Well, its me.. Your good pal and Anarchy writer DiLiTHiUM here..
Some good news.. I am now a part of -AA-!! I guess SOMEONE liked
my writing better than my .MODs! Anyhow.. Before I go into this
month's instalment on how to wreak havoc at someone else's expense,
I'd like to say one thing... FUCK YOU!! There! That made
both of us a LOT better now, didn't it? Anyhow.. I am right now
taking a break studying for my Chemistry exam.. Hey, one can take
only so many moles times the number of electrons, you know! After
playing around with Doom I decided to write a little for -AA-, you
know.. get a better rep with -AA-'s upper hierchy! So.. Enough
shit.. Lets get into it!
But first a poem..
I blazed up his pretty garden
At school I kicked his ass
I torched dogshit on his doorstep
I bleached FUCK YOU! in his grass
I broke all his windows
I Toilet Papered his yard
I gave his name to Jehovah's Witnesses
I put chickens in his car.
I did everything i could to hum
What a saucy devil am I!
But one thing I can't do
Is remember the hell why..
And now..
FUN AT CAMP!!
Well, its about 5 months until summertime. What comes with the last
day of school? Sadly, the end of intra-school Anarchy. So, put away
your exploding pencils and penshooters for a few months and break
out those tools of fun that are best used on boring family camping
trips! Yes! And you thought that it was all fishing and boating!
Well, after you leave your modems and the rest of civilization to
embrace nature and all of its natural splendour, pack an extra
duffle bag filled with the goodies that will make it the best
summer vacation ever! (For you and your buddies, at least..!)
PHASE 1 - BE PREPARED
The Boy Scouts perfected the art of camping.. And they also coined
a pretty legit motto for our purposes. After all, I thought it
would tie in the outdoors theme of this text quite well!
Anyhow.. Here are the things they you will be needing for a fun
and exciting camping trip!
Water Pistol - Stronger the better.. But don't fill it with water!
Hydrochloric Acid - Raid the school's chem lab before you leave!
M-80's - A must for any excursion!
Black Powder - Also essential!
Chewing gum - Handy for making impromptu explosives, bonding, etc.
Darts - Use with M-80's for missiles or for popping rubber rafts!
Tabasco sauce - Assorted uses!
Octsoplosive - See recipe below
Caps - Optional, but useful!
Condoms - Not just for fucking!
Stink Bombs - Fun for a laugh in the latrine!
Spraypaint - Fun!
Aerosol can of something - Nature's flamethrower
Matches - For above & forest fires
Lighter - A must for any trip!
Survival Knife - Fun to bring along!
String - Useful
This is a partial list! Feel free to bring along anything else you
wish..
And now..
PHASE 2 - PLANNING FOR THE ATTACK
One of the worst thing that can happen to the outdoor Anarchist is
being discovered, either your folks or the cops or whatever find
your stash of goodies and your vacation is ruined. One needs to
plan ahead. For example, divide your stuff into caches and hide
around the forest. Such places include: Rock grottos, man-made
holes, outhouses, etc. Try not to leave everything in one spot.
Also.. Its a good idea to boobytrap the area so no roving
trailblazer or one of god's little creatures discovers your stash
and walks away with all of the appendages he came up to it with.
Be creative! It takes one's personal flair to create the perfect
hiding spot.
PHASE 3 - TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
Here it is, boys and girls! How to use all of the items that you
lugged along with you! Remember, this stuff just CRIES OUT for your
personal touches! But first:
OCTOSPLOSIVE
This handy explosive base is easy to make & process..
NEEDED:
Gasoline
Varsol
Black Powder
Ground up aspirin
Battery Acid
First, combine some Gasoline and varsol. In a separate area grind
up the aspirin and combine it with the batter acid and black power.
Add the mixture to the Gas/Varsol soup. Viola. Instant base. To
make a sort of plastique mix it with vasoline and baby powder. If
you leave it as is you can make molitov cocktails, ect. Just shake
well to keep it well mixed. The plastique is very useful, but a
bugger to handle and set, since the stuff doesn't mix very well.
But its fun to play with.
ITEM 1 - Instant explosives!
These are designed for people who want to make explosives on the
spot, and don't have time for buying m-80's.
Type 1 - Chewing gum bomb: Chew up a few things of gum until the
flavour is gone (No reason for this, it just seems like a shame to
waste all that good gum!). Then put some black powder and/or
octosplosive in the gum and stick some string in it. Then cover it
up, so its like a little deadly perogie with a wick. After you are
done stick the sucker anywhere and light the fuse!
Type 2 - Flying M-80's!
Get a dart and tape a few M-80's onto the fins. Put about 3 on
there so its balanced. After all, it SHOULD fly in roughly a
straight line! Light the fuses and throw at something that the dart
will stick to, such as a tire, a tent, a thigh, etc. POW!! You
will be the envy of all muslim extremists that happen to be camping
with you at the time!
