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sensory deprivation | |
March 16th, 2022 | |
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Today I spent an hour in a sensory deprivation tank for the first | |
time. My wife bought me a gift certificate to a local place that | |
has the tanks and some fancy chair massages, but with the COVID | |
situation as it was I was waiting to cash in. This week happens to | |
be light at work so the time finally felt right. | |
My appointment was at 11:30 and I managed to show up right on | |
time. The door was locked, oddly, so I knocked and was welcomed | |
inside by another American transplant. He runs the shop and said | |
he was just getting in and getting another visitor set up in the | |
next room. She was a very pregnant 20-something. I heard their | |
conversation and recommendations for comfort. The guy knew his | |
stuff. It turns out his wife is also quite far along in her | |
pregnancy, so they've been getting a lot of practice. | |
Once it was my turn I was led into a private room and given the | |
tour. Here is the shower for getting clean and rinsed before | |
entering the tank (just as is the custom at the pools in Iceland). | |
Here is a table with towels and a spray bottle. When you are in | |
the tank if you touch your face or rub your eyes, the salt water | |
will get all over you and it's impossible to clean off without | |
some help. Thus the spray bottle and the hand towel. And here are | |
a pair of earplugs. They're not really necessary for the sound, as | |
the room and tank are well insulated, but they do keep the salt | |
water from going deep in your ear canal. I was sure to put those | |
in right away. | |
Finally I met the tank itself. It was bigger than I expected, | |
which was a welcome relief. I was a little worried about feeling | |
claustrophobic, but this gave me room to stretch out nicely. It | |
was lit from within and looked clean and inviting with a little | |
motion to the water as the pumps did their thing. The lid opened | |
from the front, by the head, much like a car's trunk. You could | |
step in, squat down, and use the handle inside to pull the lid | |
closed above you. The owner of the shop recommended settling in | |
with the door ajar first, then closing it if comfortable. He said | |
leaving it open to the air might make you cold. | |
The lights and sound are on a timer. Everything dimmed quite low | |
and soothing spa sounds were barely audible in the background. | |
After I washed and got into the tank I quickly settled into | |
position and lowered the lid. The light faded first, about five | |
minutes in. Then the sounds faded out too, perhaps ten minutes | |
later. It was around this time I decided I was actually quite hot | |
with the lid closed, and the cool air would be welcome. I pushed | |
it open a foot or so, and found my happy temperature. The whole | |
room was blacked out at this point, so there was no functional | |
difference to the experience other than heat. | |
Now that I was alone with my thoughts it was game-on. I have, | |
thankfully, participated in a number of silent retreats in the | |
past. I think these have prepared me well for being alone and the | |
difficulties of quieting the mind. | |
I can remember my very first three-day silent retreat: I arrived | |
on a Friday evening and all the participants greeted each other | |
normally. We had dinner with conversation, getting to know one | |
another a bit. Silence began when the meal ended. We were to | |
remain in silence until the end of Mass on Sunday, at which time | |
we would have a lunch together with conversation again. That first | |
night my mind was on fire with cool ideas and things I wanted to | |
remember to say when silence ended. I wrote a huge amount of notes | |
in my Moleskine notebook. Saturday continued that way until the | |
early afternoon. I was walking in the garden and I found a single | |
leaf dangling about 10 feet below its tree, attached only from | |
a single strand of a spider's web. No spider was in sight but | |
I was enraptured. My whole attention went on that leaf and the | |
spider silk strand. In those minutes I forgot about my notebook | |
and remembering things for later. I finally started to let go of | |
my rapid-paced mental dialogue and just be present. And that's | |
when I finally met the silence, truly. | |
Once I found the silence it became an old friend. I try my best to | |
find it as quickly as I can on retreats now. I generally don't | |
take a notebook at all anymore, unless the retreat has some sort | |
of focused agenda to work on at specific times. Instead I try to | |
settle into that emptiness and just exist there. | |
A sensory deprivation tank is the perfect place to do that. | |
I dusted off an old trick I used on an 8 day retreat a few years | |
back: I thought about a book I want to write, and about a specific | |
character. I focused my attention on that character and what makes | |
her unique. What defines her, what part of her personality gets | |
her into trouble? And after just a couple minutes of that focused | |
thinking, not about anything that was bothering me, or about my | |
actual life, I felt my attention begin to wander. And so I let it | |
wander away from the book, and towards the silence. There it was. | |
The rest of the time passed quickly. The lights began to fade back | |
up, and there was the spa sounds again. In another minute they | |
were on in full and I knew it was time to get out, wash up, and | |
head home. Washing that much salt out of my hair took a while, but | |
there was no rush. I spoke some pleasantries with the owner on my | |
way out, but I was still carrying the silence with me. That's one | |
of my favorite parts of retreats as well. How long can I keep the | |
silence there with me, present underneath everything going on. | |
Sadly it seems the answer is roughly as long as I spent in silence | |
in the first place. One hour gets me one more. Three days get me | |
three more. Thirty days got me a bonus month. | |
I love the silence. I love the peace it brings, even when I'm back | |
in the thick of things. | |
I really enjoyed my time in the tank. I may do it again, but | |
probably not right away. They offer a monthly pass, but it doesn't | |
feel like the right fit, personally. Maybe once a quarter or twice | |
a year? It's a lovely ritual, though. If you have the opportunity | |
to try it out I would recommend it. Try to be at peace and let go. | |
It's surprisingly easy. |