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#Post#: 22347--------------------------------------------------
An Old Man's Confession
By: HOLLAND Date: May 3, 2019, 9:12 am
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An Old Man�s Confession
Callendar Building Penthouse
Central Park North/W 110th St
New York City
January 2019
The two old men sat in a fine library in easy chairs before a
mellow wood fire largely gone to embers. They were enjoying the
heat. Outside a wind-driven snowstorm and its cold shrouded
the city around them. Both men were in a penthouse on the top
of a high rise building in Mid-town Manhattan that overlooked
the north side of Central Park.
The owner of the penthouse, Preston Callender, sat pensively.
The two men had been talking about politicians, eventually
fixing on Trump, whom they both personally knew. �I don�t want
to be near that animal,� Preston said as he stared into the
fire.
The men had been playing chess and drinking cognac for much of
the evening. Preston was an elderly slim man in his eighties,
commonly thought good looking for his age. His squarish face
had a strong jaw, and thinnish balding white hair. His eyes
glistened though dark in the reflection of the fire.
Preston had been pleased with the chess game because he had won
it. Playing black, he had chosen the ever- risky Dragon
Variation of the Sicilian Defense and it had been a hard-fought
game, full of sharp turns and even more sharper play. It had
been exciting but also very tiring. After the game the men�s
thoughts turned to other things. Their conversation had turned
to politics and Trump.
The other old man, a man some 70 years old, though, oddly, he
looked only around 45, was an old friend named Mack Stemple, who
sighed, and, leaning back in the easy chair that was next to the
other old man, said, �I can understand you Preston. Donald
Trump has become his own worst enemy. In fact, he�s always been
his own enemy in everything he does. It�s tragic.�
Preston sighed. �He�s an animal now,� he muttered.
Mack didn�t reply. He remembered when he met Donald Trump at
one of Preston�s cocktail parties, some thirty years ago. It
was an interesting display of the Trumpean anger.
Trump was yelling, �YOU STUMBLED INTO ME DELIBERATELY!� One of
Preston�s servant girls had accidently bumped into him.
She tried to apologize, �I�m sorry, sir�.
�I DON�T WANT TO HEAR IT!�
Another of Preston�s guests, one of his most elderly at the
time, an old judge said, �Now see here. Accidents will happen.�
The judge was cut off. �SHUT UP!� Trump roared at him.
The judge still tried to speak to him. �Now see here--�he
began.
�ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?�
At this point Preston intervened and managed to quiet Trump
down.
�Who do you think I am?� That was an interesting question,
thought Mack. Even as a man in his late twenties and early
thirties, Trump had, within his own mind, a self-importance and
a hefty disrespect for his elders.
Preston continued. �I�m afraid of him, Mack. He has no
conscience. He�s evil and is walking in utter darkness.�
Preston sounded pensive, but there was an edge of anger.
�You needn�t fear him,� said Mack quietly. �Trump has a lot on
his mind right now with his legal troubles. Besides, we do not
count for much in his estimation. It�s very likely that he has
largely forgotten us.�
Preston didn�t immediately respond. He stared, pensively, into
the fire. After a while he said, �He�s dishonored and betrayed
our friendship through a lifetime of deceits. I�m sorry that I
ever got to know him.�
Mack didn�t reply. Coming from a family that had many members
who blazed a path in the military, Preston would respond to
Trump the way that his family would. Preston was a man who
recognized gravitas based upon honor.
The men drifted into silence and watched the glowing embers of
the fire or the snow swirling wildly outside the window. Mack
waited. Usually, Preston had more to say. After the silences,
there was always something more.
�It�s going to be cold tomorrow.�
�Yes, Preston.�
The silence continued.
Mack, glanced at the clock. It was almost 11pm. As a powerful
psionic Mack focused his mind onto his ever-present passive
mental area scan. Looking into the darkness of the room, he
faintly sensed to about a mile out, the outlines of the
buildings, the floors and various rooms in those floors, the
sounds of the minds that he could hear, the bare trees of the
park and the cars on the street. He verified that the city was
quiet in the area around Preston�s building. There was little
foot traffic by people in the snow. Traffic had slowed down in
the neighborhood. People were staying indoors and were not
venturing out because it was predicted that the winter storm was
going to become a blizzard within several hours. Why venture
out into the cold dark when there was no need to?