Item 2 - General Mischief
This is pretty fun. Outhouses: Most roughed-in ones have big pits
where all of the shit sits. Now.. All of that shit might get rather
old, you see. And human shit can give off Methane when it rots, you
see. Methane is a flammable gas! Just toss down a few M-80's and
run like hell! After it goes, POW! Shit & shitter everywhere! Or
you could grab your tabasco sauce and dab some on the toilet paper
in the kaibo. Soak some through so it gets all in it. Tabasco +
Sore asshole from shitting & hemmroids ----> FIRE UP YOUR ASS!
Another fun thing to do in the outhouse while YOU are taking a shit
(Besides masturbating) is to piss on the paper (After you are done
with it, of course!) so the next person gets a nice surprise!
Another way to have fun is to place a large, heavy rock on the 2
bars that prevent large stuff such as animals from falling into the
shit. Balance it so the next turd that hits it sends it falling
into the pool of crap. Splooooosh! You figure the rest out..
Also.. You can shit, piss or ejaculate onto the toilet seat
itself, so the next midnight shitter gets a little present when he
sits in the seat in complete darkness. Swipe the toilet paper and
use it for yourself so the poor rat with your body fluids on his
buttocks has to go down to the lake to get the stuff off!
Okay, boys n' girls! The piece of resistance! Get your hammer for
this one! Go to the outhouse and take apart the box with the toilet
seat on it (The one you sit on to shit!). Don't fall in the hole!
Now take all of the nails out and put it back together, just enough
so it stands on its own. The next person who flops down on it to
take a shit will get more than he bargained for when he is head
over heels in the swill! Just imagine the screams of terror as your
latest victim plummets toward a smelly, sticky, rat-laden fate!
HAHAHAHAA!! But remember folks.. This only works on the homemade
wooden kaibos, not the plastic rent-a-loos you see in the yellow
pages. Speaking of which, some of the more modern blue plastic
Johnny-on-the-spot type toilets have running water pump stations
and urinals inside them (Even I was duly impressed by the millions
of dollars that the teams of scientists put into these things so
you can have a better shit than at home. Even so, i'd still rather
be taking a dump on my white ceramic Crane at home than slapping my
ass onto one of these blue static electricity generators. It took
about 10 mins. to get my pubs from sticking straight up. But I
digress..)
You don't usually see these blue babies at "Ed & Mona's Vista
Hideaway", but keep this little gem in your head the next time you
go to your little brother's Tee-Ball game. Excuse yourself and lock
yourself in. (A little sign that says "Occupied" slides into place
up when you lock the door. You can have fun with that if you want,
like making your own little sign. But thats something you can do on
your own). After you piss or whatever, flush the urinal. You might
notice a little plastic pipe carrying the water that cleans the
urinal. Remove the flusher knob and pipe from the urinal bowl and
place it on the roof. Get a string and attach it to the flush knob
so it hangs beside the urinal. Make a sign saying "Pull string to
flush" and attach to wall. Then leave. The next person goes in,
sees string & sign, and then proceeds to give string a yank. Said
person gets water on head. End of story.
Next: fun at the beach. This is the best part of any holiday! Just
think! The only thing between you and a great time is 2 mm of
fabric! The old gags such as cutting bikini straps and copping a
quick feel while they are asleep just doesn't cut it anymore. So
why don't you leave the poor guys alone (hah! Cheap shot on you!)
and concentrate on making the holiday more fun for you, and less
for others. The first thing you can do in the water is to whip out
willy and piss under someone. They will think they hit a 'warm'
spot and stay while your urine surrounds them. After enough of that
fun test your dart game at inflatable rafts, water wings, life
rings, you name it. Or you can swim under small children and lead
them out to deep water by gently nudging their life ring while
keeping concealed. Or you can freak out a few people by floating a
life raft with a stuffed pair of pants floating beside it. It'll
piss of the lifeguards who think its someone who drowned. Or you
can swim by the docks and take revenge on that bastard who buzzed
you with his 2 million horsepower boat awhile ago. Get your rope
and tie one end to the bottom of the dock, sunken boat, old anchor,
etc. and attach the other to the engine, hull, you name it. Make
sure to conceal the rope so it looks like an innocent string of
seaweed. So the next time he blasts out of the slip at high speed
to go pussy-poke his girlfriend on the high seas, pow! No more
boat! There are more conventional ways to sabotage his nacelle,
such as sugar in the gastank or lead weights in his life jackets,
but you get the picture.
Another fun thing to do is load up your water rifle (Battery
Powered Enertech or SuperSoaker 1000+ are the best) with Acid,
Tabasco, Urine, etc. The shoot it at people! Climb up a tree and
snipe other campers! The acid burns! The Tabasco irritates! The
piss smells! Anything would work! The acid would eventually eat the
plastic, so don't leave it lying about.
Assorted Fun:
- Slash tents at night and pour your tabasco onto the faces of
sleeping victims!
- Snakes in Sleeping bags!
- Stinkbombs in tents!
- Attract bears & coons by spreading their food all over their
campsite!
- Put a wasp's nest in their canoe!
- Put a hole in their canoe!
- Put poison ivy in their sleeping bag!
Well, I'm dry. Until next time, Keep F.I.T & have fun..
