* * * * *

            “Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam” (aka “The Turkish Star Wars”)

I'm 10 minutes into watching “Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam [1]” and I'm speechless.
In said ten minutes, we get about four minutes of, dare I say it, stock “Star
Wars [2]” footage (which amazingly enough, looks like stock footage taken in
the 50s by the United States government) and minutes of exposition whereby we
learn that the Earth has been blown up a few times, but still survives in
pieces and that there's an enemy force out there trying to destroy the rest
of humanity.

Then, using … um … stock “Star Wars” footage intercut and projected behind …
um … native footage, we get this horribly confusing space battle where the
good guys are flying around in Tie fighters and Star Destroyers (with the
Death Star playing the part of “The Earth”) fighting the bad guys in Rebel
transports, X-wing fighters and the Millenium Falcon.

I think.

It's all horribly confusing. And it seems that the two fighter pilots
engaging the enemy are finally defeated, yet the bad guys lost because of a
“brain shield” around the Earth.

I think.

I don't speak Turkish and the subtitles are a very amusing bit of.

Engrish [3].

Where translation some of is off another screen.

placed.

“Plan 9 From Outer Space [4],” for all it's continuity errors and cheap sets,
is more coherent than “Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam.” Wierder still, my impression
of the opening ten minutes don't quite match this impression of the film [5],
but that's okay—it's Turkish translated into Engrish of a film that is
seriously infringing upon copyright law.

Huh … had I watched the film for another 30 seconds, I would have seen our
two intrepid fighter pilots weren't killed, but instead crashed on a desert
planet. And frankly, I think the film would have been better served starting
here than with the horribly confusing ten minutes of rear projected stock
“Star Wars” footage.

Two more minutes, and at least they had the foresight (or the budget) to use
a real desert wasteland than the rock quarries of Dr. Who [6]. And man, the
dialog alone is great (I know the two characters are Murat and Ali, although
I'm not sure which one is actually which, so I'm arbitarily picking here):

Murat: We must know where we are. Otherwise here we may die in a famine and
      thirst.
Ali: I am tired like a dead. Let's rest a while.
Murat: This is what they want. Once we drop down we are done.
Ali: Would you condemn me if I tell you that I'm affraid [sic]?
Murat: Be afraid but don't show it.
Ali: Why?
Murat: Maybe we crashed on a planet inhabited only by women. They could be
      testing us to check which of us
Murat: is more courageous.
Ali: Then I take the lead.
Murat: But don't forget to inflate your chest.

(That's not all you better inflate. Thank you! I'll be here all week! Try the
veal! Don't forget to tip your waiter)

Man … bad cinema … no, scratch that … bad foreign cinema!

Pass the popcorn.

[1] http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-7069307816427160377&hl=en
[2] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076759/
[3] http://engrish.com/
[4] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/
[5] http://www.monstershack.net/reviews/full/tsw.php
[6] http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BBCQuarry

Email author at [email protected]