Mack reflected on Trump. The news reports indicated that he was
at Mar a Lago enjoying the heat. Perhaps he was spending part
of his time golfing while he was there. Perhaps. Most likely
he was sitting and stewing about the legal predicaments he was
in. His problems were catching up to him.
Preston sighed. �I�ve a lot to regret, Mack. I�ve been a
conservative all my life. Now my political legacy is gone, it�s
as long gone as the New Left you�ve talked about years ago.�
Mack poured himself another glass of cognac, a small amount to
ring the bottom of the glass. As he tilted the glass, he
watched the liquid slowly swirl around in the glass. Then, he
sipped a small amount. His eyes then returned to Preston and
then to the fire.
Preston sighed. �The Party of Lincoln and Reagan is now gone.�
He said. �It no longer exists.�
�Maybe it�s not entirely gone,� said Mack quietly.
Preston continued. �After Nixon and the disaster of the Ford
pardon of Nixon, I wondered about the Party. Even then the
�Dixiecrats� who came into the Party in the 1960s were changing
it, making it over into their own image.
�My fears quieted down when Reagan came into office in 1981. At
the time I was thrilled. I felt that finally we were in the
driver�s seat with the political combination of the Wall Street
people, the Evangelicals and the Libertarians. I felt that we
were now invincible, having the bulk of the country behind us
and could see that liberalism was now in retreat. I can�t
describe the happiness that I felt at that time.
�What was sad was how quickly the happiness began to fade. We
soon found ourselves in controversies. There were the
controversies involving the Moral Majority that showed how
morally hollow that movement was. There then were the scandals
involving Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart. They were hard to bear
and they sullied the conservative movement in Reagan�s time. We
knew that Evangelicalism remained powerful, but by the end of
it, we knew, in our hearts, that something was wrong about it,
that Evangelicalism wasn�t going to grow and encompass the rest
of the American population. We knew there was not going to be
another Great American Awakening.�
�You and your wife Sheryl became Christians at that time,
Preston.� Mack smiled faintly.
Preston didn�t remove his eyes from watching the fire. �Thanks
for leading me and Sheryl to Christ back then, Mack.� He paused
briefly but then continued, �It�s easy to see that our faith was
somehow removed from that what we knew as Evangelicalism back
then. Even back then, Evangelicalism seemed alien. It seemed
indifferent to the need to respect conscience, especially in
disagreements regarding abortion and family values. Why not
witness to non-Christians about these things? How can one be a
witness for Christ when one is proclaiming a war against all who
disagree or disbelieve in him?�
Preston sighed. �Then there was Iran-Contra, the arms for
hostages deal. When that happened I lost much of the confidence
and happiness I started with during the beginning of the Reagan
years.
�When George H. W. Bush was elected and came into office, I
gained some of the happiness back again when Communism finally
crashed in Europe and in the old Soviet bloc. I thought that,
finally, liberalism was dead, never to be resurrected. How
na�ve I was, how we all were! We looked forward to a supposed
peace dividend to the economy that never came. We never drew
down our military forces like we should have. I suppose it was
just as well when Saddam Hussain invaded Kuwait.
�I was thrilled that we won that war and how we finished it.
For a while my happiness remained but I was uneasy in that
Saddam and Iraq remained unfinished business.
�Like many, I shared in the growing disquiet that the country
was moving in the wrong direction. The Middle Class had not
gotten any kind of raise in wages and standard of living since
1973. We were becoming aware of the spectacle of countries,
many of them socialistic in Europe, passing us up in many of the
important standard of living categories. We conservatives would
argue our taxation was less and that we were politically freer
as a country, but that argument was becoming less persuasive.
In the end we lost the Presidency and Bill Clinton was elected
into office.
�At this time our political discourse changed. We lost regular
legislative order in the Congress and our party under Newt
Gingrich decided to become totally obstructionist. Our Party
blocked things that needed to be done. We required unnecessary
roll call votes even on minor matters. We allowed cold war
propaganda techniques and its practitioners to invade our Party
and to rule it, to create big fabrications about the Democrats
and other private citizens that we were opposed to. We ceased
to be a loyal opposition party. As we realized at this time
that we could never be a dominant majority party, we felt we had
to fight from now on with tooth and nail. We felt we had to
win at any cost.
