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Champion Pub Quote List v. 1.1
Compiled by John Lange ([email protected])

Revision history basically consists of finding a quote or two and adding it.
Nothing worth writing.

Special thanks to:
Thomas Gradishar for help in compiling quotes and generally winning games.
Bill Bumgarner for informing me about the Ultimate Challenge glitch and remedy.

Antonio Jaberini
The Italian Chef
Opening:
       "Buon giorno.  First, I'm gonna kill you.  Then, we're gonna eat!"
       "Hey, you look so thin.  How about somea nice, hard punches, huh?"
       "I'm a gonna cook you up somea nice helping of pain."
Rematch:
       "Hey, my friend!  Look who's still hungry!"
       "Look who's returned for another helping of pain!"
When hit:
       "Hey, watch it.  I know people."
       "You think that hurt?  That didn't hurt!"
       "You think that hurt?  It did!"
       "Hey, if I wanted a kiss, I'd ask your wife!"
       "That's a some punch.  I feel like the Leaning Tower."
       "Not too bad...for a skinny punk!"
When hitting:
       "Mama taught me that one."
       "That's a punch in your nose."
       "That's a punch in your chin."
       "Viva!  A direct hit!"
When wins:
       "Good bye.  Who's hungry?"
       "Good bye.  Too bad about your face."
       "Nobody does it better than me, huh?"
When loses:
       "Mama mia.  I hear the bells of San Marco."
       "Mama...I'm sorry, mama!  I'm sorry!"
       "I'ma so ashamed."

Armando Santiago
The Princess-Bride inspired Spaniard
Opening:
       "My name is Armando Santiago.  Prepare to die!"
       "I will destroy you, you infidel!"
       "Prepare to meet your maker!"
Rematch:
       "You just don't know when to quit, do you?"
       "Ahh...you claim revenge on Armando."
       "My wrath burns like the sun!"
When hit:
       "Keep that ball away from me!"
       "No, father!  He's winning!"
       "You're pushing it.  Don't push it."
       "I can feel no pain."
       "You're not as weak as I thought."
When hitting:
       "Take that, you swine!"
       "Olé!"
       "Revenge!"
       "You have been struck!"
       "This is easier than I thought."
When wins:
       "I have beaten you, like those who came before you."
       "Justice is served, and so is my drink."
When loses:
       "I demand a recount!"
       "I have stained my family name...and my shorts."
       "I will have revenge upon you."
       "All right.  That's it.  I'm through with this revenge crap."

Dan Unda
Australian...that's about it.
Opening:
       "Don't worry, mate.  This'll all be over in a minute."
       "Relax, kid, you won't feel a thing...for a week!"
       "Good day, mate.  Ready to lose, are ya?"
Rematch:
       "That's what I like to see!  Persistence!"
       "Just like a boomerang!  You returned!"
When hit:
       "That smarted!"
       "Lucky punch!"
       "Cheap shot!"
       "Now I'm pissed!"
       "Careful, kid.  Don't make me mad."
When hitting:
       "You're as tough as a wallaby!"
       "You're as soft as a koala!"
       "How's that, mate?"
       "That'll learn ya!"
       "There's one for ya!"
When wins:
       "Kid:  Australian for 'loser'."
       "I am an awesome Aussie!"
       "You'll have to fight better than that to fight me."
When loses:
       "You fight good, kid, but you're still ugly."
       "What pretty little stars those are."
       "Go pick on somebody your own size."
       "I don't feel so good...bleah."
       "Hey, come on.  I don't have any legs!"

Franz von Pain
Incredibly boring but masochistic German
Opening:
       "I vill now punish you for disturbing my rest."
       "Prepare your flabby body for intense prolonged pain."
       "It pains me to have to hurt you.  No, it doesn't."
Rematch:
       "Oh, great joy.  Another round of boredom."
       "I have beat you before.  Now I will completely humiliate you."
When hit:
       "Ze pain...is intoxicating."
       "Harder!"
       "Ja!  Ja!  Hit me!
       "Your punches lack sophistication."
       "If I could laugh, I would."
       "I have decided that I do not like you."
       "You like to see Franz in pain?  Hmmm?"
       "You are boring me, sad little man."
When hitting:
       "I am punching you again und again."
       "Punch.  Punch punch.
       "My punches will not cease."
       "You are like a glass midget."
       "Franz is too fast.  You are like sloth."
When wins:
       "Begone with you, little man."
       "Sigh...I have achieved victory once again."
       "I have no legs, but I've still beaten you!"
When loses:
       "Fighting no longer interests me."
       "This did not turn out the way I had planned.  Goodbye."
       "Next time I may actually try."

Knuckles O'Brien
Irishman
Opening:
       "Top of my fist to you, lad.  I'm O'Brien."
       "Hello to you.  I'm O'Brien, and these are me knuckles."
       "Hello to you.  I'm O'Brien.  You're gonna try your luck with me, kid."
Rematch:
       "What makes you think your luck has changed, lad?"
       "Back again?  I think you're making a mistake, son."
When hit:
       "Now that's the fighting spirit!"
       "Thanks.  I had an itch."
       "You got me that time."
       "Thanks.  I needed that."
When hitting:
       "Did you like that?  Would you like another, then?"
       "That's a knuckle sandwich."
       "You didn't see that coming, did ya?"
       "That hurt ya."
When wins:
       "It would seem your luck has just run out."
       "Tough luck, kid."
When loses:
       "I guess this round was on me."
       "Ok, you won already.  Now buy me a drink."
       "Ok, you won already.  Now point me towards the bar."
       "You haven't seen the last of me, kid."

