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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 80098--------------------------------------------------
When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: holly firestorm Date: September 25, 2023, 7:35 pm
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For my whole life I've always been taught, "Don't show up to a
party empty handed." If you're broke, at least bring soft drinks
&/or help with the serving or cleaning up. I think I've seen it
here many times, as well as lots of other places, freeloading is
not considered good form.
I used to hang out with a group of young males. We used to order
pizza together. I'd pay for a whole pizza and a couple of the
other guys. But, the rest of the guys would end up paying for
half a pizza, maybe, claiming they were broke that week (and it
was always 'that week') and there was one who never put in any
money. And when the plain pizza cost less than one with
topping...you know which one they bought. When the pizza got
there, being a petite woman, I only ate two slices, three at the
most, and I always bought one with toppings, because I liked
that. The guys who paid for a plain pizza and half a pizza and
the freeloader would eat more of the pizza I bought than I did.
After quite a few months of this happening EVERY time we got
together, I started eating my two or three pizzas and then
putting my pizza away "for lunch tomorrow." No, I was not the
more affluent member of the group.
This weekend I attended a meeting and meal with a group of
people I volunteer with. This meeting was ONLY for volunteers
and this was made very plain in the week before the meeting.
Food contributions were mildly urged, but not mandatory. The
'host' probably spent $50-100 on a tri-tip and chicken. I spent
about $50 on salad and potato polpettes. Someone else brought
three containers of fruit and one person brought a custard fruit
tart and pastries probably worth $50. Then there was one
occasional volunteer who brought...a friend who has never
volunteered for our group at all. Now this volunteer then
proceeded to complain that he was on a keto diet and couldn't
eat a lot of the food. Add to that, during the social portion
and not the meeting, this volunteer and the freeloading friend
proselytized why a certain group THEY found worthy should get
more money even though those beginning salaries are double mine.
It's bad enough when someone invites a freeloader...without
asking and without contributing to the meal...but it seems to me
those boys who used to mooch my pizza had better manners than
that.
#Post#: 80102--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: Aleko Date: September 26, 2023, 1:34 am
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Okay, so it had been spelt out to everyone in the group that
this was a meeting-with-meal for volunteers only. In that case,
it seems to me that a perfectly legit and polite way to deal
with a complete stranger brought by one of your number would be
to assume - or pretend to - that they wanted to become a
volunteer. So home in on them, greet them enthusiastically and
say �It�s great that you want to join our group! What kind of
work do you see yourself doing? [X type of task], for example,
or [Y]? Do tell us, so we can see where you�ll fit in to the
team and make the best use of your talents!� You don�t
absolutely need to persist to the point of making them admit
that they don�t intend to work with your group at all: you have,
in an impeccably welcoming and hospitable way, made clear to
them and the member who brought them along that if they don�t,
they have no business being there.
If not contributing to the meal was only �mildly urged�, that
does give them a technical let-out. But if anyone freeloading at
a gathering of one charitable group states openly that they
consider another cause more worthy of donations, it�s fair to
say kindly, �Of course, if your means are limited you must
prioritise your giving, everyone here understands that�. What
are they gonna say - �I make loadsamoney, you peon, �I�m just
too tight to contribute�?
And if a random stranger complained that there wasn�t any food
suitable for their special diet, I�d have no hesitation in
saying bluntly, �Considering that nobody here but [Friend] had
ever heard of you, let alone your diet, till you turned up,
shouldn�t either you or [Friend] have thought to bring something
you could eat?�
#Post#: 80104--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: honeybee42 Date: September 26, 2023, 5:13 am
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I think the person with the special diet was the volunteer who
just brought another mouth to feed. So, I'd be fine with
responding to the complaints "can't eat anything here" with a
pointed question "what food did you bring?" Because I do think
that people on a special diet need to protect themselves in
potluck situations by bringing either their entire meal (and not
taking from other contributions) or an item that is consistent
with whatever diet they may be on.
Even during the social time, I'd be shutting down proselytizing
for another group. Maybe with pretending that of course the
stranger wants to be a volunteer for *this* group. Or if that
doesn't work, the moment a bit of "this other group is more
worthy" comes up is a cue for a quick conversation exit 'must go
refill the beverage' or 'talk to other volunteer for this
organization' or whatever can work. Or on a continued effort
past the first, "I'm sure your other cause is worthy, but I'm
really not interested in discussing that today."
#Post#: 80105--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: Hmmm Date: September 26, 2023, 9:06 am
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"this volunteer then proceeded to complain that he was on a keto
diet and couldn't eat a lot of the food"
And no one took this as an opportunity to say "Well, I guess you
should have brought something you could eat like we all did"?
#Post#: 80106--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: TootsNYC Date: September 26, 2023, 9:14 am
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my church used to send out a newsletter about events.
There was a lady who would show up for the food-centered ones,
but she didn't actually attend our church.
She'd bring something, but usually very small. And sort of
weird. if it was a potluck, she'd bring a couple packages of
ramen, maybe. Once it was a baby shower for the pastor's DIL,
and she brought a toilet-paper-roll cover as the gift.
I didn't realize until someone pointed it out. And then he said,
"well, at least we know she eats those days."
And she didn't completely freeload.
