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�The �rotherhood of G�ds and �etards�
Presents:
"Making Life in the Mall Hell..."
I hate the mall. I hate it right to the core of my being, I hate the
annoying yuppee and preppie families wandering around in it, I hate the smell
that it emits, I hate almost everything about the mall...I am miserable when
I am in it so I have devised methods to make everyone else in there miserable
too...Have of this guide goes out to my friend �esse, who together we have made
the mall near my house a living hell...
Ok, malls are mostly boring and superficial places, that when realized of
their potential can be quite a bit of fun...Of course you will need some
materials before hand:Stink Bombs, I myself use ammonium sulfide brand, they
are quite a bit cheaper and easier to find. You can buy these in most magic
shops or joke shops, and I have even found some in Spencers. These little
babies can cause so much fun it's incredible, but you will need to realize
some things first:the smell ordinarily lasts only about a minute, but like
everything that can change. Ok, my favorite place to unleash these foul
little beuties is in the most expensive clothing store I can find...Go, try on
a pair of some jeans and why you are in the changing room bust one by stepping
on it or throwing it as hard as you can against a wall...next clear out of
there, and head across the isle...from their watch the people come flying out
of the dressing rooms, holding their noses and saying stuff like "Good god!"
These little tricks are fun to use in an arcade, nothing is quite as amusing
as watching the manager as all his customers leave...Other favorite target
places are in the elevator...now the trick to effective use of these is this:
It can only be within a fairly enclosed area so the smell doesn't drift off.
I use garbage which are highly effective, and in the two places I mentioned
above the smell tends to linger.
Now onto a new insturment of hell:gum. Gum can be used in the most interesting
of ways while you are in a mall..Like, smack some on the escalator...if it's
a big gob it will usually get caught near the bottom and stretched over three
or four steps before coming back around. It's also fun to smack some on pay
phones and coin slots, or just about anything else you can find...or here is
one of my absolute favorites...go back into that little hall near the mall
bathrooms, now if you are in a decent sized mall there should be a number of
doors that aren't bathrooms leading off from that hall...some are to stores
but some may be to important places...the one I always gob is the door that
says "Security Office"...it's a riot to see mall security have to call a lock
smith. Tampa Bay Center, one of the malls near where I live is quite a rich
mall, having a carasouel in it...I like to squish a gob on the something like
a pink pony, or something you know someone will probably sit on..It helps tho
if the gum's color corresponds with the rides color...i.e.banana on yellow
strawberry on red, etcetera. Gum and the like is sooo fun when placed in the
hands of hoodlum...
Next up, this trick you will need a mall with two stories...Most malls have
these cheap little booths setup for people who are too lazy to rent out a store.
These carts are victims in the waiting. Some of them sell foodstuffs, like
ice cream or yogurt, or some sell fudge...These are what you need to find,
and if you find one within good range you will need something that is absolutely
inedible...I usually use chili-powder for ammo when nothing else is available.
Crumble it up and wait...sometimes send a friend down below to question the
store owner and distract him and then drop it right in...now unless it's a
tofu stand someone usually comes along every couple minues so just wait for
someone to buy some...And try not to laugh when they get a taste of it...
The possibilites from a second floor are endless...Wait to find some guy and
his girlfriend having lunch below...Remember that gross substance? I'm sure
you can figure out the rest...
If you have balls, and have an awesome hate of preppies(I do) then this is
always fun to do a few weeks before school starts...Most preppies I have found
go to different stores for different stuph, like (ugh)the Gap for jeans and
(equally -ugh-)Merry Go 'Round for shirts, the point is by the time they have
made it from one end of the mall to the other they usually have tons of bags,
and stuff way to heavy to carry...So when they get to the store they drop the
bags off near the counter while they look around inside...now to get this trick
to work you need to walk in right beside them, and when they put the bags down
dump in a generous portion of something...I use ink or that slime that you
can buy from a gumball machine for a quarter...Be sure that no one sees you
or you could get in a shitload of trouble for it. This same tactic can also
be used at Footlocker, first walk around inconspicuously, and lift up a few
pair of shoes, look them over and out them back...now when you come to the
newest and hottest shoe that everyone is buying, when you lift it up and look
at it, deposit a gooey substance in it, but move it towards the front near the
toe...I have used gum and everything else for this...Well, that about raps it
up for now...I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed using the
methods...And if I make it in to �G� look forward to more hell to come...
