a new jerusalem in the
promised land of dimension legs asghar zone student for sure we can't do much
about those evil gods from the other side of the cosmos who fly through the air
and through the nebulous darkness of space space my friends the infinite pinky
clouds of nebulae why they fly on their membranous leathery wings holding in
there coiling tentacles shiny steel cylinders each one containing what was once
a human soul what was once a member of the church of the SubGenius but enough
of this you don't want to hear about the right both and you're like a tall
order I'll tell you're gonna be wishing it was that kind of at least with your
worship I just at least at least there's two arms your legs there it could be
worse about swag but what is the commodity which Bob will bargain Earth's fate
some claim it is the soles of his followers the truth of genius does not Bob's
wisdom in such matters we have only are simple faith that heaven will be ours
if we only believe ironically his mission will not be to seller but to prevent
earth being sold and transformed into a kind of stuck in space don't forget
that Bob is it has come to our profit at the end of the world to live fifth
1998 when most Americans watched hangover but it's not just for yeah right that
is that is why ya start smoking start drinking and live it up start fornicating
with your very life depended on it but this plan will succeed only if
conditions are just right at the appointed time otherwise and from their
slumber of eons and rise again from Atlantis to rule our world in Silas rip
these primordial elementals the Elder Gods have countless d Moloch and
interplanetary minions carrying out there on the Holy ski they even control
dogs the unclean with all his powers could dog really be defeated by these ah
but you must not underestimate the conspiracy its weapons are so insidious even
the human conspiracy leaders are aware of the fact that the conspiracy itself
is ignorant that it is a conspiracy gives it such control over our minds that
the very thought becomes on you cannot think about your own mind part of the
problem getting back your mind you cannot wash so you guys see your own I've
got run from your legs get a high-five assuming you've got a guy who's been
bringing all really the full immunity and temerity of the human mind itself
does all the evil ones may just lean back and watch the little humans March
gladly even proudly to thanks to the false black bombarding us daily it is
terrifyingly easy for even a SubGenius to slip back into normality we live in a
dangerous world the powers of pinkness are always fighting the powers of slack
yester they're locked in a fire time we can't give you all the answers but we
can help you flesh out your fantasy that there is on at our labs we use only
the finest homemade ingredients no children God and the purest blend of money
your needs can buy grown right here by our special process a process in uses
our first mom-and-pop operation who are we where the normal people the most
normal people in the but not quite as normal as you to look around who
testified to what they've done to the thing that you love i took out his
present on you think they made him into our people people worry that the Church
of the sodium is an children we are the first real America we know what America
is before they took it away from us and try to sell it back to us for a product
as always you can buy black the conspiracy can Pop's basically two passions out
there right now fast in there and unfortunately there is much much greater than
us unfortunate thing about is that we know that there are actually working for
us but there doesn't know that they're working for us we stand at a crossroads
continuous slack that the SubGenius may occasionally enjoy could be read to
shreds at any moment for the human puppets of the Elder Gods continue their
senseless plunge into madness and anti slack dragging us and our whole beloved
planet ever closer to the brink of destruction be it by the nuclear kiss of
Jehovah one ecological disaster or invasion by hostile e which will lead to the
destruction of planet Earth or eternal black under the benevolent rule there's
almost a stranger you say can't be true Jesus began to give to them to sign I
was coming in the energy age of one of the signs he referred to was the
abomination of desolation that was spoken of by Daniel the prophet exactly as
the North getting in the dark trigger the debut to destroy the earth in his day
and then it's very highly part possible that when this all takes place that
agree cataclysmic judgment will do that very place God destroy the transfer
city in our city fenestration literally gee I can't wait till that Bob time
train comes around the bend over without it's frightening isn't it it's one
wheel itself we spent receive world but freshen understand month where you live
where I I got you think Jesus had to your fingers for another hair grow out of
your hand win looking for flash blackberrys would you say to us probably
upgrade that with some changes a little closer practically guarantee like this
and on that day my friend your soul will be light bear to the eye of the great
start system removal that holds above you all the time there will be nekkid
checking to locate and it will know then whether you really believed in Bob
dogs are not because your belief or your life oh hell like somewhere down below
market hell is life here on earth without a plan Bob and when the Beeman's all
when the demons trying to tell you that you think you're hearing us at time 0
one day you'll find yourself up to your neck in false drugs false six both jobs
first one in your site but where's Bob word conspiracy you mean there really
