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#Post#: 3833--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Zyngaru Date: February 16, 2018, 10:05 pm
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All of my nephews and nieces grew up with me hugging them. Now
it is my grand nephews and nieces. I started it for basically
the same reason as Jack. I came out of an emotionless family.
I brought emotion into it. One of my brothers who lives apart
from the family, by his decision, asked one time, when did this
family get so touchy feely? Because now we all hug each other
when we meet and when we depart.
People need touch. They need hugs. They need the physical
contact that isn't violent contact.
Loved reading your post Jack. It touched my heart.
#Post#: 3837--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: February 17, 2018, 3:39 am
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[quote author=Adric link=topic=53.msg3827#msg3827
date=1518832050]
This seems like a very promising development. It is good that
he was introduced to the hug by seeing you do that with all your
boys, and good that he heard the reason why. Without that it
could be misunderstood, and be more frightening than comforting.
[/quote]
I am a hugger - Hug Life! However, it was really hard for me to
start. It's hard to explain, but I love a hug with my kids, I
hug a lot of my close friends, in the 90s, when I spent a lot of
time at the stores, more than a few kids would greet me with a
hug. On the other hand, I hate when someone just hugs me. I'm
not sure what decides it, but I think I have to know and trust
you a bit before I'm comfortable with you entering my personal
space.
Because of that, I'm careful about hugging people. I hug Liam
now, but that took a while, and it started with pats on the leg
or shoulder or arm, then grew to an arm across his shoulders,
and one day, I felt like he was ready, so I hugged him. It
comes a lot easier with some boys than others, but it really is
a lot like taming a feral cat.
With someone who's told me the things Garrett has, I would have
never hugged him without his permission, though I may have
eventually asked, if he hadn't asked me.
Last night, he didn't want to come over after the movie, since
there were a lot of kids staying over, and he hadn't even met
all of them. When he said good bye, I asked him if it was too
public for him. He looked confused for a moment, then blushed
a bit, but shook his head, so we hugged in the middle of the
auditorium. It really bothers me that I can't pigeonhole him or
figure out exactly what he wants, but at least he seems to be
comfortable and pretty happy right now.
[quote author=Zyngaru link=topic=53.msg3833#msg3833
date=1518840313]
Loved reading your post Jack. It touched my heart.
[/quote]
Thank you - that's always a great thing to hear.
#Post#: 3846--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Journey Date: February 17, 2018, 8:42 am
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It's so nice to hear about the hugs. So many people are
touch-starved these days. Hugs really are needed to help make
people happy.
For some reason, I really like reading about Garret. I hope he
becomes more and more comfortanle around you and your family. He
might be an adult already, but he sounds like he needs a support
system/family around him.
[quote author=Jack link=topic=53.msg3837#msg3837
date=1518860375]
It really bothers me that I can't pigeonhole him or figure out
exactly what he wants, but at least he seems to be comfortable
and pretty happy right now.
[/quote]
You know, it strikes me that he probably feels the same way
about you. 😂 It sounds like he hasn't had a lot of
experience with people/adults interested in his well-being, so
maybe he's not entirely sure what you want or what he wants
either. Either way, I'm really glad he's comfortable and happy
now. :)
#Post#: 3852--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: kalico Date: February 17, 2018, 11:50 am
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Aww I'm happy he asked and you were able to understand him ....
I have to say outside of family I never did much hugging until
we moved to Texas and it started being more acceptable and
people would just greet you that way ......I still notice the
difference when going back to Washington state my home state and
have to be more restrained....😐
Hugs kal
#Post#: 3855--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: February 17, 2018, 1:05 pm
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[quote author=Journey link=topic=53.msg3846#msg3846
date=1518878524]
[quote author=Jack link=topic=53.msg3837#msg3837
date=1518860375]
It really bothers me that I can't pigeonhole him or figure out
exactly what he wants, but at least he seems to be comfortable
and pretty happy right now.
[/quote]
You know, it strikes me that he probably feels the same way
about you. 😂 It sounds like he hasn't had a lot of
experience with people/adults interested in his well-being, so
maybe he's not entirely sure what you want or what he wants
either. Either way, I'm really glad he's comfortable and happy
now. :)
[/quote]
That is a really good point, Journey, and I'll keep it in mind.
#Post#: 5320--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Leti Date: April 24, 2018, 7:58 pm
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How is Garret doing? Is he receiving more hugs?
;D
LL
#Post#: 5327--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: April 25, 2018, 3:44 am
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Garrett is doing just fine.
We're not able to spend quite as much time together - not only
am I teaching, but everything that's keeping me from blogging as
much is eating my extra time elsewhere as well.
Garrett has a schedule set, since both his therapist and I have
told him that's important. Actually, because his work schedule
does vary somewhat, I should probably say a routine, not a
schedule.
He's still eating with us a couple of times a week. I don't
think he'll ever be a casual hugger, but he seems comfortable
being greeted that way.
