* * * * *

  “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
 sideways—Chardonnay in one hand—Chocolate in the other—body thoroughly used
         up, totally worn out and screaming, ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride!’”

My friend Kurt is finally tying the knot tomorrow and of course that can't
pass without a bachelor party!

His brother Erik planned a full day of activities and those of us that can
take off work, have done so. The first stop on today's debauchery was the
Bass Pro Shop [1] for a little archery.

[Behold the mighty hunting range] [2]


The place is huge. The store itself must be several acres in size and it
includes both an indoor shooting range and indoor archery range. I was
running a bit late and once I arrived in the store, I had to call Kurt for
directions to the archery range (on the second floor, no less!). There I met
Kurt, the groom-to-be, Erik, Rich, Kurt's brother-in-law-to-be, Keith and
Mike.

[The groom-to-be taking aim] [3]


We had fun. The various animal targets (an alligator, bear, a wild boar, a
few bucks) are on hydraulic lifts and can be raised or lowered by an
operator. Given that I haven't shot an arrow since 8^th grade, the bows were
remarkably easy to use and we were all mostly able to hit (or just graze) the
various tagets.

Gregory arrived just as we were leaving the Bass Pro Shop (he could only get
a half-day off from work) for lunch. After a brief discussion, we decided to
head to Ernie's Bar B Ques and Lounge [4] (formerly known as “Dirty
Ernie's”).

[Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways—Chardonnay in one hand—Chocolate in the other—body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO, What a Ride!”] [5]


The story, as told by Kurt, is that Ernie opened up the place and covered the
walls with his sayings on how to live life and whatnot (thus the former name—
“Dirty Ernie's”). After a few years of running the place, he apparently got
bored, up and left for parts unknown, without even selling the place.

Interesting character.

And good food. And drinks.

Mike warned Kurt that if he passed out tonight, Mike would make sure Kurt
ended up with a permanent reminder of the night. It was my idea to make said
reminder a tramp stamp [6]. Mike wanted to make it a butterfly, I was leaning
more towards My Little Pony [7], but we still had time to decide.

A few hours later, we arrived at Old Heidelberg [8] for dinner. As this was
later in the evening, this meant more friends, and we had the entire back
room to ourselves, and two waiters (two friendly fellows by the name of Jeff
and Leo). Joining us were Kurt's two other brothers, Neal and Kyle, Russ (who
spent the day driving from Tampa [9]), Keener (who spend the day driving from
Blountstown, Florida [10], an even longer drive), Jeff [11] and two other
friends of Kurt whose names I didn't catch.

[You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy] [12]


For the most part, the food was excellent and the deserts—oh—to die for (the
Black Forrest Cake I had was indescribably good). After a few hours of dinner
and conversation the group headed out to downtown Ft. Lauderdale [13] for a
round of bar hopping, but on the way, the evening was having its affect on
Kurt and we ended up making several stops on the Bathroom Tour of Ft.
Lauderdale™.

We did hit a couple of bars before Kurt felt the need to visit a “gentleman's
club.” And while Ft. Lauderdale isn't Lost Wages [14], what happened there
shall remain there. I will, however, make two comments about the “gentleman's
club” we visitied:

 1. there were TV (Television) screens mounted everywhere and occasionally
    they would flash “Feel Free To Use Your Credit Card” and “We Have An ATM
    (Automated Teller Machine)” (and as Dave Barry [15] says, “I am not
    making this up”);
 2. the music was loud. No, I **ba-da boom boom boom boom**mean**Ba-Da Boom
    Boom Boom Boom**really**BA-DA BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM**loud**BA-DA BOOM BOOM
    BOOM BOOM**and**BA-DA BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM**ob …**BA-DA BOOM**… nox
    …**BOOM**… ious …**BOOM**I MEAN SO LOUD THERE WAS A STIFF WIND BLOWING
    THROUGHT THE PLACE!**BOOM**WHAT?

Fortunately for Kurt, he never did pass out (then again, how could anyone
pass out with music that loud?). Unfortunately for us, we couldn't give him
his tramp stamp.

[1] http://www.basspro.com/
[2] gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2010/01/15/archery-range.jpg
[3] gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2010/01/15/kurt-archery.jpg
[4] http://www.activediner.com/Ernies-Bar-B-Ques-And-Lounge/restaurant/Fort-Lauderdale/FL/US/profile/163167
[5] gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2010/01/15/saying.jpg
[6] http://images.google.com/images?q=tramp%20stamp
[7] http://www.hasbro.com/mylittlepony/en_US/
[8] http://www.oldheidelbergdeli.com/restaurant.html
[9] http://www.tampagov.net/
[10] http://www.blountstown.org/
[11] http://spinthecat.blogspot.com/
[12] gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2010/01/15/heidelberg.jpg
[13] http://ci.ftlaud.fl.us/
[14] http://www.visitlasvegas.com/
[15] http://www.davebarry.com/

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