�We lied about Clinton dealings in Arkansas. Sure, there may
have been criminality there, but it couldn�t have been to the
extent people in our party had alleged.
�When the politics became really dirty, my political happiness
finally left me. During that time, I still didn�t know what
caused the loss of a lot of that happiness. I suppose that it
was the loss of who we were as a country. I remembered who we
were back and the fifties and longed to return there but knew we
could never go back. For many of my friends across the country
a strange kind of hatred overtook them for the Democrats and the
liberals. It was visceral.
�Concerning Clinton, Clinton�s win of the Presidency was a shock
to us. We couldn�t see how he could�ve won, but he did. This
happened despite the fact that George H. W. Bush won for us a
major war. And Clinton kept his strange, overwhelming
popularity despite all the scandals that surrounded him and the
continued congressional investigations. It was as if Clinton
was Teflon. Nothing seemed to stick to him.
�We attacked him and his wife. We vilified them extensively in
our media. What was sad was that so little of it was true. At
the time, I was uncomfortable about how Hillary Clinton was
being attacked. I knew, at the time, that many conservative men
angry and uncomfortable about the feminism they encountered at
the University in the 1970s, hated intelligent, independent
women. Didn�t Rush Limbaugh refer to independent women as
�Feminazis�?
�By the time of the end of the Clinton Presidency, I was
thinking about withdrawing from political activity in the
Republican Party. When George W. Bush became President, I
largely withdrew from political activity, only keeping
involvement with the Association of Traditional Americans, which
I�ve had a long association with.�
�I was happy to assist you in the matters regarding the ATA,�
said Mack.
�Thanks for meeting the President,� said Preston. He looked up
at Mack and smiled briefly. His eyes then returned to the fire.
He continued, �When the attack on the Twin Towers and the
Pentagon occurred, I felt the anger and patriotism come up
within me as it did with most Americans. But, in the end, I
felt eventually that I was being manipulated. Like many, I felt
the disquiet concerning the anti-terrorist security legislation
that came up. It seemed to me to be overblown. I became
disenchanted with how so many in the party had so little regard
for the poor, which, in itself is a security issue, and the epic
disregard for the disappearance of the Middle Class, which
served as a protection for rich people such as myself and my
affluent family.
�When President Bush attacked again into Iraq, I shared the
public disquiet about more foreign military interventions and,
later on, the discovery of the fact that no weapons of mass
destruction were found, supposedly, the main cause for the war.
Then we got bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan. We were
spending money overseas that we needed to spend at home on
infrastructure and RAD.
�When Obama was elected, I felt embarrassed about being a
Republican because of the birther non-issue lies that were being
propagated and spread by the Party. I was ashamed about that
lie that said that the first American Black President was not a
citizen, and that he was born in Kenya and was a Muslim. The
outrages against Obama went on and on. First we heard about the
secret meeting of Republican congressional leaders to deny Obama
any legislative victories, and, if possible, any judicial
appointments. I sensed my party was becoming immoral and
lawless though it was portraying itself as a beacon of light.
�In shame, except for the ATA which I�ve remained involved with,
I withdrew from national Party politics and devoted myself to
only local Party affairs. When the 2015-2016 Presidential
campaigns started, I developed some interest in Governor Kaisch.
I admit a fascination with Trump. In a sense I wanted to
support Trump because he could shake things up. I didn�t think
that he could win but, perhaps, he could cause my Republican
Party to choke up and finally spew out all the sins and deceits
it�s been carrying for years. I was wrong, horribly wrong. I
was also foolishly na�ve. Trump was the final fruition of all
those years of deceits, of greed, of even disloyalty to the
country that existed in our Party.
�I�m ashamed that I had spoken to people my support of the man,
even though, many of them knew I was supporting him for the
ulterior motive of using him to somehow purify the Party from
all is malicious evils. I�m sorry I ever knew the man.�
�A lot of people have left the Republican Party,� Mack said
quietly.
�Indeed. A lot of prominent people have left.� Preston sighed
again. �It�s like some sort of nightmare.�
#Post#: 22348--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Old Man's Confession
By: HOLLAND Date: May 3, 2019, 9:15 am
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�Are you hungry?� asked Mack.
