SAMPLE TRANSCRIPT
This transcript is not from NORD AND BERT COULDN'T MAKE HEAD OR TAIL OF IT,
but it does show some of the strange things you can do in the game. It shows
a few simple puzzles and their solutions, and it will give you a good idea of
how this game works. The player's commands appear in capital letters after
each prompt (>).
[This sample transcript had no map.]
YOUR BEDROOM
[You can go:HALLWAY]
As dawn breaks through the window above your head, yet another day of your
youthful existence is illuminated. And so is the wreck you call your
bedroom. Suddenly, the alarm clock to your right explodes to life, ending
any hope of additional sleep.
>TURN OFF THE ALARM CLOCK
As you lunge for the offending timepiece, you knock it off the night table
along with a lamp and a tepid glass of water.
>GET OUT OF BED
Your foul mood requires a more specific strategy.
>GET UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
You do a slow roll off the left side of the bed, which in this case is
actually the right side of the bed since the right side of the bed is awash
in a sea of jagged glass and alarm clock parts.
>LOOK
This is your bedroom. It is a homogenous mass of everything that is you
rolled up into one big disorganized ball. There is an open door leading to
the hallway.
>HALLWAY
[You can go:BEDROOM,KITCHEN]
This is the upstairs hallway of your home. There is a door leading to the
bathroom. The door is closed and there seems to be some muffled sound coming
from behind it.
>LISTEN TO THE SOUND
It is the sound of your younger sister in the shower singing one of her
beloved punk rock anthems, all of which you despise. You know from years of
experience that your sister's showers are long, drawn-out affairs and that
she has at least seven more punk rock anthems to sing before the final rinse.
>KITCHEN
You trundle down the stairs and follow the smell of breakfast to...
>KITCHEN
[You can go:HALLWAY,STUDY,STREET]
This is the kitchen of your home. A note resting on the table is impaled by
a golf tee on the green of the Formica table top.
>READ NOTE
the note is folded in half and is therefore unreadable.
>TAKE NOTE
The tee holds the note firmly to the table.
>TAKE TEE
You grasp the tee and give it a series of mighty tugs but, as with Excalibur,
it will take more than muscles to extract the tee from the table.
>TEA
The golf tee is swallowed up into a huge divot which then dissolves, leaving
in its wake a steaming cup of oolong tea. Resting beneath the cup of tea is
the note.
>TAKE TEA
Taken.
>READ NOTE
[Taking the note first]
"Hey kiddo! I'm off to work early this morning to make an 8:30 meeting with
the boss. I made you a cup of tea just the way you like it. I didn't have
time to mail my tax return before I left, so I need you to put a stamp on it
and get it into the mailbox before 9:00 AM!
Remember, if that return isn't mailed by 9:00 today, the IRS is going to come
over here and repossess our new swimming pool. What will you do all summer
then?
I know I can count on you, buddy. See you tonight.
Love, Dad"
>LOOK AT WATCH
Mickey's big hand is on the nine and his little hand is on the eight.
>STUDY
You enter your father's private sanctum. Better known as...
STUDY
[You can go:KITCHEN,STREET]
This is your father's fashionably decorated study. A large roll-top desk
purportedly once owned by Andy Warhol dominates the room. The tax return is
nowhere in sight. You notice one of the heavy velvet curtains moving
suspiciously.
>LOOK BEHIND CURTAIN
Searching behind the heavy curtain you find a stranger.
>LOOK AT STRANGER
The stranger is tall with long hair going in all directions. You notice that
he is wearing a tee-shirt with the letters IRS printed on it. Is this one of
your sister's weird boyfriends? If so, the kindest thing that can be said of
him is that he's male.
>STRANGER, HI
The male shifts nervously on his feet.
>MAIL
The stranger's eyes start to glow and with a sudden violent spasm he
collapses into a large manila envelope (proving that this probably is one of
your sister's beaus).
>TAKE ENVELOPE
You pick up the hefty object.
>LOOK AT IT
The envelope is addressed to the Internal Revenue Service in your father's
inimitable scrawl. You notice that there is no postage on the envelope.
>DESK
All you can tell is that the roll-top is closed.
>OPEN THE DESK
You roll back the top, revealing a clutter of papers and a stone lamp.
>L AT PAPERS
You ruffle through the papers and come across a memo regarding his parking
space. You put down the memo after noting this useless information.
>G
You ruffle through the papers and come across a memo announcing the annual
company trip to see the Red Sox. You put down the memo after noting this
useless information.
>LOOK AT THE STONE LAMP
This is a beautiful Mayan oil lamp that your father smuggled out of Central
America.
>LIGHT THE LAMP
You know there haven't been any matches in the house since your kid brother
tried to set the dog on fire.
>LONE STAMP
The ancient Mayan relic flattens and its edges become perforated, leaving a
lone stamp.
>GET THE STAMP
You take the stamp. It commemorates the Mayan innovation of indoor lighting.
PUT STAMO ON ENVELOPE
(I don't know the word "stamo")
>OOPS STAMP
Done.
>I
You have a manila envelope and a cup of oolong tea. There is a stamp on the
envelope.
>LOOK AT WATCH
Mickey now claims it's 8:58. Better hurry or it's no more laps for you.
>GO TO STREET
STREET
[You can go:STUDY,KITCHEN]
This is idyllic Idlewood Street. On the sidewalk stands a mailbox. Your
house rises majestically in back of you, a paean to suburbia. In the
background your sister's singing disturbs the peace of the neighborhood.
Down the street you see the familiar right-hand-drive mail truck manned by
your friendly postman, who looks suspiciously like Jack Nicholson.
>PUT THE ENVELOPE IN THE MAILBOX
You deposit the key to your summer of fun in the sun into the gaping maw of
the mailbox. And not a moment too soon. As the postman pulls up and empties
the box he looks at one of the envelopes and says, "Hey, isn't this one of
your sister's boyfriends?
