Abridged Edition
Editor: Nino Ruffini
Final Edition, Revised
Second Printing
Copied Right, 966 GUE
All Rights Reversed
Copyright 1993
Nino Ruffini
Accardi-by-the-Sea is a small village in the Westlands by the
coast of the Great Sea, near Borphee Harbor. Accardi's most
famous geographic feature is the nearby Razor Gorge, a deadly
chasm carved by a branch of the Borphee River. Because most
enchanters prefer the quiet of a town such as Accardi over the
hustle and bustle of a larger city, Accardi has become a center
of the magic industry. The Accardi Guild of Enchanters is one of
the most influential in the entire land, and has given rise to
such famous magic-users as the Wizard of Frobozz and Belboz.
Mumboz Agrippa was, at one point, a foreman for the Frobozz Magic
Cave Company. Heavily involved with the hollowing of an ancient
volcano in the Eastlands, his job was related to the safety fac-
tors involved in constructing caverns over very weak rock strata.
He also authored the book Construction of the Empire.
Queen Alexis was, according to the Legend of Wishbringer, the
wife of Anatinus, and Queen of Misty Island in ancient days. The
legend tells that Queen Alexis' daughter, cursed by fate and
prophecy, was born blind. To ease her heavy heart, Alexis kid-
napped the peasant girl Morning-Star, and raised her as the Prin-
cess. When Morning-Star came of age, Alexis' awful envy caused
her make six tough Love-Quests to the knights seeking to marry
Morning-Star, and eventually to decree that her daughter "must
remain unmarried and virgin all her days." This Edict caused Mor-
ning-Star's heart to harden into the magic stone Wishbringer.
Amathrodonis was a terrible giant who terrorized Accardi-By-
The-Sea for many centuries. He was finally vanquished by Belboz
the Necromancer in 952 GUE, when the enchanter used showy pyro-
technical magic to destroy the giant.
The Amulet of Aggthora was a legendary jewel renowned for its
powers of augury. In the year 957 the Amulet was in the posses-
sion of Belboz, and is known to have glowed when near his loca-
tion. This property of the Amulet was crucial in the defeat of
Jeearr.
King Anatinus: According to the legend of Wishbringer, the platy-
pus Anatinus was once the King of Misty Island, and husband to
Queen Alexis. Anatinus is best-noted for his decree that anyone
claiming the hand of his daughter must fulfill a Love-Quest of
Alexis' choosing. This decreed led to the death of six young
knights.
It is also known that a King Anatinus, presumably a descen-
dant of the original King, reigned on the island during the time
of The Evil One. Princess Tasmania, the king's daughter, was
twice rescued from dangers by a human postal worker. The most
important event of the reign of this Anatinus was his generous
award to the postal worker who saved his daughter. By bestowing
the human with a wizard's hat, Anatinus helped him to bring about
the downfall of The Evil One in the nearby village of Festeron.
Antharia, the Island Province, is 959 square bloits of beautiful
land right in the middle of the Great Sea. The weather in
Antharia is picture-perfect, except for an occasional hurricane
in late summer. Tourists to Antharia bring in a remarkable
business. No trip is complete without a visit to the shipbuilding
factories of South Anthar, the marble mines in the Peltoid Val-
ley, the port of Marba, and the Bella Quease. Mid-spring in
Antharia brings the Marble Pageant, followed in the summer by
shark-wrestling in the Flathead Stadium.
Antharia became a part of the Great Underground Empire in
665, when the forces of Duncanthrax vanquished the Antharian
Armada at the famous battle of Fort Griffspotter. Up to that time
the island-nation of Antharia was the world's premier sea power,
and this victory gave Duncanthrax undisputed control of the Great
Sea, and put the superb ship-building facilities of Antharia at
his disposal. The conquest of Antharia also gave the kingdom
access to Antharia's famed granola mines. Unfortunately, no one
in Quendor liked granola.
For many years now Antharia has been ruled by a council of
four "Elders" - one from the Shipbuilding Guild, one from the
Granola Miners Guild, one from the Marble Cutters Guild, and one
from a popular waterfront pub called "Emu's". Spenseweed is the
official flower of Antharia, and the island's motto is "Hieya
wizka," which translates to "Hello sailor." The capital of
Antharia is Anthar.
Antharia University, Ralph Waldo Flathead's alma mater, is known
for an academic program specializing in obscure degrees such as
Doctor of Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of Excellent Elegies, and Doctor
of Octameter Odes. This University is possibly one of the elite
Moss-League colleges, but our research team is not yet positive
about this.
Antharian cave witches live in dark holes high in the mountains
of Antharia. These witches, usually very antisocial, can some-
times be summoned by coughing.
The Aragain Brothers Circus employs a trainer of real, live
grues. Obviously, this Circus is a big purchaser of Grue Protec-
tion Kits from the Frobozz Magic Grue Accessories Company.
The Aragain Falls is the most breathtaking and awesome waterfall
in the known lands. It lies at the end of the Frigid River, where
it flows from its underground source near Flood Control Damn #3.
The Falls were a favorite honeymoon spot during the 8th and 9th
centuries, often called the Honeymoon Capital of the GUE. The
Falls are quite dangerous and, despite a warning buoy, many
adventurers raft off the falls to their deaths.
Aragain Village: Please see the entry on Flatheadia.
Ardis was a member of the Guild of Poets in 966. He gave a speech
to the Final Conclave of enchanters about the failure of magical
rhyming and spelling aids.
Saint Balhu, the patron saint of circus performers, has a holiday
in his honor on 11 Arch of each year.
Barbel of Gurth, son of Delbor, was an arbiter and diplomat from
the tenth century. His greatest skills were arbitrating and
speaking in tongues, but he also invented the GOLMAC spell. He
held two positions of authority: President of the Gurth Arbiters
Congress, and Guildmaster of the Gurth City chapter of the
Enchanters' Guild, a position he attained in 933. With his
authority, he was able to restore high enchantment dues.
Barbel was a noted critic of his fellow Enchanters. He is
most remembered for proclaiming that, "When I was a boy, I was
told that any Enchanter could become a Guildmaster. Now I'm
beginning to believe it." Barbel was also quoted in the 957 issue
of Popular Enchanting as stating that, "There's too much showing-
off, too much one-upmanship between the chapters, and no cooper-
ation." This comment came after the 115th Convention of Enchant-
ers and Sorcerers of the same year.
Incidentally, Barbel of Gurth's Double Fanucci handicap is
42.
Barsap: Appointed Royal Magician in 875 GUE by Idwit Oogle
Flathead, Barsap, whose greatest skills are juggling and creative
accounting, first performed before royalty in 850 GUE. The last
book he read was "Magic with Mirrors." His favorite saying is,
"The hardest trick is making it look easy," and his Double Fan-
ucci handicap is 19. Barsap's Guild membership was revoked for
dues evasion in 960, a little before he reached his untimely end.
His fate is a matter of some controversy. Some sources hold
that he was turned into a newt in 972, but as it is commonly
believed that the Age of Magic ended in 966, this seems a bit
unlikely. The truth will probably never be known.
Boswell Barwell, the official biographer of the Flatheads, is the
author of such notable works as Mumberthrax: The Man Behind the
Legend, and The Lives of the Twelve Flatheads, which was pub-
lished in 804 GUE by the Frobozz Magic Biography Publishing Com-
pany. Excerpts from Barwell's famous book were published in the
Flathead Calendar of 883 GUE.
Giant bat: This large monster is quite a nuisance to adventurers.
Found in several caverns in the Eastlands, these giant bats seem
to amuse themselves chiefly by grabbing a person, flying away,
and depositing them elsewhere, thoroughly lost.
Nanny Beeble was the governess to the Twelve Flatheads when they
were children. Her vivid memories of the experience include the
fact that many of the children had teams of slaves exclusively to
move their larger building blocks.
Belboz, born in 757 GUE during the reign of Mumberthrax Flathead,
was the eldest of six brothers all left orphaned near the Aragain
Falls. The guardian uncle of the siblings, a cave digger by
trade, tried to get young Belboz interested in construction work,
but the child talked and read only about magic. Eventually the
uncle relented and sent Belboz to Borphee Harbor, where he was
tutored by a master magician for 20 years. According to Belboz
himself, his magical training was little understood by his fam-
ily. In an interview on his 200th birthday, Belboz stated, "My
uncle thought thaumaturgy was a communicable fish disease, and
fancied I sat on a dock for 20 years telling carp to open wide
and say 'ah'."
Belboz's initial training was followed by a 30-year appren-
ticeship in the Accardi Chapter of the Guild of Enchanters, after
which he became a full-fledged Enchanter in 820 GUE. He decided
to spend his time traveling south to Gurth and Mithicus, where he
pioneered research on anti-caking additives to magic potions. His
success in perfecting dozens of spells, notably the LOBAL spell
("sharpen hearing") and the CONBAK spell ("build strong bodies 12
different ways") brought him interprovincial fame, and heralded
his advancement to Sorcerer after a mere 25 years.
Unlike his peers, Belboz criticized the decadence of the
royal family and foretold the collapse of the Great Underground
Empire. Most fellow Sorcerers thought Belboz's warnings were
shrill or foolish, but when the Empire did collapse in 883, Bel-
boz said "I told you so." Belboz then returned to Accardi where,
in 910, at the age of 153, he became Guildmaster of the Accardi
Chapter. Perhaps his greatest success - certainly his most pub-
licized - came in 952, when he destroyed the evil giant Ama-
throdonis. Later that year he became the kingdomwide Secretary of
the Guild of Enchanters, a post which he held for two terms.
With a life expectancy of 175 years, almost three times that
of a layperson, most Sorcerers retire from the Guild and become
Magicians Emeritus or Conjuration Consultants long before they
become bicentenarians. At the age of 200, Belboz was the oldest
member of the Circle of Enchanters, and was the oldest guildmas-
ter ever. During that time-period speculation ran rampant as to
whether the master Sorcerer had any plans to retire. During his
200th birthday interview, he told reporters to "Ask me about my
retirement again when I turn 300."
Unfortunately for Belboz fans, that opportunity would never
present itself. In 957 the famed Jeearr incident led Belboz to
completely rethink his future career in magic. He became involved
in a series of dangerous exploratory experiments to look into
dangers posed by the existence of Jeearr. Undertaking these
experiments alone to shield the Circle of Enchanters from the
perils involved, Belboz eventually succumbed to the powers of
Jeearr, and was kidnapped by Jeearr as part of his plan to gain
world domination. Luckily for Belboz, the same Enchanter who
defeated Krill was able to find Jeearr's lair, destroy the evil
demon, and save the life of Belboz. After this incident, Belboz
decided that his time in the spotlight had come to an end, and he
retired to the peace and quiet of an Enchanters' Retreat in the
Flathead Mountains. He was not heard from again until 966, when
he played a minor role in the events leading up to the end of the
Age of Magic.
Bella Quease is a very famous glass-bottom boat, perhaps the only
one in all of Quendor, that is stationed in Antharia. It
frequently takes tourists on a trip around the island, and some-
times to the Eastlands or Westlands. According to many, no trip
to Antharia is complete without such a cruise on the Bella
Quease, or at least the purchase of souvenirs from said cruise.
Belwit the Flat, the second king of the Flathead Dynasty, ruled
the kingdom from Egreth Castle during the years 688 - 701 GUE.
Belwit's reign is noted mainly for the minting of the first
zorkmid, bearing his likeness, in 699 GUE.
Berknip was a necromancer of the seventh, eighth, ninth, and
tenth centuries who led a life designed to confound all attempts
at explanation. Born in 662, his life paused temporarily in 750,
only to be resumed again in 841. He was survived in 750 GUE by
seven children and 39 grandchildren, but he has since out-relived
them all. Berknip is an odd man, inexplicably afraid of swords
and powdered milk. His greatest skill is assisting historical
biographers, and his hobbies include making and collecting
antiques. Being a vegetarian, he is noted for his adaptation of
the NITFOL spell for raw oysters and crispy whole fish. This
man's Double Fanucci handicap is unmeasurable, due to his odd
life, and his favorite saying is "No one weeps for a necroman-
cer."
Berzio: In 769 GUE he was an obscure, little-known thaumaturge
who had lived for years in his own self-made workshop, often
going for days without food, drink, or sleep, but in that year he
made a discovery that would change the world. He created the
means by which magical Presence could be transferred from a
scroll to a special impregnated paper by use of a simple spell,
which he named after his dog, Gnusto. Berzio quickly gained a
reputation as a great thaumaturge, and was honored by being the
source of the name of the first magic potion, the BERZIO potion.
Bizboz was a 5th century GUE student of the mystic arts who tho-
roughly examined ancient writings on such mystic subjects as
Thaumaturgy. He wrote what became the seminal work in Thaumat-
urgy, "On the Presence of Incredibly Weird Stuff Going On," in
473 GUE, in which he claimed to have discovered "for-the-most-
part Natural Rules" by which this "Weird Stuff" is ordered. This
work was ridiculed by the leading scholars of the time, leading
to Bizboz's removal from the faculty at Galepath University, and,
eventually, to his tragic suicide in 475 GUE. However, his work
encouraged others in the pursuit of magical knowledge.
Zorbius Blattus, greatest of the modern philosophers, was a pop-
ular debunker of Brogmoidism, and other strange religious sects.
For instance, he is fond of asking, "If a giant Brogmoid were
holding up the world, where would he stand?"
The bloit is the Empire's most common unit for measuring dis-
tances. The bloit is defined as the distance the king's favorite
pet runs in an hour. As the discerning reader can tell from this
definition, the length of the bloit changes dramatically from
ruler to ruler. (Rarely more dramatically than in 619 GUE, when
Bozbo IV -- who adored his windcat -- died, and was succeeded by
Mumbo II -- who was equally enamored of his very, very ancient
turtle.)
Land is usually measured in square bloits. It is possible to
convert bloits to miles, using the measurements of Fublio Valley
by Boswell Barwell and Froboz Mumbar. According to this conver-
sion one bloit is approximately 3,529 feet, or two-thirds of a
mile. However it is important to note that this bloit-length may
not correspond with other bloit-lengths given in this book.
Bloodhound: Lord Dimwit Flathead kept a kennel full of royal
bloodhounds of immense size. It is quite probable that the blood-
hound was the basis of Lord Dimwit's measurement of the bloit.
Bloodworms live in shallow underground pools of water and are
often mistaken for mossy boulders. Their pointy, retractable
fangs can extend up to 32 inches during an attack. They are
repelled by the smell of boiled chives; always carry some if
venturing near known bloodworm spawning ground. One such spawning
ground is the Miznia Jungle, where the local variety of bloodworm
have pairs of fangs that measure in at an astounding three feet.
Winifred Booblort ran the Flatheadia Castle Preservation Society
in 883 GUE.
The Boot Patrol was the police organization employed by The Evil
One in Witchville. Headed by Sergeant MacGuffin, the Boot Patrol
was literally a group of very large, living boots that arrested
curfew violators.
The Bor River joins with the Phee River to form the Borphee River
in the Westlands. At the confluence of the Phee and the Bor lies
the ruins of the ancient city-state of Pheebor.
Borphbelly stew is a popular lunchtime meal in the province of
Fenshire. Made from fox, fowl, and earthworm, proper preparation
mandates the simultaneous addition of the ingredients to a boil-
ing cookpot.
Borphee, a large industrial city in the Westlands, is the capital
of the Greater Borphee Province. A total of 1,107,810 people live
in this huge province, and the city of Borphee itself is the
largest in all of Frobozz. In fact, Borphee Harbor is the busiest
port on the Flathead Ocean. This is only one of the several geo-
graphic features that help make Borphee the single most acces-
sible vacation spot in the world. From anywhere in the Borphee
River valley, travel by ferry is easy and inexpensive. By land,
the Coast Road connects Borphee with the ancient cities to the
north as well as the populous southlands.
Thanks to the nearby ocean, Borphee has a very moderate cli-
mate. The rainy season lasts most of the winter, and summers
tend to be humid. During the first week in autumn, Borphee is the
site of the Double Fanucci Championships, an annual event since
691 GUE. In late spring, G.U.E. Tech holds their annual Spelling
Bee, which is free and open to the public. Every winter, the
hills of Borphee come alive with the sounds of the most dreadful
singers in the land. This event, aptly named The From Bad to
Worst Songfest, happens to coincide to the time of year when most
hillside residents schedule trips abroad. On the official first
day of summer, thousands gather at the Borphee Harbor for the
G.U.E. Festival of Small Ships.
Greater Borphee, nicknamed the Industrial Province, encom-
passes 754 square bloits. Government in this region is quite a
baffling system. The city of Borphee itself is run by an elected
mayor, while the province is administered by a staff of part-time
volunteer managers, whose decisions are ratified at least three
times a year, but not more than every other week, by a series of
local forums. Those who purport to know say that these forums
have resulted in Greater Borphee County Penal Codes, the recita-
tion of which could bore a listener to death.
Those who are not busy volunteering for the local government
are probably involved in one of Borphee's fine educational insti-
tutions. Borphee Business School and G.U.E. Tech both have excel-
lent reputations. In fact, many G.U.E. Tech graduates have gone
on to start their own magic companies, thus contributing to
Borphee's standing as the center of the spell scroll, potion, and
infotater industries. In the 9th century GUE, Spellbound and
United Thaumaturgy both had extensive facilities in Borphee, and
by 947 GUE FrobozzCo International had relocated its massive
headquarters to Borphee as well. The prominence of the magic
industry in Borphee is undoubtedly related to the fact that the
city is home to the Great Meeting Hall of the Enchanters' Guild,
the site of the Final Conclave in 966 GUE.
The recorded history of Borphee goes back to approximately
400 years before the time of Entharion, when Borphee, along with
Pheebor, was one of the great city-states that lay near the Bor-
phee River. Borphee defeated Pheebor in a massive battle that was
caused by a feud over the naming of what is now called the Bor-
phee River.
Recorders of meaningless historical facts might be interested
in the following:
A Borphee baker makes Frobolli Cakes by flinging bits of
dough into a hot oven.