Preston looked up from the fire towards Mack. �Sure,� he said.
�A grilled cheese sandwich like you made the other evening would
be fine.�
�I would be happy to make sandwiches.�
Preston smiled at that and, as his friend watched, struggled out
of his easy chair and they both went through several other rooms
of Preston�s elegant penthouse until finally they arrived into
the large, well-appointed kitchen.
Preston watched with interest as Mack got a large iron skillet
from a cabinet and put it onto a gas burner and turned on the
heat. Then Preston went to other cabinets and got out the bread
and paper plates. When he returned to the counter where he saw
Mack standing, he saw that Mack had gotten out the butter and
the velveeta cheese. The men then buttered one side of each of
their two slices of bread on the paper plates.
Preston watched as Mack sprayed a non-stick cooking spray to the
warming iron skillet and then dropped two of their buttered
slices of bread face down onto the frying pan. He watched as
his friend sliced off the velveeta cheese and put it onto the
bread. After a short time, he observed that the cheese began to
melt and he watched in anticipation as Mack took the remaining
slices of the bread and put the slices down onto the sandwiches
with the buttered sides face up. Mack then, using a spatula,
flipped the sandwiches exposing a toasted golden slice of bread.
After a short time, he lifted the sandwiches and put them onto
the paper plates and sliced them in half.
Preston didn�t think that the sandwiches were enough. He went
to the refrigerator and got out a jar of homemade sweet dill
pickled sliced cucumbers. He forked out several slices of
cucumbers for himself and his friend onto their paper plates.
With their food in hand, the two men trudged their way through
the rooms back to the library and their chess board, to their
easy chairs, and their place by the fire.
Before they sat down, Mack opened the fireplace screen and
placed two more split logs of apple wood onto the fire. As he
was closing the screen, both men were pleased that the fire
flared up again. In silence they ate their sandwiches and
watched the crackling fire. They welcomed the comforting warmth
of the food and of the fire.
They glanced at the large windows of the room and noted that the
winter storm was still raging outside. The snow swirled wildly
without, with some of the snowflakes somehow sticking to the
edging of the window panes. It impressed Mack that this would
happen since the windows had been specifically designed to
prevent this. When the building was constructed, everything on
the outside facing of the building, primarily its windows, was
structurally sheer intended purposely not to allow for any
buildup of rain or snow on any of its surfaces. Somehow it
happened though. Perhaps it was a combination of snow moisture
and how the wind blew. The phenomenon was temporary. It would
soon be gone by morning.
As the comforting warmth of the food entered Mack�s stomach,
Mack looked at his friend Preston. He watched as the sorrow
return to his old friend�s eyes and figured that Preston wasn�t
yet done with what he had to say about politics and his part in
it. Some things must be told, thought Mack.
Preston continued, sadly. �Though I�ve been financially
successful in life and realized all my worldly ambitions, I know
that worldly riches is nothing in God�s sight. I really messed
up in politics. I should have been more careful, more
understanding in how others thought about things.
�I closed my heart to how other people thought and felt about
things. I trusted to my own judgment which was successful in
business. I wanted how my view of the world to be dominant. I
imagined that I was wiser than others, and I thought that I
didn�t need correction, though, sorely, I was much in need of it
for many years. I had the vanity of thinking that because I was
successful in one part of my life, that it was the case that
somehow that same success would spread over into other areas of
life. How wrong I was!
�Actually, I was too passive, too prone not to ask questions and
to do critical thinking. I failed to ask myself questions when
I could see the many failings of the Republican Party. At the
time, I consoled myself that, somehow, we were morally better
than the Democrats, but, in reflection, we were not. But
because we Republicans had the vanity of thinking that we were
the GOP, �God�s Own Party�. In attitudes such as this, we
behaved presumptuously. �
�Presumption is a fault that everybody has a share in, one time
or another, Preston.� Mack wasn�t convinced.
Preston shook his head. �This presumption was more sinful since
we Republicans sought to identify God with our political
presumptions. We Republicans assumed that because we thought we
were more right about the Bible, and how we thought it could be
interpreted, we thought that God had blessed us and supported
us. We failed to see the enormity of our presumption and that
our attitude of self-righteousness, so grating to the liberals,
was also contrary to God�s will and that was the cause of God�s
rejection of us and why we never had another American Great
Awakening, another spiritual revival that this country needs.
