* * * * *

       “If you are having problems with your email, please email us … ”

Still trying to resolve the email issue [1]. I sent email to
[email protected] and [email protected] and this is what I got
back:

> **From:** <[email protected]>
>  **To:** <XXXXXXXXXXXX
>  **Subject:** Re: Deblock our customer's email server please
>  **Date:** Thu, 29 Sep 2005 14:25:17 -0500
>
> Dear Sir or Madam:
>
> This is an AUTO-REPLY to acknowledge that your mail to the Abuse Department
> of The Monopolistic Phone Company Internet Services has been received and
> to provide some information on our abuse policies and procedures. Please DO
> NOT REPLY to this message.
>
> The Monopolistic Phone Company Internet Services does not allow or condone
> any abuse of our Acceptable Use Policies, and we maintain a “zero
> tolerance” policy towards spam and network abuse of any kind. Because we
> take your complaints seriously …
>

Blah blah blah … okay. Scan past the broiler plate:

> Block List issues:
>

Okay, here we go …

> * If you are a Monopolistic Phone Company subscriber and have been listed
>   on a block list, please send an email with the following information to
>   [email protected] : your name, email address, who is blocking you and
>   your contact information. Please put the following in the subject line
>   “Block Request Removal Assistance”, and we will assist you with this
>   matter.
>

Okay, that's not me. Reading further:

> * If you are not a Monopolistic Phone Company subscriber and you believe
>   that The Monopolistic Phone Company Internet Services is blocking your
>   email, please contact your ISP (Internet Service Provider).
>

Yes! Okay! Only … **I'm the bloody ISP!** What do I do?

> Hacking Complaints:
>
> If you are reporting "hacking" or scans/probes by a Monopolistic Phone
> Copmany Internet Services subscriber that your firewall is detecting, we
> need the following …
>

Aaaaaaah! There's no information for the ISP!

Sigh.

> Thank you for taking the time to submit your report to the Abuse Team.
>

XXXXXXX!

[1] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2005/09/26.1

Email author at [email protected]