Dilithium here.. Well, times are tough and so are my
grandmother's pork chops. That is why I have resorted to
BABYSITTING (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!) as a means of income.
Now, Babysitting can be GREAT fun (After all, who else will pay
you to sit around, raid the guy's liquor cabinet and watch TV all
night?) not just for lounging, you lazy ass sloth, but for PHUN!!
Look, you know as well as I do that there is nothing better than
watching a small child grow up into a well-off Anarchist! It
makes me feel real fuzzy inside. Well, here is a GOOD way to get
off to a good start!
MOLECULE 1 - ROTTING THE CHILD'S MIND
This Molecule will deal with how *YOU* can get the child off to a
nice, warped start. First, Play a few games with the little
critter. Tired of endless matches of TV tag or Hide n' Seek? How
about RAPE PLAY! First, dress up a little dolly like Missy the
Love Slut. Then teach the kid to attack, rape and eventually put
a knife through the doll's chest. Teach him the art of
Strangulation, Anal sex, oral masturbation, and finally, doing
away with the doll with a Ginsu. After teaching him how to strip
the corpse and hanging the beaten, violated doll over the
stairwell, tell him bedtime stories about satan and fun stuff
like that. Tell him in order to live, he must sacrifice 1 (one)
stuffed animal each night to Zorgon the space god. Trust me, he
WILL do it! Next, teach him another good game, called "Make love to
Fluffy". Tell him that there is a secret treasure hidden up the
cat's ass, and he must find it with his tongue. Tell him to look
every night until he is eighteen. Again, he WILL do it! It'll
make his parents wonder why he keeps licking the cat's ass
whenever they walk into the room! Its fun watching him go to
therapy every day for no reason!
Also.. Teach the kid to Masturbate at an early age, and tell him
to go it often and in public places!
Another fun thing to do if to invite your girlfriend over and have sex
while the crit is upstairs.
MOLECULE 2 - INJURY!!
This is always fun! One thing to do is teach him how to play
HOUSE CAR! Grab a set out house keys and tell him that the house
is really a car, and to insert the keys in all of the little
'keyholes' throughout the house, namely the electricity
receptacles. Tell him to do it ONLY when the sun is shining
through the window. That way the paramedics have a better chance
of finding him! Another fun thing to do is to teach him how to
make "Fire Salad"!! Mix all sorts of things into a bowl that will
burn. For example, put paper in as the salad, cotton balls as
cherry tomatoes, styrofoam for croutons, etc. Then add the
'Dressing', namely Paint thinner or High-Octane gasoline. Toss,
Light & serve! Serves 8 and one Fire Dept. crew. Also.. Teach
him how to make a flamethrower out of a can or hairspray and a
match! Let him go wild burning everything from magazines to the
dog. But watch out! He may turn on you!
MOLECULE 3 - Crafts!
If all of this rape play and fire salad gets tiresome, why not
sit down at the kitchen table and make crafts!
Craft 1 - Cheque paper dolls
get the family cheque book down and teach junior how to play with
paper dolls! But instead of using paper use the cheques. See who
can make the longest one!
Craft 2 - Glue dolls
This is fun. Break out your private stash of Airplane glue and
give some to the little tyke. After you both are nice and high
try to trace the spots floating past your eyes with the glue. The
most creative one after you crash wins.
Craft 3 - Maxi-boats (w/ wings)
This is REALLY fun! Go upstairs and grab all of his mom's maxi
pads that you can see (Unused!) and make little boats out of
them. Save a few for Junior to show mommy and have toilet races
with the rest.
Craft 4 - Deck the halls
Go upstairs again and grab dad's aftershave. Tell him that its
holy water and he must spray all of the walls with it. Tell him
that if he doesn't demons from another street will eat him alive.
Fearing death, he will then proceed to sprinkle the walls with
the juice, making the house a nice drippy mess when his folks
come home, but won't the house smell real MANLY?
And I wonder why they never asked me back...
Well, thats about it for me. See you later!
But first..
Guile: Thanks for reading my stuff!
Myxzu: Thanks for letting a Lamer like me on your board!
Chromium: You are an asshole, just like in my .MODs!
Icepick: Thanks for telling me! L8r.
Micmastur: Where the hell are my Amps?
Marsher: The clutch on my car STILL slips! look at it!