�We wanted to protect the country, but we failed. Wanting
change, hoping for change, we blinded ourselves to the
culmination of all of our deceits, and we elected into office
the embodiment of all of our deceits, Donald Trump.
�Now those of us who are conservative and had spiritual
convictions have to watch this terrible spectacle of deceit
after deceit continually being pronounced by the President and
the party that he transformed, or rather, brought into its final
fruition because of its deceits.
�Now my political life work is ruined,� he said finally.
�Aren�t you being too hard on yourself?� asked Mack.
�But aren�t I responsible for not challenging the lies that were
being spoken about the Democrats that were spoken in the past?
Where was I when the �Swift Boat� lies about John Kerry were
uttered? Where was I when the lies about the Clintons were
uttered? I would acknowledge that it may be true some of the
charges may have been real, but wasn�t they all lost in the
tissues of lies and hate that were uttered against them? Where
was I when the Obama birther lie was uttered? Why didn�t I or
my friends, many of them spiritual, speak out in outrage when we
heard Obama being described as a Kenyan, a dog-eater, and a
Muslim? Where were we in all of this hidden and malevolent
racism and misogyny?
�Where was our humanity in our treatment of others? If we were
�God�s Own Party� why did we fail in so many things that God
requires of us? It was true we are pro-life as far as abortion
is concerned, but why did we become so anti-life in all the
other policies that we put forward? Why are we so concerned
about depriving people of their health care when we cannot
provide for any kind of cost-effective meaningful alternative to
what is already in place? Why are we so anti-life the way we
are?
�Why did we give ourselves one of the biggest tax cuts ever
without any means to pay for it except out of the eventual
suffering of the American people? Why have we waged a war on
the poor, attacking Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security? Why
have our deceits turned us into attacking justice itself?
�Our deceits have turned us into being anti-life, and being
deceitful, we�ve become anti-liberty. The Republican Party,
once the beacon of liberty, is now a party where the leader of
the party, Trump, is not supposed to be questioned or
contradicted. It's where everyone in the party is suppose to
follow the party line, whatever the deceits of the day may be
and that have been spoken, and that all people who disagree are
disloyal to the party and to the country. And even more
galling, it is now the case that Republican political and party
purity is not something that includes the truth, and that the
truth does not exist, that the truth itself is just another lie.
�Our deceits are having us wage war against God himself. We are
now shaking our fists against God and daring him to do his
worst.�
Preston stopped as he stared into the fire. Mack poured his
friend and himself a small amount of cognac. The two men sipped
the cherished liquid and watched the fire break down into
jewel-like embers. Then they watched the snow swirling around
outside the windows and realized that the predicted blizzard had
arrived. Then their eyes returned to the fire.
Preston sighed again. �God�s fiery judgement is in all this,�
he said. �He is going to make us pay for our sins, our terrible
arrogance.�
Mack didn�t answer. He knew his friend was not yet done. Mack
remembered what his grandfather told him, that many times words
that are unbidden are like a mountain stream. Sometimes the
words are not to be interrupted and should be allowed to flow
naturally, like a mountain stream. And most times, he said, the
water in the mountain stream is purer than the waters found
further down below on the plains.
Preston looked up at Mack. �Will God forgive us for what we�ve
done?� he asked.
It was Mack�s turn to sigh and then he shook his head. �I
think, Preston, that in respect to the Republican Party, perhaps
God will not forgive it. It seems that he has caused many to
leave that party and has given the remaining party members over
to its deceits and its political hatreds so that it can be ruled
by the Evil One.�
Preston stared at Mack. �Will God forgive me for my help in
creating this political legacy?� he asked. �Too many times I�ve
turned away from the truth and failed to make a moral stand when
the lies and deceits were being uttered. I�ve failed to
exercise charity and good judgement when bad policies were
introduced. I failed to seek and to live in accordance with
justice.
�I pray that God will forgive me for what I�ve done over the
years. What I�ve been doing is to display an obdurate
hard-heartedness and blindness to justice.�
The sound of the wind picked up outside and the men watched the
swirl of snow seen through the windows become even more rapid.
After a time of watching it, their eyes returned to the fire.
