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a bottomless pit | |
May 16th, 2020 | |
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That's what it feels like right now, even with all the | |
preparation. I lost my dad tonight. About an hour ago, in fact. | |
I didn't get to say goodbye, but my sister did. I'm glad for that. | |
He's not suffering anymore, and neither is my mom. I'm glad for | |
that too. I'm glad I had time to prepare for it, to think on it | |
and test my emotions in the years leading up to this. I'm also | |
really glad for all the time I had with him. | |
It's just that after all of that gratitude and reason I eventually | |
hit a memory where he isn't my dad, but he is daddy and I'm eight | |
years old again and it is an unfathomable pit of despair that | |
opens around me knowing that he's gone and I can't ever hold him | |
or talk to him again. I'll carry that part until my own days are | |
up. | |
I won't want my son to feel this way. I'll want him to be happy | |
with his life and live it brilliantly. My dad surely wants the | |
same. I'm glad for that knowledge too. I just miss my daddy. |