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#Post#: 12608--------------------------------------------------
Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Surfer Date: April 27, 2019, 12:52 am
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As I mentioned in the chat tonight I received an ample supply of
spanking experience during my upbringing. Nearly all were with
hand, and only a few were truly bare bottom, so I don't have too
much to complain about. Though I suspect I thought it was a step
below bloody murder as a youngster!
What I want to discuss here relates to the emotional experience
of being spanked, not so much to the pain of the spanking, the
implements used, or protection of clothes (or lack thereof).
As a child I had a healthy fear of spankings, but I especially
feared the ones that came swiftly without notice. About half of
my spankings were of that variety. The other half were much more
ritualized - sent to a private room to wait, getting lectured,
sometimes waiting again, and then getting the actual spanking!
There may be some who say that waiting is worse. But I preferred
to have the time (and privacy) to prepare mentally for what was
to come. The lecture period also gave me a chance to explain
myself, and raise any potentially mitigating factors (though
that could sometimes backfire). The spanker also, in most cases,
was more conciliatory after this type of spanking was given.
On the other hand, being spanked in the heat of the moment was
more of a haphazard event. It didn't necessarily offer privacy
(within the home), but generally speaking it was over with
quick. Considering it now I'd say this type of spanking was
higher intensity, but shorter duration. For some boys the
immediate cause and effect may be more effective than drawing it
out into a longer ritual.
What are your thought about these two distinct styles?
#Post#: 12611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Jack Date: April 27, 2019, 8:08 am
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I think the first thing you have to do is define spanking.
I do NOT care for heat of the moment spankings. My main reason
for feeling that way is that heat of the moment - pretty much by
definition - is done on pure emotion and impulse. Just because
anyone - child or adult - has irritated me, is not a reason to
spank (or hit or lash out). That's the kind of thing that gets
people into trouble. I think a parent's main job is to model
proper behavior for that kid, and that's why it's so important
that parents try to be fair (whether life is or not) and to
think about what they do before they do it.
Now, as to why I mentioned defining spanking - there are times I
react immediately, though it's almost always with very young
children. When I see them doing something that is actually
dangerous - as opposed to just disobedient - I will grab their
arm and apply a few, firm smacks to the seat of their pants. I
don't consider that an actual spanking, but some people might.
I do think the ritualistic spanking is more effective. Not only
is there more discussion, and a better explanation, but the
anticipation does make it more effective; and the chance for
discussion offers the chance for a real lesson to be learned, as
opposed to causing resentment from the sudden onset type.
#Post#: 12616--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Zyngaru Date: April 27, 2019, 10:18 am
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I got spankings from my mom and whippings from my dad as a boy.
There is a definite difference in my mind anyway. I write about
spankings, I seldom include a whipping in my stories.
My mom gave immediate spankings. No talk. She just grabbed you
by the arm and started wailing on your buttocks as you ran
around in circles around her. She would use her hand, a paddle
or a belt. Now to her defense. I do think she thought out the
spanking before delivering it, but she didn't waste time talking
about it beforehand or after. After the spanking she sent you
to the corner to think about what you did wrong.
The only exception to her thinking about it before delivering a
spanking, was if you hit her. My mom went ballistic if you hit
her, either on purpose or by accident. One of my brothers found
that out when he was about 10 years old and accidently hit her
with a ball. Mom busted, litterally, a one inch wood paddle
across his butt. Broke that paddle in half. She gave him a
whipping.
Dad on the other hand would call you to stand beside his chair,
while he was watching TV. You just stood there waiting. During
commercials he would ask you "WHY" you did whatever you did.
The only answer we would give is "I don't know," because
honestly what kid knows why they do stuff? This answer always
made him mad. Then you would wait until the next commercial and
then you were asked again. You would finally get your whipping
when his tv show was over. You laid across something. In the
living room it was his footstool. In the kitchen it was a
kitchen chair. In your bedroom it was your bed. He would take
his belt off and beat your naked butt, usually until it bled.
Not always but usually. Back then the very thin belts were in
style and those would cut your skin. They always left stripes.
I guess you would call them welts, once they scabbed over,
because they would rise a little higher than the rest of your
skin.
