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A Purpose in Life | |
December 18th, 2021 | |
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How do you find your purpose in life? That's a question that just | |
popped up on the Fediverse. I wanted to respond right away, but | |
I suspect my thoughts on the subject are going to expand beyond | |
a reasonable reply-toot. Let's explore the question together here! | |
First of all, the question was immediately followed by a sentiment | |
about searching for happiness, suggesting that a purpose in life | |
and being happy are related ideas, maybe even the same thing. It | |
may be the case that finding purpose leads to happiness, but | |
I would caution against drawing those parallels too soon, for as | |
you'll see, there's a possibility doing so may blind you to your | |
own possibilities. | |
In religious life we talk about finding ones purpose by using the | |
term "vocation." That word harkens back to Latin roots from the | |
idea of a "calling". Whether you are religious or not, I think the | |
term does a good job representing the idea that an individual may | |
be aligned well, or be well-suited to succeed at a certain | |
occupation or activity. If you believe in a higher power, you may | |
understand it as being meant to follow a path, or that you're led | |
to it. If not, it may just be something that naturally aligns with | |
your skills, morals, and sense of being. A vocation is a powerful | |
idea. | |
Which is cool and all, but how do you determine what YOU are meant | |
to do? Should you expect a big clear sign that says, "Dear | |
jackass, you should be a fire fighter. k thnx bye!" Even in | |
religious literature that sort of calling is super-rare. Instead | |
you should expect to have to go about it the hard way. That means | |
figuring things out on your own through exploration, testing, and | |
some deep introspection (and prayer if you're into that sort of | |
thing). | |
Where do you start? I'd recommend a simple list to get started: | |
- Needs of the world | |
- Your skills & gifts | |
- Your true desires | |
The needs of the world are wide and varied. Some are enormous | |
tasks, like fighting climate change. Others are smaller and more | |
local, like volunteering at a food pantry. Everywhere you look | |
there are people in need, animals in need, nature in need, | |
probably even charismatic rocks in need. Maybe you feel | |
a particular affinity toward one of these needs. Maybe you feel | |
like your abilities are well suited to address one of them. | |
Thinking about what you're good at or uniquely qualified to offer | |
is another angle for approaching your path. Do you like to work | |
with your hands? Are you personable? Do you love spreadsheets? Can | |
you juggle? It really doesn't matter what the skills are, there's | |
probably a place they can be applied. | |
And maybe it's neither of the above. Maybe there's something | |
stirring deep in your heart that sounds damned interesting. Is | |
there an idea that persists inside you, itching away in a little | |
voice? Is there a subtle yearning to try it, to do something new? | |
That may be a deep or true desire of your heart, or it may be | |
something else entirely. You'll need to learn how to test it. | |
All of these ideas above are a starting point, not an actual | |
answer. Once you have something that has sunk its hooks into you, | |
however tentatively, it's time to test that voice to make sure | |
it's coming from the right place. Once again in religious terms we | |
call this testing the spirits, and once again the principles apply | |
even if you are non-religious. | |
There are several techniques for testing a decision. Here's | |
a couple: | |
1. Imagine you are very old. You've reached the end of your days | |
on Earth. It's time to wrap it up any moment now. Here at the | |
end you've taken a moment to think back on your life that | |
you've lived. Think about that decision you made and imagine | |
how it played out. Do you feel proud of that? Does it give you | |
a sense of consolation to have done it or does it leave you | |
cold? | |
Now flip the script. Take some time to clear your head, then | |
imagine the exact same scenario, but imagine you chose | |
differently. How does that make you feel, looking back? | |
2. Test the spirit for its communion. Does this decision bring you | |
closer to the people you love? Does it bring you closer to the | |
community? Does it bring you closer to your faith? Does your | |
choice build up those around you or does it build up you | |
yourself? Think about those relationships that are important to | |
you and think about how the decision feels next to those | |
relationships. | |
One thing you'll notice here that we're not looking at is | |
happiness. Focusing on a decision that brings you joy can easily | |
mask the harm it's doing to those around you, to your | |
relationships with those you care about or your own spirituality. | |
Finding your path will hopefully bring you a sense of peace, which | |
then should bring happiness with it, but don't use it as a way to | |
test the spirits. It's too easy to be misled. | |
One other thing I want to mention is the freedom to give up your | |
own control. In most of the ideas above there's a sense that you | |
are choosing something for yourself based on some logical | |
criteria. If that's not resonating with you, or if it's not | |
drawing you to something strongly, you may want to try | |
surrendering yourself to a different sort of freedom. | |
Sometimes our own sense of control is blocking us from the | |
possibilities of what we can really accomplish. We think we are | |
good at X, so we do X. We can't imagine we'd be good at Y, so we | |
never try Y. Perhaps Y even scares us. We're not well equipped for | |
it. We don't have those skills. | |
By actively choosing something new that scares us, that we feel | |
unequipped to handle on our own, we have no choice but to | |
surrender to the task and hand over that control. We might say | |
that we put it in God's hands. We might say that we're leaving our | |
comfort zone. | |
Try this: When you're thinking about the needs of the world or | |
listening to those sneaky desires deep in your heart pay close | |
attention to anything that bubbles up that scares you. Working | |
with kids? Working in hospice care? Visiting the incarcerated? | |
Whatever it might be, if it seems impossible and frightening don't | |
dismiss it. Give some consideration to testing it out. Imagine | |
yourself on your death bed looking back on it. Give it some | |
freedom to be possible for a moment. | |
Finally I'd like to reassure you that there's not just one answer. | |
You're not called to do one and only one thing. You will be called | |
again and again. You can reinvent yourself. You can expand to be | |
more and do more. You can change, and you WILL change. Even right | |
now at this very moment. |