The flower of Borphee is the compass rose.
The Borphee motto ("Borphee - fixum rixa poo nastik.") trans-
lates to "Borphee - better than you think."
Borphee Business School is known as the alma mater of the most
successful businessman of all time, John D. Flathead.
Borphee Metropolitan Opera and Ballet Companies: These are the
most prestigious organizations of their kind in the world.
The Borphee River, formed by the joining of the rivers Phee and
Bor, flows from near the ruins of Pheebor to the Great Sea near
Borphee Harbor. Travel by ferry from anywhere in the Borphee
River Valley is easy and inexpensive, helping to make Borphee
probably the single most accessible vacation spot in the Empire.
Over a thousand years ago the Borphee River was called the One
River, until the outcome of a war between Borphee and Pheebor
helped to give us the present name.
Saint Bovus, the patron saint of those who design fine slate
patios, has a holiday in his honor on 6 Augur of each year. Due
to a slight mix-up concerning the etymological origin of the name
"Bovus," the 883 edition of the Flathead Calendar was responsible
for giving the impression that Bovus was the patron saint of
those who raise meat animals, a role that actually belongs to
Saint Wiskus.
Bozbarbo Village is an underground settlement in the Westlands,
near Egreth and Bozbarland, by the western branch of the Second
Great Underground Highway.
Bozbo I was the fifth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came to
the throne in 423 GUE, after Zilbo I, and was succeeded by Zilbo
II in 429 GUE.
Bozbo II was the eighth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came to
the throne in 477 GUE, after Harmonious Fzort, and was succeeded
by Thaddium Fzort in 481 GUE.
Bozbo III was the eleventh king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came
to the throne in 569 GUE, after Mumbo I, and was succeeded by
Bozbo IV in 575 GUE.
Bozbo IV was the twelfth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came
to the throne in 575, after Bozbo III, and was succeeded by Mumbo
II in 619. The change in rulers made for a profound readjustement
of the bloit system of measurement, when Mumbo II chose a turtle
as the standard of measurement, rather than a windcat, Bozbo IV's
animal of choice.
Brogmoids: In rare cases, these squat creatures can achieve the
intelligence level of a three-year-old human. Domesticated brog-
moids are tame and can even be taught to perform simple tasks. In
the wild, they can be seen in huge packs sorting through rock
piles looking for edible rocks. From this fact it is not diffi-
cult to see why brogmoids live considerably longer in captivity.
The tenets of Brogmoidism, a religion originating in the
fourth century GUE, state that a Great Brogmoid supports the
world upon his shoulders, and that this Great Brogmoid keeps us
from falling into the Great Void. Nowadays this belief is com-
monly ridiculed, and has lost most of its adherents, but never-
theless it is quite true. In 883 GUE the first Dungeon Master
explored the depths of the Eastland's caverns and actually came
out on the bottom of the earth to gaze upon a brogmoid that was
tremendous beyond description. A rough estimate puts this Great
Brogmoid at a zillion times larger than any brogmoid ever seen
before. Its mere shoulder hairs were like mighty trees.
On the same day as this remarkable discovery, Curse Day 883,
the first Dungeon Master also hiked to the top of Mount Foobia
and discovered the foot of another Great Brogmoid. Apparently,
not only does a brogmoid hold up the world, but upon the world is
standing another brogmoid, which can only be presumed to support
yet another world.
Chroniclers of history have always been puzzled by the fact
that the Brogmoid Hypothesis has traditionally been given less
credit than the so-called Turtle Theory, and the Troll Postulate,
both of which were the subject of some research by Leonardo
Flathead.
Burfle is a game of chance played mainly in the Bozbarland
Casino.
Marcus Bzart-Foodle, a very rich nobleman from Gurth, was the
first husband of Lucrezia Flathead. Bzart-Foodle died at a ripe
old age after Lucrezia over-excited his weak heart.
A camel is a desert animal.
The Caves of Vision are the source of crystal of legendary
quality. Crystal from the Caves of Vision is used by the Frobozz
Magic Equipment Company to make crystal balls, or magic monitors.
Cerberus was the three-headed dog guarding the gates of Hades,
but in recent years he has been employed as the guardian of the
tomb of the Twelve Flatheads.
Chaos is the cat of the owner of Festeron's Ye Olde Magick
Shoppe. This cat, all black save a white spot on its forehead,
was kidnapped by The Evil One as a part of her plan to control
Wishbringer, the Stone of Dreams. To do this, The Evil One turned
Chaos into a stone sculpture, and the only way to bring the cat
back to life was to insert Wishbringer into the sculpture's fore-
head. A heroic Festeron postal employee accomplished this task,
managed to resist The Evil One, and returned Chaos to its right-
ful owner.
Chess is an ancient game of warfare, played on a checkered field
of 64 squares. The noted architect Zylo Pickthorn used the
chessboard as the basis for his Rockville Estates construction
plan. It is also known that Lord Dimwit Flathead had a magical
life-size chess set that could be accessed by donning a magic
robe.
Chocolate truffles grow only between the roots of oak trees. Dark
brown when fresh, they decompose rapidly once exposed to air.
Truffles were a favorite of the kings of the Flathead Dynasty,
particularly Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, who ordered the
excavation of entire forests to indulge his bottomless appetite.
Chocolate truffles have been found mainly in the Westlands, in
forests near Gurth City and Thriff.
Christmas Tree Monster: Vast herds of these luminous vegetables
roam freely amid the glacial valleys of the south. Residents fear
the autumn migrations, in which the trees cheerfully trample
everything in their path. Christmas tree monsters are repelled by
caterpillars, but nobody can explain why. The most recent sight-
ing of these creatures was in 966 GUE, when a horde of 69,105 of
the creatures descended on Thriff village. For a few days the
village was protected by magic glyphs designed by the enchanter
Orkan, but then a nearby volcanic eruption caused the entire
horde to burn to death.
Coast Road: There are actually two such roads in the Great Under-
ground Empire. The first one, in Antharia, is a very famous and
well-traveled thoroughfare, just north of Anthar. It leads into
the capital and passes by famous Flathead Stadium on the western
coast of Antharia. The Coast Road in the Westlands connects Bor-
phee with the ancient cities to the north as well as Gurth and
Mithicus to the south.
The Coconut of Quendor: For many years historians, though reluc-
tant to dismiss the Coconut outright, regarded its historical
existence as dubious at best. Orkan of Thriff has suggested that
if all the "Shards of The One True Coconut" and "Vials of The
Blessed Milk" were gathered in one place, they would form a stack
nine bloits high. Orkan and Gustar Woomax, the leading chronicler
of Coconut lore, was one of the privileged few who were on hand
in 966 GUE when the existence of the Coconut was actually veri-
fied. For years the Coconut had been in the possession of a group
of Implementors on the Ethereal Plane of Atrii. In 966 an ur-
grue, whose motives are not entirely understood, stole the Coco-
nut and secreted it deep under the Mithicus Mountains. An obscure
peasant was able to recover the Coconut, which was then used to
store the sum of all human knowledge from the Age of Magic. It is
believed that the shell of the Coconut is impervious to the pas-
sage of time, and thus the knowledge of Magic will survive the
Age of Science, and be rediscovered by generations in the distant
future.
Compass Rose: The stem of this rare annual always droops in the
direction of the prevailing wind. It is a proven fact that the
compass rose can indeed control the wind. This is hotly denied by
the Guild of Meteorologists, who harvested the species to the
brink of extinction in the Rose Riots of 811 GUE. The only known
surviving bush of the species is somewhere in the Fields of
Frotzen. This species of rose is often confused with another type
of compass rose, a stone or metallic carving depicting all of the
cardinal directions like a compass. These "roses" often have
magical properties, and are usually found in remote underground
caverns.
Giant corbies are carrion birds with sharp eye-sight and sharper
beaks. Their color vision is so well developed, they can spot a
yellow grotch in a hayfield from 200 bloits away. Corbies prefer
the taste of dead, rotting flesh, but have been known to feast on
live, running adventurers. However, it is now known that corbies
are intensely afraid of certain colors. Anybody garbed in the
appropriate color will be safe from the threat that is present in
places such as the Fields of Frotzen, where packs of corbies are
always seen circling low in the skies.
"Corky" Crisp was once the chief of the Festeron Postal Service.
Crisp was an ugly man with a harsh temper. When Festeron was
transformed into Witchville by The Evil One, Crisp was put to
work torturing The Evil One's prisoners. It is known that "Corky"
was romantically involved with Violet Voss, the town librarian.
Cruel Puppet: Few creatures are more despised than the cruel
puppet. It attacks by twisting itself into unflattering carica-
tures of its opponents, accompanied by jeers, rude noises and
shocking accusations. Staunch monarchs have been reduced to tears
by these merciless shapeshifters. Residents of Gurth City have
been warned away from the forest to the north, a known home to
cruel puppets.
Cubes of Foundation: When the foundations of the world were laid
down, the elemental powers and forces were symbolized during the
making by small, white cubes. The cubes and the forces were mer-
ged in a way that our knowledge no longer comprehends. When the
making was done, the cubes were hidden away so that their powers
could not be tampered with.
Unfortunately, in the year 966, the evil "shadow" of the Head
of the Circle of Enchanters gained access to several of these
cubes. Almost immediately he was able to affect great changes in
the workings of magic. In order to seize control of the universe,
he was able to trick the Head of the Circle to unknowingly gather
these cubes from all corners of the known world, and beyond. This
shadow-being then attempted to meld all of the cubes into one, in
order to give him power over the forces of the universe. The Head
of the Circle was able to prevent this from taking place, but he
was unable to prevent the alteration of the cubes in such a way
that destroyed the fabric of magic.
It is hoped that no future generations will choose to gain
control over the Cubes of Foundation. The first such attempt,
described already, brought an end to the entire Age of Magic. The
next attempt might lead to the destruction of the entire universe
as we know it.
Curse Day is the anniversary of the death of Lord Dimwit Flathead
the Excessive on the 14th of Mumberbur. On that date in 779 GUE
the great wizard Megaboz cast a mighty Curse. This Curse killed
the Twelve Flatheads and eventually, in 883 GUE, brought about
the collapse of the Empire and the destruction of Flatheadia. The
Curse Day of 883 GUE marks the last day of the reign of Wurb
Flathead, and the beginning of the influence of the first Dungeon
Master.
A cyclops is a one-eyed giant. Although fairly rare in the Great
Underground Empire, they presented quite a problem when encoun-
tered. The average cyclops would quite willingly devour an aver-
age human, and love every bit of it. So much of a nuisance were
cyclops, that quite often one could find advertisements in Popu-
lar Enchanting posted by people looking for enchanters for
cyclops eradication work. Throughout the years only two methods
of avoiding a cyclops have proven effective. One could either
feed it something other than oneself, or trick it into believing
that you are Odysseus, its race's ancient nemesis. One of the few
cyclops specimens found in the wild was one that had taken resi-
dence in the Great Underground Empire in the Eastlands after the
fall of the Empire.
Davmar was the great Thaumaturge who discovered that the power of
magic spells could be stored on paper. This breakthrough, storing
Incantation on specil Presence-imbued paper, eventually led to
the widespread use of magic. Davmar, working in the early years
of the reign of King Mumberthrax Flathead, was also known for
spending six years of his life as a zucchini farmer, despite the
fact that he was allergic to zucchinis, and could not eat them
himself!
Delbor was advisor to Lord Dimwit Flathead, and father of Barbel
of Gurth.
A demon is an evil spirit of great power. The Wizard of Frobozz
had imprisoned a demon inside a magic sphere, but the second
Dungeon Master made it possible for the demon to escape and kill
the Wizard of Frobozz. An obscure historical legend tells that
King Duncanthrax was a demon who assumed human form, although
little credence is given to this notion. One of history's most
famous demons is the evil being Jeearr, who came close to gaining
control over the entire world in 957 GUE.
The Diablo Massacre occurred at the Zorbel Pass in 666 GUE when
the invading armies of King Duncanthrax met a native militia of
trollish warriors. The invaders were outnumbered but well-armed;
the natives were equipped only with wooden clubs and a large
piece of very strong garlic. Military historians consider the
routing of the native militia as a key moment in the conquering
of the Eastlands.
Dimithio of Borphee, known as The Cheerful Sorceror, was the
founder of the Borphee Enchanters' Guild. A student of Yooman,
the Musician Mage, Dimithio was tremendously well-read and
good-natured, despised only by Holnac the Cynic. Dimithio was
also a great animal lover, and he adapted the NITFOL spell for
egg-laying mammals. His greatest skill was fireworks displays,
and he was often quoted as saying, "Magic doesn't have to be
great to be useful, nor does magic have to be useful to be
great." His Double Fanucci handicap was 127.
Dinbar was a 5th century GUE student of the mystic arts who tho-
roughly examined ancient writings on such mystic subjects as
Thaumaturgy.
Lake Dinge is a frozen lake in the Gray Mountains. Those who
purport to know say that skating on the slanted frozen surface of
Lake Dinge is an exhilarating experience.
Discipline crabs are small, moral crustaceans found in cellars,
fallout shelters, and other subterranean lairs. These brooding
curmudgeons are deeply offended by the slightest intrusion; if
cornered, they employ their razor-edged pincers with righteous
efficiency. Discipline crabs live in nests made of random bits of
ocean debris, and are fond of jewelry such as gold crowns. These
creatures need to stick close to the water, and the only known
discipline crab lair is in Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
Dornbeast: Smart adventurers run the other way when they hear
"Hurumph," the battle cry of the deadly dornbeast. This monster
should be avoided at all costs - its 69 sensitive eyes can para-
lyze an unwary explorer with a single glare. (Range: about three
feet for young beastling to about 20 feet for full-grown dorns.)
Captured victims quickly lose their strength and are plastered
with round, sticky secretions that never come off. Dorns usually
live in crags and shadows near cliff bases. Known dorn lairs
include the cliffs near Egreth, and a lighthouse near Grubbo-
by-the-Sea.
Harv Dornfrob wrote the famous novel The Seventy Year Snidgel.
Double Fanucci: For a partial description of this famous card
game, see Appendix C.
A dragon is a monster, a large, winged reptile that breathes out
fire and smoke. Apparently fairly common in the old days, the
species encountered a little problem in the form of Dimwit Flath-
ead, who took it into his head to hold a feast on the meat of 300
slaughtered dragons. Since that event, there has been only one
reported dragon-sighting, underground in the Eastlands in 948
GUE. An ancient tale, the Legend of Wishbringer, tells of a dra-
gon called Thermofax that had an appetite for careless knights.
Although quite intelligent, dragons are also notoriously naive,
this being clearly demonstrated by the fact that the dragon found
in 948 was killed when it was startled by its own reflection.
Dryads, also known as tree sprites, are beautiful and shy. Many
never leave the shade of the tree they were born under. If
coaxed, dryads can reveal the location of forest treasures. They
are only dangerous in large numbers, and then only if threatened.
Angered dryads have been known to crush attackers under tons of
rose petals.
Duncanthrax the Bellicose, the first king of the Flathead
Dynasty, took the throne from Zilbo III during a palace revolt on
the last day of 659 GUE. He expanded the kingdom by conquering
Antharia and most of the Eastlands. He also moved the capital
from Largoneth to Egreth.
Historians disagree about Duncanthrax's life prior to 659. A
petition signed by palace guards in 657, asking for an increase
in the mosquito netting allotment, bears a signature that looks
suspiciously like "Duncanthrax." Some historians insist that
Duncanthrax was general of the Royal Militia. One legend even
suggests that Duncanthrax was a demon who assumed human form.
Another legend describes him as a former rope salesman.
Key events in the reign of Duncanthrax are the battle of Fort
Griffspotter in 665, which gave Quendor complete control over the
mighty Antharian navy, and the Diablo Massacre of 666, the deci-
sive battle in the conquest of the Eastlands. As Duncanthrax's
invasion swept across the new lands in the east, he made a
startling discover: huge caverns and tunnels, populated by
gnomes, trolls, and other magical races. Even as Duncanthrax
conquered this region, his imagination was inspired by this nat-
ural underground formation. If these caverns and tunnels were
possible in nature, so might they be formed by humans! Duncan-
thrax realized that by burrowing into the ground he could
increase the size of his empire fivefold or even tenfold! Found-
ing the Frobozz Magic Construction Company to carry out his pro-
ject, he became responsible for what his great-great-grandson,
Dimwit Flathead, would call the Great Underground Empire. By the
time of his death in 688, Duncanthrax ruled virtually all terri-
tory in the known world, above and below ground.
Dungeon Master: There were in fact two of these mysterious people
who inhabited the caverns in the Eastlands in the ninth and tenth
centuries GUE. These Dungeon Masters were, in a manner of speak-
ing, the successors to the throne of the Great Underground Empire
after its collapse in 883.
The first Dungeon Master was the descendant of a servant from
the court of Lord Dimwit Flathead. That servant, present on the
day that Megaboz cursed the kingdom, was able to save a piece of
parchment that contained hints on how to stop the Curse. The
parchment became a family heirloom, eventually making its way
into the hands of the person who would become the first Dungeon
Master.
On 14 Mumberbur 883, that man, in an attempt to forestall the
Curse, came face to face with Megaboz himself. Despite his
efforts, the Curse was fulfilled and the Empire was destroyed.
However, for reasons that are not entirely understood, Megaboz
felt it necessary that someone be left as a guardian or inheritor
of the vast underground territory. Megaboz thus made the would-be
Curse-buster into the first Dungeon Master, giving him total con-
trol over the Eastland caverns, not to mention powerful magical
abilities, and half the wealth of the kingdom.
As the years passed and the underground caverns became the
stuff of legend, the existence of the Dungeon Master was forgot-
ten. In 948 a brave adventurer dared to enter the caverns near
the former site of Flatheadia. Vanquishing a thief, many mon-
sters, and the Wizard of Frobozz, this adventurer eventually
found his way to the home of the Dungeon Master himself, who,
unbeknownst to the adventurer, had been following him and guiding
him on his quest. Apparently the first Dungeon Master grew old
and weary of his powers, and had chosen this young adventurer as
his successor.