was a bob you mean you mean I could have slack and I want it's gonna be up to
you it's going to be up to you what are you going what are you going to do
about it Bob's going to let you decide what to do about is that what you're
going to do you just gonna sit there you won't even have to boney have to see
that the end of the world happens properly it'll happen by there's a lot of
well-meaning people that are involved in this thing but it is satanic let me
tell you we talk about Christianity and Satan is very brilliant at maneuvering
the church into a position that is opposed to God the feminist groups of the
conspiracy charge that not enough members are women Bob would agree to that
indeed he would say there will never be enough women but at least the ones we
have are all woman and bob bob is all man the james bond in that the most
dashing religious leader of his time the father's actually had one of the heart
of the true God is that true bomb just a minute Ali one game at a time yes Bob
jobs is sex rather than forgiveness he offers something far more powerful an
excuse a divine all-inclusive excuse which allows the bearer to free himself
from the grip of temptation by over indulging until it releases him the true
seeker must give himself up to temptation or he will never conquer the second
rolls too much it all lined up the sad weekly self-denial reached by the New
Age movement is pure conspiracy pepper the cruise son or daughter of Bob knows
that our universe is no need back home chanting cosmos but an active
tumultuously squirting universe bent on rampant reproduction and easy wins the
false called may try to teach personal transformation psychic develop human
potential but Bob goes straight for the glands and seeks to amplify the self to
blow the abnormality potential of his pupil only through access can one contact
lower self where the real decisions are made don't just eat a hamburger eat the
hell what the hell was the advanced initiative once freed from conspiracy
programming as well as the worldly goods that enslaved him makes his pilgrimage
to jobs down the churches fabulous walled encampment deep in the jungles of
Malaysia there the initiative third nostril is surgically opened by psychic
surgeons allowing him or her to be freed the psychic stench of those around him
he masters the sciences of schizophrenia at ryx and memory editing creating a
clean slate on which Bob may write the art of extra meditation is taught
whereby the mind is voided upon you don't give your mind to think about your
religion what is it that truly sets Bob apart from other would be only men and
self-appointed gurus everything for bob has always existed there have always
been Bob's every and park of man's history has had its Bob most for what we
well we need well on that the Traveling Salesman jokes of Mythology our base
the expert so many ask is Bob God the slack master himself permanently denied
that he is the Messiah his mission is merely to show us how to live with our
sins and who better Bob admits he is a sinner he practically embodies all the
failings of Mormon have the power to fail Eric habla decorating your invitation
churches might need an available but here we gotta bail to see a very special
religious leader but in the short duration personal same yes children bottle to
take him into your heart and in your mind pharmacy technician checkbook but
after you take many other sacred places you can think about him to the serum in
class him out all short duration personal Savior or shorter / save it is
foolish and cowardly to cling to any one personal Savior the hectic pace of
modern life demands disposable saviors specific ones suited to the moment at
hand a sort of do-it-yourself religion and you're shorter presenting anything
from a book to a smudge on the corner of the page of that book to a TV star
you're currently hammered of to break that just misses crush your skull and
falls from the corners of arriving building to the coagulated dripping next
some of the decapitated world cup golfer they can have to do whatever the
nanosecond your entire life and you have a lot of damn million short /
currently consecutively and simultaneous skeptical reporters were surprised
when scientists from the MIT artificial intelligence laboratory corroborated
the story short duration personal saviors it's also a key problem that kept
cropping up and earlier face turns out it only takes five or six generations
for the memory of a great spiritual leader like the hostages Nazareth is
totally corrupted by the people who are be telling the story all have their own
voters five or six generations that's only a hundred years and up till now
that's been the maximum useful life of a religion after that a sexual paranoid
like Paul or a megalomaniac like the Pope King James sort of the Ayatollah take
control and that . the religion is virtually used up the mass repression
completely outweighs the church's other birches like a joke that's been told to
offer punishment but with the structure ation personal Savior blind faith in an
exalted person object doesn't have to last even one generation doesn't have to
last hour exactly something is charge card be corrected because it couldn't be
more which makes the crucial difference in long-term performance of Nathan's
form your own local denomination or clinch go forth into the world spreading
the seed word even humans can be tricked into thinking they are sometimes uses
as Bob once said to tell ron Hubbard they may be think that their money is
green but there is a danger a grave danger in sharing Bob's wisdom with the
unworthy for prophecy told that the greatest threat slack will come from inside
the church from those we nearing leak all the lobby I wouldn't know true black
