* * * * *

                        Calls from the Help(less) desk

[insert long and loud primal scream here]

[It's so long and loud you have to wonder how I am capable of sustaining it
for so long with passin—

—oh sorry, I passed out there for a second.]

I just received a call from a gentleman who wishes to host his site with us.
Dispite the fact that I am not in sales (and therefore have no real idea what
we charge or even what we offer) and since he's not our customer yet (so I'm
not supposed to answer technical questions) I was still on the phone for over
half an hour with him, answering both sales like questions (“Well yes, you
could get a dedicated server if you want”) and technical questions (“No no
no, SQL (Standardized Query Language) is a database query language, MySQL [1]
is an implementation of SQL, like Oracle [2] is an implementation of SQL”)
and critiquing his site (“Well, the links are images so that increases the
download time, especially to dial-up users”).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

**HELP** I hastily wrote to my fellow cow-orker.

Get name & number and have C call them, my fellow cow-orker wrote back.

Took another fifteen minutes to get him off the phone.

It's not that the questions where stupid (well, frankly, they were; some
didn't even make sense) but that the gentleman had no concept of how database
driven sites work (and I suspect, he has no idea how websites work, or even
how computers work, but then again, I'm applying my knowledge of how
computers work against his knowledge and there's just no comparison—much like
his knowledge of commercial real estate doesn't compare to mine). It's
frustrating trying to explain the difference between SQL and MySQL and that
no, SQL and ASP (Active Server Pages) are not the same thing, much less
compatible, but that you can embed SQL within ASP (and you are either going
“Of course!” or “What is this gibberish?”—sigh) while at the same time trying
to get him off the phone without seeming rude and potentially loosing a sale
(since without customers, there is no job—sucks but that's “Reality 101” as
Dad would say).

Thankfully, this gentleman was no JL (a customer I had to deal with a few
years ago where the Company slapped a restraining order on him to keep him
away from the office. JL was truely a customer that had (literally) forgotten
to take his medication. It got so bad I was willing to pay to have him fired
as a customer).

Okay, I'm feeling better now.

[1] http://www.mysql.com/
[2] http://www.oracle.com/

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