Thus began the reign of the second Dungeon Master, which
presumably lasted until the end of the Age of Magic in 966. It is
interesting to note that the circumstances of the arrival of the
second Dungeon Master exactly match the old legend of Zork, a
tale that was once considered to be nothing more than a folk-
myth.
Dust bunnies burrow in obscure corners and under furniture, and
defend their territory by multiplying. Due to the nature of dust
bunnies, they multiply actually by dividing themselves in half.
They can clog a passageway in seconds, filling the air with dark,
suffocating particles. Static electricity and lemon-scented
sprays are their only natural enemies. To date the only known
dust bunny lair is in a lighthouse near Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
The Eastlands comprise those provinces which lie on the eastern
shore of the Great Sea, such as Flatheadia, and the Fublio Val-
ley.
Egreth Castle served as the seat of royal power from the reign of
Duncanthrax (who moved the capital from Largoneth in 660 GUE)
through the reign of Dimwit (who moved the capital to Flatheadia
in 771 GUE). Egreth was, and still is, reputed to be the most
dangerous locale in the kingdom. Protected from hostile invaders
from the sea by Fort Griffspotter, Egreth also happened to be the
major sight in the Westlands of the vast tunneling project
implemented by Duncanthrax to move the Empire underground. In the
caverns near Egreth can be found the famous Glass Maze, Bozbar-
land, and the Great Underground Highway #2.
It is of slight historical interest to note that Egreth was
best remembered in the magical community for the famed Coal-
Walkers of Egreth, a troupe who used magical aid to protect
themselves while carrying out their stunts.
Eldritch vapors dwell in cemeteries, moors, and other locales
where fog will hide their evershifting forms. Two areas known to
be frequented by eldritch vapors are the Festeron Cemetery and
the marsh to the south of Grubbo-by-the-Sea. Gleeful and mis-
chievous, the vapors enjoy snatching away the possessions of
those foolish enough to wander into their realm. Visitors without
possessions are themselves snatched away.
Elves are a mysterious race of magical humanoids. It is reason-
able to assume that elves are natives of the Eastlands, but none
have ever been encountered there. The only definitely known
elvish relic is a magical sword found in the Eastlands that glows
when evil is nearby. However, rumors about elves abound. One
Accardi weapons shop also claims to sell swords of elvish make.
The authenticity of these claims have not been verified.
The Enchanters' Guild can trace its roots to the reign of
Entharion, over 900 years ago. It was in that era that scholars
penned the first writings on the mystic subject of magic.
Throughout the centuries the advancement of Thaumaturgy suffered
many setbacks. (See Appendix D on Magic) One of these setbacks,
King Duncanthrax's Unnatural Acts, indirectly led to the founda-
tion of the Enchanters' Guild.
When the ban on magic decreed by Duncanthrax was loosened
towards the end of the seventh century, the great thaumaturge
Vilboz was able to form a legitimate organization to aid the
scientific approach to the study of magic. This organization was
the first chapter of the Guild of Enchanters, founded in the tiny
hamlet of Accardi-By-The-Sea. Since that day, additional chapters
have usually been located in similar small villages, since the
bustle of city life interferes with an Enchanter's work ("Excuse
me, I locked my keys in my house. Could you please rezrov my
door?").
From the earliest days of the Guild, Enchanters have been
bound by a series of governing tenets. The first tenet states
that Enchanters may never use their talents to aid evil. The sec-
ond points out that an Enchanter's duty is to the Guild and to
the Kingdom, not to the individual. Lesser tenets include rules
for conducting votes at meetings, guidelines for passing dishes
at Guild banquets, and penalties for revealing the Guild's secret
handshake.
Thanks to the spread of the Guild, use of magic by lay people
became more prevalent. One such lay person made a mistake that
caused the devastating Endless Fire of 773 GUE. To ensure that
such mistakes would never happen again, Lord Dimwit Flathead
issued a series of edicts that entrusted all use of magic to the
various Guilds of Enchanters, thus preventing magic use by the
common person. These Guilds, whose elders comprised the so-called
Circle of Enchanters, was empowered to form schools for the
training of new Enchanters.
This official sanctioning of the Guilds led to the formation
of numerous other chapters, with membership in various Guilds in
excess of 2000 by the year 800. Only one example is Dimithio, who
single-handedly founded an Enchanters' Guild in the huge metro-
polis of Borphee. By this time the old chapters in Thriff and
Accardi had become highly influential, and helped to bring sta-
bility to the land following the turbulence created by the col-
lapse of the Great Underground Empire in 883.
However, when the tenth century rolled around the Guild began
to face some problems. Although it was underwriting many philan-
thropic foundations and running many accredited thaumaturgical
universities, not everybody was pleased with the way things were
going. For instance, the 115th Convention of Enchanters and Sor-
cerors in 957 GUE was plagued with pranks and magical one-
upmanship between various chapters. Barbel of Gurth, a Guildmas-
ter and elder member of the Circle of Enchanters, commented that
he was "disgusted" with the state of affairs in the Enchanters'
Guild.
Many complained of a lack of communication between the chap-
ters, while some junior enchanters grumbled about "leadership
stagnation." These complaints were directed at Barbel, who had
been a Guildmaster since 933, and Belboz, who had led the Circle
of Enchanters since 952, and had been a Guildmaster for 47 years.
These people felt that the lifetime appointment of Guildmasters
was far too long.
However, the year 957 saw events that many interpreted as a
rebirth for the Guild. One junior guildmaster, who had defeated
Krill only a few years before, rescued Belboz from the clutches
of the demon Jeearr, and became the new Head of the Circle.
Unfortunately, this period of rebirth was short-lived. In 966 the
new Head of the Circle set in motion a chain of events that
brought about the end of the Guild, and the end of the Age of
Magic. As these events were unfolding, a Final Conclave of the
Guild of Enchanters in Borphee acted to preserve the sum of all
knowledge of the Guilds forever in the famed Coconut of Quendor.
Thus, although the Enchanters' Guild has come to an end in this
Age, another age after the fall of Science will be able to make
use of their powers.
The Enchanters' Retreat is an old stone structure perched high in
the Flathead Mountains. For generations, retired (or even
burnt-out) enchanters have gone there to breathe the clean moun-
tain air, watch the stars, and rest from their exertions. The
appointments are simple, the fare in unsophisticated, and those
there are always content. After the defeat of Jeearr in 957, the
famous mage Belboz himself sought refuge in the Retreat.
The Encyclopedia Frobozzica, a publication of the Frobozz Magic
Encyclopedia Company, is the finest of its kind in the known
world. All entries are meticulously compiled by the Frobozz Magic
Encyclopedia Research Company, the illustrations are faithfully
reproduced by the Frobozz Encyclopedia Illustration Company, and
the facts are all double, triple, and quadruple-checked by the
Frobozz Magic Encyclopedia Accuracy and Verification Company. No
library should be without one! We heartily congratulate you on
your purchase of this latest edition of the Encyclopedia Froboz-
zica. Earlier editions are perfect, but not as perfect as this,
the definitive collection of the knowledge of the Age of Magic.
The Endless Fire destroyed the city of Mareilon in 773 GUE, after
raging for 4 weeks. It was later found out that the fire had been
started by a civil servant on 18 Estuary, who thought he was
casting the ZEMDOR spell ("turn original into triplicate") but
who, instead, cast the ZIMBOR spell ("turn one really big city
into lots of tiny, little ashes"). The Fire led Lord Dimwit
Flathead (the Excessive) to issue a series of 5,521 edicts over
the following few weeks, which had the effect of severely limit-
ing access to magic, and, incidentally, lawyers. Henceforth, all
magic was entrusted to the various Guilds of Enchanters.
Entharion the Wise united many warring tribes, including the
rival city-states of Galepath and Mareilon, thus forming the
kingdom of Quendor. As the first king of Quendor, Entharion built
the castle Largoneth, near the ancient cities of Galepath and
Mareilon, and ruled over a kingdom which was little more than
what is currently the province of Frobozz. According to earlier,
erroneous entries in the Encyclopedia Frobozzica, Entharion and
his legendary blade Grueslayer eradicated grues from the face of
the world. Unfortunately for many adventurers, this is not true.
Our current calendar dates from the first year of Entharion's
reign, which ended in 41 GUE. He was succeeded by Mysterion the
Brave.
The Ethereal Plane of Atrii is an alternate plane of existence
that has specific locations that coincide with the same locations
in the real world. However, the geometry and very nature of space
in the Ethereal Plane is different in an indescribable way. Those
who have mastered transcendental physics can easily jump back and
forth from the Ethereal Plane to the real world via magic cur-
tains called Dimension Doors, or through the use of a Scroll of
Gating. These transcendental voyagers report that solid objects
from the Ethereal Plane appear only as vague outlines in our
world, and vice versa. The Plane of Atrii, home of the Imple-
mentors, is also the way of Orkan of Thriff was so easily able to
transport his entire village anywhere he desired in our world. It
has been discovered that a transcendental traveler, upon magi-
cally entering the Plane of Atrii, can easily return to the real
world via magic curtains specially designed to provide a one-way
trip.
The Evil One is the sorceress responsible for the magical trans-
formation of the Antharian village of Festeron into the dismal
nightmare known as Witchville. It is known that The Evil One and
others like her sought Wishbringer, the Stone of Dreams, known to
be in possession of the proprietor of the local Magick Shoppe,
who also happened to be The Evil One's sister. In order to gain
control of the Stone, The Evil One kidnapped her sister's cat,
Chaos, and held her ransom. Thanks to the bravery and cunning of
a local postal service employee, The Evil One's plan was foiled.
The cat Chaos was returned to its rightful owner, Witchville was
transformed back into Festeron, and Wishbringer was kept out of
the hands of The Evil One forever.
Fanucci: For a partial description of this famous game, see
Appendix C.
Feeb is a derogatory term often used by Implementors, among oth-
ers, to describe a particularly stupid and dense individual.
Lord Feepness was the voice of sanity and moderation among Lord
Dimwit's advisors. Three examples clearly prove this point. In
777 GUE Dimwit planned to build a Royal Museum under 2 miles of
mountain and surrounded by 500 feet of steel. Historical evidence
suggests that Feepness deterred Dimwit from this extreme plan,
but was less successful in other matters.
When Dimwit conceived of a massive underground flood control
dam with thousands of gates, Lord Feepness asked the king,
"Wouldn't that be just a tad excessive?" These words of wisdom
were ignored, and the history books say nothing more of Lord
Feepness until the 14th of Mumberbur, 789 GUE. On this day, hours
before Dimwit died, the king conceived of a plan to construct a
new continent, whose outline and contours would be a gigantic
reproduction of his own visage. However, the empire simply did
not have enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness pointed out
that raising the tax rate from 98% to 100% simply would not be a
wise political move.
Fenshire is a swampy region which stretches east of the Flathead
Mountains to the edge of the world. The summer castle of the
Flatheads was located in a remote section of Fenshire.
Barbazzo Fernap: Please see the entry under Jesters.
Festeron is a small village on the east coast of Antharia. A
quiet town, Festeron is intensely proud of its history, dedicat-
ing statues and minting coins in the memory of its founding
fathers and military heroes. Previously noted only for its exem-
plary postal service, Festeron found its way into the annals of
history sometime during the tenth century during the reign of The
Evil One. This mysterious sorceress magically transformed the
innocent town of Festeron into an evil, hideous place called
Witchville, where every normal person or place became a twisted
and wicked version of itself. Luckily for Festeron, The Evil One
was vanquished by an employee of the aforementioned postal ser-
vice, and everything was returned to normal.
Fibbsbozza is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls and
potions.
The Fields of Frotzen, fertile farmland in the heart of Gurth
province, produce an annual bounty of grain and are frequently
referred to as the Breadbasket of Quendor. These Fields are home
to packs of giant corbies, and the last known specimen of the
compass rose grows there. The area surrounding the Fields is
prone to frequent storms, which makes travel in the area very
difficult. The location that is equivalent to Frotzen in the
Ethereal Plane of Atrii is the home of the Implementors. Those
that are obsessed with trivia might like to know that the dis-
tance between signposts in Frotzen is 120 bloits.
The Final Conclave: The year 966 saw the failure of the very
fabric of Magic. The reasons leading to the end of the Age of
Magic make a very confusing tale. It seems that every time an
enchanter casts a spell, a shadow of that enchanter is created.
The more powerful the enchanter, the more powerful this shadow
becomes. In 966 the leader of the Circle of Enchanters, who van-
quished Krill and Jeearr, was a very powerful enchanter indeed,
and his shadow had taken a real form.
This Shadow had a dream: to hold sway over all of the world.
To accomplish this goal he needed the Cubes of Foundation, which
he could only obtain with the assistance of his human counter-
part. When the Shadow began to tamper with the force of Magic
via the few Cubes already in his possession, the Head of the
Circle was unwittingly drawn into the Shadow's game. The unre-
liability of Magic caused by the Shadow lead to an emergency Con-
clave of Enchanters to discuss the situation.
This Conclave, held on 14 August 966 in Guild Hall at Bor-
phee, was attended by every guildmaster and major enchanter,
including Orkan, Gustar Woomax, and Y'Gael. Several laypeople,
such as Sneffle, Hoobly, Gzornenplatz, and Ardic, were also pre-
sent to discuss the failure of Magic. The course of this discus-
sion was interrupted when the Shadow of the Head of the Circle
enterred the Hall and turned everyone except his human counter-
part into various amphibious creatures. This sent the Head of the
Circle venturing out into the world to seek some answers.
Meanwhile, the newly-created newts and toads were able to
continue their discussion. They quickly realized that the Age of
Magic was coming to a close. The sorceress Y'Gael suggested using
the Coconut of Quendor as a container in which to preserve all of
the knowledge of Magic for a later Age. A local peasant was soon
sent on the dangerous task of finding the Coconut.
The Head of the Circle managed to recover most of the Cubes
of Foundation, which eventually led him to the stronghold of his
Shadow. Before this conflict with the Shadow, the Coconut of
Quendor was found, and the Enchanters at the Conclave, who had
used their powers to return to human form, were able to store the
knowledge of the Age of Magic inside the Coconut. Meanwhile the
Head of the Circle had finally encountered his evil double. In
this final conflict the Cubes of Foundation were destroyed, and
this drew the Age of Magic to a close.
Fisha is a small wand producer in Foozle, specializing in Wands
of Inanimation. Their wands tend to have a very limited life.
A flamingo is a common garden animal.
Abraham Flathead, a great statesman from an unknown time period,
is best noted for his famous quote, "A home that's cut in half
usually falls over."
Babe Flathead (748 - 789 GUE): Often called the flattest of the
Flatheads, Babe, the youngest of the twelve, was born with an
aptitude for sport. He demonstrated his dexterity and coordina-
tion early on, throwing baby blocks at his older siblings with
impressive speed and accuracy.
As a youth, he was always captain of the Little League teams,
thanks in part to pressure applied by his uncle, Mayor Fiorello
Flathead. Even as a teenager, he was something of a lady's man
and a party animal, and his older brother Dimwit would frequently
have to bail the Babe out of jail following one infraction or
another. By all accounts, Babe and Dimwit, despite their 25-year
age difference, were closest of all the Flathead siblings.
When he reached college age, Babe selected Mithicus Province
University from amongst many eager suitors. At MPU, Babe was a
43-letter man, leading his team to championships in every exist-
ing college sport and several non-existent ones as well. (Many
experts feel that Babe's teams would have won these champion-
ships even if every competing school had NOT had their QCAA mem-
berships revoked.)
Throughout the Babe's professional sports career, he excelled
in everything he tried: bocce, tag-team kayaking, full-court
furbish. There was only one exception. Try as he might, Babe
could not master Double Fanucci. Even the unexplained disappear-
ances of the 339 leading Double Fanucci players failed to get
Babe into the championships. Fanucci experts believe that Babe's
difficulty with the game could be traced to one weakness: his
failure to remember that three undertrumps after an opponent's
discard of a Trebled Fromp is an indefensible gambit.
By 782 GUE, the Babe was such a phenomenal drawing card that
Dimwit constructed the kingdom's largest sporting arena, Flathead
Stadium, in his honor. It was there, during the shark-wrestling
semi-finals in 789 GUE, that the youngest of the Twelve Flatheads
met his end.
Barbawit Flathead was the tenth king of the Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Duncwit, and was succeeded by Idwit
Oogle. He reigned from Flatheadia in the years 843-845.
Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, the great-great-grandson of
King Duncanthrax, ruled the Great Underground Empire from 770 GUE
to 789 GUE. He was the seventh king of the Flathead Dynasty,
coming to the throne after Mumberthrax, and before Loowit. Born
in 723 GUE, Dimwit was Mumberthrax's firstborn, and grew up as
heir to the throne of Quendor. A tad spoiled, little Dimwit was
fond of torturing his nannies in the Egreth castle dungeon.
Dimwit spent most of his early adulthood vacationing (with
40,000 attendants) in the sparsely populated Eastlands across the
Great Sea. Dimwit despised the outdoors, and he was petrified of
rain, which puddled embarrassingly on his level pate. He soon
became enthralled by the underground caverns in those areas, an
interest that was to change the course of the Kingdom.
When Mumberthrax felt death's icy hand in 770 GUE, Dimwit
began his reign. Described by Boswell Barwell as "vibrant," Dim-
wit has also been portrayed as "the single worst ruler the Empire
ever produced." (The Great Underground Empire: A History, by
Froboz Mumbar) Dimwit moved the capital of Quendor from Egreth in
the Westlands to Aragain in the Eastlands on 14 Jam 771. Aragain,
a small village, was transformed and renamed Flatheadia. Another
indication of Dimwit's vanity was his renaming of the Great Sea
to the Flathead Ocean. Dimwit also decreed that Quendor be called
"The Great Underground Empire." These names are now used inter-
changeably.
