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	Chemistry
	March 19th, 2018
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	There's definitely something going on in my brain. I slipped off
	my good diet and have been eating like crap again the last couple
	weeks. On the one hand there's great pleasure in the moment while
	downing a patty melt, but I know the costs are so high on my body
	and my mind. How can I get myself to stop the cycle even when
	logic screams at me to do so and I ignore it?

	This latest attempt lasted about 3 months until I caved and
	started walking the dangerous edge with sugar and carbs. Then, as
	always happens, I had a bad day and let it all go.

	This weekend has been awful. I've felt terrible both in body and
	in my psyche. I have no care or love for the things I'm doing. My
	hobbies seem boring. My job is a chore that I'd walk away from if
	there was any way to do it financially. My mind goes to dark
	places and I feel alone.

	This is chemistry at work in my brain, or gut, or whatever. I know
	how the hormones lie. I see it clearly, but like the diet itself
	my logic can't seem to override the rest.

	Tommorow I'll go back on my diet, I can decide. That will fix it,
	and it surely will if I follow through. Why is there any effort
	needed? Why am I sitting here fearing that tomorrow I'll get up
	and make a bowl of cereal instead of bacon and eggs? Why, when
	I know with absolute certainty that everything in my life will be
	better as a result. I'll even be happier with the taste of it in
	the moment. What the hell is wrong with my brain when that's even
	in question?