Master Bim Bam Boom
Oriental sensei
Opening:
       "It would be easier to count the stars in the sky than to beat me."
       "A wise man would avoid conflict with Master."
       "Greetings, young one.  Prepare for your lesson."
Rematch:
       "I see...the wind, it carries you back for more study."
       "I see...you'd like to begin another lesson."
When hit:
       "You are quick for one so slow."
       "Clever attack."
       "Ah...good punch, young one."
       "Ah...you are learning."
When hitting:
       "Dragon chop!"
       "Tiger punch!"
       "I am too fast for the human eye."
       "You have been hit again."
When wins:
       "You must learn from your mistakes."
       "You are not yet ready, young one."
       "Remember now what I have taught you."
       "I see...you are still only stupid."
When loses:
       "The student becomes the master."
       "I humbly admit defeat."
       "I am truly humbled."

Patrotsky Yirbitov
Russian
Opening:
       "Be thankful this glass separates us."
       "I will not stop until you are totally annihilated."
       "You should pray that I destroy you quickly."
       "I will break your puny body in two."
Rematch:
       "Hey, look.  The weakling is back."
       "Come back for more punchsky?"
When hit:
       "Ha ha ha.  Comrade, that tickles."
       "Ha ha ha.  That hurt."
       "Enough with the punching."
       "I almost felt something."
       "You can't hurt me!"
When hitting:
       "Biffsky!"
       "Boomsky!"
       "You are weak.  Admit it."
       "You disgust me."
When wins:
       "Checkmate, my little friend."
       "I win, you lose, the end."
       "You fight like little girl."
       "I will destroy all who oppose me."
When loses:
       "I have failed the motherland."
       "Looks like back to Siberia for me."
       "I have fallen like the czar."

Pierre LePunche
Obligatory Frenchman
Opening:
       "Bonjour.  (kiss kiss)  Now you die!
       "I am a lover, not a fighter, but for you I will make an exception!"
       "Parlez-vous Punchais?"
       "It is time to fight like an animal."
Rematch:
       "Oh, you want some more?  Ok, you asked for it."
When hit:
       "Careful.  I bruise easily!"
       "What is this strange, pain-like feeling?"
       "Sacré bleu!"
       "Can't we just talk this over?"
When hitting:
       "Take that, you imbecile!"
       "Take that, you stupid tourist."
       "I so love punching you."
       "I slap your face, monsieur."
       "Punch du jour...how you say?"
When wins:
       "Merci.  (kiss kiss)  And now you are dead!"
       "Voila, I have sculpted you a new face."
       "You are no match for Pierre LePunche!"
When loses:
       "You have beaten me, you horrible person."
       "You have beaten me, you big bully."
       "You have beaten me, but I am still more handsome."
       "Why, I never noticed this beautiful blur."

Sir Winston Pounds
Overpolite English gentleman
Opening:
       "Pardon me as I kick your buttocks."
       "Greetings, old chap.  Ready for a beating, are you?"
Rematch:
       "All right, let's get this rumble started, shall we?"
       "We meet again, old chap."
When hit:
       "I say, ouch."
       "You melodorous runt!"
       "Pretentious pug!"
       "Good one."
       "That's the spirit!"
       "That was a good one, old man."
When hitting:
       "So sorry, old boy."
       "So sorry, old chap."
       "So sorry, old bugger."
       "That buttered your scone."
       "I hope I didn't hurt you too badly."
When wins:
       "I say, that was jolly good fun."
       "Cheerio.  Better luck next time, kid."
When loses:
       "Well done.  Good show.  Splendid.  Whatever."
       "Oh no.  What will Mumsie say?"
       "Excuse me, does anyone see my nose?"
       "This is most embarassing."
       "Good show, old man."

Steveo
San Fransisco boxer with a...different ideal relationship.
Opening:
       "Steveo.  Single, fun-loving, looking for someone to punch."
       "I guess we're going to have to have a little workout, won't we?"
       "Ok, tiger, now show me your stuff!"
Rematch:
       "You've come back!  Be still, my beating heart!"
       "You must really want to get in shape, mister."
When hit:
       "Are you hitting on me?"
       "Not the face!"
       "This is ruining my hair."
       "You've got such strong hands!"
       "Finally you're starting to warm up."
       "Tell me that wasn't a real punch."
When hitting:
       "I am vicious, aren't I?"
       "Smackaroonie!"
       "Wham-O!"
       "Gotcha!"
       "We always hurt the ones we love."
       "I'm kicking your butt!"
When wins:
       "You are weak and defeated.  (Call me later.)"
       "Was I too much of a man for you?"
When loses:
       "This is nothing a hot fudge sundae won't cure!"
       "I wasn't even trying."
       "Does this mean dinner is out of the question?"
       "You hurt me!"

The Drunk
Opening:
       "I'll teach you how to fight, you pansy."
       "None of this regulation stuff.  Fight me, pretty boy!"
       "Put up your dukes."
Rematch:
       "Ohh...Déjà vu."
       "Do I know you?"
When hit:
       "Another round for me and my Bohemian friend here."
       "You're turning all pink and elephanty!"
       "I am feeling...no pain."
       "Wait.  Run at my fist."
       "Stand still for a second, will ya?"
       "Impotent doesn't mean 'can't fight', pal!"
       "You'll be sorry when I vomit."
       "Ding ding!  There's the bell!  Ding!"
       "That's gonna hurt in the morning."
       "You call that a punch?"
When over:
       "Your fist is going to be sorry tomorrow."
       "Did I embarrass myself again?"
       "You're pretty tough with a fist in your hand."
       "Good thing I bet on you."

Other quotes worth mentioning:
       "Bite his ear off!"

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