Lord Dimwit's vanity was surpassed only by his outrageous
sense of proportion. For example, his coronation took 13 years to
plan (and therefore took place two-thirds of the way through his
reign), lasted an additional year and a half, and cost 12 times
the Empire's GNP. This incredible ceremony quickly earned him the
nickname Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive. More evidence of his
excessiveness came in 783 when, on a whim, he ordered the erec-
tion of Flood Control Dam #3, an underground project whose use-
lessness (it never rains underground!) and its cost (37 million
zorkmids!) did not diminish its magnificence. He also had huge
granola smelters built near the Antharian Granola Mines of Plum-
bat.
Dimwit also developed an incredible urge for odd candies. He
commissioned the Frobozz Magic Candy Company to make him candied
grasshoppers, chocolate ants, and worms glacee. His love for
these was only surpassed by his desire for rare chocolate
truffles. In order to indulge his bottomless appetite, he ordered
the excavation of entire forests where the truffles grew.
Another of Lord Dimwit's accomplishments was the creation of the
Royal Museum to house the crown jewels. Built in 776 GUE and
dedicated the next year, this Museum had incredibly tight secu-
rity that actually showed restraint on the part of the king. He
had originally planned to build the museum under two miles of
mountain, and surround it with 500 feet of steel. This rare
moment of self-control was probably due in some part to the sound
advice of one of his chief advisors, Lord Feepness. His other
advisor, Delbor of Gurth, was probably too frightened to give his
opinion in the matter.
Some bitter chroniclers have described Dimwit's castle at
Flatheadia as his biggest folly. It covered 8600 square bloits,
and housed, at one time, over 90% of the empire's population.
At this point, discerning readers will have noted that all of
Dimwit's acts seemed to have been to gratify his ego. This, how-
ever, is not true. When the Endless Fire of 773 destroyed the
city of Mareilon, Lord Dimwit Flathead issued over the following
few weeks a series of 5,521 edicts severely limiting access to
magic, and, incidentally, lawyers. These edicts resulted in the
blossoming of the highly successful institutions of the Guilds of
Enchanters.
Lord Dimwit gave all of his underground projects to the Fro-
bozz Magic Cave Company, chiefly because his brother, John D.
Flathead, was President of FrobozzCo International, the Magic
Cave Company's parent company. Another of Dimwit's projects that
involved the Cave Company was his plan to quench and then hollow
out a mighty volcano near Flatheadia. Dimwit was fond of this
idea, and personally reviewed the plans at each stage.
After the volcano project was finished, the king conceived of
two more stupendous projects. The second idea, never to be rea-
lized, was the creation of a new continent in the center of the
Flathead Ocean. The outline and contours of the new continent
would have been a gigantic reproduction of his own visage. Fortu-
nately for mapmakers, Dimwit passed away in 789 before he could
accomplish his final goal. Not surprisingly, his vanity would
bring about the end of his Empire, and his life.
In 789 Dimwit ordered the defoliation of 1400 square bloits
of lush forest in the Fublio Valley to erect a nine-bloit-high
statue of himself, lending credence to the Royal motto, "A truly
great ruler is larger than life." One resident of Fublio Valley
was not impressed. The matter came to a head at a banquet thrown
by Dimwit to celebrate his new statue. This banquet, a minor
affair that used 300 dragons to feed a few thousand guests, saw
the conception of the last two royal proposals of Dimwit's reign.
Wishing to have a dedication for his statue, he suggested giving
everyone in the Kingdom a year off, and inviting them to Fublio
Valley. The second main topic of discussion at the banquet was
Dimwit's idea for a new continent. The empire simply did not have
enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness, the voice of sanity
in the realm, pointed out that raising the tax rate from 98% to
100% simply would not be a wise political move. Lord Dimwit,
never satisfied, proposed adopting everyone in the Kingdom and
telling them that he'd cut off their allowances.
Just at that moment, the great mage Megaboz appeared amidst a
cloud of smoke. Furious at the statue darkening his home of
Fublio Valley, he cursed Dimwit's life, family, and Empire. In
only a few moments, Lord Dimwit and his eleven siblings came to a
sudden death, thus ending one of the most colorful chapters in
the history of Quendor. The court magicians were able to postpone
the other effects of Megaboz's Curse for quite some time. Nine-
ty-four years later, on 14 Mumberbur 883, in the reign of Wurb
Flathead, the Empire came to an end. Flatheadia was destroyed,
and the age of the Flathead Dynasty was over.
Duncwit Flathead was the ninth king of the Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Loowit, and was succeeded by Barbawit.
He reigned from Flatheadia in the years 813-843.
Elvis Flathead was a hit singer who lived during the ninth cen-
tury GUE. He is best known for his hit songs, "Love Is Blind,"
and "Hellhound," as in "You ain't nothing but a - ." His first
concert was in 841 GUE.
Ernie Flathead was the manager of numerous coal mines in the
Great Underground Empire, most notably Coal Mine #502, located
close to the Great Underground Highway #2, near Egreth. He most
likely lived during the reign of King Duncanthrax in the seventh
century GUE.
Fiorello Flathead: This man, alive in the 8th century GUE, was
the brother of King Mumberthrax. Fiorello is not an example of an
honest, moral citizen. This is best shown by the pressure he
exerted on the coaches of various Little League athletic teams in
order to ensure that his nephew, Babe Flathead, was always cap-
tain of the team. It is also known that Flathead attained the
office of Mayor, although it is uncertain in which city he did
so.
Frank Lloyd Flathead (741 - 789 GUE): As children, all the Flath-
ead siblings adored playing with blocks. (Nanny Beeble, governess
to the children, recalls that many had teams of slaves whose
exclusive job it was to move the larger blocks.) However, only
Frank Lloyd drew plans before building.
Frank Lloyd got his big break at the tender age of 17, when
his father, King Mumberthrax, commissioned him to design a new
wing for Castle Egreth. The resulting wing was breathtakingly
impressive. As Frank Lloyd himself wrote, "the conjunction of
space and time seems to interface in a pre-subjected instantia-
tion of the underrepresented whole." Frank Lloyd became, over-
night, the hottest architect in the Kingdom. (The fact that the
new wing of Egreth collapsed two years later, killing over 4,000
royal guests, was credited to a miscalculation on the stonema-
son's part. He was summarily executed.)
His reputation established, Frank Lloyd designed virtually
every important Quendorian building during his three decades as
Official Court Architect. His designs ranged from his vacation
chalet in the Gray Mountains to the Great Meeting Hall of the
Enchanters' Guild in Borphee, but Frank Lloyd is best known for
his most ambitious work: the 400-story FrobozzCo Building in
Flatheadia.
Overlooking exaggerations such as "on a clear day you can see
the FrobozzCo Building from anywhere in the world," it is still
the most ambitious building ever designed or built. A FrobozzCo
Building address is most prestigious, and Frank Lloyd himself had
a penthouse office, until a slight case of acrophobia forced him
to relocate to a nineteenth-story office with a pleasant southern
exposure.
The carcinogenic chemicals used in the eighth century to
create blueprints finally took their toll on Frank Lloyd, and he
died in 789 GUE.
Idwit Oogle Flathead was the eleventh king of the Flathead
Dynasty, and father of Wurb Flathead. Idwit came to the throne
after Barbawit, and reigned from Flatheadia in the years 845-881,
when he was succeeded by his son.
J. Pierpont Flathead (730 - 789 GUE): As a child, J. Pierpont
demonstrated both the flair for capitalism and the resourceful-
ness which would make him the most successful banker in all of
Quendor. The enterprising eight-year-old opened a lemonade stand
in the center of Egreth Village, using the royal militia to force
citizens to buy the lemonade. At spearpoint, most people were
willing to pay little J. Pierpont's exorbitant price of 300
zorkmids per glass. Ice was extra.
He also used the militia to quash the other lemonade stands
in the city, and later to shut off all other beverage sources as
well. As the prices at his lemonade stand soared into quadruple
digits, J. Pierpoint quickly realized the benefits of monopolies.
In 749, at the age of nineteen, J. Pierpont became a clerk at the
Bank of Zork. Six weeks later, following a rash of disappearances
of his successive bosses, J. Pierpont became the youngest Chair-
man of the Board in the bank's history, a testament to his finan-
cial acumen.
As Chairman, he used his royal connections to eliminate all
competing banks, increasing the Bank of Zork's market share from
99.2% to 100%. (He was later able to increase this number to 131%
by encouraging customers to deposit their money several times.)
He also supervised the installation of the latest magic-based
security techniques to guard the bank's vault and deposit box
areas. For unknown reasons, J. Pierpont hired exclusively gnomes
to fill his teller and security positions.
J. Pierpont Flathead served as the Chairman of the Board
until his odd disappearance in 789 GUE, when he entered one of
the bank's vaults and never re-emerged. Although gone, he is not
forgotten; reproductions of his portrait still hang in every
branch of the Bank of Zork.
Johann Sebastian Flathead (728 - 789 GUE): In 732 GUE, the Fro-
bozz Philharmonic Orchestra was formed. Because of the woeful
lack of orchestral music in existence, the FPO usually settled
for playing baroque versions of old folk tunes and popular dance
numbers. Seven years later, the FPO performed their first sym-
phony. The piece was notable because of the age of its author, a
precocious eleven-year-old named Johann Sebastian Flathead.
As he matured, Johann's symphonies increased in length, while
his audiences mysteriously decreased in size. (No reasonable
postulation has been made to explain Johann's lack of popularity.
It is the belief of this author that the short attention span of
the general public precluded it from sitting still for the whole
of one of his symphonies.) His Symphony #981, the so-called Infi-
nite Symphony, contained over 60,000 movements; over the course
of its only performace, several members of the orchestra retired
and were replaced by their children or grandchildren.
Dimwit recognized a kindred spirit in his younger brother,
and appointed him official court composer in 771. Later that
year, he wrote his famous "Flatheadia Overture for Rack and Pen-
dulum" to celebrate the dedication of Dimwit's new dungeon.
He spent his latter years composing music for ever more grandiose
instruments, such as his Concerto for Woodwinds and Waterfalls.
Johann was killed in 789 when a mishap occurred during a rehear-
sal of his Minuet for Violin and Volcano.
John D. Flathead (725 - 789 GUE): King Duncanthrax formed the
Frobozz Magic Construction Company in 667 GUE to enlarge the
underground caverns of the Eastlands. Affiliated companies, such
as the Frobozz Magic Dirt Disposal Company, and the Frobozz Magic
Underground Sewer Installation Company, soon followed. The next
year, FrobozzCo International was formed as a parent company for
the burgeoning subsidiaries.
By 743, there were more than 17,000 subsidiaries of Fro-
bozzCo. That same year, a young entrepreneur named John D.
Flathead graduated from the venerable Borphee Business School.
At age 22, John D. founded Flathead Industries. FI's business was
inventing other companies, which it would then sell to FrobozzCo.
Within three years, FI had an annual income of 80,000,000 zork-
mids. Eventually, the conglomerate decided to buy FI, renaming it
the Frobozz Magic Company Company. John D. became one of Fro-
bozzCo's 39,000 vice-presidents.
It didn't take John D. long to parlay his business acumen and
royal connections into the chairmanship of FrobozzCo. Years of
heady growth followed. When John D.'s older brother Dimwit became
king, FrobozzCo received every contract for Dimwit's incredible
projects. Hundreds of new subsidiaries were formed daily; in 781
a huge 400-story headquarters opened in Flatheadia.
John D.'s long-time goal was for FrobozzCo to control every
single zorkmid of commerce in the Great Underground Empire. The
lone holdout, a small rutabaga farm in Mithicus, finally sold out
to FrobozzCo in 789. John D. never heard the news, however. He
disappeared, along with a huge entourage, while touring the fac-
tories of the Frobozz Magic Snowmaking Equipment Company in the
Gray Mountains.
John D. Flathead II - X were all descendants of the original John
D., and were, like him, all chairmen of FrobozzCo International
at one time or another. The only specific date we have on file is
that John D. X took over the Chairmanship of the Board from his
father on the first of February, 948.
John Paul Flathead (738 - 789 GUE): All the Flathead aunts and
uncles predicted early on that John Paul would find his destiny
at sea. He loved boats so much that the royal carpenters were
ordered to produce a flotilla of 1,400 vessels for his bathtub.
(His bathtub had to be consequently enlarged; a large inland sea
resulted.)
From an early age, John Paul suffered from an inferiority
complex derived from being the second "John" among the Flathead
children. (In his autobiography, Mumberthrax explains that when
he named John Paul he "simply forgot about John D.") This complex
made John Paul determined to become a world-famous seafaring
adventurer.
At sea, his feats ranged from the courageous (he was the
first person to traverse the Great Sea in a one-man ship) to the
curious (he set a new record for the most circumnavigations of
Antharia on a raft towed by groupers).
In 766 GUE, at the age of 28, John Paul joined the royal
navy; by 771, he was the ranking admiral; by 773, every ship in
the navy had been sunk or lost at sea. John Paul retired shortly
thereafter.
He spent his latter days touring the Flathead Ocean, collect-
ing curious and unusual pets from all corners of the world. Among
the most interesting: a large blue toad named "Otto" who was
known for his extraordinary appetite and his curmudgeonly person-
ality.
John Paul died in 789 GUE, during a vacation in Grubbo-by-
the-Sea, when his old nemesis, the great white jellyfish, finally
caught up with him.
Leonardo Flathead (731 - 789): Little notice was taken of Leon-
ardo Flathead as a child. He was shy and quiet, and quite over-
shadowed by his aggressive older brothers. It wasn't until his
arrival at Galepath University that his genius blossomed and the
world began to take notice.
While at the University, Leonardo wrote several major treat-
ises which revolutionized scientific thought. The most famous of
these disproved the hoary myth that the world sits on the back of
a giant turtle, proving instead that the world actually rests on
the head of an enormous troll.
After his University days were over, Leonardo turned from
science to art. He became the most famous painter in the land:
noblemen from every province were escorted to his studio by Dim-
wit's personal militia to have their portraits painted.
Unfortunately, during his later years Leonardo became quite
senile, and his painting style deteriorated. He took to flinging
paint at his canvases in much the same way that a Borphee baker
flings bits of dough into a hot oven to make Frobolli Cakes. His
studio became caked with layer upon layer of splattered paint. It
was during this period that his famous incomplete work,
"Obstructed View of Fjord," was lost.
Leonardo made a final, feeble attempt to recapture his former
greatness by moving to other media beside paint, but these
efforts led to his tragic end. In 789, while working on a large
statue intended for the harbor of Antharia, he suffered a fatal
plunge into a vat of molten granola.
Leo "The Lip" Flathead: A renowned card-shark.
Loowit Flathead was the eighth king of the Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Dimwit, and was succeeded by Duncwit. He
reigned from Flatheadia in the years 789-813.
Lucrezia Flathead (735 - 789): Of all the Twelve Flatheads, it is
most difficult to separate history from legend when studying
Lucrezia, the only sister to eleven aggressive brothers. Showing
a total lack of understanding for her delicate position, detrac-
tors have cruelly tried to claim that Lucrezia had a warped mind.
At the tender age of sixteen, Lucrezia married a very rich but
very old nobleman from Gurth, Marcus Bzart-Foodle. Ten-and-a-half
months later, he died in bed with his bride. Afterward, Bzart-
Foodle's doctor could not recall whether he had warned Lucrezia
to avoid over-exciting her husband's weak heart.
Lucrezia's second husband, a wealthy land baron from Mareilon
named Oddzoe Glorb III, was found dead just five weeks after the
wedding, his body mangled by hellhounds. It was quite understan-
dable that Lucrezia had her multi-volume hellhound training man-
ual removed from the house at once; the sight of it must have
brought back tragic memories.
Five days later, Lucrezia sought consolation in a third mar-
riage, to the Governor of Antharia, Hirax Mumbleton. Only two
days after that, Antharia was without a governor. Hirax had been
discovered in his office, smothered under a ton of raw granola.
His sobbing widow immediately cancelled delivery of her daily
truckloads of granola, in order to avoid any similar tragedies.
After her next fifteen husbands, all wealthy lords, died in
their wedding nights, royal insiders reported that she was so
distraught by her tragic string of bad luck that she was becoming
dangerously suicidal. Elder brother Dimwit was finally forced
into action, and had her locked up in a cell in the dungeon for
her own safety. She languished in that cell for the remaining
fifteen years of her life. During this period, some 1,800 prison
guards were mysteriously poisoned. Some legends say that her own
death, in 789, was self-induced.
Mumberthrax Flathead the Insignificant, the sixth king of the
Flathead Dynasty, ruled the kingdom from Egreth Castle during the
years 755-770. Historians note that Mumberthrax's reign was sig-
nificant for exactly thirteen, and only thirteen, reasons. The
first reason was his royal decree that made Double Fanucci the
National Sport of Quendor. As for the other reasons, Boswell Bar-
well writes that "Mumberthrax's place in history was secured by
the one thing at which Flatheads tended to excel: procreation."
Mumberthrax was the father of the famed Twelve Flatheads.
O'Flathead, the great humorist, would have quite probably gotten
a chuckle out of the Double Fanucci rule suspending the game when
one player leads by more than 1241 points. The irony involved in
playing so long without a decision is the same type of humor
O'Flathead was noted for.
Oliver Wendell Flathead, a great jurist, handed down his deci-
sions from the bench of the court in Flatheadia.
Phloid Flathead was the fifth king of the Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Timberthrax, and was succeeded by Mum-
berthrax. He reigned from Egreth Castle in the years 738-755.
Ralph Waldo Flathead (737 - 789): An unspoken Flathead family
motto was "quantity over quality," and no one demonstrated that
tenet better than Ralph Waldo. During his 40-plus years of put-
ting pen to parchment, he wrote 912 novels, 4,000 short stories,
and an incredible 87,000 sonnets. His essays have never been
successfully counted.
Ralph Waldo spent eleven years at Antharia University, col-
lecting a chestful of degress, including three doctorates: Doctor
of Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of Excellent Elegies, and Doctor of
Octameter Odes. He was very proud of his academic accomplish-
ments, and always signed his name "Ralph Waldo Flathead, D.I.P.,
D.E.E., D.O.O."
