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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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Return to: Weddings
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#Post#: 49659--------------------------------------------------
When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's Dinn
er
By: holly firestorm Date: April 4, 2020, 9:16 pm
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My BFF is getting married and has invited me to be the Maid of
Honor. She and her groom want everyone (<100 guests, I think)
to join them for dinner at the hotel afterwards, but, cannot
afford to pay for everyone's dinner. As the MOH, she asked me
to find a good way to word the invitations so that this is
clear...in a nice way, of course. I would appreciate any
suggestions anyone has on this.
#Post#: 49660--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: gramma dishes Date: April 4, 2020, 9:18 pm
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I'm not sure I'm understanding what your friend wants. Is she
wanting the guests to essentially pay for the reception?
#Post#: 49661--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: NyaChan Date: April 4, 2020, 9:35 pm
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I�m not sure there is a polite way to word this because it is in
my opinion inherently rude to ask your wedding guests to pay for
your reception. If they can�t afford to host people at that
restaurant, they should plan a different party that they can
afford.
#Post#: 49665--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Wanaca Date: April 4, 2020, 10:16 pm
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It's rude and there's no way to make it sound polite. They
can't "host" a reception and expect their guests to foot the
bill for them.
Why don't they simply have something that they can afford?
Something like a cake and punch reception not during a meal
time?
#Post#: 49666--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Pattycake Date: April 4, 2020, 10:23 pm
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They need to either reduce the guest list to how many they can
pay for, or change the reception to something they can afford
for that many. There is no way to politely ask your guests to
pay, for then they are no longer guests.
#Post#: 49667--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Rho Date: April 4, 2020, 11:19 pm
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" She and her groom want everyone (<100 guests, I think) to join
them for dinner at the hotel afterwards, but, cannot afford to
pay for everyone's dinner. "
So who will end up doing the dishes to pay for the meal?
Bride wants <100 friends to join her but she will be an
organizer of a get-together not a hostess.
Hey Diane, would you and Jack like to join a group of us next
Wednesday afternoon after Rex and I are married?
I don't envy you being tasked to politely word this situation.
#Post#: 49673--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: holly firestorm Date: April 5, 2020, 1:33 am
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Apparently, according to the information I have attached, this
is actually a very controversial subject:
https://sendomatic.com/blog/invitation-wording-guests-pay-no-host-dutch/
#Post#: 49675--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Aleko Date: April 5, 2020, 2:06 am
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[quote]Apparently, according to the information I have attached,
this is actually a very controversial subject:
https://sendomatic.com/blog/invitation-wording-guests-pay-no-host-dutch/[/quote]
I read that blog and the comments, and I must say that I found
the general tone of the 'yes, of course it's OK to make people
pay their way' camp repellent. The consensus seemed to be 'Huh!
If these people love you they should be happy to pay for
whatever expensive dinner you have selected! If they don't want
to pay for their travel expenses, hotel, the gift AND their
dinner, they should just stay at home (but they should pony up
for a gift anyway)'. As for the suggestion one person made that
'I think one reason people ask guests to pay is sometimes to
limit the number of attendees' - well, I don't want to celebrate
anything with anyone who sends out invitations on that basis.
I'm with everyone who says she should either cut the guest list
(how many people have a hundred friends and family who they
really love and who love them, anyway?) or cut the costs of the
meal, either by choosing a less glitzy venue or making it just
tea-and-cake or canapes-and-drinks. Or book a cheaper honeymoon.
#Post#: 49677--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Dazi Date: April 5, 2020, 5:27 am
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There is absolutely zero way to make that request polite, simply
because it's not.
If that means your BFF only has the bride, groom, and attendants
at dinner because that's all they can afford, then that's
everyone that gets invited. If they decide to elope and have a
backyard BBQ, then that's what they do. They need to have the
wedding and reception they can afford. PERIOD.
#Post#: 49681--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Rose Red Date: April 5, 2020, 7:30 am
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I'm not one follow etiquette to the letter of the law, but even
I'm appalled.
If they can't afford a fancy reception, get married with their
immediate family present and then invite guests to their home
for a meal later. My cousin had Chinese food catered. Another
friend had Italian pastas and salads from a local joint. A
coworker planned sub sandwich platters and fried chicken. One
does not need $50-100.00 a plate weddings at a hotel. Even
cheese and crackers and cake is better than what they are
planning.
The point is that it's rude to ask guests to pay. Do they expect
wedding gifts too?!
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