In need of some quick cash? Your local bank has plenty of cash, and it can
be yours if you play your cards right. This file will present some ideas
you can put to good use during your next robbery.
Planning
---------
A lack of planning is the reason most bank robbers get caught. Stake out
the bank prior to the robbery. I would suggest you pick a bank that is not
in your neighborhood. After all, you wouldn't want to rob a bank you use
all the time! Find out the vital statistics including the time the bank
opens and closes, number of employees, number of tellers etc. Also map out
the interior of the bank and become familiar with the entrances and exits.
Use this information to plan an escape route. Make sure your escape route is
easily accessible.
Materials Needed
-----------------
You'll need several things to successfully rob the bank. Some of these
materials are briefly outlined below...
A handgun - I prefer a 45. Don't use this unless you have to.
A getaway car or vehicle - This is VERY important. Use a stolen car.
One good technique is to park your real car in a secluded place a few miles
away from the bank. After the robbery, drive your stolen car to the remote
location and switch vehicles. This way you won't get caught if/when the
police put out an APB on the car used in the robbery.
A disguise - Wear a mask or some other disguise to avoid being recognized. I
would also recommend that you wear clothes that you normally would not wear.
Rubber Gloves - The usage of these is self explanatory.
Bags - You'll need a bag(s) to put the money in. Preferably a big bag with
a money sign on it.
Fake/Real Bomb - This is not required but it will most likely prevent some
jack ass from acting like a hero. Use a fake bomb. You can just bring a
lunch box with wires sticking out of it and set it on the counter. Then whip
out your little brother's remote controlled car remote and shout "Don't
make me do it!" This will also buy you some time because the cops will have
to send in the bomb squad.
The Hit
-------
Now you're finally ready to rob the bank! Put on your gloves and disguise.
Casually walk into the bank. Withdraw your handgun and shout "This is a
stick up!" Next pull out the lunch box bomb and set it on the counter. Take
out your toy car remote and inform your audience that you can set off the
detonator at any time. Now it is time to get down to business! Locate the
prettiest teller. Hand her your bag and tell her to empty her cash drawer.
Walk her at gun point, to each cash drawer and watch her empty them out. If
you feel confident, have her go into the vault and empty that as well.
However, one of the bitches probably activated the silent alarm so you'll
have to move fast. Keep your eyes on everybody! NEVER attempt to empty the
drawers or vault yourself, have the tellers do everything. NEVER put yourself
into a position where someone can attack you.
Escape
------
Once you are handed the money, get out of there! Make a dash for the nearest
exit. Get in your car and drive away to safety. When you get home, crack
open a beer and relax. Congratulations! You have just robbed the bank.
Troubleshooting
----------------
If something goes wrong please DON'T PANIC! I would suggest you practice by
robbing restaurants and small stores before you hit a bank. Just use your
common sense.
Disclaimer and Contact Info
----------------------------
I wrote this file for ENTERTAINMENT only. If you use the above techniques
to rob a bank, I am not responsible if you get in trouble. At this point
I would usually include my email address but due to the nature of this
file, I am leaving it out.
