You are about to embark on an adventure like no other
you will have experienced, or are ever likely to experience.
I always thought this game was totally awesome,
and I still do 10 years later. I have now felt compelled to
write a guide on how to complete the game, so more gamers
can enjoy the experience, hopefully with less frustration and
bemusement which I sometimes encountered whilst first completing it.
You control the character of a plucky young Lineolean called
Cosmic Spacehead, who discovered the planet Earth. The only
problem is that no-one on his home planet of Linoleum believes him,
as he has no photographic evidence. Determined to prove his discovery
of our planet, he embarks on a quest to discover Earth again, this
time taking a camera with him. The game begins in Old Lino Town,
Cosmic’s home town.
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Old Lino Town
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A lavish purple and pink colour scheme and some babyish music
welcome you to Cosmic’s home town. You’ll notice Cosmic standing
in the middle of the screen, grinning like an idiot. He doesn’t
have any reason to be happy; the only thing he currently possesses
is his birth certificate. On your right you’ll notice a yellow disc
with a face on it. This is actually a Lineolean dollar. Pick this
up and then head left. You’ll then come across an object that looks
like a giant remote control. This is a teleport key. Use these to operate
the teleport machines, which are the structures which look like phone
boxes with a giant ring around them. Teleport keys play a crucial part
later on in the game. For now, pick it up and head left to begin the
game’s first platforming section.
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Level 1: Here We Go!
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There are a few things you need to know before you commence platformage.
Firstly, unlike other games, enemies cannot be dispatched by jumping
on them or firing projectiles at them. Instead, touching them will
result in instant death. That’s right, there’s no energy counter which
decreases if you get hit, just instant death, which can be very unforgiving
and make some levels immensely difficult. Secondly, Cosmic can’t jump very
far, and most jumps are placed so that there is no margin for error. Mistime
your jumps and you probably won’t make it, adding to the difficulty. Finally,
there are chocolate bars to collect throughout these sections. Collect fifteen
of these and you’ll receive an extra life. Bearing all that in mind, let’s
begin the first level. This isn’t in fact too difficult, so the aspects of
difficulty don’t come into effect at all. Just be reasonably careful in
avoiding the enemies, and collect as many candy bars as possible.
As you enter the area, you’ll come across a fruit machine. Use your
money in this, and you will win the jackpot of 50 Lino Dollars.
Then head left and speak to the attendant. She will say that you
can win a trip to the car manufacturing planet Detroitica if you win
a bumper car race. She doesn’t let you enter the race however, as you
don’t currently have a Driver’s Licence. She then gives you a balloon as
a consolation. Now return to Old Lino Town. You will notice that each level
only needs to be completed once (thank god), and you will now see a map
of the Planet Linoleum. You will see that there are still many more levels
to complete. Once back in Old Lino Town, run all the way right and
onto Level 2.
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Level 2: Road To Nowhere
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This is much the same as the first level, only this time the walking
eggs are also accompanied by walking springs. These are fairly easy to
avoid, just don’t touch them. Other than that, just basic platformery.
If you’ve collected all of the candy bars, you should receive an extra
life at some point during the level.
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The Wilderness
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You will be confronted by a large one-eyed lizard thing, christened
Scary Monster for this game. To get rid of him, give him the balloon
that the Carnival attendant gave you, and he will float away!
Fantastic stuff.
Once the Scary Monster has floated off, head right and onto level 3.
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Level 3: More Of The Same
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It really is more of the same. This is very similar to level 2, only
with a different colour scheme. Just avoid the enemies
and collect the candy bars!
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Nearly Freezing Pool
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You’ll arrive at an area which, surprisingly, contains a very cold
pool of water. You can’t cross it at the moment, either because Cosmic
is a wuss, or he can’t swim. For now, head back to Old Lino Town.
Once back in Old Lino Town, head into the Post Office. Firstly, use your
money in the Supa Vend vending machine. You will then get some gunpowder.
This may seem totally random at the moment, but it will all become clear
when you speak to the blonde haired dude in the Post Office. Now use your
money in the photo booth, to get some passport photos. With these you can
now acquire a passport. Once you have the photos, speak to the pink haired
person at the enquiries office. She will sell you a passport, some stamps and
some notepaper. The stamps and notepaper appear as ‘a ready made letter’ in
Cosmic’s itinerary. The letter is to Cosmic’s cousin Linochev, requesting help.
