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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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Return to: Weddings
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#Post#: 67910--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: Winterlight Date: July 5, 2021, 9:43 am
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The guest was extremely rude, the waiter never should have
brought this to the bride, and the MOB should have gone and
spoken to the guest and made it clear that this was out of line.
#Post#: 67913--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: gramma dishes Date: July 5, 2021, 10:52 am
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[quote author=Winterlight link=topic=2096.msg67910#msg67910
date=1625496188]
The guest was extremely rude, the waiter never should have
brought this to the bride, and the MOB should have gone and
spoken to the guest and made it clear that this was out of line.
[/quote]
You're absolutely correct on all three. But sometimes things
happen so incredibly unexpectedly that we really don't have time
to think! But I do hope this was brought to the attention of
the catering service, because this started with their server.
A little more training seems to be in order here. And it's the
exact kind of "little thing" that can seriously damage a
catering service's reputation.
#Post#: 67914--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: Hmmm Date: July 5, 2021, 11:39 am
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While I like the idea of pushing the cost back on to the
demanding guest, I doubt it was feasible. This was a wedding
venue. Not a restaurant with easy to use POS system. The
paperwork to write up a single sale of a steak dinner would have
been time consuming and inconvenient. The venue probably didn't
even have cash available other than petty cash for business
expenses, but not making change.
In the best of worlds, the waiter would have just stated that
the turkey dinner was the only option. However, if the waiter
could have brought the request to his manager who could have
approached the couple with the option. Nothing should have been
relayed to the guest before the discussion with the host
occured.
The bride should have turned down the request since it was a
preference and not a necessity and the mother should not have
pressured her to do otherwise.
#Post#: 67917--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 5, 2021, 11:47 am
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Am I wrong that any leftovers are typically given to the
customer (whoever paid for the venue)? If so, this steak was
paid by another wedding party and belonged to them and the venue
sold it twice and gave it to another wedding. That would be
really uncool to me. (The original couple probably wasn't
counting meals, so they wouldn't know how many they were owed.)
#Post#: 67920--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: chigger Date: July 5, 2021, 1:00 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2096.msg67917#msg67917
date=1625503642]
Am I wrong that any leftovers are typically given to the
customer (whoever paid for the venue)? If so, this steak was
paid by another wedding party and belonged to them and the venue
sold it twice and gave it to another wedding. That would be
really uncool to me. (The original couple probably wasn't
counting meals, so they wouldn't know how many they were owed.)
[/quote]
Some small caterers will pack up leftovers from a buffet. Most
venues will not, because you don't know how people will handle
them, they might leave them at room temperature too long, then
blame the venue if someone falls ill. Usually, if there are
leftovers, it's because there were no show guest, but more
frequently it's because a caterer will build in a certain
percentage of extra meals. You never make just the amount of the
guarantee, also known as the head count. Usually, staff will
share anything "extra" at the end of the night, because that's
their only chance to eat.
#Post#: 67923--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: Rose Red Date: July 5, 2021, 3:01 pm
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So the HC paid for a turkey dinner that went to waste *and* paid
for a steak that was already paid for by the other wedding.
#Post#: 67946--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: lowspark Date: July 6, 2021, 2:37 pm
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Guest should not have asked the server.
Server should not have asked the bride.
Mother should not have pressured the bride.
I fault all of them.
Bride should not have agreed. But I do not fault her because she
could not be expected to make a rational decision in the moment.
Like jpcher, my first thought was, what if others see he has
steak and they want steak too? What a mess!
When someone is hosting you, even at a hotel or other neutral
spot, that location becomes, in effect, their home. So as a
polite guest, you don't behave any differently than you would in
their house. When you go to someone's house for dinner and you
are served turkey, do you say you're not "in the mood"? Can you
even imagine?
I'm with lakey - the older, and really, more experienced, I get,
the easier it is for me to say no to people who ask me to do
things I don't want to do. I've been put in positions like this,
nothing as extreme, of course, but I've been host of a party and
given into unreasonable or impractical requests, that yes,
looking back were rude. But at the time, I was flustered enough
by the unexpected that I relented. I don't fall for that stuff
as much anymore, just because, the more it happens, the more I
am prepared to handle the unexpected.
#Post#: 67948--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: oogyda Date: July 6, 2021, 2:50 pm
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The bride was "put on the spot".
Early in their childhoods, my DDs learned that if they put me on
the spot, the answer would be an automatic "No" with very
little chance of revisiting the question/request later.
Being put on the spot is loosely defined as being pressured or
expected to make a decision quickly. Usually in a circumstance
where you might not want to "make a scene".
#Post#: 67974--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: QueenFaninCA Date: July 7, 2021, 12:20 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2096.msg67898#msg67898
date=1625417769]
[quote]I don't think the bolded should even be an option. Sure,
it might be okay for just one person to be able to do that, but
what's the point of having a predetermined plated dinner if
anyone can decide on something different at the last minute.
[/quote]
Well, I think it's reasonable for the management to decide
whether they are prepared to provide an
individually-ordered-and-paid-for meal on the spot to a guest at
a catered wedding. If they knew they had some leftover and
already-paid-for dinners from the other function, they might be
very happy to charge him the full a la carte rate for something
they would otherwise have had to throw away! But I strongly
suspect that if this boor had been told 'Of course sir, we'll
serve you anything from our menu that you want, so long as you
pay full whack for it, because of course we'll have to throw
your turkey dinner that the hosts have paid for into the bin',
he would have suddenly found that he was in the mood for turkey
after all.
[/quote]
Absolutely not! What if a nuber of guests see this and now also
want a steak. Don't open the floodgates.
#Post#: 67975--------------------------------------------------
Re: How Would You Have Handled This
By: chigger Date: July 7, 2021, 12:40 pm
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[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=2096.msg67974#msg67974
date=1625678450]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2096.msg67898#msg67898
date=1625417769]
[quote]I don't think the bolded should even be an option. Sure,
it might be okay for just one person to be able to do that, but
what's the point of having a predetermined plated dinner if
anyone can decide on something different at the last minute.
[/quote]
Well, I think it's reasonable for the management to decide
whether they are prepared to provide an
individually-ordered-and-paid-for meal on the spot to a guest at
a catered wedding. If they knew they had some leftover and
already-paid-for dinners from the other function, they might be
very happy to charge him the full a la carte rate for something
they would otherwise have had to throw away! But I strongly
suspect that if this boor had been told 'Of course sir, we'll
serve you anything from our menu that you want, so long as you
pay full whack for it, because of course we'll have to throw
your turkey dinner that the hosts have paid for into the bin',
he would have suddenly found that he was in the mood for turkey
after all.
[/quote]
Absolutely not! What if a nuber of guests see this and now also
want a steak. Don't open the floodgates.
[/quote]
The correct response from the server is "Sir, this is the meal
the Bride and Groom ordered." Nothing more, nothing less.
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