In the darkness they listened to the wind and watch the
flickering of the flames in the fireplace and the fiery glow of
the embers.
Preston sighed again and turned to his friend and asked, �What
do you say, Mack? What do you say to an old man who�s spent a
life-time going the wrong way and has left behind a terrible
legacy?�
Mack didn�t respond immediately. The two men sat for a while in
the silence of the blowing wind outside. Finally, he looked up
from the fire and said to his friend. �Do you believe that God
wants you to say these things in making this confession of sin?�
he asked.
�I do.�
�God, of course, is omniscient. He knows all things and so
these words, that you�ve spoken, are not for him but rather for
you. In the speaking of these words, have you entered into all
of the feelings that you should have entered into, using these
words, especially into the full regret for your sin?�
�I think I have. What�s so sad is that I�ve wasted my life
politically, and have been so far from God for so many years.�
�If he has given these words to you, Preston, and you have
confessed your sin as you ought, have any other words, spoken or
unspoken from God have come to you?�
Preston didn�t have an immediate response to that question.
Eventually the two men�s eyes turned to the windows and the
swirling snow outside. They watched as the streams of snow
flowed by the windows as they descended to the ground below.
Preston sighed again. �We�re only here in life for a moment,
Mack.�
�We are.�
�As we live in this world, we discover that we largely don�t see
or hear people, even those in front of us. And this
hard-heartedness lasts for many years, even decades. We do not
hear or see God as we ought to in this world. Can we not say,
we can receive God�s forgiveness but yet not hear him giving
that forgiving word?�
�For a time, Preston, that lack of hearing could be possible on
the part of people.�
�That is something that I find haunting. God could be speaking
but we do not hear him.�
The wind picked up again and soon the men could hear the roaring
of the blizzard outside.
Preston continued. �We live in a blizzard of distraction. We
see and hear what glitters and distracts us. We see and hear
for the moment for the ephemeral. �
The blizzard wind outside had turned into a howl. It sounded
like a long low moan that went on and on. The two men listened
to the wind and watched the swirling snow whipping even faster
outside the windows. The howl eventually rose in pitch and
blared out a trumpeting sound that went on and on; its sound
only broken by the crackling of the fire in the fireplace. The
two men�s eyes returned to the fire and watched the wood embers
as they burnt down. The silence beckoned them both despite the
howl of the wind and the crackling fire. The silence beckoned
despite distraction.
Finally, Preston said, his eyes still on the fire, �It is a
great burden to carry the regret of a lifetime, to have the
sorrow of so great a legacy of sin.�
�Yes, my friend.�
�But he brought me to this point, Mack, and has brought me to
this repentance.� Preston sighed and then smiled as a
realization came into his face and eyes. He turned his face and
eyes to Mack. �You�re right. All this speaking is for a
purpose. It�s all very strange in that God already knows these
words that I have spoken and that he wanted me to say them.�
Tears came into the old man�s eyes. He wiped them away with his
fingers. �I�ve suddenly realized that he�s forgiven this sin,
this terrible legacy of mine. He�s now having me say those
words.� He paused. �It�s interesting. My words are somehow
his words and I�m enwrapped in all his great love.� He sighed
again. �Now I have to warn all my friends of their part in this
same legacy. Woe to all of us,� he said tiredly. Wearily, he
set his head back into the recliner and turned his face back to
the fire and closed his eyes. Soon he was asleep.
Mack got up and put a small coverlet over his friend�s legs and
went over to the window and watched the blizzard as it descended
down on Central Park.
A storm is coming to America, thought Mack. All the lies and
hatred are going to blow out all over the country until the
deceits and hatreds are a spent force. May it be sooner than
later, prayed Mack. We pray, do not wait in this storm, Lord,
until it becomes a hurricane and truly greater evil is walking
abroad in the land wrecking terrible destruction. We pray this
in Christ�s Name, Amen.
He returned to his recliner, opposite his friend, and smiled
down at his friend. Preston�s wife, Sheryl, will find him and
Mack both here in the morning and it will greatly amuse her.
She will wake them both to the smell of coffee, toast, fried
eggs and bacon.
He spread a coverlet over his legs and was soon fast asleep, the
men comforted by the fire and the howling wind outside, and the
wonder of God�s mercy and lovingkindness.
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