Post this in the letter box. Now speak to the blonde haired dude in the lost
property office. He will tell you that he has a joke book and a missile
targeting device.
He gives you the joke book because he thinks you look ridiculous, but he
says that you need more proof in order to own the targeting device.
The gunpowder is 1/3 of this proof. You also need to find a match and
some fuse wire. For now,leave the post office and leave Old Lino Town
via the black gate thing, labelled as an exit, to begin level 4.
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Level 4: Road To The Border
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This is the last of the levels of this theme, i.e. walking eggs, springs,
music etc.Other than that it’s just some more basic platformage
and candy bar collecting.
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Passport Control
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When you arrive here, you’ll see a pink letter P in the middle of the room.
This is a password. This saves your progress in the game up to this point.
There are only three of these in the whole game, so be sure to write it down.
Once you’ve transcribed the password, talk the person standing behind the desk.
He then grants you access to the other areas. Head left to begin level 5.
Things just got a little bit trickier. The enemies now move in more
complex ways,and are harder to avoid. There are also more tight
jumps and less candy bars. Bear that in mind and be more careful,
and study the enemies’ patterns beforeavoiding them. The helicopters
fly around in large diagonal circles, and the green creatures move
from side to side. Avoid these accordingly and collect those candy bars.
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Formica City
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You will arrive in a green and orange city, accompanied by some more
jolly music. Pick up the teleport key and then head left. You will
notice a button, an electric barrier, and a button on the other side
of the barrier. To deactivate the barrier you press the button, but as
soon as you move off it, the barrier reactivates. This is where we first
use teleportation to our advantage. Use the Lino Town teleport key in
the teleport machine, and you’ll be teleported to Old Lino Town. Once
there, ignore the fact that you’re glowing and teleport back to Formica
City. Once you step out of the teleport machine in Formica City, you’ll
be cloned! You now have temporary control of two Cosmics. Use the first
Cosmic to jump on the button, and then press A to switch characters.
Use the other Cosmic to run through the deactivated barrier and jump on
the other button. Then switch back and run through the barrier. Once both
Cosmics are on the other side of the barrier, head left to begin level 6.
This continues in the same vein as the first forest level,
although this is the first time you’ll encounter some manoeuvres
so tight that even the slightest error will result in death. That aside,
just concentrate and collect the candy bars.
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Cosmic Coast
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When you arrive in this area, you’ll notice that there is nothing there.
Head left and you’ll see an expanse of green water, which Cosmic will
again refuse to swim in. Head back to passport control, and then head
right and through the right hand door and onto level 7.
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Level 7: The Last Forest
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As you may have guessed, this is the last of the three forest levels.
It’s the same sort of thing as the first two levels, although at the
start of the level you can use the trees to your advantage. Jump into
the tree and collect the first candy bar. From here, jump up again,
and you’ll be able to run across the top of the level for a short time.
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River Bank
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You’ll arrive at a river bank, accompanied by some music which pains the
ears. You’ll see a bag of icing sugar on the bank, and a bathtub in the
river.Pick up the icing sugar, although Cosmic won’t yet go in the bathtub
as he thinks it’s unsafe. For now, head back to the nearly freezing pool.
Once there, run to the waters edge and then use the icing sugar in the pool.
The pool will then freeze over! Cosmic can now run across the frozen
pool and onto level 8.
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Level 8: Spookiness
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You’ll begin a very dark level, where you can only see the vines you have
to climb on every 5 seconds or so, when the lightning flashes. This means
you have to be reasonably patient. You’ll need to climb as high as
possible before jumping from platform to platform, failure to do so will
most likely result in you failing to make the jump and dying.
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Dodgey City
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You’ll arrive in Dodgey City, which is a very dark place accompanied
by some creepy music. If you stand still, some spiders and mysterious
shadowed figures will appear in the background. Pick up the teleport
key and head to the teleport machine. You will see that you’re locked out
of the machine. Head back to Old Lino Town. Once there, use the Dodgey City
teleport key in the teleport machine. You’ll arrive in Dodgey City and notice
that you’re also locked into the teleport machine. Inside the teleport machine
there is a waterproof plug. Pick this up and head back to the river bank.
