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Soul of Adoption
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#Post#: 4--------------------------------------------------
My Story
By: Montraviatommygun Date: February 27, 2011, 9:23 am
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My Story
I'll start from when I was 12 years old so it will make a bit
more sense with my reasoning.
When I was 12 and my sister was 15 she had a steady boyfriend by
whom she feel pregnant and when my parents found out they were
furious. They insisted she had an abortion and made sure she
split up from her boyfriend despite them wanting to keep the
baby. He was working so could have afforded to support my sister
and their baby.
Fast forward 6 years and I got myself into a serious
relationship resulting in us getting engaged. Unfortunately he
changed slowly becoming possessive and jealous so although he
didn't physically abuse me he did emotionally. I couldn't look
at another man let alone talk to any I knew, except his friends
whom he trusted, without him kicking off. At the time I lost
count of the times I was accused of flirting or fancying other
men. In late 1980 we split up basically because his jealousy got
the better off him and shortly afterwards I knew I was pregnant.
I knew it would be a waste of telling my ex boyfriend he was the
father as he wouldn't have believed me.
I kept quiet long enough so that my parents couldn't force me to
have an abortion like they did with my sister. It had crossed my
mind once but I couldn't go through with it as I wanted my baby.
I was working so could afford to keep my baby financially as
well emotionally wanted to keep him.
When my parents found out they went ballistic as it was too late
for me to have an abortion so they were adament he was to be
adopted. Nothing was discussed nor did I agree with them and
they went ahead with making arrangements. The first time I saw a
case worker was after I had my son on the 3rd August 1981 and I
admitted that I didn't want him adopted, that it was my parents
who were adament about this. She promised to put a stop to the
adoption and that she would support my decision. However she did
persuade me to let my son go into foster care until I got sorted
and not to see him in case I decided adoption was the best
option. My one act of defiance was to go and see him in the
nursery and to hold him for a while which I have always been
glad I did. I was in hospital for about a week as I was ill so
asked to see my son again but was told I was too ill to see him.
Later I found out he had already been moved to another hospital
so I couldn't have seen him anyway.
The weeks went by and I still wanted to keep my son but my
parents started putting more pressure on me as the case worker
had told them how I felt. They used lines like I couldn't work
and look after my son, I couldn't afford child care, they would
make sure I would lose my job, that I would be homeless and that
if I was living on the streets my son would be taken away from
me. When he was 6 weeks old I was told it was too late to put a
stop to the adoption which I naively believed so that was it.
For the next 23 years my son wasn't talked about although I
never forgot about him. I got married on the 20th November 1993
although unfortunately we haven't had any children. In early
1999 I had a falling out with my family as my sister had told
some particularly nasty lies about me and my husband. In the
August my son started searching for me and found my family quite
quickly. However by this time I had moved so they quite honestly
told him they didn't know where I was.
In late 2001 I got back in contact with my parents as I felt it
was time to try and bridges as they are elderly and frail. I
still refuse to have anything to do with my sister as she still
tells lies about me. In August 2004 my husband and I thought it
would be fun to join www.genesreunited.com which is a British
based site for people researching there family trees. After I
had put all the details that I could I realized my details had
been entered by my son as he was a member using the names I had
given him. I emailed him without a second thought then panicked
about it. He responded quite quickly and we have been in reunion
since. I was very upset to find out that my parents hadn't told
me that they had contact with him or let him know where I was,
Their excuse was that they didn't know if my husband knew about
my son yet my sister had told him about my son years ago. All I
can assume is that my sister didn't tell my parents what she had
done. However because of their silence my son thought I didn't
want to know him and that my family were covering for me though
he knows that isn't true now.
It's been a rollercoaster journey particularly since my son
moved in with us on the 21st Dec 2006. At the time we thought it
was just till September 2007 when he would be returning back to
Canada. My son moved out in 2009 and the journey continues....
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