and chrome single type not the flat high-performance vehicles by calling a very
fun when you have the Shepherd you help the flock friends are going to try to
sell you Bob Dobbs on a silver platter a clean up bar of shit Bob a new fangled
Bob not quite a spooky and abnormal as he wants was my friend you best fear the
day when JR Bob dog because on that day my friend your paychecks shall crumble
your freewill condos shall follow the ground you'll be turned your place in
agony travel site up while Bob come back wit they must be taught that Bob is
not the answer the next row the charges have you using it if you can't tell
shit from tuna fish don't order seafood and a French restaurant doesn't want
followers only their money and so we must purge our ranks of the deprogram our
own zombies the methods he advocates are drastic for he have commanded you
shall do as I see we're dealing with the pink members of the society the
conspiracy to want to crush you and turn you into a mindless do the Oracle rule
elevates every every instance of contact every interface as we say here on the
coast with the conspiracy into the all-time encounter anyone raise you said now
you might ask too liberal friends we hate them even more conspiracy conspiracy
and forget to we really hate her lips and don't try to completely and utterly
destroyed my father's a conspiracy do or say probably ought to be off in sports
the conspiracy the most class division whatever nine is pronounced God for
personal side here that's not good guess how literally the words or you'll be
were to be taken to do that people light of january $MONTH twenty-second 1980s
I'm right that will live in infamy for it was indispensable theater that if we
Bob Jobs was slain by a crazed assassin's bullet steel yourself for the footage
you are about to see is not for the faint hearted and you'll be ready for 444
what but but but but but but but but what Bob cob pipe is broken could it be
that the rain a bob on earth has ended good at me but the blood on this pipe
been has been shed for nothing was the greatest fails the world had ever see
Mars all be fellow pilots get you lie to the killer he was none other than D
Woodman at well better known as puzzling evidence a man Bob and regarded as one
of his most trusted disciples what did you see the show were present evidence
shot bomb dogs suit and it in a big grin lazy to have over 40 on the pipe and
it was shooting Bob Dobbs on halbridge and what kind of the livery and thinking
about the me show and we ask you again to use crystals were the only gunslinger
energy this is the module will be no I don't follow and the new minister or
dragged behind the boat but so many some investigators insisted puzzling
evidence was but a do a patsy a fall guy for a concealed cadre of trained
gunman clumsy attempt to cover up have only served doing clean home-grown us
now even given the finding of the quickie Commission the haiti commission that
you're a bunch of frogs those foods jackanapes of apes you know senator adding
a yes as a matter fact he's a personal friend of mine night and if you want a
line of water skiing with his beautiful wife Debbie yes Ellen comment on that
black day the church was left reeling in shock from this blow without the
guidance of Bob the church is an strangely and sickeningly similar early
Christianity nobody arises not from the population close as a beacon for the
mutants and normal and then suddenly killed one of his own followers and
they're all the takes over but many can he died was the whole murder and
elaborate rules staged by Dobbs himself in which an unwitting decoy look-alike
was sacrificed so that Bob could continue waging the good fight in secrecy
throwing the Anderson because your mom is there try backhoe as a shocking thing
my friends the conspiracy is like this big machine thats thats stolen towards
the edge of a clip and so far bomb dog has been the little lucky rich that was
we'll ever since that alleged assassination that monkey wrench may not be that
big machine anymore you know what that means that means you have to pick up
where Bob dogs left up will you be the last job or will you surrender to
hopelessness remember this might just be his way of testing actually these
choices were already made for you at the beginning of time so do join the
church's gaze upon your own naked destiny standing proud before Bob is 1 upon
the altar of God eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of
man that is why the quaggi oppose me that's not all that is on the Jefferson
Jefferson Monument in Washington except the last sons they so let us march
onward harvesting the souls of the infidels heedless of blood spilled or
money's meant for in this nameless mission our destinies are written if they
there is what most electric really all about yesterday the church of the
SubGenius was only a few brave fools tugging at the shoelaces of the Colossus
today it has already become 0 of world religions stretching up bloody be on the
bloated marks of the conspiracy this whole also is just so the conspiracy has
50,000 nuclear weapons and the church of the SubGenius we've only got three but
yet we dare to fight him anyway and that's the miracle of it you can see it's
always been the crazy people the crazy people who weren't coming up first and
up against the Colossus he represents more than just a man with a pipe and a
know-it-all green he represents the quest of all mutants for freedom in talking
to most SubGenius 'as today you'll find an unshakable faith that they're high
he popped will rise again but this time he will come not as general teacher and
salesman but as an avenging angel meeting out the wrath of G over one on the