Once there, you can use the plug in the bathtub and float across to the other
side of the river. On the other side you’ll see a surfboard. Pick this up and
head right to Level 9.
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Level 9: More Spookiness
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No special advice here. This is just a longer and slightly more
difficult version of Level 8.Just do what you did before.
You’ll arrive in the upper part of Dodgey City and be greeted by a
character called Shady Lionel. He will offer you a used driving licence,
but you can’t yet afford it. You now have to head all the way back to Cape
Carnival and use the fruit machine again. It should pay out at the fourth
attempt.Now retrace your steps and meet with Shady Lionel again.
This time you can afford the driving licence, which means you can
now enter the bumper car race and win a trip to Detroitica. Go
back to Cape Carnival again and talk to the attendant. This time
she allows to enter the bumper car race, although
Cosmic says he is Larry Flint.
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Level 10: Bumper Car Race
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Despite the cumbersome nature of the bumper car itself and the appalling
driving of the computer drivers, this isn’t too difficult. You have to
complete 3 laps of a figure of eight kind of track within 100 seconds.
This is a very generous time limit and if you drive competently you
should complete the race with at least 20 seconds to spare. Press C to
accelerate and avoid getting bumped into the holes by the computer drivers.
Drive carefully and you should win easily. Even if you fail, you won’t lose
a life, making it even easier.
When you win the race, you are given a bus ticket to Detroitica.
Now all you have to do is get to the bus stop. But this is far from
easy. First, return to the post office in Old Lino Town. Talk to the
pink haired person and they will give Cosmic a letter from his cousin
Linochev. If you read it, it says go to Cape Carnival and all will be
revealed. There is in fact a secret tunnel to Linograd at Cape Carnival,
but if you go down it straight away, you can’t see a sodding thing,
making the level impossible. Instead, teleport to Formica City and then
back to Old Lino Town. You will now be glowing white. This glow will
now give you a very small field of vision in the secret tunnel.
Go to Cape Carnival and then use the secret tunnel to begin level 11.
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Level 11: Hole Of Doom
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This level is so impossibly difficult that it could make you lash
out in waves of controller snapping, cat booting frustration. The
secret to success in this level are the intersections in the pipes.
Run along to first intersection. These are just 4 way gaps in the pipes.
If there is a ladder at the intersection, go up or down it. If however
there is no ladder, always go straight across. Follow these rules and
you should reach Linograd without losing a life.
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Linograd
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You’ll arrive in a fairly madcap area, featuring upside down pyramids
and crazy music. You will see a missile, a bomb shelter, a teleport
machine, but no teleport key. If you head right you’ll notice that
your path is blocked by a wall. You need to activate the missile to
blast away the wall. You haven’t yet got all the required items to
do this, so head left to begin level 12.
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Level 12: Crazy, Crazy Desert
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This desert level is fairly crazy, with more upside down pyramids
and crazy music. The only enemies to watch out for are walking purple
bombs. These detonate if you run past them, and explode a few seconds
later. When they explode, they release 3 to 6 small projectiles,
which can go in any direction. Avoid these and collect those candy bars.
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The Caves
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You’ll arrive in a fairly small cave, with cave paintings
depicting explorers. You’ll also see the rare sighting of a
password. Write this down. One you’ve transcribed it, you’ll also
notice a match. Pick this up, as this is the second bit of proof you
need for ownage of the targeting device. You now need to find the
final piece of missile related evidence. To get this, first return to
the Cosmic Coast.
Once there, run to the water’s edge. Then use the surfboard in
the water to begin level 13.
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Level 13: Surf’s up!
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In this level, you’re already moving. Use the control pad to
adjust your position. The best policy is to be attacking. Stay
as near to the left edge of the screen as possible. When you see a
fish jump out of the water, surf under it and then as it hits the water
jump off the surfboard. Collect all the candy bars aswell.
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Foreign Soil
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You’ll arrive on another coast line, this time near Linograd. Head
left and pick up the fuse wire. This is the last item you need in
order to obtain the targeting device. You can’t enter Linograd by
going left, as you need a visa. You can’t get a visa in the game
to my knowledge, so head back to the Old Lino Town post office.