How I felt about them. If I had to be spanked/whipped, I wanted
it from mom. She was fair. Her spanking hurt just as much as
dads, but you knew you deserved it and took it. Yes you bawled
and jumped around and all that, but her spankings were
acceptable.
Dad's on the other hand were pure hell. Emotionally as well as
physically. You woulkd stand there while his show was on,
trying to think of something to say that would appease him, but
there was nothing to say. Why did I jump off the porch numerous
times? Because it was the game we were playing. That was not
an excuse he would accept. Why was I playing outside his
bedroom window, waking him up? There is no acceptable answer.
You knew you were going to get his belt. You knew you were
going to get it, right where he was, no matter who was there in
the room. Everyone knew you were going to get whipped. But he
would drag it on and on, before finally whipping your bare butt.
Mom usually spanked you over your clothes, sometimes in undies
and a few times bare, but mostly over clothes. Dad was almost
always bare butt and sometimes totally naked. That mattered in
how we felt about our whipping. Imagine the whole family
watching Rat Patrol on TV and dad makes you stand beside his
chair because you were fidgeting and wait to be whipped. All
your brothers and sisters know you are going to get it and they
are going to see it. There are 8 of us kids. So the emotions
going through you are tremendous.
I feared my dad as a boy. I was scared to death of him. I
prayed for him to die every night. I wanted to be as far away
from him as I could get.
I loved my mom. She was the most special person on the earth.
I would do anything to make her happy.
Does that answer your question?
P.S. Waiting was the worst. Mom did not like to spank you in
the mornings before going to school. So if you misbehaved in
the mornings, then you had to wait until after school to get
your spanking. All day you dreaded what you would get when you
got home. The greatest fear is that dad would be home and he
would whip you instead of mom spanking you.
The ultimate worst was if dad was home and up in the morning and
you did something and he told you that he was going to whip you
a s s when you got home from school. That fear would literally
make you sick during the school day. I have actually threw up
at school because the fear of knowing what was coming to me when
I got home made me that sick.
I don't put this kind of whippings in my stories, because what
sane person wants to read about a boy going through that kind of
hell. That is why my stories are fictional. They are nothing
like the real thing. The real thing is not entertaining.
#Post#: 12619--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Jack Date: April 27, 2019, 2:31 pm
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I don't think either of your parents hit the ideal, Zyngaru, but
it's hard to say for sure without knowing the actual situation
in a lot of detail.
Your mom didn't talk before hand, but sent you to the corner to
think about what you did wrong? How is she sure you understood
what you did wrong? With me as a kid, and with my own kids,
it's been much more common to get in trouble without really
considering that the actions were wrong.
As for your father... I can't see drawing a pre-spanking
discussion out that long, and the idea of drawing blood is just
abhorrent to me. If it wasn't against the law right now, I'd
have no problem with leaving a bit of marking on some occasions
(serious trouble with older boys), but doing it most of the time
just seems pointless. I can understand why you feared that man.
#Post#: 12629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Surfer Date: April 28, 2019, 2:57 am
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Thanks for sharing Zyngaru. And I'm sorry you had to live
through some abusive discipline. I certainly didn't have it as
bad as you did! Did this impact your future relationship with
your father?
My on the spot spankings were similar to what your mother did.
They were painful and everyone knew about them, but they were
tolerable. Usually it was over clothes. If it were pants-down, I
was usually more embarrassed about people seeing me in my undies
than any additional pain or humiliation from being spanked. In
most cases, I knew exactly what I did so there was no point in
regurgitating it with long lectures or waiting.
The formal spankings I got were always from Dad. He preferred to
do them after bed time. I was unable to fall asleep on nights
when I was in trouble. Under the covers I tried to listen to my
mother and father discussing my behavior. If I was gonna get
spanked he would come in to my darkened bedroom and call my
name. While I tried to pretend I was sleeping, he expected me to
get out of bed on his command. Since I slept in my underwear,
that's what I got spanked over. If he was particularly
frustrated, he had no problem giving it bare. The bedtime
spankings always ended in torrential tears. They were long and
painful, but not extreme.
If I could change one thing about what happened to me, I would
add more pre and post spanking time with my father. He was a
practical man of few words. The bad spankings left me crying
myself to sleep without any bonding or comfort. If I were in a
position to spank kids of my own I would never leave a kid in
that situation. Jack's style is very appealing and I would model
my discipline techniques after that.