#Post#: 80110--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: holly firestorm Date: September 26, 2023, 10:48 am
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[quote author=honeybee42 link=topic=2545.msg80104#msg80104
date=1695723187]
I think the person with the special diet was the volunteer who
just brought another mouth to feed. So, I'd be fine with
responding to the complaints "can't eat anything here" with a
pointed question "what food did you bring?" Because I do think
that people on a special diet need to protect themselves in
potluck situations by bringing either their entire meal (and not
taking from other contributions) or an item that is consistent
with whatever diet they may be on.
Even during the social time, I'd be shutting down proselytizing
for another group. Maybe with pretending that of course the
stranger wants to be a volunteer for *this* group. Or if that
doesn't work, the moment a bit of "this other group is more
worthy" comes up is a cue for a quick conversation exit 'must go
refill the beverage' or 'talk to other volunteer for this
organization' or whatever can work. Or on a continued effort
past the first, "I'm sure your other cause is worthy, but I'm
really not interested in discussing that today."
[/quote]
"What did you bring?" Wish I had thought of that. It could have
been asked in such a way that it could have been "since you are
on this particular diet..."
"Even during the social time, I'd be shutting down proselytizing
for another group" It wasn't for another group. It was for a
particular social issue about certain people deserving more
money...as if assuming that people like me (and others who
contributed) Besides, this is Los Angeles, I think we Angelenos
are almost incapable of having a discussion without bringing in
some proselytizing about some issue. It's one of the less
attractive aspects of our local culture.
It was also mentioned in another reply stress that since she was
there that meant she would be volunteering in the future and ask
her what she intended to do. I am happy to say that I remembered
to point out to her that since she was there that must mean she
would be volunteering in the future and we could expect her to
pitch in and sweep, etc. in the future. Of course, she left
without doing any of that and I frankly don't expect her to in
the future.
I would have emphasized these things more at the event. But, the
other people running it just shrugged it off and didn't want a
scene. But, the event was only announced on the volunteer page,
not the general page. Mr. Keto doesn't belong to the volunteer
page, although he has done volunteer stuff, which is why I
wanted to make sure he knew he was invited. Next time I will not
do so.
I would like to thank the members who have made me feel
validated about being annoyed with what I consider a
disrespectful, entitled, and narcissistic thing for these two
people (Mr. Keto and Ms. Freeloader) to do.
#Post#: 80111--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: NFPwife Date: September 27, 2023, 2:58 pm
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I can't believe Mr. Keto brought a plus one. It makes me wonder
what their conversation looked like leading up to the event. Did
Ms. Freeloader ever consider that she shouldn't attend if she
wasn't directly invited by the organization? Did the two of them
think this would be the perfect time to promote the other group?
I have to agree with you that the pizza freeloaders were less
annoying than these two.
#Post#: 80112--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: holly firestorm Date: September 27, 2023, 8:04 pm
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[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2545.msg80111#msg80111
date=1695844718]
I can't believe Mr. Keto brought a plus one. It makes me wonder
what their conversation looked like leading up to the event. Did
Ms. Freeloader ever consider that she shouldn't attend if she
wasn't directly invited by the organization? Did the two of them
think this would be the perfect time to promote the other group?
I have to agree with you that the pizza freeloaders were less
annoying than these two.
[/quote]
One wonders what kind of parents raised them, doesn't one? I was
talking to another friend in this volunteer group. He told me
that although he doesn't really have anything against the guy,
he doesn't like Mr. Keto. His take is that Keto "goes here and
goes there" (talking about chatting up various 'important'
people in the group) just because he wants everyone to know that
he (Keto) is a little bit better than the rest of us.
They weren't promoting another group by the way. It was a
political issue (I don't want to get specific) in such a way to
say that they were 'virtuous' for having this belief and
everyone should sacrifice to improve the financial status of
the people THEY thought worthy, even if the other person's
finances were less affluent than the people THEY thought
deserved it. (I hope that clarifies it. I don't want to get more
specific.) I thought it went right along with that self
superior, entitled, freeloading mentality.
#Post#: 80138--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: LifeOnPluto Date: October 2, 2023, 1:41 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2545.msg80106#msg80106
date=1695737661]
my church used to send out a newsletter about events.
There was a lady who would show up for the food-centered ones,
but she didn't actually attend our church.
She'd bring something, but usually very small. And sort of
weird. if it was a potluck, she'd bring a couple packages of
ramen, maybe. Once it was a baby shower for the pastor's DIL,
and she brought a toilet-paper-roll cover as the gift.
I didn't realize until someone pointed it out. And then he said,
"well, at least we know she eats those days."
And she didn't completely freeload.
[/quote]
I seem to remember on the old boards, there was a story about a
guy who always bought along an unopened packet of pop tarts to
his work morning teas. No one would touch it, so he'd just take
it back at the end, and bring it again the next time!
Re: the OP, that guy and his friend were annoying and
presumptuous! My partner is currently doing the keto diet, and
he always plans carefully whenever he's invited out to eat. He'd
never dream of demanding that other people cater to his diet
(nor would he expect them to be mind readers - if Mr Keto had
informed the volunteers beforehand that he had dietary
requirements, he might have had half a leg to stand on, although
even so, it would have made more sense for him to just bring his
own food).
#Post#: 80147--------------------------------------------------
Re: When Freeloaders try to take the High Ground
By: Aleko Date: October 2, 2023, 11:57 am
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I've just invented a rule that even when bringing food to a
party is optional, if you have specific dietary needs it's not
optional for you. (Even if there turns out to be someone else
with the same restrictions who brought suitable food, you
shouldn't go snarfing half of what they brought.)
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