* * * * *

                   I love the smell of spam in the morning.

> **From:** [email protected] [1]
>  **To:** [email protected] [2]
>  **Subject:** Client Referral
>  **Date:** Wed, 18 Aug 2004 07:52:30 -0500
>
> Dear Customer,
>
> Be the very first listing in the top search engines immediately.
>
> Our company will now place any business with a qualified website
> permanently at the top of the major search engines guaranteed never to
> move. This promotion includes unlimited traffic and is not going to last
> long. If you are interested in being guaranteed first position in the top
> search engines at a promotional fee, please contact us promptly to find out
> if you qualify via email at [email protected] [3] This is not pay per
> click.
>
> The following are examples on Yahoo!, MSN and Alta Vista:
>
> Company: Eco Summer
>  URL: http://www.ecosummer.com/trips.html
>  keyword: adventure travel vacation
>
> Company: Dana Hursey Photography
>  URL: http://www.hursey.com
>  keyword: location photographer
>
> Company: Oahu Dive Center
>  URL: http://oahudivecenter.com
>  keyword: oahu scuba diving
>
> Sincerely,
>
> IGN
>
> The Search Engine Promotional Consultants
>

This is an interesting piece of spam.

The wording they use is rather peculiar—“permanently at the top of the major
search engines guaranteed never to move.” A quick reading of that lead me to
believe they would make sure your website would always come back in the top
position for a given query forever and that the result position for your
website would never move down (or conversely, up either). But the placement
of “guaranteed never to move” could modify “major search engines.”

“But your Honor, we never said search engine placement would never move. All
we guaranteed was that the search engines themselves would never move. And
have they moved? Nay, I say! Nay!”

I also like how they imply they were responsible for Eco Summer getting top
placement at Yahoo [4] (but not at MSN (Microsoft Network) [5] at the time of
this writing) but again, the weasel words allow out.

“But your Honor, they were but examples as it clearly states in the email. We
never said they were customers of ours.”

I do hope that [email protected] [6] doesn't mind my interpretation of his
email. I also hope he doesn't mind all the wonderful offers (“3xp@nd ur
mortg@ge by 3 !nche5!”) he'll start receiving at [email protected] [7] as
his email address is scrapped from this webpage.

[1] mailto:[email protected]
[2] mailto:[email protected]
[3] mailto:[email protected]
[4] http://www.yahoo.com/
[5] http://www.msn.com/
[6] mailto:[email protected]
[7] mailto:[email protected]

Email author at [email protected]