Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. By
then, you're a mile away, and he's got no shoes. --Johnny Carson
You can lead a jackass to knowledge, but you can't make him
think.
--Jeff Lee
A professor is one who talks in other people's sleep. --Unknown
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a
sled through snow. --Jeff Valdez
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back
to you. --Mary Bly
I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.
--Marty Pollio
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing
boxer shorts and I know how to use them. --Robert Orben
I'm actually the reincarnation of myself. I have a wicked case
of deja vu. --:Dave Wright
So where's my dinner?.. One of the Great Masters indeed.
--Leonardo da Vinci's dog, "The Far Side"
To a child in Pennsylvania or New Jersey or Georgia, with a good
home, food, health, yes, human rights are hollow words. But if your
father's being tortured in prison, or your family's in a refugee camp,
or you're hungry and afraid, there's nothing boring about human rights.
--Former Pres. Jimmy Carter
What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a Jehovah's
Witness? Someone who comes to your door but doesn't know what he's
doing there.
--Unknown
What do you call an Efreet's family tree? His DJINNI-ology!
--Unknown
The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people
last too long. --Unknown
Celibacy is not hereditary. --Guy Goden
She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue
caught in the toaster. --Rodney Dangerfield
I don't need parents. All I need is a recording that says, "Go play
outside!" --Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
They say KNOWLEDGE will open many doors, men -- but personally, I
brefer a battering ram! --Hagar the Horrible
There are three types of people in the world: 1- Those who make
things happen. 2- Those who watch things happen. 3- And those who wonder
what the hell happened. --Unknown
Teamwork is fine -- but in the heat of battle, you have to look out
for Number One! Incidentally -- I'M Number One. --Hagar the Horrible
There's so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.
--Unknown
The only thing worse than being talked about is NOT being talked
about. --Oscar Wilde
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
--Gloria Leonard
From Sunday's Mother Goose and Grimm:
Grimm: Can I see the obit page for a minute?..... Oh my gosh Attila... It
happened again!... Just like yesterday... Coincidence or what?... Everybody
died in alphbetical order!
Get in good physical condition before submitting to bondage. You
should be fit to be tied. --Robert Byrne
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir".
--Joan Rivers
Don't like environmentalists? Put 'em out of work.
--Bruce Von Alten
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Unknown
31 is a terrific age to be -- old enough to know better, but young
enough to do it anyway. --Janice Jacobson
There is nothing so strange, in a strange land, as the stranger who
comes to visit it. --Unknown
What do you call an Efreet's family tree? His DJINNI-ology!
--Unknown
The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people
last too long. --Unknown
