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Chemistry | |
March 19th, 2018 | |
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There's definitely something going on in my brain. I slipped off | |
my good diet and have been eating like crap again the last couple | |
weeks. On the one hand there's great pleasure in the moment while | |
downing a patty melt, but I know the costs are so high on my body | |
and my mind. How can I get myself to stop the cycle even when | |
logic screams at me to do so and I ignore it? | |
This latest attempt lasted about 3 months until I caved and | |
started walking the dangerous edge with sugar and carbs. Then, as | |
always happens, I had a bad day and let it all go. | |
This weekend has been awful. I've felt terrible both in body and | |
in my psyche. I have no care or love for the things I'm doing. My | |
hobbies seem boring. My job is a chore that I'd walk away from if | |
there was any way to do it financially. My mind goes to dark | |
places and I feel alone. | |
This is chemistry at work in my brain, or gut, or whatever. I know | |
how the hormones lie. I see it clearly, but like the diet itself | |
my logic can't seem to override the rest. | |
Tommorow I'll go back on my diet, I can decide. That will fix it, | |
and it surely will if I follow through. Why is there any effort | |
needed? Why am I sitting here fearing that tomorrow I'll get up | |
and make a bowl of cereal instead of bacon and eggs? Why, when | |
I know with absolute certainty that everything in my life will be | |
better as a result. I'll even be happier with the taste of it in | |
the moment. What the hell is wrong with my brain when that's even | |
in question? |