* * * * *

                  The Very Expensive Dog … only it's a cat.

Unlike last time, [1] I was awaken to the sound of someone pounding on the
door. Rob [2] had answered it by the time I got out there, and on thought of
what happened, I should have just let him answer the door.

“Is Paula Conner around?” asked the postal carrier.

“She is no longer living,” said Rob. Long story short—Mom died a few years
ago and I've been rather lax about updating everything that was in her name.
Already, this isn't sounding good.

“Oh,” said the postal carrier, looking a bit lost at the news.

“I'm here,” I said, surprising Rob a bit. “I can sign for it.”

“I have a certified letter. If you can sigh here,” the postal carrier said,
handing me a pen and a form to sign. “And here.” More signage. “Thank you.”

“This doesn't look good,” I said, opening the certified letter. [3]

“It almost never is,” said Rob.

> January 16, 2002
>
> Ms. Paula Conner
>  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>
> RE: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX
>
> Dear Ms. Conner:
>
> It has been brought to my attention that there is a dog being kept in your
> apartment.
>
> This is a violation of the Rules & Regulations of the Documents of
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
>
> You will be subject to a $100.00 per day fine (maximum $1,000.00), unless
> you get rid of the dog upon your receipt of this notification.
>
> Govern yourself accordingly.
>
> Very truly yours,
>
> [signature]
>
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>  Property Manager
>  For the Board of Directors
>
> XXXXX
>
> Cc: Board of Directors
>

They have got to be kidding!

Obligatory Condo Commando Clashes

* “The politics are so fierce precisely because the stakes are so low.” [4]
* Associations are eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil! [5]
* Rule 5. [6]
* The ruling jaunta strikes again [7]
* “We're Condo Commandos! We have no life!” [8]
* Moving vans [9]
* So what else is new? [10]
* Little silver mail boxes [11]


First off, this is a condo not an apartment (unless they pulled a fast one
over on my Mom and we don't even own this volume of space, which, truth be
told, given the number of rules and regulations around here, I doubt I can
even do anything with it but I'm digressing here). Second, we have a cat, not
a dog.

And $100.00 per day?

And of course I get it on a Friday so they'll be out of the office and I
won't get a hold of them until Monday so by then I'll owe about $300 to $400
in fines.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

So I dig out the **RULES AND REGULATIONS OF THE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX** and check:

>   1. Pets belonging to Unit Owners who have signed a pet permission
>      agreement and which have been approved by the Association will be
>      allowed within the Condominuim Property subject to the following
>      restrictions:
>   1.   1. No animal other than household, domestic animals (dogs, cats,
>           small birds) shall be permitted upon the Condominium Property at
>           any time.
>   1.   2. No animal may be kept, bred or maintained for any commercial
>           purpose.
>   1.   3. No animal weighing in excess of twenty (20) pounds may be brought
>           or kept upon the Condominium Property.
>   1.   4. Each animal brought or kept upon the Condominium Property shall
>           be at all times under the control of the Owner.
>   1.   5. Each Owner shall promptly remove and properly dispose of all
>           waste matter deposited by his animal upon the Condominium
>           Property.
>   1.   6. No animal shall be allowed to constitute a nuisance.
>   1.   7. No pet which dies or is disposed of may be replaced. It is the
>           intent of this rule that there be no pets permitted on the
>           Condominium Property which were not initially approved by the
>           Developer.
>
>

“Looks like they got you,” said Rob.

“I don't know about that,” I said.

“I think so,” said Rob. “It's pretty clear to me.”

“But I don't have a dog. We have a cat,” I said. “Perhaps I should call back
and say we have no dog here.”

“That will only buy you a few days.”

“Your probably right. I'll call and see if I can straiten this out.” I looked
over the rules and regulations a bit more, and found this:

>   1.  
>   1.   1. Before XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX, may
>           levy any fine as provided in its documents, the party against
>           whom the fine is sought to be levied shall be afforded an
>           opprotunity for hearing after reasonable notice of not less than
>           fourteen (14) days and said notice shall include:
>   1.   1.   1. A statement of the date time and place of the hearing.
>   1.   1.   2. A statement of the provisions of the declaration,
>                association by-laws, or association rules and regulations
>                which have allegedly been violated; and
>   1.   1.   3. A short and plain statement of the matters asserted by the
>                association.
>
>   1.   2. The party against whom the fine may be levied shall have an
>           opportunity to respond, to present evidence, and to provide
>           written and oral argument on all issues involved and shall have
>           an opportunity at the hearing to review, challenge and respond to
>           any material considered by the association.
>
>

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

They broke their own XXXXXXX rule! I had no notification of this what-so-
ever!

I called the representative who sent the letter. The representative wasn't
in, but I left a message, stating that I had no dog, but I did have a cat,
and that they were in violation of Rule 28 by not sending me notification and
what's up with that. Oh, and there's this Mercedes in a guest parking spot
that hasn't moved, is covered (which I thought was a no-no [12]) and it has
had a flat tire for months. So it has to be towed.

I feel bad about doing that, even given all the grief I've had over vehicles,
but I felt that if they were coming down on me, then I'm sure as Hell going
to start going down on other flagrant violations of the Rules and Regulations
around here.

Oh God! Am I turning into a Condo Commando?

Say it ain't so!

[1] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/12/24.1
[2] http://www.tragic-smurfs.com/
[3] gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2002/01/18/cert.letter.png
[4] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:1999/12/09.1
[5] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2000/04/25.2
[6] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2000/04/25.3
[7] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/07/11.4
[8] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/08/01.2
[9] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/08/06.2
[10] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/08/08.4
[11] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/12/13.2
[12] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2001/07/11.4

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