(Biafra.... He's more than just sheets)

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(Biafra.... He's more than just sheets)

ok. ummm abraxus has been bitching at me to write a vomit lately and well
i really didn't have much to say. He's always telling me to 'fix the damn
page' or 'write a vomit' or 'i don't need you'. Well these things have
taken a toll on my ego. Soooooo i'm getting depressed. maybe i'll kill
myself and write a vomit suicide note. Gee that would be pretty neato huh?
We could get on national tv. the 5:00 news or something. say..."Teen
commits suicide over Internet based magazine" gee that would make headlines
and make all parents scared to let little billy talk or read anything,
especially when they tell the part how i met abraxus over a computer, which
is kinda funny in its own little way.

Which leads me to something(what's this?? thoughts being funneled to a
common purpose in one amazingly witty issue of vomit by god.. it's amazing)
-that was a long thing inside those little round things that are round
[whose name i forgot] so i used the brackets[the square ones]. Soooo OUCH
my hand hurt just thought i'd let you all know. I have now lost my
thoughts of what i was channeling from the vomit gods. Oh yeah we've been
getting all sorts of lovely mail from people. Me personally, i only get 1
or 2 a week having anything to do with vomit that isn't forwarded to me as
an incentive to write something. Which finally leads me to my purpose:

-Thesis statemet please[sorta]-

Everybody i've met over a computer[in real life] has been normal for the
most part. Scary huh? You see all this stuff on the news[FORESHADOWING!!]
about how the 'internet' is all full of porno people and teenage rapists.
Well i'm none of the above and neither are you. i hope. please don't ruin
my ingorance and tell me you are either. basically the only person i met
who is a complete and total computer loser stereotype is our own beloved
vomit mascot Micheal Jerome V.[i don't know how to spell his last name]
[[gee i love these bracket thingys.... lets try []]][]][][]][]][][]][]][[.
ok all better now. now back to work:

i have met about 4 people over the computer. all of which are normal and
none of which weigh more than 180 pounds. i'm probably the skinniest of
all the computer type people i know. being the lanky hick wannabe that i
am standing 6'0 at 130lbs. thats pretty damn skinny. alas i don't care.
gee i like that word... maybe i could compile a list of all the vomit
readers to see how you guys compare and if you would be considered 'normal'
by The Vomit Weights & Measures Co. of the Greater Tri-State Area.
Henceforth i give you this form:
I might put this on a form on our web page later:

----------------Cut Here----And Paste it into mail-------------------------

Official Vomit Questionnaire

Name:
Age:
Sex:
Height:
Weight:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
E-Mail Adress:
Home Phone Number:
Home Address[for Vomit holiday giveaways]:
1.
2.
3.

--* Issues Read: Check Them.

1[ ] 2[ ] 3[ ] 4[ ] 5[ ] 6[ ] 7[ ] 8[ ] 9[ ] 10[ ] 11[X]

--* How did you hear about us?

--* How did you obtain your issue(s)?

--* Would you donate money for further research of cancer?

--* Would you be offended if we called you? What are the best ours to
reach you at?

--* What do you like about vomit?

--* Do you read any other Zines? What are their adresses etc etc.

--* Any other comments?

---------------------------------Other End-----------------------------------

Now snip that puppy out and mail it to [email protected] and with a subject of
Vomit User Poll #1. We will work our tails off(tee hee) to tabulate the
responses. They will be published in a later issue of Vomit!!! Yeah Yeah
an interactive zine. Now we can figure out the truth of the computer dork
stereotype. Although you have to be somewhat cool already to read this. You
can also submit any materials if you wish to work for us. And join the:
VOMIT UNION. yeaa.. beotch you'll be in a workers union. power to the
people. Maybe you could even send us a picture of you and your friends.
If your numbers don't do you justice. All of us being drop dead gorgeous of
course.[i know i am...] Maybe we'll have a HUGE vomit web page of our
readers and the info and a picture of them so we can be one big happy family
and make a vomit mafia. and take over the world.. well maybe not. but hell
you never know. ok thats enough go nuts on it and we'll all be happy
with jesus. thank you and good night

VOMIT Index
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vomit 1...............................................................Intro
Vomit 2.................................... Part 1 of "Quest of the K-rads"
Vomit 3........................................................Masturbation
Vomit 4..........................................................The Smurfs
Vomit 5...........................................Ozzy visits Sesame Street
Vomit 6........................................................John Is Dead
Vomit 7...........................................................My Sheets
Vomit 8........................Michael Jerome Vioreanu: A Study in Loserdom
Vomit 9.........................Tighty-whities & Useless trivia about Vomit
Vomit 10...........................A Guide To Annoying People In Chat Rooms
Vomit 11...........................................More of Biafra's Dribble
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This issue escaped our rigorous quality control system

VOMIT Information

You've eaten Vomit cereal. You're wearing Vomit Underoos. You've
guzzled the Vomit soft drink. Now visit the web page!

HTTP://www.gti.net/vomit

Hate us? Dislike us? Indifferent? We wanna know! Write us!

Write Abraxas: [email protected]
Write Biafra: [email protected]

Attention ASCII artists: For the love of God, please send us a new ASCII
of our name

Wanna join vomit? Send something you've written to Abraxas.
or me...