-AA-
In co-operation with
THE PLANET EARTH
and
NATURE AND ITS SPLENDOUR
Presents
FUN THINGS TO DO WITH CARS!
Presented by
THE STEADY EVOLUTION OF HOMO SAPIENS INTO TODAY'S MODERN MAN!
and
ANARCHISTS ANONYMOUS
This file was written by DiLiTHiUM
Who was at one time a tiny sperm in his dad's balls.
AND NOW....
ITS...
Me. Hi again. Welcome to my mind. Well, I'm bored again. So here
is another Text File on HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH CARS! you see, I was
out driving today and after I knocked over that old lady at the
Bus Stop on Kennedy & Vodden street I decided to share with you
those fun things that us as legal (And illegal) motorists can do
to brighten up our dreary lives. Well, here is the result of this
thought, and that broken hip. (Did I mention that after she fell
she got run over by a speeding 16 wheel truck? Oh.. Sorry.)
But first: some rules
Golden Rule 1: Do not do anything that will injure any innocent
bystanders. Do something that will KILL THEM.
Golden Rule 2: Do not damage your own ride while you are doing
these acts of Mischief.
Golden Rule 3: Do not do these things to any police vehicle,
unless you can get away without the cop seeing your licence
plates
Golden Rule 4: DO NOT DO ANY OF THESE TO JEEP YJs! I like Jeeps
and I would die if anything happened to them. YJ's RULE!
Ready? Get set.. READ!
LIMB 1 - FUN WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S CAR
1. The night before break in (I do not care how) and glue the
guy's clutch pedal to the floor. That way he can start the car
but he can't go anywhere. Why? Easy. The Clutch is a device in
the transmission that disconnects the Drive Shaft from the
wheels. That way the car (or the driver) can change gears without
ripping the shit out of the transmission. With the Clutch Pedal
depressed, the engine is disconnected from the wheels, and the
car won't move anywhere. And with the pedal down all night, it
will reduce the life of his clutch, meaning costly repairs.
2. While you are gluing the clutch down, why not glue the gas
pedal? With the gas pedal down all night, the engine will flood
and he will have one hell of a time starting the car.
3. While you are playing around with the poor clutch, why not
rig it do he CAN'T depress it. He won't be able to start the car
without pressing the clutch all of the way down.
4. Turn on his headlights and dome lights. This will wear down
the battery.
5. Pop the hood. Don't act like an asshole and start ripping
things out at random, why not subtly damage the car so it will be
harder to detect when he takes it for repair? Do something like
pour gas in the radiator, windshield washer fluid tank, oil pan,
crankcase, transmission, Engine Coolant, etc. Anywhere where it
may do damage. Or you can pour some caps on the fan belt
assembly. Or if you are feeling crafty you can grab a knife and
lightly make a small hole in every hose you can find. While you
have the knife out find the alternator and cut all of those
little wires running around it. After you have enough fun douse
the ENTIRE engine with Gasoline, close the hood, and hope the gas
doesn't evaporate by the time Jimbo comes out to start his car.
6. Switch the battery contacts on his battery. If his car DOES
start be prepared to see some sparks!
7. Stuff his tailpipe with Bananas (Remember Beverly Hills Cop?)
or anything else you can think of, like Plaster of Paris, cement,
dough, etc.
LIMB 2 - STUFF TO DO WHILE DRIVING
This part is always better with a few friends, 'cause if you like
to drive standard like I do its hard to do this stuff while
trying to change gears at the same time. Besides, anything worth
doing deserves a few good friends working together.
1. Grab your MacReady book of explosives and build a matchhead
bazooka. Make a few charges for quick reloading. Get your friend
to drive around looking for old ladies, etc. walking on the
sidewalk. When you have found your prey, slow down, hang out the
window and blast her! But don't limit it to just human subjects!
Try blasting dogs, birds, dicks who drive with the window open,
mailboxes, newspaper machines, people's arms sticking out of bas
windows, etc. Be creative!
2. With your friend still driving grab a few tennis ball grenades
and lob 'em at anything interesting. Gas stations are my
favourites. Watch out for those YJs, though.
3. Don't put the tennis ball grenades away yet! Drive by a school
yard during recess and lob a few in.
4. Another use for your grenades. Pull onto one of the 400 series
highways (401 is the best) and toss a few at cars or on the road
in front of them. Or you can throw a few fused ones onto flatbed,
lumber or hay trucks.
5. While you are on the highway pull out your handy handgun (!)
and shoot the locks off of the back of Tractor Trailers. This is
GREAT fun if the truck is hauling something like sheet metal or
oranges.
6. While your gun is still loaded (Like I have enough money for
bullets!) fire into the sides of Tanker trucks. If he is hauling
gas, POW! If he is hauling something else, spraaaaaaayyy! 10-4
good buddy..
7. Tailgate old people and laugh hysterically.
8. Pull up beside people and point at their tires. They will most
likely pull over to check them out, and get REALLY pissed when he
discovers their tires are fine.
9. Variation: Shoot out the tires, and then point at them.
10. This one is a little stupid: Get a friend to puke out the
window at high speed.
11. Variation: If your friend doesn't like throwing up on cue,
get him to spit some stew out so it looks like it.
Well, that's it for now. Until next time, Keep F.I.T. and have
phun.
