| ---------------------------------------- | |
| a bottomless pit | |
| May 16th, 2020 | |
| ---------------------------------------- | |
| That's what it feels like right now, even with all the | |
| preparation. I lost my dad tonight. About an hour ago, in fact. | |
| I didn't get to say goodbye, but my sister did. I'm glad for that. | |
| He's not suffering anymore, and neither is my mom. I'm glad for | |
| that too. I'm glad I had time to prepare for it, to think on it | |
| and test my emotions in the years leading up to this. I'm also | |
| really glad for all the time I had with him. | |
| It's just that after all of that gratitude and reason I eventually | |
| hit a memory where he isn't my dad, but he is daddy and I'm eight | |
| years old again and it is an unfathomable pit of despair that | |
| opens around me knowing that he's gone and I can't ever hold him | |
| or talk to him again. I'll carry that part until my own days are | |
| up. | |
| I won't want my son to feel this way. I'll want him to be happy | |
| with his life and live it brilliantly. My dad surely wants the | |
| same. I'm glad for that knowledge too. I just miss my daddy. |