Once there, talk to the blonde haired dude. He now gives you
the targeting device, as he thinks you have everything needed to
make a bomb. Now return to Linograd via the secret tunnel.
Once there, you can now launch the missile! First, use the targeting
device in the missile. Then use the gunpowder, followed by the fuse wire.
The missile will now be fully primed. Now use the match in the fuse wire,
and the missile will be launched. Cosmic will then run for cover in the
bomb shelter. After a few moments, the missile will destroy the wall.
Now you can head right to begin level 14.
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Level 14: Crazy Desert 2
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Employ the same tactics as the first desert level for this one.
The only thing to look out for is the last bomb.
It won’t actually explode, so jump over it instead.
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No-Mans Causeway
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You’ll arrive at another expanse of water, which Cosmic says he
can’t jump over. You’ll also find the Linograd teleport key.
This is the key to jumping the gap. First, return to Old Lino
Town. You can’t do this via the Linograd teleport machine,
as it only accepts incoming calls. You’ll have to go the long way.
Once there, use the Linograd telekey in the teleport machine.
When you arrive back in Linograd, Cosmic says that he feels like
he has super strength. Return to No-Mans Causeway and Cosmic
can now jump gracefully over the gap.
Now head right to begin level 15.
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Level 15: No-Mans Causeway
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This level is the hardest of the lot in my opinion.
You have to be very careful and totally on the ball before
attempting this. Unfortunately, Cosmic’s super jumping ability
doesn’t carry on into this level. You have to avoid plants on
the ground which occasionally sprout up and then go back down.
You also have to avoid some strange flying creatures which spew
projectiles all over the place as they navigate their ridiculously
awkward flight paths. Just be very careful and don’t rush.
Once you complete the level (that’s good platforming, soldier),
you’ll reach the other side of No-Mans Causeway. Here you’ll find
the Linoville teleport key. Pick this up and head right to level 16.
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Level 16: North Circular
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This level has a very circular feel to it, with the enemies,
platforms and background all being circular/spherical.
This is quite easy in comparison to No-Mans Causeway.
Just avoid the bouncing balls by running under them when they’re in the air,
and jump over the blue caterpillars.
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Linoville
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You’ll arrive in Linoville, which contains a teleport machine and a
camera shop. You can’t yet reach the camera shop, as you can’t jump
that high. To reach it, first teleport back to Old Lino Town. Once
there, head to Cape Carnival and use the fruit machine to get some
money to buy the camera. It should pay out the fifth time. Once you
have the money, head back to Old Lino Town and teleport back to Linoville.
When you arrive, you’ll be strangely disembodied and start flickering.
If you click on use door, Cosmic will float up there and enter the
camera shop. Once there, talk to the assistant, and he will sell you
a camera and some colour film for 50 dollars. Once you’ve bought
the camera, head out of the shop and right to begin level 17,
the last level on planet Linoleum!
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Level 17: More circles
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This is very similar to level 16, but slightly longer and
more difficult. Just employ the same tactics and collect
those candy bars.
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The Bus Stop
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Cosmic has finally reached the bus stop and can now leave
the planet. Some cheery music accompanies this achievement
as he is whisked off to planet Detroitica. You’re left with
one last look of the planet map which you have successfully
navigated. Cosmic is the only person on the bus. He asks the
driver why this is so, and he says it’s because of a robot
revolution on Detroitica. He says all the robots are running
riot, and that Cosmic is out of his mind to visit the planet.
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Detroitica Bus Stop
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The Old Lino Town tune greets you as you arrive on the planet and
are dropped off. Head left to and pick up the bus stop sign. Cosmic
can inexplicably fit this into his already suspiciously deep
pockets. Keep it though; it comes in handy later on.
For now, head right to begin level 18.
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Level 18: Starry Night
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The only things to watch out for are stars which fly round in
awkward circles. Carefully avoid these, and try to stay on
the upper level of platforms.
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Factory Reception
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You’ll notice a computer behind the desk. This de-activates the
robots in level 19, but it’s switched off. You need to brave
level 19 and obtain the computer key. Head through the staff
only door to begin level 19.