Fresh out of college and flush with the enthusiasm of youth,
Ralph Waldo wrote a series of lengthy essays which he hoped would
uplift the human spirit. Sadly and inexplicably, these essays
lifted little more than the profits of the Frobozz Magic Writing
Paper Company. The essays from this period include "On the Bene-
fits of Keeping Ears Clean" and "Why Doorknobs are Necessary."
Also during this period, he wrote "On the Discoloration of Road-
side Slush," but the manuscript was lost before it could be pub-
lished, leaving Ralph Waldo disconsolate for years.
During his middle years, Ralph Waldo spent nearly half a
decade living in the granola mines of Antharia. It was during
this period that he wrote his longest work, a 60,000-verse epic
about the varieties of moss that one finds in granola mines.
Toward the end of his life, Ralph Waldo specialized in exploring
related themes, as brilliantly demonstrated by the four sonnets
found by his deathbed:
Sonnet #87,177 "Ode to a Tiny Moist Avocado Pit"
Sonnet #87,178 "Ode to Another Tiny Moist Avocado Pit"
Sonnet #87,179 "Ode to Two Tiny Moist Avocado Pits"
Sonnet #87,180 "Ode to Two Still-Tiny-But-Less-Moist Avocado
Pits"
Ralph Waldo died in 789 GUE. An autopsy revealed that the
cause of death was an overdose of avocados.
Thomas Alva Flathead (730 - 789): Many have mastered the magical
arts; few applied them to the creation of practical devices as
masterfully as the great inventor Thomas Alva Flathead.
His brilliance was evident even in childhood. Thomas Alva,
the sixth son in his family, was constantly tormented by his sib-
lings: no sooner would he get a toy to play with than some older
brother would snatch it away. Thomas Alva quickly remedied the
situation by inventing powerful steel traps which, at first
glance, looked exactly like toy boats or stuffed dornbeasts.
As an adult, Thomas Alva produced a seemingly endless stream
of inventions from his laboratory, Froblo Park. His most useful
inventions include the magic room spinner and the magic compres-
sor, but he is probably best-known as the inventor of the batter-
y-powered brass lantern.
Thomas Alva also made a number of breakthroughs in the area
of personally-ingested magic. His most famous invention in this
area was a yellowish-green potion which allowed humans to talk to
plants.
All of these inventions were marketed by FrobozzCo Interna-
tional, providing Thomas Alva with generous royalties. But he
spurned wealth, living in a small room behind his laboratory and
sleeping on an unfinished wooden board. Thomas Alva died in 789
GUE from a severe case of splinters.
Timberthrax Flathead was the fourth king of the Flathead Dynasty.
He came to the throne after Frobwit, and was succeeded by Phloid.
He reigned from Egreth Castle in the years 727-738.
T. J. "Stonewall" Flathead (726 - 789) received his celebrated
nickname while serving as a Squire in the Royal Army during the
famous Battle of The Stonewall in 747 GUE. The Stonewall was a
strategically vital locale, commanding the two most important
caverns of the Eastlands. When reports arrived that rebellious
natives had captured The Stonewall, T.J. Flathead and his garri-
son were assigned the mission of retaking it.
After a battle lasting seven weeks, during which T.J.'s men
suffered a casualty rate of nearly 75%, the garrison stormed The
Stonewall. Once in command of it, they discovered that the
reports had been erroneous: The Stonewall was completely unde-
fended, and the supposedly rebellious natives were actually all
vacationing in the Gray Mountains. Nevertheless, T.J.'s tactics
and strategies during the battle were brilliant, and he would
henceforth be known as Stonewall Flathead.
Stonewall rose quickly through the ranks, and in 755 GUE he
became General of the Royal Army. During his 34 years in command,
he squelched three provincial rebellions and over 12,000 tax
riots. Fortunately, his unlimited conscription powers helped
mitigate the 98% casualty rate his army suffered during these
difficult battles.
Stonewall died in 789 GUE during the Battle of Ragweed Gulch,
when he was accidentally shot by one of his own men.
Ursula Flathead: The Miss Miznia of 878 GUE has been called the
"Sex Goddess of the Great Underground Empire." The editors would
be hard-pressed to disagree with the phrase, especially consider-
ing a series of posters showing Ursula in a suggestive pose,
wearing minimal cover.
Vanna Flathead is one of few members of the Flathead family who
could be called a sissy. Her name has become a part of the ver-
nacular due to Double Fanucci players who invoke her name to mock
their opponent's impotence.
Wurb Flathead, son of Idwit Oogle Flathead, was the twelfth and
final king in the Flathead dynasty. Born on Oracle 3rd, he
assumed the throne in 881, and his reign came to an abrupt end on
the 14th of Mumberbur, 883, when the Curse of Megaboz, delayed
for 94 years, finally succeeded in destroying the reign of the
Flatheads.
Wurb has been given bad press by those who feel that his
remarkable feeble-mindedness was responsible for the fall of the
Empire. The truth of the matter is that Dimwit Flathead's bad
policies caused Megaboz to cast his Curse, while Wurb did his
best to fight off his inevitable downfall. His most notable act
as king was to offer one half of the wealth of the kingdom to
anyone who could forestall the Curse. When this did nothing to
prevent the Empire's downfall, Wurb lost his throne and moved
somewhere else.
Flatheadia was the capital of the Great Underground Empire from
770 GUE, when Lord Dimwit Flathead built his castle there, to the
fall of the Empire in 883. (The former seat of royal government
was Egreth, in the Westlands. Dimwit's love of the Eastlands has
always been given as the main motive behind the capital's relo-
cation.) Before 770, Flatheadia had been called Aragain. In a
surprisingly short amount of time, that small village was trans-
formed and renamed, quickly becoming the center of civilization
as it was then known.
At its peak, the castle at Flatheadia housed 90% of the
Empire's population. The nearby village-turned-metropolis was
home to the Underground Revenue Service, the Postal Service, and
various temples and courts of law. The dominating feature of the
Flatheadia landscape after 781 was the 400-story FrobozzCo World
Headquarters Building, designed by Frank Lloyd Flathead. Much
like Egreth, its counterpart in the Westlands, Flatheadia was the
focus of all new underground tunneling and exploring in the area.
It is a well-known historical fact that splendor never lasts,
and this was indeed the case with Flatheadia. The population of
Flatheadia steadily declined after Dimwit's death in 789, due to
fears of the Curse of Megaboz. These fears became reality when,
in 883, the Curse that had been postponed 94 years succeeded in
destroying the Empire, and Flatheadia along with it. All that
remains of Flatheadia today is a simple white house.
Twelve Flatheads: As every student of history knows, the Twelve
Flatheads were the greater part of the Thirteen Significant
Accomplishments of King Mumberthrax the Insignificant. In the
immortal words of Boswell Barwell, the royal biographer: "Mumber-
thrax's place in history was secured by the one thing at which
the Flatheads tended to excel: procreation. He sired twelve amaz-
ing children; twelve offspring who would transform the kingdom.
As these magnificent siblings grew in notoriety, as their vast
achievements became legendary, they became known as The Twelve
Flatheads." The first of the twelve, Dimwit, was born in 723, 25
years before the birth of the youngest, Babe. All of the twelve
were killed on 14 Mumberbur 789 as a result of the Curse of
Megaboz. Although several of the twelve bodies were never recov-
ered, an underground crypt in the Eastlands is advertised as
holding the mortal remains of the Twelve. This archaeological
dilemma has never been adequately solved, but it is commonly
believed that the crypt merely holds accurate models of the heads
of the Flatheads. Falsehood-in-advertising charges are currently
being investigated against the author of the following sign over
the crypt: "Here lie the Flatheads, whose heads were placed on
poles by the keeper of the Dungeon for amazing untastefulness."
More information on each of the Twelve can be found in the fol-
lowing specific entries: Dimwit, John D., T.J. "Stonewall",
Johann Sebastian, J. Pierpont, Thomas Alva, Leonardo, Lucrezia,
Ralph Waldo, John Paul, Frank Lloyd, and Babe Flathead.
Flathead Fjord: The beautiful Flathead Fjord is an ocean inlet
which divides the great mountains of the Eastlands into two
ranges: the Gray Mountains, on the north side of the fjord, and
the Flathead Mountains, south of the fjord. Leonardo Flathead
love to paint near the Fjord in his later years, and it is here
that he worked on his famous incomplete work, "Obstructed View of
Fjord."
Flathead Mountains: This towering range in the Eastlands runs
north to south, forming the eastern border of the Frigid River
Valley. Beyond the mountains, the Fenshire Swamp extends to the
edge of the world. Near the southern end of the range, the Zorbel
Pass permits passage to the Fublio Valley. If mountain climbing
turns you on, the Flathead Mountains offer one of the best chal-
lenges anywhere.
The Flathead Ocean divides the world into the Eastlands and the
Westlands. It was called the Great Sea until the time of Dimwit
Flathead, and it is still known by its earlier name in many parts
of the land. This Ocean has a very unusual feature - its western
shore basks in the sunlight, while its eastern shore lies far
underground.
Flathead Stadium, located just to the north of Anthar, is sup-
posedly large enough to hold every man, woman, and child in
Quendor. The Stadium is often referred to as "The House That Babe
Built," a tribute to Babe Flathead's popularity as a gate
attraction. In fact Dimwit Flathead ordered the construction of
the stadium in 782 in Babe's honor. From that year onward a whole
range of sporting events were held in the stadium, including
Double Fanucci tournaments, dragonfights, and shark-wrestling,
which led to Babe's death in 789. This tragedy did not prevent
the continuation of shark-wrestling every weekend during the sum-
mer.
Flathead, the urban planner, helped design the plans for The Evil
One to transform Festeron into Witchville.
Flood Control Dam #3 is a staggering engineering feat that must
be seen to be believed. It was constructed in year 783 of the
Great Underground Empire to harness the mighty Frigid River. This
work was supported by a grant of 37 million zorkmids from the
local omnipotent tyrant of the era, Lord Dimwit Flathead the
Excessive. This impressive structure is composed of 370,000 cubic
feet of concrete, is 256 feet tall at the center, and 193 feet
wide at the top. The lake created behind the dam has a volume of
1.7 billion cubic feet, an area of 12 million square feet, and a
shore line of 36 thousand feet. A popular legend indicates that
Lord Dimwit had originally intended to name the dam FCD #2, an
entirely random designation, since there were no other such dams
in existence.
Prince Foo was the last ruler of Pheebor and owner of the Phee
Helm, about 400 years before the reign of Entharion. When Foo was
beheaded by someone he called an "eastern fop" from Borphee, the
glorious age of Pheebor ended, and Borphee rose to the prominence
it now enjoys.
Saint Foobus of Galepath, a legendary man said to have power over
lowly insects, has a holiday in his honor on 4 Oracle of each
year. One of the most obscure spots in the Great Underground
Empire is a cleverly hidden shrine to Foobus, deep underground in
the Eastlands. This shrine holds a statue of the saint carved out
of the wall of the cave. The sculptor of the statue obviously
spent a lot more time on the statue than the saint deserved. It
is now known that Foobus achieved his powers over insects with
the aid of a magical elixir deadly to humans.
Jezbar Foolion wrote a history of Duncanthrax's ascent to power
called The New Year's Revolt.
Lester Foozilbarmumboz is noted for his well-read book, G.U.E.
on Nine Zorkmids A Day, published in 873. This book is the source
of many population and distance figures quoted in this Encyclope-
dia.
Forburn the Wily, Double Fanucci champion, raised the level of
play in Double Fanucci championships the moment he was dealt his
cards. With a handicap of only 0.01, his greatest skill was draw-
ing Trebled Fromps.
Forburn never formally studied magic, but won a spell book
from an unsuspecting G.U.E. Tech student in a 902 GUE Fanucci
match. Bringing new meaning to the word "chiseler" wherever he
went, his most famous saying was, "The Encyclopedia Frobozzica
calls Double Fanucci a 'game played with cards.' I don't play
games; I don't play anything."
People acquainted with Double Fanucci know that there is a 79
point play named after Forburn himself, called the Forburn Chi-
sel.
Fort Griffspotter once guarded the lands near Egreth Castle from
attack by sea. The Fort was equipped with parade grounds, bar-
racks, an armory, and remarkable cast-iron cannon emplacements.
In 665 the forces of Duncanthrax vanquished the Antharian Armada
at the famous battle of Fort Griffspotter. This battle gave Dun-
canthrax undisputed control over the Great Sea.
The Four Fantastic Flies of Famathria, each bigger and more suc-
culent than the last, is a legend fabricated by a race of toad
creatures who once lived somewhere beyond the oceans of the
world. Seafarers reports that these toads were ugly, cantanker-
ous, and eternally hungry. Like most legends, the tale of the
Four Flies has its roots in fact. Four Flies matching that
description were known to exist in the Eastlands in 883 GUE, but
were eaten by Otto the Toad.
A fox is a common animal.
The Frigid River has the most severe currents and dangerous rap-
ids known to man, and is without a doubt the mightiest river in
the Great Underground Empire. It forms at the spill-off of Flood
Control Dam #3, pours over Aragain Falls, and finally empties
into the Great Sea at the southern end of the Frigid River Val-
ley. The total length, from dam to river delta, is over 150
bloits. On the first day of summer in the days of the Empire,
crowds lined the banks of the Frigid River for a spectacular
sight: the annual opening of the floodgates of FCD #3.
The Frigid River Valley, a province of the Great Underground
Empire with a population of 98,330, encompasses the 15,322 square
bloits which form the runoff basin of the Frigid River. Consid-
ered the backwater of the Great Underground Empire, this province
is difficult to get to, has very unpredictable weather, and has
virtually no local government to speak of. However, this province
is notable for the Flathead Mountains, the Aragain Falls, the
Royal Museum, Flood Control Dam #3, and the location of Flath-
eadia, the former capital of the Empire.
Lorissa Frob wrote a book called Wouldn't It Be Fun To Live
Underground?
Frobar is the most loyal and hard-working member of the Accardi
Guild of Enchanters. However, he is somewhat dull and lacks imag-
inations. He will most likely never become head of the Circle of
Enchanters.
Frobizzan Moss is the official flower of the Gray Mountains Pro-
vince.
Uncle Frobizzmus is the author of a history of the fall of the
Great Underground Empire called So You Want To Sack an Empire.
Froblo Park was the laboratory of Thomas Alva Flathead, located
near Flatheadia Castle in the Eastlands. It was here that he
invented a seeminly endless stream of devices, including a magic
room spinner, a magic compressor, a magic shape-changer, and a
battery-powered brass lantern.
Frobolli Cakes are a popular Borphee dessert made by flinging
bits of dough into a hot oven.
Frobozz, an ancient province in the northern part of the West-
lands, is the site of many historic settlements such as Galepath,
Mareilon, and the Castle Largoneth. This province of Frobozz
corresponds roughly to the Kingdom of Quendor during the reign of
Entharion. After the downfall of the kingdom in 883, the entire
area came to be referred to as the Land of Frobozz, after its
largest province.
J.B. Frobozz: Although history tells us that FrobozzCo has its
origins in a company formed by King Duncanthrax, it is popularly
believed that it was really founded by a J.B. Frobozz, whose
motto was "Sell Good Magical Aids."
FrobozzCo International is a vast conglomerate of thousands upon
thousands of companies. It can trace its origin to the Frobozz
Magic Cave Company, which was formed at the behest of King Dun-
canthrax in 668 GUE. (Please see entry on J.B. Frobozz) Affili-
ated companies, such as the Frobozz Magic Dirt Disposal Company,
and the Frobozz Magic Underground Sewer Installation Company,
soon followed. The same year, FrobozzCo International was formed
as a parent company for the burgeoning subsidiaries. By 743,
there were more than 17,000 subsidiaries.
That same year, a young entrepreneur named John D. Flathead
graduated from the venerable Borphee Business School. John D.
founded Flathead Industries to invent other companies, which it
would then sell to FrobozzCo. Within three years, Flathead
Industries had an annual income of 80 million zorkmids. Eventu-
ally, the conglomerate decided to buy FI, renaming it the Frobozz
Magic Company Company.
Once John D. became one of FrobozzCo's 39,000 vice-presidents
he was quickly able to become Chairman of the Board, as eventu-
ally would nine generations of his descendants. When John D.'s
older brother Dimwit became king, FrobozzCo received every con-
tract for Dimwit's incredible projects. Hundreds of new subsi-
diaries were formed daily; in the year 778 18,000 additional com-
panies were formed or taken over. FrobozzCo, whose company motto
is "You name it, we do it," was able to proclaim that it produced
everything from aardvarks to zwieback. John D. Flathead's long-
time goal was for FrobozzCo to control every single zorkmid of
commerce in the Great Underground Empire. This was realized in
789 when the lone holdout, a small rutabaga farm in Mithicus,
finally sold out to FrobozzCo.
This financial explosion led to the construction by the Magic
Cave Company of a huge 400-story company headquarters in Flath-
eadia in the year 781. This building, designed by Frank Lloyd
Flathead, was easily the tallest, most impressive building in all
of Quendor. However, it would not stand forever. In 883 the Curse
of Megaboz destroyed Flatheadia, forcing FrobozzCo to relocate
their headquarters to Borphee.
It is interesting to note that the first Dungeon Master, who
indirectly caused the destruction of the Flatheadia headquarters,
was rewarded by Megaboz with a controlling share of FrobozzCo's
stock. Despite this puzzling political situation FrobozzCo
thrived right up through the end of the Age of Magic. In fact the
company made a killing in the fall of 966 by issuing a Special
Crisis Edition of their Magic Catalog to convince people that
even at a time when magic was failing, FrobozzCo wouldn't fail
them. In this catalog they proclaimed the official FrobozzCo
business philosophy: "Sell good magical aids at a reasonable
profit, treat your customers like super enchanters, and they'll
always come back for more."
