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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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Return to: Weddings
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#Post#: 57922--------------------------------------------------
LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: Hmmm Date: September 24, 2020, 8:34 am
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LW and her mom sent a gift for a wedding after they received the
STD card. Wedding was changed from a big affair to backyard with
a few in attendance. LW is suggesting the couple should return
the gifts.
https://www.uexpress.com/ask-someone-elses-mom/2020/9/24/covid-caused-wedding-c…
Scrolling through the comments I didn't see where anyone agreed
with the LW. But does anyone here support the LW's position?
#Post#: 57927--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 24, 2020, 10:37 am
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The wedding happened. It wasn't the grand scale they were
planning, but that was through no fault of their own. People
seem to forget that the entire point of having a wedding is to
enter into a marriage. If the wedding had not taken place at
all the HC would have to return gifts.
#Post#: 57932--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: Lilipons Date: September 24, 2020, 11:00 am
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I agree with BeagleMommy. The Wedding ceremony is not the
culmination of anything. It�s simply a public recognition that
a marriage has begun.
Gifts for a Wedding are traditionally things that the couple
will be using in their married life. Heck, we have a few things
we received as Wedding gifts in 1983 that we still use several
times a week.
A truncated Wedding celebration due to health considerations
is, in my opinion, not a reason to return gifts.
#Post#: 57933--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2020, 11:03 am
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Yes, the wedding gift should really be called a marriage gift.
The reason you give a gift if you're invited to the wedding is
that the invitation is a message that says: "You are so
important to us that we want you to be at our wedding."
THAT message is why you give a gift, in order to send the
message back: "You are so important enough to us that we want to
mark your major life event with a token of love and support."
None of those messages were negated here, ESPECIALLY since the
change in invitations was due to a highly infectious disease
that like to use weddings as a particular jumping off point.
Just as an invitation is not an invoice, neither is a gift a
ticket.
#Post#: 57941--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: violinp Date: September 24, 2020, 11:33 am
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The LW is being selfish and petulant. The HC didn't have much
control of what amount of people could be in the facility during
a *pandemic.* Insisting a gift be returned because you weren't
able to attend through nobody's fault is, IMHO, very childish.
#Post#: 57942--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: NFPwife Date: September 24, 2020, 11:49 am
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Expecting the gift back is very, very childish. This couple had
to downscale their wedding, likely lost a deposit or two, and
probably had to cancel their honeymoon (or at least modify it a
lot). I'd be more inclined to send them a little something extra
than ask for the gift back. My thinking is, "They've been
through so much."
If the couple has a reception or large gathering to celebrate
the wedding later, the LW and her mother wouldn't need to gift
for that occasion.
I can't believe, in the middle of a global pandemic, that the LW
can't have a little empathy for this couple.
#Post#: 57947--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: Luci Date: September 24, 2020, 12:40 pm
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Along with the first line of the answer, the gift is a gift to
the couple for their marriage, not a fee for a party.
#Post#: 57959--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: Rose Red Date: September 24, 2020, 1:34 pm
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[quote author=Luci link=topic=1869.msg57947#msg57947
date=1600969226]
Along with the first line of the answer, the gift is a gift to
the couple for their marriage, not a fee for a party.
[/quote]
Even before clicking on the link, my first thought was they are
acting like gifts are tickets to a concert and now they are
asking for a refund because the show got canceled.
#Post#: 57969--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2020, 2:08 pm
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oh, man--I'm so bummed out by the name of that column: Ask
Someone Else's Mom
i wanted to start a one-person peaking agency to talk to
middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and college students about
life and advice, and I was going to call it Someone Else's Mom.
#Post#: 57979--------------------------------------------------
Re: LW wants gift returned because of Covid wedding change
By: Gellchom Date: September 24, 2020, 3:46 pm
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I absolutely agree that the guests would be way out of line to
expect or ask for gifts to be returned. And I also think that
the HC has no duty at all to return gifts.
It might be an especially classy touch to make a nice donation
to charity (I don't mean a substantial fraction of the gifts
they received, just a meaningful gift) of some of the money they
would have spent on a reception in honor of their
would-have-been guests that they had hoped to entertain. (This
would counter any unkind thoughts of "Well, they saved a bundle,
but we're still out a bigger gift than we would have given if we
weren't planning on attending a wedding," if most of the gifts
were cash gifts in a cover-your-plate social circle! :)) ) It
certainly isn't required, or anywhere near required, but I know
I would be really impressed with a couple that did that.
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