At this point, I think he and I have a slightly more than casual
friendship, and I think he likes having someone around who's
older and a bit dominant. I've noticed he'll sometimes ask my
opinion, but then argue with me if I don't agree with him - much
like a number of my older teen boys have done.
He will be going to Avengers with us on Friday, which is good.
I am an introvert myself, so I understand the need to be alone,
but I'm not sure if he's an introvert, or just scared. Even if
he is an introvert, he still needs to get out, do things, and
spend time with other people, so he doesn't turn into a hermit.
Plus, for an introvert, doing things makes our alone time so
much more special.
#Post#: 5533--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: May 5, 2018, 4:37 am
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I started to mention this in my 'Family Night' post, but decided
I should put it here.
I had told Garret to come over last night, and I suggested he
could sleep over here, rather than having to go home. I know he
likes his own place, but I also think he's sometimes lonely.
When he arrived, he had a backpack with him. When he showed up,
I still had stuff in the oven, so he washed up, then helped me
with that. He joined us in gaming and watching movie trailers.
When I came back from putting the little guys to bed, I'd half
expected him to be gone, but not only was he still around, but
he'd changed into pajama pants and a loose henley.
After I said good night to the older boys, I asked what he
wanted to do, which ended with us starting to talk.
He's basically happy with his life right now, but I see a couple
of problems.
Something that's not an active problem, but that's been bugging
me for a while, is that there's not a lot of future in working
for me. I pay well, but I only have about ten positions that
are really good, and all those except Daniel have been filled
for years. Working for me is a lot better than working fast
food or a convenience store. The thing is that Garret's not
stupid, and I think he could do a lot better. It doesn't seem
like he's really thought about the future at all, though. I'm
trying to get him to think about it, before he starts feeling
trapped - or before he lets momentum trap him.
The other problem is simply that Garret is very unassertive, and
he doesn't seem to want to approach anything directly.
I should pause to say that Garret's asleep in my bed right now.
He ended up laying down next to me, and we talked into he fell
asleep. He'd taken his shirt off. I know he normally sleeps in
just his shorts, but I just covered him up, rather than trying
to get him out of his lounge pants.
The thing is, we talked around a number of things. I'm not
positive how much Garret's shy and introverted, and how much
he's just damaged and doesn't know how to do some things. Sex
came up indirectly a couple of times, but I think what's
bothering him currently is not 'how to have sex', but 'how to
have a relationship', which is a real problem for me to discuss,
because I've never really figured it out myself. Still, I think
I'm going to have to make private time for the two of us to at
least talk about sex and relationships and stuff like that.
#Post#: 5557--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: kalico Date: May 6, 2018, 1:32 pm
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Aww poor kid....
it�s good thought that he trust you to talk things through and
I�m sure you both will figure things out and get him
started......good luck
Hugs kal
#Post#: 5618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: May 10, 2018, 4:46 pm
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Garret was practically waiting for me when I got out of school
Tuesday.
"You doing anything today?" his text read, if you translated it
to English.
"I have errands to run. Nothing after that. You want to keep
me company?"
He did.
I try to get my employees two days off together. This week,
Garret was off Monday and Tuesday.
"So, how was your day yesterday?"
"It was okay," he responded. "I did everything like you wanted
me to."
"You did," I asked, since I had no idea I'd wanted him to do
anything.
"Yeah," he responded, apparently not picking up on my confusion.
Then he began to tell me about his day.
He normally has to be at work at 10:45, if he's not closing, so
he usually wakes about 9am. He did that Monday morning. Then
he got cleaned up, gathered his dirty clothes and stuff, stopped
at Whataburger for breakfast, went and did his laundry, stopped
on the way home and bought groceries, then headed home, made
lunch, put the laundry away, dusted and vacuumed, and then
watched a movie and played video games. Sounds like a pretty
full and somewhat enjoyable game.
He'd even brought his grocery receipt, so I could see what he
bought. It was mostly sandwich stuff, and frozen and canned
food.
"See. I didn't buy too much junk food, and I even bought some
of those salad bags, so I'm eating healthier like you said I
should."
I agreed he was trying. When I asked why he bought so much
frozen and canned stuff, he admitted he really didn't know much
about cooking, but he gets tired of sandwiches. While I never
liked cooking for myself, there are ways around it, so I'm
teaching him the same basic stuff I make sure all my kids can
do.
When we were through with my errands, we stopped at the store to
get a rotisserie chicken, then came back to the house, where I
made garlic and herb skillet potatoes to go with the chicken and
we toasted a couple of bagels. It was a nice meal.
It was still a couple of hours before the kids got home, and he
didn't have much idea what he wanted to do, so we emptied out my
display case, which had been showing Lassie, and put up a
selection of Spider-man stuff instead. I think I can say we
both had fun picking it out and setting it up. Then he helped
me make snacks for the kids before they got home.
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