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#Post#: 80114-------------------------------------------------- |
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When someone tells you they're being tested for cancer . . . |
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By: jpcher Date: September 28, 2023, 2:02 pm |
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A long-time co-worker friend of mine (I don't see her outside of |
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work*) told me in a phone conversation earlier this week that |
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she had something that needed to be tested in order to find out |
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if it was cancerous or not. |
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When I called her today (about work stuff) she seemed a little |
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despondent, not her usual cheery self. |
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So I asked her, in a serious tone (not the usual flippant "how |
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ya doin?" tone) "How are you?" |
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She sighed and said "You know, usual work BS." |
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I said "Are you okay?" |
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She sighed again and said "Yeah, I'm fine." |
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While I really wanted to ask her about the test results, it |
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seemed like she didn't want to talk personal stuff during this |
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conversation (which usually happens), so we moved on to work |
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stuff. |
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Hopefully I'm wrong, but I got the feeling that she didn't |
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receive good news. |
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I'm pretty sure I know the answer . . . "Don't bring it up" . . |
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. but I do want to let her know that I'm here for her if she |
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needs anything or just wants to talk. |
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Is there a polite way to do that? |
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Thoughts? |
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*Even though we don't see each other outside of work, we do get |
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into some pretty down and dirty personal conversations at times. |
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I do consider her a close friend. |
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#Post#: 80119-------------------------------------------------- |
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Re: When someone tells you they're being tested for cancer . . . |
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By: TootsNYC Date: September 29, 2023, 8:20 am |
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I think pressing someone when they're declining an opening to |
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share information about themselves is rude, and your instincts |
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were spot on. |
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However, I do think that in a separate convo, like an email |
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maybe, which wouldn't involve an immediate answer, you could |
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express concern. |
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Not so much asking for info, though. |
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So you could ping her and say, "I know you were having an |
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important medical test. I've been thinking of you, and I hope it |
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went well." |
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And then stop. |
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No need to say, "i'm here if you want to talk," at least not at |
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this stage--I think the fact that you've remembered and reached |
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out will make that clear. |
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If she comes back and tells you that it's bad news, then I think |
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you could say, "If you ever need to talk about it with someone |
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outside your closest circle (because I know we often feel a need |
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to censor ourselves with our loved ones), I'm here for you, |
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ready to commisserate or cheer, whichever you need at the time." |
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#Post#: 80120-------------------------------------------------- |
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Re: When someone tells you they're being tested for cancer . . . |
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By: sandisadie Date: September 29, 2023, 10:14 am |
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TootsNYC I think you're spot on with this advice. |
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#Post#: 80124-------------------------------------------------- |
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Re: When someone tells you they're being tested for cancer . . . |
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By: oogyda Date: September 29, 2023, 12:51 pm |
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I think the tone you used probably already let know. |
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