beauty and the innocent like cleansing the earth with the divine radioactive
all scouring or purifying annihilation of his down list of friends some people
like to call this church of the SubGenius a job a joke oh it might be a joke it
just might be the greatest joke ever child if i can make it to the pencil with
unquestioning faith in Bob's word the end of the world can easily become your
personal stepping stone to prosperity and a new beginning for us all when you
become somebody's you realize that everybody else is wrong signup least your
soul to the church for safekeeping until it is needed in the bob is the gun and
you are the bullet the showdown is fast approaching the church's still unknown
but it can affect just doctrine spread across continents church headquarters
the first mega this temple lodge is housed in this Dallas skyscraper from which
dog secret mandates are issued to his agents in the grid brother older but this
mighty edifice represents about the tip of a the word games and sound effects
of Dobbs are disseminated on a weekly basis to thousands of devout radio
listeners in most major city even as far away as China and darkest Africa this
show is so popular our own has studied from all angles and you can even watch
this show on channel accident and how place the microphone and flies backwards
around the other side of the planet sub geniuses in China have to listen
shortwave radios very hard you'll notice so we've switched this music for the
background for this segment of the show and the psychic surgery not going to
control the wedding now it's wait and buy a small nuclear explosion all better
now Christians are tuning in for tonight's three hours compared did you ever
stop to think that they show just maybe a little handle shell or tried a larger
show ran inside somehow is invited me on wire generation spectacular lubricant
spirit-filled SubGenius divided from countdown like loading crafts games always
a few steps ahead of the police here slack fired creatures and renters perform
head launching still dispensations and both healing and six depending on their
needs dozens of church musical combos called dr. bands after the original
doctors for Bob of Arkansas deprogram entire paying audience even while
rejecting help moving notions of years and military and until the authorities
catch on even common normal and purchase the word of Bob itself condensed for
the legendary book of the SubGenius available in bookstores everywhere but the
only certain way to receive the dogs teachings in uncut form is to tie directly
to the church for a suggested love offering of only twenty dollars then to be a
box 140 306 dallas texas you will be ordained at the card-carrying minister and
received a huge official magazine churchly news and doctrines the start fist of
removal I just like to say a few words about the start fist of removal this is
a official it's got all kinds of great stuff in it it's got the proof of Bob
it's got a picture of Bob with ronald reagan in there it's got all important
instructions to the SubGenius illiterates can purchase their situation dozens
of installation or cassette tape and there's even a line of casual SubGenius
where to fit every size or budget your salvation some purchase thousands of
Bob's handy pencils with which to recruit the worthy and to reflect the normals
to fill their minds with questions questions that only Bob can answer through
his chosen apostles his fishers of Wallace and what is money merely another
tool of the conspiracy except when it gains power by passing from your pocket
to Bob Bob if you have a problem your castle it because your kin is not flowing
toward Bob this is we're not a tax write-off scam where we are incorporated
profit-making foundation if there is such a thing we were prophets and we want
profits back I don't care who you are where you come from if you haven't sent
your twenty dollars into Bob you gonna burn mother teresa health care how many
people she's helped she has enter twenty dollars in the JR Bob Dodgers gonna
burn in hell and Bob offers a guarantee that can't be beaten eternal salvation
or triple your bob is protecting the genetic future letting let him into your
life let Bob protect you he wants to protect you he must protect you he has to
protect you johor says Bob will protect you brave if you send a dollar to post
office box 140 306 dallas texas 75 2141 dollar for salvation one dollar now
that you've will you be with us in the saucers on X day or instead will be left
crawling through the glowing rubble and Delta to the end in the sweet name of
Bob you you will emerge from TransAm bottone remembering everything except your
instructions for the Omega contingency plan we realize that if Jim Jones could
talk 900 people into killing themselves we could talk 900 people in a sense of
raised this is your last chance to win back yourself next day is coming
yourself with power and glory at the campground in the united states with
sideshow Marvel's spontaneous dr. band combustion trade very Swift drop-in
handsome and workshops a few meeting psychic surgery human rights live freaks
nice lucky pennsburg ended up putting took all private adult sex hurts seminars
self-mutilating creatures and oddly normal-seeming people sex goddesses Elder
Gods axis X day is coming apart you ready for the finals spaz out long holiday
forever or the last round you had golden Judgment Day will simmer while the
world with the brush results for certain brought to you by JR Bob to church
subpoena see if you got some genius.com for more information experience
anxiously awaited moment the nail-biting suspense of July fifth 7am only thirty
dollars on my stocks and got may escape what's the game close

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