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Level 19: Car Production Line
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This level is quite forgiving, as getting hit by the robots
beams doesn’t result in death. Instead, Cosmic will wear a pained
expression as he falls onto the conveyor belt and is transported
back to the beginning of the level. Avoid the robots’ beams until
you come across a small object that looks sort of like a mushroom.
This is the computer key. Pick it up and then get hit by the last
robot’s beams. You’ll be transported slowly back to factory reception.
Once your back in the reception, use the computer key in the computer,
and then enter the deactivation code. To save you much faffing about
trying to guess the code, it is: blue, blue, green, red,
or: blue, blue, red, green. One of those should do the trick.
Once you’ve entered the code, you can now breeze through level 19.
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The Workshop
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You’ll then arrive in a room called the workshop, which contains a power
generator that looks like a face. This apparently provides power to the
whole production line. To shut it down, proceed right, and you’ll be
confronted by a giant robot called a Vork. You can’t get past him in
his current active state, so instead get pelted a few times by the
objects he throws at you. After being hit thrice, Cosmic will fall
onto the conveyer belt. After a few moments,
the Vork will lob you into the scrap yard.
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The Scrap Yard
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Once there, you’ll see a fire extinguisher lodged in a car wreck.
Use the bus stop sign, labelled as a metal bar in your inventory,
in the car wreck to obtain the fire extinguisher. You can now
use this to shut down the power generator, which will enable
you to get past the Vork. Head left to begin level 20.
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Level 20: Randomness
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There’s a lot of weird stuff a happenin’ as you track back across
country to the factory reception. Strange robots on wheels move
slowly back and forth as you weave round them, jumping on brightly
coloured platforms whilst some odd music plays in the background.
An easy, but memorable level.
You’ll arrive back at the factory reception. Head back to the
workshop area. Use the fire extinguisher in the power generator
to deactivate it. You can now run past the completely motionless
Vork and into the Staff Room.
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The Staff Room
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In the staff room you’ll see the last password the game has to
offer. Write this down. Once you’ve transcribed the password,
head right and press the red button on the wall. This will open
a door and free all of the factory workers. The pink guy thanks
you for freeing them, gives you his car keys and suggests that
you leg it. Cosmic will then run right and onto level 21.
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Level 21: Electric!
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The theme of this level is electricity. The electric surges that
run up and down and between the platforms are lethal, and will
kill you on contact. Bear that and mind and time your jumps to
run between the power surges. This is only thing to watch out
for however, so the level isn’t too difficult.
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The Car Lot
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Or car park, as most people would say. Cosmic will appear in a
slightly camp pink car and proclaim that he now has adequate
transport to get to Earth. He then begins his journey. Not far
into the journey, you’ll encounter an asteroid shower. Your
gamers instinct would be to avoid it, but the level goes on
forever until you get hit a certain number of times. So,
no madskillz required here, try to get hit as many times as
you can. The asteroid shower should then stop, and Cosmic will
say that he needs some more fuel after all that
asteroid ‘dodging’ and stops in a space station.
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Space Station
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You can’t fill up your car just yet, as the petrol pumps require
space bucks to operate them. You now have to explore the space
station in its entirety in search of some intergalactic cashola.
Firstly, use the exit to get to the hub. Once there, go through
the door with a number one on it.
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Level 22: No.1, Weighs A Ton
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As you may have guessed from the title, the theme of this level
is extra weight. Cosmic now can jump even less distance than before,
if that were humanly (or cosmically in this case) possible.
Use all of the platforms, and make sure you run as far as you
can before jumping. You also have to avoid some flashing balls
that fly around very awkwardly.
Top Tip: If you die right near the end of one of these levels,
keep holding the d pad down in the direction you were going.
Sometimes you’ll actually make it to the end of the level
whilst dying.
You’ll arrive at an outer sector. This contains a small green
creature running about. This is actually 10 space bucks, just
the thing you need to refuel your vehicle. However, you haven’t
yet got the requisite objects to obtain it. For now, return to the
hub and go through door 2.
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Level 23: No.2, Hard To Get Thru
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This level really is quite hard to complete. There are springs which
jump about, sometimes on really narrow platforms. You have to be dead
accurate with your leaping and in letting the springs bounce over your
head. When you reach the outer sector, you’ll see a trampoline in a
currently out of reach position. For now, return to the hub and go
through door 3.