Frobwit the Flatter was the third king of the Flathead Dynasty,
ruling the kingdom from Egreth Castle during the years 701-727
GUE. Frobwit's reign is noted mainly for a flourishing of the
Thaumaturgic science. During this period the first reliable magic
wand was produced.
Fromps are a suit of cards in the game of Double Fanucci.
Froon: Legends of this magical kingdom date back before the reign
of Entharion the Wise (0-41 GUE). Froon was the setting for a
series of beloved children's books by L. Frank Fzort, and later
became a successful movie musical starring Judy Garlic.
In the year 966 a humble peasant-turned-adventurer discovered
that there is truth behind the Froon legend. This adventurer had
the odd experience of being transported by a tornado to Froon, a
place where apparently no one is taller than two feet. Quite by
accident the adventurer won the gratitude of the natives by kil-
ling the Heeled One, a boot who had tormented the people of Froon
for over 300 years. For accomplishing this feet, Grope, Mayor of
the City of Froon, offered the adventurer one of three of the
keys to the Kingdom of Froon. These sparse details are all that
is known of this strange, hidden land.
Frostham is the capital of the Gray Mountains Province.
Quizbo Frotzwit was the Managing Foreman of the Rockville
Estates.
Fublio Valley was once a richly verdant area at the southern tip
of the Flathead Mountains that was defoliated in the eighth cen-
tury. In the year 789, Lord Dimwit Flathead ordered the destruc-
tion of 1,400 square bloits, or 400,000 acres, of Fublio Valley
forest to make way for an immense nine-bloit-high statue of him-
self. Only recently has the area begun to return to normal
because of this.
Fublio Valley is also noted for a rock quarry, and the fact
that for some odd reason it has always been a favorite spot for
wizards (such as Megaboz, Gumboz and Korboz) who enjoy a hermitic
lifestyle. These wizards have used the Valley as a site to prac-
tice their magical/religious rituals involving stone cairns.
Fublio Valley was also probably the home of the painter Frobesius
Fublius.
Frobesius Fublius was a painter who specialized in rebuses. A
mysterious figure, he reputedly lived near Zorbel Pass and van-
ished toward the end of the eighth century. Recent historians
have speculated that Fublius and the enchanter Megaboz were one
and the same. Both lived near Zorbel and vanished in the same
time period. Even more compelling is the discovery that Fublius'
rebuses revealed facts about Megaboz that only Megaboz himself
could have known.
Fungus: A class of saprophytic parasitical plants which lack
chlorophyll and are frequently found in the less hygienic cavi-
ties of brogmoids.
Furbish: A professional athletic sports game played by Babe
Flathead.
Harmonious Fzort was the seventh king of the Entharion Dynasty,
reigning from Largoneth in the years 451-477. He came to the
throne after Zilbo II, and was succeeded by Bozbo II.
L. Frank Fzort: The author of a series of beloved children's
books set in the magical kingdom of Froon.
Thaddium Fzort was the ninth king of the Entharion Dynasty,
reigning from Largoneth in the years 481-545. Thaddium was also
the one-time owner of the Crocodile's Tear. He came to the throne
after Bozbo II, and was succeeded by Mumbo I.
S. Fzortbar drew the blueprints to the Rockville Estates in the
year 880 GUE.
Gabber Tumper is a corrupt and simplified form of Double Fanucci,
popular in taverns, and frequently played for stakes.
Galepath was one of the ancient cities united by Entharion the
Wise to form the Kingdom of Quendor. Galepath is the site of
Galepath University, one of the prestigious Moss-League colleges.
In the fifth century the scholar Bizboz was on the faculty at
Galepath University, and Leonardo Flathead himself would attend
the University in the eighth century.
Judy Garlic: Star of several movie musicals, including a success-
ful production based on L. Frank Fzort's tales of the kingdom of
Froon.
Glass Maze: Duncanthrax built the Glass Maze on a whim, to amuse
his friends, and torture his enemies. A labyrinth of 27 cubicles,
it is full of devilish pitfalls and is located underground near
his castle, Egreth, just off the western branch of the Great
Underground Highway. Since the abandonment of Egreth, the maze
lies unused. It is said that there are secret controls that
change the position of the walls, ceilings, and floors, or that
a sufficient magical force could to the same thing, but only
once, in the struggle to thwart the demon Jeearr, has such a
thing been recorded.
The entrance to the Glass Maze was a magnificent Hall, graced
with a wonderful statue of King Duncanthrax himself. The base of
this statue was engraved with the words: "I, Duncanthrax, King of
Quendor and all its subjugated outlands, invite you to sample the
delights of my Glass Labyrinth."
The gloop is the chief unit of liquid measurement in the Great
Underground Empire, named for the sound that liquid makes when
being poured from a glass container. The holding capacity of
flasks, vials, beakers, and the like are measured in gloops.
Oddzoe Glorb III, a wealthy land baron from Mareilon, was the
second husband of Lucrezia Flathead. He was found dead five weeks
after the wedding, his body mangled by hellhounds.
Fried Glurz is a popular and delicious dinner dish.
A gnome is a type of dwarf who dwells underground, guarding its
treasures. Occasionally these gnomes were employed by agencies
such as the Bank of Zork, the Great Underground Highway Toll Sys-
tem, and Bozbarland. Gnomes make efficient workers, due to their
stubbornness and will-power.
Goobar was a construction worker for the Rockville Estates.
Granola Riots: The granola mines in northern Antharia once sup-
plied seemingly limitless quantities of granola. Since the Gra-
nola Riots of 16 Estuary 865 GUE, the causes of which are not
clearly known, the output of the mines has fallen sharply.
The Gray Mountains refer to both a mountain range and a province.
Lying in the far northern part of the eastlands, the Gray Moun-
tains are a harsh environment, but a mecca for winter sports
enthusiasts, who use the Great Underground Highway system to
flock to the ski resort called Grayslopes.
The Gray Mountains Province, whose capital is Frostham, is
noted for several tourist attractions: the hot springs that warm
the underground caverns in the region, Grayslopes, and the frozen
surfaces of Lake Dinge and Mirror Lake, near a vacation chalet
designed by Frank Lloyd Flathead. The 18,370 inhabitants of the
province are ruled from Frostham by a tyrannical governor who is
chosen once a month by lottery. At 13,441 square bloits, the Gray
Mountains Province is larger than Antharia and Borphee Provinces
put together.
The "Fire and Ice Province" has chosen the Frobizzan Moss for
its official flower, and its motto, "Mekie zimbuz," translates to
"Maybe tomorrow."
Great Sea: Please see the entry on the Flathead Ocean.
The Great Underground Empire: Formerly known as Quendor, the
Great Underground Empire reached its height under King Duncan-
thrax, began declining under the excessive rule of Dimwit Flath-
ead, and finally fell in 883 GUE. The area is now called the Land
of Frobozz, after its largest province.
Many centuries ago Entharion the Wise united the warring
city-states of Galepath and Mareilon, forming the Kingdom of
Quendor. As the first king of a long dynasty, Entharion ruled
from Castle Largoneth over a kingdom which was little more than
what is currently the province of Frobozz. Our current calendar
dates from the first year of Entharion's reign.
Little is known about the early years of the kindgom, save
that it was ruled by a string of obscure rulers who did little to
merit history's recognition. Eventually the war-like nature of
the early city-states was forgotten, and they all united for good
under the brown and gold flag of Quendor.
Centuries later, in 659, the kingdom of Quendor was still
relatively small, encompassing seven-and-a-half provinces on the
western shore of the Great Sea, an agrarian land whose major
products were rope and mosquito netting. It was the thirty-first
year of the reign of Zilbo III, the last king of the Entharion
Dynasty, which abruptly came to an end with the ascension of
Duncathrax to the throne of Quendor on the final day of 659.
After removing Zilbo, Duncanthrax quickly developed a reputa-
tion for cruelty, bloodthirstiness and aggressiveness, thus ear-
ning himself the nickname "The Bellicose King." He raised a tre-
mendous army and began a systematic conquest of the neighboring
kingdoms. Within three years, Duncanthrax ruled an empire that
controlled virtually all the land between the Great Sea and the
Kovalli Desert. It was during this period that the new king moved
the seat of power from Largoneth to Egreth.
In 665, the forces of Duncanthrax vanquished the Antharian
Armada at the famous battle of Fort Griffspotter. The island-
nation of Antharia was, at the time, the world's premier sea
power, and this victory gave Duncanthrax undisputed control of
the Great Sea and put the superb ship-building facilities of
Antharia at his disposal. After this stunning victory, the Bel-
licose King turned his attention to the vast domain of the East-
lands. In 666 he swept across the territory with a large invading
force, dealing the natives a key defeat with the Diablo Massacre
at the Zorbel Pass.
As he absorbed the new territory into the kingdom, Duncan-
thrax made a startling discovery: huge caverns and tunnels
existed in the Eastlands. These underground realms inspired Dun-
canthrax's imagination; he soon realized that by burrowing into
the ground he could increase the size of his empire fivefold or
even tenfold! He put this plan into motion in 668 with the cre-
ation of the Frobozz Magic Construction Company. The natural cav-
erns in the eastern lands were expanded tremendously, and new
caverns and passages were dug in the western lands, chiefly in
the vicinity of Duncanthrax's castle, Egreth. By the time of his
death in 688, Duncanthrax ruled virtually all territory in the
known world, above and below ground.
After Duncanthrax, the throne was occupied by a long series
of his descendants. These were unspectacular rulers, who took on
the surname Flathead, for obscure reasons not necessarily related
to the planar shape of their pates. During this period there was
very little change in the Empire, as the conquered kingdoms were
assimilated into Quendor and the frantic pace of tunneling grad-
ually abated.
The beginning of the end for the immense kingdom came during
the reign of Lord Dimwit Flathead during the eighth century.
During his colorful reign, Dimwit became the first to call Quen-
dor "The Great Underground Empire," a designation now popularly
preferred to Quendor. He also renamed the Great Sea "the Flathead
Ocean." Preferring the Eastlands, he moved the Empire's capital
to Egreth (in the Westlands) to Flatheadia (in the Eastlands). In
a raw act of excessiveness, Dimwit ordered the construction of a
nine-bloit-high statue of himself, an act that angered the power-
ful mage Megaboz, and eventually led to the destruction of his
empire. (Please see the entries on Lord Dimwit Flathead and Mega-
boz.)
The rulers following Dimwit did their best to uphold his
tradition of excessiveness. The high level of taxation continued,
although the money was increasingly spent not on massive con-
struction projects but on extravagant parties and long vacation
trips for members of the Royal Family.
During the feeble-minded reign of Wurb Flathead in 883, after
countless years of decadence and overtaxation, the Great Under-
ground Empire was destroyed by the great Curse of Megaboz. The
underground caverns fell into disuse, coming under the power of
the first Dungeon Master; the Royal Treasury was sacked, and
everyone moved somewhere else.
The Great Underground Highway is a system of toll roads stretch-
ing throughout both the Eastland and Westland provinces. The
standard Highway toll is one zorkmid, but tolls can run as high
as Zm 3 depending on your point of departure. Toll gates are
usually manned by hired gnomes. To date at least four branches of
the GUH are known to exist: Number 2, near Egreth, goes from Boz-
barland to the Glass Maze; Number 90 runs from the White Cliffs
Beach to Port Foozle; Number 95 spans an immense distance from
Flatheadia to Fublio Valley; and one branch even extends all the
way to the Gray Mountains.
Great Void: The infinite empty space that surrounds the world. It
is one of the major tenets of Brogmoidism that the Great Brogmoid
"saveth us from plunging into the Great Void." One of the major
discoveries of the year 883 was the fact that the Great Void is
not entirely empty. Other worlds do indeed exist below and above
this one, supported by a presumably infinite string of Brogmoids.
Those who have attempted to jump off the bottom of the world have
reportedly fallen to a new, wondrous world where purple forests
surround lakes of molten rock, volcanoes belch green-blue smoke
into the sky, and enormous slug-shaped creatures, a bloit long,
engage in fierce combat. This other world is most likely the same
bizarre place visited by the Head of the Circle of Enchanters. In
the year 966 he found a strange environ filled with living rocks
that devoured metal for nourishment.
Great white jellyfish: This incredible monster was the nemesis of
John Paul Flathead, and was responsible for his death near Grub-
bo-by-the-Sea in 789 GUE.
Grope is the Mayor of the City of Froon.
A grouper is a large fish found in warm seas such as the Flathead
Ocean. Groupers will willingly eat almost anything. One obscure
fact of vague historical interest is that John Paul Flathead set
a record for the most circumnavigations of Antharia on a raft
towed by groupers. Of slightly more importance is the fact that a
grouper nest on the bed of the Flathead Ocean was a hiding place
for one of the Cubes of Foundation.
Grubbo-by-the-Sea is a village on the coast of the Westlands,
near Gurth, Mithicus and Miznia provinces. The Broken Lantern, a
pub in Grubbo, is noted for its fine parrot stew and morgia root
pie, along with other local delicacies. Grubbo is essentially a
decrepit village, inhabited by bandits and swarming with rat-ants
and discipline crabs. However, when the Coconut of Quendor was
discovered in 966, Grubbo was the departure point for a vessel
carrying the Coconut to its glorious destiny.
The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of
the earth. Its favorite diet is either adventurers or enchanters,
but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its horrible fear of
light. No grues have ever been seen by the light of day, and only
a few have been observed in their underground lairs. Of those who
have seen grues, few ever survived their fearsome jaws to tell
the tale. Grues have sharp claws and fangs, and an uncontrollable
tendency to slaver and gurgle. They are certainly the most
evil-tempered of all creatures; to say they are touchy is a dan-
gerous understatement. "Sour as a grue" is a common expression,
even among themselves.
In former days it was believed that all grues were eradicated
from the face of the world during the time of Entharion, many by
his own hand, and his legendary blade Grueslayer. It is now known
that uncountable hordes of grues escaped the blade of Entharion
and lurked in the bottomless pits of the underground, until they
were accidentally released in 883 by a peasant who would eventu-
ally become the first Dungeon Master. At this time the grues
quickly spread to every part of the Great Underground Empire,
including passages underneath Festeron, Antharia. It is there
that a Festeron postal worker stumbled into the nesting place of
a family of grues. A close call on the part of this postal worker
demonstrated that only the mother-instincts of a female grue are
strong enough to overcome a grue's fear of light.
Grues play a minor role in the tale of the demon Jeearr.
During his control of the area surrounding Egreth Castle, Jeearr
was using infernal machines to breed mutated grues that were not
afraid of light. Luckily for mankind, these grues were never
released into the world at large.
An interesting historical footnote concerning grues is the
fact that one grue lair was, for many eons, the resting place of
one of the Cubes of Foundation. In order to recover this cube, in
966 the Head of the Circle of Enchanters was forced to tempo-
rarily turn himself into a grue as a part of a quest that would
eventually result in the end of the Age of Magic.
Grueslayer was the legendary blade of Entharion the Wise. With
this sword he single-handedly slew many ravenous grues. Although
the blade itself is long lost, the Sheath of Grueslayer survived
at least until 966, when it was seen on sale in an Accardi weap-
ons shop. The Sheath, as probably with the Blade as well, had
magical powers: he who wears it is blessed with wondrous powers
of recuperation. If the blade Grueslayer were to resurface, it
would definitely worth at least half the wealth of the kingdom of
Quendor.
Guard lizards are creatures whose exact nature remains a mystery.
They appear to be nothing more than the head of a lizard attached
to a door, but they are quite alive and will bite the hand of
anyone who reaches for the door they are attached to. The only
way to pass a guard lizard is to feed it something it likes, such
as insects. It will go to sleep, and appear to be just another
stuffed lizard.
The Guardians of Zork are a military order of ancient lineage.
G.U.E. Tech is the most prestigious engineering school in the
land. Located in Borphee, the newest of the Moss-League Colleges
produces the young Enchanters of tomorrow. Students in the School
of Enchantment either take classes in well-known Enchanter Hall
or go through a 12 week "Learn-at-Home" course. According to
recent statistics, over 70% of GUE Tech graduates find careers in
magic-related guilds. Many even go on to start their own magic
companies, and have become an identifiable subculture known as
"Yuppies," or "Young Underground Professionals."
G.U.E. Tech's resident researchers have always been on the
cutting edge of magic technology. In 957 the university's Spell
Science Lab was heavily involved in research with highly GNUSTO-
receptive paper which it hoped would be sensitive enough to allow
even the most ancient and mighty spell to be copied. The results
of this research were never revealed.
G.U.E. Tech is also well-known for its MDL degree in Paper
Shuffling, which is advertised as a program that could lead its
graduates to really big zorkmids.
In late spring, G.U.E. Tech holds its annual Spelling Bee,
which is free and open to the public.
Gumboz: A very obscure hermit enchanter who lived in a small
shack in Fublio Valley. Apparently he had a very sick sense of
humore, as he protected his valuables with a spell that would
cause anybody incapable of halting the magic to starve to death.
Gurth City is the capital of Gurth Province. Nestled in between
mountains, a forest, and the Fields of Frotzen, Gurth City is
noted mainly for massive markets, where one can find anything
from spell scrolls to fish cakes stuffed with morgia root.
Research has shown that the best lodging in Gurth City is at the
King Zilbo Hotel.
Gurth Province, which lies to the north of Miznia and Mithicus,
is chiefly woods and farmland. The Fields of Frotzen, in central
Gurth, are known as the Breadbasket of Quendor. The capital of
the province is Gurth City, home of the King Zilbo Hotel, and a
local branch of Ye Olde Magick Shoppe. This magic shop carried,
at one time, one of the few remaining relics from the city of
Phee, the Hourglass of Phee, which is known to give control over
time itself by manipulating it in the proper location in Phee.
Gurth is known for its fine artisans, and Gurth City is the site
of the Gurth City Crafts Fair, held every weekend during the
spring. Since the weather is absolutely wonderful most of the
year, Gurth is a popular vacation spot, and in fact its nickname,
along with Mithicus, is the Vacation Province. Gurth and Mithicus
combined have a population of 2,883,190, and together encompass
21,545 suare bloits. These two provinces are governed by an
informal board of 13,000 citizens that meets three times each
day.
