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     Nothing out of the ordinary should ever happen to you at a Wal★Mart

I met up with Kelly [1] and his friend N for dinner tonight; normally I'd be
going to play D&D (Dungeons And Dragons) but the DM (Dungeon Master) is
currently on a cruise ship in the Alaskan region (I told him he was not
allowed to go, but did he listen to me? Noooooooo!). Afterwards, we found
ourselves at the local Wal★Mart Supercenter [2]; N needed some school
supplies and Kelly wanted to do a bit of grocery shopping.

This is a Wal★Mart—middle America! Squeezing out Mom-&Pop shops left and
right America! Safe, mediocre, predictable America! Nothing out of the
ordinary should ever happen to you at a Wal★Mart.

Imagine my surprise at being surprised—thrice—at Wal★Mart.

Now, upon entering the Wal★Mart, we passed a stand of fliers. When I looked
closer, the fliers were school supplies of the various elementary schools in
the area. I had never seen such a display before! So I grabbed about half a
dozen, one from a different school. Upon reading I was completely blown away.

Park Springs Elementary [3], for instance, requires of its first graders one
(1) disposable camera, one (1) box of gallon Ziploc™ bags, and one (1) box of
tissues—but only if your last name begins with “A” through “L” (a disposable
camera? Excuse me?), otherwise one (1) box of tissues, one (1) box of
sandwich Ziploc™ bags, one (1) box of colored pencils and cotton balls
(cotton balls?). Second grade at said school requires one (1) skein of yarn,
one (1) box of 7 oz. paper cups, one (1) pack of large size paper plates (but
only if your last name begins with “A” through “F” … um … this is second
grade, right?) one (1) pack of small size paper plates, two (2) boxes
sandwich size Ziploc™ bags, one (1) box assorted plastic utensils (only if
your last name begings with “G” through “K” and now I'm starting to get
scared), one (1) box large Ziploc™ bags, napkins and one (1) box of baby
wipes.

Okay, that's it! Baby wipes? Plastic utensils? Cups? What is this, the
students have to cook their own lunches? Nowhere on the Park Springs
Elementary school second grade supply flier does it even mention pencils,
pens or paper (oh wait … sorry, it does mention paper, but that's optional).
Writing utensils aren't mandatory until third grade. Forest Hills Elementary
[4] is a bit better—first graders get to bring two (2) expo markers.

Then again, at Forest Hills Elementary, first grade girls have to bring one
(1) box of gallon size Ziploc™ bags.

Um …

It was at this point the second surprise walked up. He stops, looks at me and
says, “Are you Sean? Sean Conner?”

My reputation has really preceeded me, was my first thought. How does this
guy know me? I then notice that he does, indeed, look familiar. Hold on a
second! I thought. I KNOW THIS GUY! “Hold on,” I said. Thought. Heavy
thinking. I was just thinking about this guy about a month ago or so. “Dave!”

“Nope!”

“Dale!”

“Yup,” he said.

“But I can't remember your last name,” I said. He says it, and yes, it
finally clicks. Someone I had not seen for easily twenty years. He even
mentioned that he had thought of me in the past week. Brief introductions go
around, and we chat for a few seconds. He asks what I'm up to and when I say
I'm underemployed I get my third surprise of the evening.

A job offer.

Granted, it's for a parts driver for a local dealership, but hey, I might be
intrigued enough to take it. He gives me his number and we part ways.

This is Wal★Mart! Not a middle-school reunion! Or a job faire!

And what is with first grade girls having to obtain a box of gallon size
Ziploc™ bags?

[1] http://www.asperwood.net/
[2] http://www.walmart.com/
[3] http://www.broward.k12.fl.us/parkspringsele/
[4] http://www.browardschools.com/schoolsplash1/schoolsplash.asp?infoid=2631

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