#Post#: 12632--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Zyngaru Date: April 28, 2019, 9:08 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=1246.msg12619#msg12619
date=1556393502]
I don't think either of your parents hit the ideal, Zyngaru, but
it's hard to say for sure without knowing the actual situation
in a lot of detail.
Your mom didn't talk before hand, but sent you to the corner to
think about what you did wrong? How is she sure you understood
what you did wrong? With me as a kid, and with my own kids,
it's been much more common to get in trouble without really
considering that the actions were wrong.
As for your father... I can't see drawing a pre-spanking
discussion out that long, and the idea of drawing blood is just
abhorrent to me. If it wasn't against the law right now, I'd
have no problem with leaving a bit of marking on some occasions
(serious trouble with older boys), but doing it most of the time
just seems pointless. I can understand why you feared that man.
[/quote]
Jack. I agree neither parent was ideal when it came to
punishment. Neither had the real talk it out phase before the
punishment or the reconciliation phase after the punishment.
With my dad I was never really sure he loved us. I knew mom did
by here actions everyday. It was obvious she loved us. But not
with my dad. They just both believed that punishment was
punishment and it should be gotten done and over with. Dad's
prolonging it out with us standing by his chair, wasn't for our
benefit, but so he wouldn't miss his TV show,. Remember that
was back when TV's first became affordable for the average
family to have one. Ours only lasted 30 days, not even to the
end of the warranty. Dad had to replace it every month. It was
a Philips.
#Post#: 12633--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Zyngaru Date: April 28, 2019, 9:58 am
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[quote author=Surfer link=topic=1246.msg12629#msg12629
date=1556438246]
Thanks for sharing Zyngaru. And I'm sorry you had to live
through some abusive discipline. I certainly didn't have it as
bad as you did! Did this impact your future relationship with
your father?
[/quote]
Surfer: When I got out of the military, I worked as a
missionary at a Children's Home for troubled kids. It is at
that home I learned how the lack of discipline by parents is
worse than too strict of discipline by parents. I witnessed
first hand how I could have turned out if I hadn't been
disciplined at home growing up. It was not a pretty sight.
That's not to say, my dad's discipline wasn't way overboard, but
I survived it and turned out okay.
Once that realization dawned on me, I wrote my dad a long letter
detailing everything I felt and remembered. I forgave him
totally and even understood him. Maybe that is why I like the
movie Ender's Game so much. �In the moment when I truly
understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him,
then in that very moment I also love him."
In the end, I lived with my parents taking care of them until
each passed on to ther next chapter of life.
My dad was who he was. He had joined the military when it was
16 and went to Germany to hunt down Nazies. Later he fought in
Korea where he was awarded the Purple Heart. Still later he
went to Vietnam. My dad was a career warrior. Every fight you
can think of, between WW2 and Vietnam, he was at. The Bay of
Pigs and the Cuban Missle Crises. Hatti and the Domenican
Republic. He saw a lot of death in his life. That takes it's
toll on people. So yes, I understand my dad and why he was the
way he was.
#Post#: 12634--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ritualized vs heat of the moment spanking
By: Adric Date: April 28, 2019, 11:17 am
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I agree with Jack on the need for enough "ritual" to make it
clear that the spanking is a punishment rather than an angry
physical attack. A "heat of the moment" spanking is likely to
be interpreted by the spankee as an expression of adult anger
rather than a punishment. That seems much more likely to
trigger long-term resentment than a spanking that is clearly
intended and explained as a punishment.
I had both. Mom made it very clear that her spankings were
intended as a consequence of my bad behavior. She never seemed
angry when she switched me, and I never doubted that she had her
emotions under control. There was a certain amount of ritual -
once she brought the switch in the house and put it on the
coffee table, it was clear to me that I had used up all my
warnings. By the next day I was allowed to dispose of the
switch. Dad's were "heat of the moment" and it was very clear
to me that he was angry. It was hard not to interpret those
spankings as angry assaults. They were never OTT, but I was
always afraid they would be.
Comparing the two experiences, it was much easier for me to
reconcile and move on after Mom's spankings than with Dad's.
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