The forest to the north of Gurth city is a known hideout of
hellhounds and cruel puppets, but those willing to brave those
dangers may be able to answer one riddle, and discover the Pool
of Eternal Youth.
A guttersnipe is a dangerous bird of prey seen only in the
marshes near Grubbo-by-the-Sea. This bird has a needle-sharp beak
that is up to a foot in length, that it can use with deadly
accuracy once it has found a victim.
Gzornenplatz, a tall, gruff man, was a member of the Guild of
Huntsmen in 966. He gave a speech to the Final Conclave of
Enchanters detailing the failure of the FRIPPLE spell. This spell
protected towns and villages from wild beasts, but when it
failed, large troops of rat-ants encroached upon human settle-
ments.
Hades, the Land of the Dead, is the central focus of an ancient
religion deep underground in the Eastlands. The tenets of this
religion state that trespassers in the temple and breakers of the
commandments will be sent to the Land of the Dead. Adventurers in
the region have described Hades as a desolation, with one corner
filled with a pile of mangled bodies, the last remains of less
fortunate adventurers. These lost souls cry with thousands of
voices lamenting a hideous fate. The gateway to Hades, inscribed
with the words "Abandon every hope all ye who enter here!" was
once guarded by evil spirits and wraithes. However, the adven-
turer who would become the Second Dungeon Master used the power
of the local religion to call upon an unearthly force to exorcise
the spirits, allowing anyone free access to the Land of the Dead.
Helfax was a magician-philosopher, well-known for his opinions on
the Implementor legend. He proclaimed that, "A creation of this
kind is morally and logically indefensible, and the [Implementor]
theory is colossal claptrap and kludgery."
Helistar is an old and powerful member of the Circle of Enchant-
ers. Although a skilled and experienced magic user, she is humor-
less to the point of being grim. Despite this personality flaw,
Helistar was the most likely candidate to become the next Guild-
master of the Circle, until the Jeearr incident.
Hellhound: When you spot a hellhound, run in the other direction
as fast as you can! Hellhounds are fast, fierce, and capable of
devouring a human 12 times their size in 3.5 seconds. They nor-
mally inhabit burnt-out or enchanted woods and rarely venture
beyond their turf, even in pursuit of prey. Hellhounds are known
to inhabit forests near Egreth and Gurth, and they are kept by
the Prevaricons and Veritassi, who keep them fed with unwanted
visitors. When Festeron was transformed into Witchville by The
Evil One, a poodle named Alexis became a ravenous hellhound.
Holnac the Cynic is the only person known to despise Dimithio of
Borphee.
Saint Honko, the patron saint of people who play very odd musical
instruments, has a holiday in his honor on 31 Mage of each year.
Hoobly was a member of the Guild of Brewers in 966. He gave a
speech to the Final Conclave of Enchanters detailing the failure
of the magic that brews beer. One of the more volatile speakers
at the Conclave, his pronouncement that without magic there could
be no beer gave rise to a great concern. Some present that day
even went as far as to call Enchanters "traitors."
Hungus: Part sheep, part hippopotamus, the hungus builds its nest
in jungle swamps such as the Miznia Jungle and other hot, squishy
places. Normally docile and eager to avoid conflict or activity
of any kind, the hungus is fiercely clannish, and will instantly
charge at anything that dares to threaten its kin.
International Business Magic is trying to transfer the "safety
net" properties of GNUSTO to a new spell that would work on magic
potions.
The Implementors are the subject of much religious and philo-
sophical discussion. Ancient legends tell of the creation of the
world by these Implementors, who directed the running of great
engines which produced this world and others strange and won-
drous, as a test or puzzle for others of their kind. These
legends go on to state that these beings stand ready to aid those
entrapped within their creation. It is known that the Imple-
mentors are a race of minor deities who dwell on the Ethereal
Planes of Atrii. Implementors do not discourage the legends that
the world was created by them as a plaything, but the idea has
been hotly criticized by the magician-philosopher Helfax, who
says "A creation of this kind is morally and logically indefen-
sible, and the theory is colossal claptrap and kludgery."
Despite these remarks, worship of the Implementors has become
quite common. Four Implementors in particular, Dave Lebling, Marc
Blank, Brain Moriarty, and Steve Meretzky, also known as The
Bearded Oracle of Yonkers, are all extremely well-loved by the
populous. In fact, another part of the legend calls the four
Implementors mysterious magi who live in the lands beyond the
borders of the world. All that is specifically known about these
deities is that their ample free time is spent on costly
luncheons where gossip and sweet nectars flow freely.
In 966 GUE it was discovered that the Implementors were once
in possession of the fabled Coconut of Quendor, until it was sto-
len by an Ur-Grue. This fact gives added credence to the Legend
of Wishbringer, that tells of a knight slain by the Implementors
in search of that Coconut.
Infocom is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls and potions.
One of their most popular products was the Home Sorceror's How-To
Library, Volume One of which was the Build-Your-Own Medieval
Village set. This set has been advertised in the Popular Enchan-
ting magazine.
Infotaters, which popular legend says were invented by Entharion
the Wise, are the best way to store data ever discovered. Borphee
Infotaters, Inc. is a chief producer of infotaters, including the
"Field Guide to the Creatures of Frobozz."
Inquisition: Please see the article on the Inquisition in Appen-
dix E on religions.
J.C. Zorkmids, a shopping mall, often has sales associated with
Dimwit Flathead's birthday.
Jeearr: The ancient and evil force called Jeearr once spread
pestilence and terror across many lands. Only the combined magic
of many kings and wizards stopped him, even as he was preparing
his final assault. He was imprisoned in the void beyond our
world. His jailors warned future generations that his exile might
not be permanent; this warning was proved to be accurate when
Jeearr returned to the Westlands in 957 GUE.
The first indications of Jeearr's return can be found in the
diary of the mage Belboz. He wrote in his notebook that the demon
Jeearr's power could endanger the Circle and possibly the entire
kingdom. Without consulting any others, Belboz decided to conduct
some dangerous experiments, operating alone to shield the Circle
from the perils involved.
These experiments left Belboz open to the power of Jeearr.
This monstrous creature used Belboz's body as a host, intertwin-
ing himself throughout Belboz's mind. In visual terms Jeearr
could be described as a giant spider with millions of legs,
feasting on the body and spirit of Belboz. It was in this path-
etic condition that Belboz was forced by Jeearr to leave the
Council Hall in Accardi and travel to Egreth, where he would
become the physical embodiment of the demon as he furthered his
plans.
Fortunately for the world, the same Enchanter who defeated
Krill found Jeearr's lair and exorcised him from the body of Bel-
boz. At this point the demon became a wispy translucent shape
that warned the Enchanter in a deep voice of the inevitability of
his epoch of evil, a reign of terror that would last a thousand
thousand years. Jeearr claimed that he had stolen all of the
knowledge and secrets of Belboz and was ready to put them to use.
His plan was foiled when the VARDIK spell prevented him from
entering the body of the Enchanter. Without a host to feed on,
Jeearr could not survive. Thanks to the cleverness of the
Enchanter, Jeearr was left without such a host, and is gone for
all eternity.
Jesters employ physical, verbal, and magical tricker, usually for
the entertainment of king and court in the days of the Empire.
The last Royal Jester, the favorite of Lord Wurb Flathead, Bar-
bazzo Fernap is now known to have been one of several identities
assumed by the mage Megaboz to ensure the success of his Curse to
overthrow the Empire.
Jewel of Jerrimore: The legend of the accursed Jewel of Jerrimore
can trace its origins to the third century Before Entharion in
the northlands of Frobozz. This jewel, which in most versions of
the legend is a star sapphire, is said to have been cursed by the
Mage of Jerrimore as he lay upon his deathbed. As he sickened,
this powerful but twisted wizard became convinced that his
enemies had poisoned him to gain possession of his greatest
treasure, the Jewel of Jerrimore. With his dying breath, he
loosed a great and evil curse upon the Jewel and all who would
possess it.
After the Mage's death, each of his heirs took possesion of
the jewel; each held it jealously, mistrusting any who might look
upon it; each became obsessed with the greed and treachery they
perceived around them; and each came to early and horrible
deaths. Thus grew the legend of the cursed Jewel.
Although the legends vary, all versions say that the Jewel trav-
elled through many lands, always leaving a wake of misery and
death, and became lost for many years in an iron mine near the
Flathead Fjord. The entrance to the iron mine is marked by a
warning of inevitable death to anyone who takes the Jewel.
In the year 883 a daring adventurer entered the iron mine to
take the sapphire, using it as part of a complex plot that would
eventually result in the fall of the Great Underground Empire.
The final fate of the Jewel is not known.
Kaluzniacki, the inventor of the NONAV spell, was responsible for
the modernization of navigation via magical aids.
Kobolds are very capable fighters. If attacked, they will fight
back; if not attacked, they will fight back anyway. They look
very similar to the less aggressive paskalds, but can be easily
identified because their middle toe is slightly shorter than the
toes that flank it. Kobolds live in small tribes in caverns or in
very dark forests.
Korboz: A moderately famous hermit enchanter who lived in a hovel
in Fublio Valley. Apparently Korboz' ego far excelled his repu-
tation, as a sign outside his tiny shack proclaimed: "Korboz the
Magnificent."
The Kovalli Desert lies beyond the mountains that formed the
western boundary of ancient Quendor. It is an uncrossable waste-
land believed to stretch to the edge of the world.
Krill was a powerful warlock who plotted to overthrow the Circle
of Enchanters and enslave the kingdom. He almost achieved his
goal, but was banished to another plane of existence by a young
Enchanter in the 940s. Krill, a master magician, always wore
black. His yellow eyes were the only visible part of his body. He
launched his evil plan from the castle Largoneth, where he and
his misshapen followers built a huge, primitive temple to a
demon. Krill would regularly engage in human sacrifice to this
demon, and it is possible that this demon was the source of his
immense powers. Whatever the source of his magic, it now seems
that he was too powerful for his own good. The mage Belboz knew
that a powerful Enchanter would easily be detected and destroyed
by Krill, so the Guild of Enchanters sent a novice to vanquish
their foe. Krill, in his arrogance, overlooked the source of his
eventual downfall.
Lake Flathead is a large and handsome lake that lies underground,
entirely within the caverns near the former location of the royal
castle at Flatheadia. To the west of the lake lay the Royal Zoo;
to the south was the Great Underground Desert, to the north was
the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra Hall; and to the east was the
Great Underground Savannah. The lake could be crossed via a mag-
nificent royal vessel that never left that lake.
Largoneth Castle was built by Entharion the Wise back in the
misty times at the dawn of the Kingdom of Quendor. It served as
the capital of the kingdom for the duration of the Entharion
Dynasty, up to 660 GUE. Located on the coast of Frobozz, at the
western shore of the Great Sea, Largoneth is near the Lonely
Mountain, a local village, and the Old Lingolf House. As it was
the seat of power in Quendor for almost seven centuries, the
Castle is full of items of historical interest. It has a remar-
kable library and portrait gallery, and it is magically connected
to other parts of the kingdom. The dungeon at Largoneth was the
holding place of the Unseen Terror for many years.
After the capital was moved to Egreth by King Duncanthrax in
660, Largoneth stood deserted for many years, until the evil war-
lock Krill assumed residence there. Krill and his minions planned
to use Largoneth as a base from which to assume world control.
During this period Krill made several structural changes in the
castle and used magic to ruin its once-beautiful appearance.
Krill's control over Largoneth ended in the tenth century, when a
novice magician defeated at his stronghold in the castle.
Lenko Cavern is located in North-South City, somewhere in the
Great Underground Empire.
The Lonely Mountain is a solitary peak to the west of Largoneth
Castle. It is quite tall, and its summit often lies shrouded in
low-hanging clouds. However, in olden days, mariners had named it
Signal Mountain, for its odd glistening white peak reflected the
pale moonlight, providing an unmistakable landmark on unclouded
nights.
Longnir was once the Guildmaster of the Guild of Cartographers.
Lucksuckers feed on good fortune. Part physical entity, part
mental phenomenon, the sucker's appearance is based on the laws
of probability, and may change without warning. Good luck charms
are the only effective weapons known to work against these
creatures. Without several such charms, the best strategy is to
run!
Sergeant MacGuffin is the chief of the Festeron Police. Fes-
teron's finest is noted for his love of chocolate and his ten-
dency to fall asleep on duty. When Festeron was transformed to
Witchville by The Evil One, MacGuffin became the head of the
dreaded Boot Patrol that arrested curfew violators.
Magicland is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls and potions.
Marba is a port in Antharia. The 20-bloit conveyor belt at Marba
is a famous tourist attraction.
Mareilon was one of the ancient cities united by Entharion the
Wise to form the Kingdom of Quendor. Mareilon was destroyed in
773 GUE when the so-called Endless Fire was started. This fire
burned Mareilon for 4 weeks after a civil servant who thought he
was casting ZEMDOR ("turn original into triplicate") instead cast
ZIMBOR ("turn one really big city into lots of tiny, little
ashes"). The destruction of Mareilon caused Lord Dimwit Flathead
(the Excessive) to issue a series of 5,521 edicts over the fol-
lowing few weeks, which had the effect of severely limiting
access to magic, and incidentally, lawyers.
Megaboz was a mysterious, powerful wizard who lived a hermit's
life in Fublio Valley. His unassuming shack was adorned with wall
hangings and poems. He was one of the few enchanters whose talent
measured up to his ego. According to one of his tapestries, we
should "Forget the rest; Megaboz is the best." Megaboz and his
ego wrote themselves into the history books in 789 GUE when he
appeared in the midst of Lord Dimwit Flathead's banquet hall,
surrounded by a ball of smoke. Survivors of the occasion remember
the gaunt, bearded man fuming in anger at "the statue [of Lord
Dimwit] that now darkens [his home of] Fublio." Unaware or
unimpressed with Dimwit's importance, he proclaimed that "No man,
be he peasant or king, crosses Megaboz the Magnificent," and
proceeded to curse Dimwit's life, his family, and his Empire.
Dimwit and his siblings all died instantaneously, but the court
magicians managed to postpone the rest of the Curse for 94 years.
The story of Megaboz does not end here, however. When he dis-
appeared in a ball of fire, he was assumed dead. It is now known
that he took the guise of a Royal Jester in the court of Wurb
Flathead, 94 years later, and also magically assumed the identity
of the famous painter Frobesius Fublius. Oddly enough, Megaboz,
in the guise of the jester, chose to assist one of the people who
attempted to halt the Curse in 883 GUE. This unnamed individual
was the descendant of a servant of Lord Dimwit who had managed to
come across a parchment that hinted at how to stop the Curse. The
servant of Wurb Flathead used the parchment, now a family heir-
loom, to attempt to halt the Curse. Megaboz, whose motives are
extremely unclear, provided assistance to this servant, who
successfully found the items necessary to stop the Curse. How-
ever, Megaboz had the last laugh.
His Curse was apparently much more complicated than had been
assumed; the Empire was destroyed anyway, and Flatheadia along
with it. However, Megaboz awarded the unknown servant with half
the riches of the kingdom, and awesome magical powers. This ser-
vant assumed control of the Great Underground Empire, and became
known as the Dungeon Master. To this day it is not clear why
Megaboz chose to aid someone who was attempting to halt his
Curse, nor is it known why this individual was rewarded by Mega-
boz for his actions. In any case, Megaboz was responsible for the
downfall of a kingdom that had survived for over 800 years, since
the age of Entharion the Wise.
Wilbar Memboob co-authored The Granola Riots with Gustar Woomax.
Mines of Mendon: Although the location of these mines is a mys-
tery, it is an Antharian legend that one brave knight who sought
the hand of Princess Morning-Star entered the mines to slay a
grue but, lost without a lamp, the knight himself was soon
devoured.
Minx: Irresistably cuddle, the minx shares all the most ingra-
tiating characteristics of kittens, koala bears, and piglets.
Minxes are highly prized for their ability to find and root out
chocolate truffles from the ground, and will eagerly devour them
if given the opportunity. It is well known that some peasant
hunters in the Thriff area keep minxes as pets, although they do
not always treat them as well as they deserve.
Mirror Lake is a legendary spot in the Gray Mountains that few
have visited since the fall of the Empire. While not all aspects
of this frictionless frozen "lake" are fully known, it is
believed that the lake has certain powers, not the least of which
is its ability to reveal the true magical nature of certain
objects. Frank Lloyd Flathead's chalet lies somewhere to the
west.
Misty Island lies on a lake near the eastern coast of Antharia, a
brief trip from Festeron. Misty Island is the site of the platy-
pus kingdom of Anatinus, whose castle lies nestled among the
cliffs of that island.
A Mithican chameleon's skin is said to be able to imitate any
color the eye can see... and more.
Mithicus is a small, mountainous province sandwiched between
Gurth and Miznia in the Westlands. This province is well-known
for its fine artisans, and is a popular vacation spot. The Mith-
icus Mountains separate Quendor from Kovalli, and are home to a
thriving settlement of platypi. The provinces of Gurth and Mith-
icus are governed jointly from Gurth City by an informal board of
13,000 citizens that meets three times each day to settle dis-
putes and ratify the provincial budget. Research has shown that
the best place for lodging in Mithicus is the No-Frill Inn.
Mithicus Province University, Babe Flathead's alma mater, is
probably a Moss-League college, but is better known for athletic
prominence in the Quendor Collegiate Athletic Association.
Miznia is a chiefly jungle province, located at the southern
fringe of the Westlands. The capital of this province is Miz-
niaport. A noted tourist attraction in Miznia is the Miznia
Jungle Skyway. Built in 882, this skyway flies over the Miznia
Jungle. This jungle is a dangerous breeding ground of hellhounds,
crocodiles, and hungi. The Miznia Jungle was for many years the
resting place of Y'Syska's Crocodile's Tear.