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Level 24: No.3, I Can’t See
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The only tricky bit of this level is the occasional blindness you’ll
encounter. Every 10 seconds or so, everything will go red, rendering
you unable to see the platforms and the floor for a short time. When
this happens, stop dead until you can see where you’re going again.
When you reach the outer sector, you’ll see a money box on the far right
hand side, which is currently out of reach. For now, return to the hub
and go through door 4.
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Level 25: No.4, No Floor!
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There really is a distinct lack of floorage in this level.
However, you now have an increased jumping ability, which means
you can jump slightly larger gaps. Only slightly larger gaps though,
you can’t jump across huge chasms. There are also increased amounts
of those pesky ball things to contend with. When you reach the outer
sector, you’ll see an anti-gravity slide (ladder), which you’ll
actually be able to pick up! Pick it up, return to the hub and go
through door 5 (the door in the foreground on the right hand side).
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Level 26: No.5, Ordinary Really
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Codemasters weren’t creative enough to think of a rhyme for this
level, so you have to put up with a fairly ordinary level.
Ordinary in terms of difficulty and jumping ability at least.
hose springs make a return appearance, so avoid these carefully.
When you reach the outer sector, you’ll see a yellow block
which is apparently a bridge. This is currently out of reach.
For now, return to the hub and go through door 6.
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Level 27: No.6, Gravity Mix
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There are two gravity settings on this level, heavy and slightly
ess heavy. The background flashes when the settings alternate.
Try to remember which setting it’s currently on, otherwise you
may fail to make a jump. When you reach the outer sector, you
should firstly rejoice, as that was the last platform level in
the game! When you finish celebrating, you’ll notice a blowpipe,
which once again is currently out of reach. Return to the hub
and begin the final puzzlement.
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The Final Puzzlement
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You’re almost there. You’re within touching distance of
game completion. All you need to do is obtain the 10 space bucks.
But doing this means you must follow a very precise process.
Firstly, return to the outer sector of door 2. Then move left
to where there is a gap, then plonk the anti-gravity slide there.
Go up it, collect the trampoline and come back down, picking up
the slide as you go. Now return to the hub and go to the outer
sectorof door 5, and move below the bit where the bridge is. Place the
trampoline here, and Cosmic will bounce up to the platform where the
bridge is. Collect the bridge, go back down, pick up the trampoline
and head for the outer sector of door 6. Once there, go right to the
end, plonk the gravity slide under the stairs and go up it. Now run
along to where there is a gap. Stop just before it and place the bridge
here. Run across the bridge and then down to below where the blowpipe
is. Place the trampoline here, and then bounce up to grab the blowpipe.
Then pick up everything and head for the outer sector of door 3.
Once there, climb up the stairs to your left until you reach the gap.
Place the bridge here and then run ac21:53 11/04/2007ross it to the
green platform,the one on top of the purple box with the number 37
on it. Place the trampoline here and bounce up to the next lot of
platforms. Run across the first two and down to the lower one.
Place the gravity slide hereand use it to reach the last platform.
Here, use the blowpipe to blowthe money box down to ground level.
Pick this up along with everythingelse, and then return to the
outer sector of door 1. Once there, run right to the blue
platform. Use the gravity slide to reach this and then the
trampoline to reach the one above. Run to the gap, use the bridge to,
erm… bridge it, and then put the moneybox anywhere along the path of
the ever wandering money. It will then fall into the moneybox, where
it will be trapped. You can now use the money to refuel your car and
reach Earth! Head back to the Petrol pumps using the anti gravity
trampoline in the hub. Once there, simply use the petrol pumps,
and thiswill be your last input of the game. Cosmic then heads
for Earth. You’re treated to a nice video sequence of Cosmic
landing in New York and taking several pictures of the statue
of liberty. He keeps saying that he will get a heroes welcome
when he returns to Linoleum.You then see a black and white photo
of Cosmic being carried off by a huge crowd, in a heroic kind
of way. The words ‘The End’ then appear under the picture.
The credits then roll.
You’ve done it! You’ve completed the whole game! Hooray!