Mizniaport is the capital of Miznia Province. Near the Miznia
Jungle and the Great Sea, Mizniaport is noted for its fashion
boutiques, a Skyway tourist route, and former unicorn stables.
Monkey grinder: Avoid this nightmare at any cost! Spawn of a
carnival necromancer, the monkey grinder can blast minds to jelly
with its powerful Sense Organ. These creatures seem to have pow-
erful control over energy and space, allowing them to come and go
as they please. Extremely arrogant, monkey grinders will not
hesitate to destroy a lowly peasant with the help of its Sense
Organ and a magic hurdy-gurdy. Deceptively eloquent in both man-
ner and speech, these loathsome creatures actually possess little
intelligence, and suffer an illiteracy rate of 103%. This stupi-
dity is, in fact, their Achilles' Heel. By tricking the creature
into thinking it is receiving a gift, one could actually give it
a one-way portal to the Planes of TransInfinite Splendor, ban-
ishing it forever.
Morgia Root: It is a rare enchanter who does not carry morgia
root to gnaw on during a long journey. The mint-flavored juice
improves stamina, slakes thirst, and conceals bad breath. In
domestic applications, morgia root is often baked into pies, and
makes an excellent platypus stuffing. This root grows only in the
Westlands, and specifically in the platypus kingdom of the Mithi-
cus Mountains. The morgia is the official flower of Gurth and
Mithicus, where a tavern in Grubbo-by-the-Sea serves exquisite
morgia root pie. An entry in an earlier edition of this Ency-
clopedia describes morgia as a beautiful and exotic plant that is
well-known for its susceptibility to magic spells.
Morning-Star, according to the legend of Wishbringer, was a
daughter of a peasant home on Misty Island. Queen Alexis, jealous
of Morning-Star's beauty, caused her home to burn. Morning-Star's
parents were killed, and she was raised as Alexis' daughter. As
Morning-Star grew up, Queen Alexis vowed in secret that none
could have her hand, and gave all of Morning-Star's suitors dif-
ficult Love-Quests to fulfill. After the death of six suitors,
the Edict of Alexis decreed that Morning-Star must die a virgin.
The legend states that the heart of Morning-Star hardened, turned
to stone and became the magic stone Wishbringer.
Moss League: The league of distinguished colleges for Yuppies, or
Young Underground Professionals. Galepath University and GUE Tech
are both Moss League Schools.
Moss of Mareilon: First classified in 843 GUE by Thwack of Mar-
eilon, this soft, pale fungus thrives in underground tunnels and
public toilets. When squeezed, the moss releases an invisible
cloud of spores which improve the dexterity of laboratory rats
and certain humans. Its effects on other species is uncertain.
Moss of Mareilon can be found in the cellar of the Broken Lantern
in Grubbo-by-the-Sea, in the underground stomach of the Crocodile
Idol, and in caverns in the Mithicus Mountains, to name only a
few locations.
Mount Matter-Horn is described in the Legend of Wishbringer as a
mountain peak close to the spirits in the sky. A knight, seeking
the hand of Morning-Star, attempted to climb the Mount to seek
advice from the spirits, but instead fell to his death.
As the names of mountains are changed throughout the ages, it
is not now specifically known which peak was formerly known as
Matter-Horn, but in recent years scientists have speculated that
this peak, as described in the Legend, would be as large as Mount
Foobia, and is very likely the place where the Great Brogmoid
standing on our world would place his other foot.
Froboz Mumbar is the author of the well-known book, The Great
Underground Empire: A History, published in 896 GUE. This book is
the source of many historical details quoted by this Encyclope-
dia.
Hirax Mumbleton, the Governor of Antharia, was the third husband
of Lucrezia Flathead. He died two days after the wedding, smoth-
ered under a ton of raw granola.
Mumbo I was the tenth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came to
the throne in 545 GUE, after Thaddium Fzort, and was succeeded by
Bozbo III in 569 GUE.
Mumbo II was the thirteenth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He
came to the throne in 619 GUE, after Bozbo IV, and was succeeded
by Zilbo III in 628 GUE. Mumbo II's favorite pet was a turtle.
Mysterion the Brave was the second king of the Entharion Dynasty.
He came to the throne in 41 GUE, after the death of Entharion,
and was succeeded by Zylon the Aged in 55 GUE.
Nabiz are mostly mouth, which is mostly teeth. They instinctively
sense their enemy's weakest point when attacking. Contrary to
folklore, they cannot fly, but they can leap tremendous dis-
tances. Nabiz are repulsed by the color blue, which explains that
color's popularity in adventurers' garb.
Nate was the owner of a discount scroll house located at 308 Bes-
nap Road, in Borphee. For what it's worth, Nate's scroll house
advertised in the well-known magazine Popular Enchanting in the
year 957.
Lord Nimbus is mentioned in the Legend of Wishbringer as being an
unsympathetic and violent God of Rain who caused the death of one
of the suitors of Morning-Star.
North-South City is located underground near Lenko Cavern some-
where in the Great Underground Empire.
Nymphs are small, spritelike creatures that are employed for all
various sorts of labor throughout the Great Underground Empire.
Many different types of nymphs exist: guard nymphs employed at
Bozbarland, warning nymphs employed by certain Enchanters'
Guilds, serving nymphs, and even dancing nymphs. Nymph labor is
so valuable that nymph referral services have been created to
assist short-handed employers.
An ogre is a hideous giant that resides in dark caves filled with
fur. It is known that ogres reside in the Flathead Mountains, and
it is also known that some ogres are acutely allergic to ragweed.
The Old Lingolf House is a monument near the Lonely Mountain and
Largoneth.
Orcs: Once a fearsome race of warriors, the Orcs were civilized
by their fondness for magically-created computerized adventure
games. Although a small segment (the Hi-Res Orcs) enjoy graphic
adventures, the vast majority (the Orcs of Zork) prefer interac-
tive fiction.
Orkan of Thriff was a mage with a large bear-like appearance. He
was the Guildmaster of Thriff's enchanters for several years in
the tenth century GUE, and he was responsible for the frequent
moving of the village of Thriff in order to find a more benevol-
ent climate for his terrible hayfever. He accomplished this feat
by gating Thriff to another location via the Ethereal Plane of
Atrii. This is only one example of his pride in himself and his
disdain for the commoners.
Orkan kept a diary which tells of his departure for the Final
Conclave in Borphee. His diary records his hope that Y'Gael was
wrong in her belief that the Age of Magic was ending. Eye-
witnesses of the Conclave report that Orkan was very skeptical of
Y'Gael's plan to store their knowledge in the Coconut of Quendor,
due to the difficulties involved in actually locating the Coco-
nut.
It is of slight interest to note that Orkan only used spell-
books bound in Cheveaux Mithican leather.
Otto: Please see the entry under "Toads."
Ozmar was a renown historian who wrote a history of magic in 821
GUE. Ozmar's words would be used a century later, in 927 GUE, by
Gustar Woomax, in his "A Brief History of Magic." For more
information, please see Appendix D on magic.
A palimpsest is a very powerful tool of magic. One of the best
known examples of a palimpsest, dealing with transcendental phys-
ics, is a Scroll of Gating that takes the caster to the Ethereal
Plane of Atrii. This palimpsest, although not as robust as a
Dimension Door, is one of the very few known ways to contact the
Implementors, and is extremely powerful indead.
Paskalds are similar to kobolds, except they are less aggressive
and their middle toe is of equal length to the toes that flank
it.
Peggleboz, a popular game of jumping pegs, is named after its
creator, Gustav Peggleboz (399 - 456 GUE).
Peltoid Valley is the site of huge marble mines in Antharia.
A phase blade is a tool useful to those who travel in the Ethe-
real Plane of Atrii. This blade can be used to cut through par-
ticular routes of travel on that Plane, but in this Plane of
existence a phase blade is virtually useless, and appears as
nothing more than a vague outline.
The Phee River joins with the Bor River to form the Borphee River
in the Westlands. At the confluence of the Phee and the Bor lies
the ruins of the ancient city-state of Pheebor. The Phee River
is spanned by one of Zeno's magic bridges.
Pheebor: Ruins of this ancient city are still visible at the
confluence of the rivers Phee and Bor. Founded well over a thou-
sand years ago, this city started out merely as a collection of
huts in a forest clearing, and gradually grew over the years
until it was a magnificent city with mighty aqueducts and beauti-
ful marble and stone spires. The beginning of the end for this
great city-state came when a controversy arose between Pheebor
and its sister city Borphee over the naming of what is now called
the Borphee River. The population of Pheebor reasoned that they
controlled the source of the One River, so they deserved the
right to name it. Unsurprisingly, the citizens of Borphee dis-
agreed. About 400 years before the reign of Entharion the con-
flict was resolved by a massive battle between the forces of the
two cities. Pheebor was vanquished when a young knight from Bor-
phee beheaded Prince Foo, Pheebor's ruler. All that is left now
of the great city-state are ruins.
The Pheehelm once belonged to Prince Foo, ruler of Pheebor circa
400 BE. This ancient relic was lost when Prince Foo was killed,
only to be recovered over 1300 years later by a humble peasant.
Those who have seen the Helm report that it is a dazzling trea-
sure, so heavily crusted with jewels it is hard to see the pre-
cious metals underneath. Wearers of the Pheehelm are granted the
wisdom of kings, and the power to see the unseeable.
The Phee Hourglass is a relic of the ancient city-state that it
is named after. This beautiful miniature hourglass, wrought of
brass and crystal, and filled with fine, white sand, has been
sold for 1000 zorkmids, but its true value is incalculable. It
was once thought that the Hourglass would remain forever a mys-
tery, part of a greater, unknowable Magick. However, in the year
966 GUE a humble peasant-turned-adventurer discovered that with
the Hourglass you could travel in time, back to the days of the
founding of Pheebor, and forward to the Final Conflagration.
Phlog is an alcoholic beverage frequently indulged in by
enchanters in celebratory moods.
Zylo Pickthorn was an architect of the ninth century, well-known
for his underground condominium complexes. Pickthorn is an avid
enthusiast of jousting, chess, and tiddlywinks, and has been
known to incorporate some or all of these themes into his
designs.
The Plane of TransInfinite Splendor is a magical realm where
unicorns enjoy a carefree existence free from the cruelty of man.
The following is a completely trivial fact related to the Planes
of Splendor: In 966 a humble peasant became the first person in
recorded history to defeat a monkey grinder. He did so by magi-
cally banishing the grinder to the Planes of Splendor, where the
unicorns presumably kept him in captivity for all eternity.
The platypus is a small, aquatic, intelligent, egg-laying mammal
with webbed feet and a bill like a duck's. It is a well-kept
secret that in two separate locations, groups of platypi have
clustered together into kingdoms governed from magnificent
castles. These two platypi kingdoms can be found in the Mithicus
Mountains, and on Misty Island in Antharia. Historical trivia
tells us that these platypi played an indirect role in the
respective defeats of The Evil One, and a monstrous Ur-Grue.
Generally the platypi remain separate from mankind, but occa-
sionally a platypus tale enters the lore of man. To this day it
is not known if the Legend of Wishbringer concerns humans or
platypi.
Plumbat is the site of enormous granola smelters in Antharia near
the granola mines of that island.
The Polar Gumffbeast is a creature, possibly mythical, said to
live in the extreme northlands of Quendor.
Pollibar is the prized pet parrot of Belboz, the great mage. The
parrot is a native of the jungles of Miznia, but was brought to
live with Belboz in Accardi.
Popular Enchanting was the most widely circulated magazine among
enchanters, featuring editorials, interviews, book reviews and
advertisements. The magazine's standard cost was 3 Zm, but was
priced at 5 Zm for sale outside of Frobozz.
Port Foozle, which lies nine bloits west of Flatheadia, is the
primary seaport of the Frigid River Valley, and is a common
departure point for ships to Antharia. Hard times hit Port Foozle
in 883 GUE when the panic concerning Curse Day grew. The wharfs
and the world-famous Port Foozle Casino were deserted. Foozle
became the center of a lunatic religious fringe called the Inqui-
sition (See Appendix E), which understandably led to Port
Foozle's decline in popularity. Incidentally, chroniclers of
magic remember Foozle as the home of the Fisha wand company.
Potions are the most accessible form of magic for the masses,
since they are simply drunk like water. No lessons in complicated
spellcasting are required. These liquids and powders are of great
interest, although their limitations (you can only use them once)
have prevented them from supplanting scrolls as the primary
method of magical Incantation. Discovered several years after
Berzio created the GNUSTO spell, the first of these potions,
which obviates the need for food and drink, was named after Ber-
zio himself. A partial list of potions can be found in Appendix
D.
The Prevaricons, who dwell underground near Port Foozle, have two
interesting quirks: They always lie, and they feed unwelcome
visitors to ravenous hellhounds.
Priggin: A Master Bookbinder and authorized dealer of CHEVEAUX
leather binding. Priggin's dealership was based in Miznia, and
advertised in the well-known magazine Popular Enchanting, in the
year 957.
Psychic Storms of Gomar: The Frobozz Magic Magic Equipment Cata-
log refers to this unknown place in a vague manner. The Catalog
states that not even the Psychic Storms of Gomar can deflect a
FrobozzCo flying carpet from its course.
A pterodactyl is a flying reptile having wings of skin with a
span of up to 20 feet. Sometimes these beasts are targets for
archers, which is unfortunate because, as seen in 966 GUE, they
can be beneficial to humans. In that year a humble peasant found
a pterodactyl that could be summoned by a whistle, and would
agree to fly the peasant anywhere on three, but only three occa-
sions. This beast, along with presumably its entire race, was
intelligent and could communicate telepathically. However, it was
incredibly afraid of wild monsters. Pterodactyl are, on the
whole, rather rare. The only other known sighting was in 883 GUE,
when a pack of the beasts were seen taking nest on the top of the
statue of Dimwit Flathead in Fublio Valley.
Q: Temperature in the Great Underground Empire is measured in
degrees Q. It is believed that the temperature at which water
freezes is 57 degrees Q.
Saint Quakko, the patron saint of people who aren't sure of
things, may or may not have a holiday in his honor on 25 Jelly of
each year.
Quendor: Please see the entry on the Great Underground Empire.
Quilbozza Beach, just south of Port Foozle, is considered the
nicest beachfront in the Eastlands, if not all of Quendor.
Quizbo was a construction worker for the Rockville Estates.
Ragweed is a variety of weed known to produce violent allergic
reactions in some ogres. The only ragweed plants reported have
been in the Eastlands, specifically found in Ragweed Gulch.
The Ragweed Gulch was the site of a famous battle in 789 GUE,
notable for the death of T.J. "Stonewall" Flathead, when he was
accidentally shot by one of his own men on 14 Mumberbur.
Rat-ants are vicious, fierce creatures that, oddly enough, have
the characteristics of both a rat and an ant. When magic began to
fail in 966 packs of these creatures headed into human towns and
villages, most notably Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
Razor Gorge is a famous chasm, spanned by a remarkable bridge,
between Accardi and the local Enchanters' Guild Hall.
A rebus is an illustration whose component pictures spell out a
word or words, usually through the addition and subtraction of
sounds or letters. The most famous creator of rebi was Frobesius
Fublius, whose works were on display in Flatheadia Castle.
Red Herring: These common fish patrol the dark recesses of
freshwater pools and streams, but a handful of granola brings
them racing to the surface, a fact known by every rural school-
boy. The old adage about red herrings being "good brain food" has
no scientific basis.
A roc is a legendary bird of prey of tremendous size and
strength. Rocs are known to live in the Eastlands, both under-
ground and high in the Flathead Mountains. They are fiercely
protective of their young. A word to the wise: if you are cap-
tured by a roc and brought to its nest, do not threaten its egg!
Rockville Estates was an upscale housing complex planned by the
Frobozz Magic Construction Company for a piece of prime cavern
space on the Great Underground Highway near Flatheadia. It was
advertised as "The new, prestigious address for the discriminat-
ing Young Underground Professional." Occupancy of its 64 units
began in spring 881 GUE. The Rockville Estates was designed by
the renowned architect, Zylo Pickthorn, and the Managing Foreman
for the project was Quizbo Frotzwit.
A rooster is a common barnyard animal.
The Rose Riots of 811 GUE were the result of rumors that the com-
pass rose can actually control the wind. These rumors were hotly
denied by the Guild of Meteorologists, who harvested the species
to the brink of extinction during these Rose Riots.
Rotgrub: Less than an inch long, the rotgrub lies waiting in
food. Once ingested, the rotgrub heads straight for its victim's
brain and begins feeding. Rotgrub death is excruciatingly painful
and lasts years before a welcome demise. They are totally imper-
vious to all forms of magic, and, even worse, smell like very old
cheese.
I.Q. Roundhead wrote ten volumes discussing the engravings in the
caves of the Great Underground Empire, and concluded only that
the ancient inhabitants of those caverns were very strange
people.
The Royal Museum, built by Lord Dimwit Flathead in 776 GUE, and
dedicated by him the following year, houses the crown jewels, a
technology display, and a famous royal puzzle in the form of a
sandstone and marble maze. The technology display contains items
generously provided by FrobozzCo International, such as a Tempor-
izer, Pressurizer, and Room-Spinner. It is of slight historical
interest that the adventurer who would eventually become the sec-
ond Dungeon Master used the Royal Museum's Temporizer to travel
back in time to 776 GUE to steal one of the crown jewels. This
resulted in a dramatic increase in security measures by Dimwit
Flathead. He had originally intended that the museum be built
under 2 miles of mountain and surrounded by 500 feet of steel,
but had to settle for a less excessive construction plan. The
theft of his royal ring no doubt led to a greater eccentric
excessiveness on his part.
Scrystone: A magical grey orb fashioned out of black and white
hemispheres. This sphere grants visions of things yet to be to
those who are gifted enough to understand them.
The Sea Lion is a deadly creature known to inhabit the Sea of
Mithicus.
Sea of Mithicus: This sea is known to be a great place to scuba
dive, but at your own risk. The sea lions in the area can be
quite dangerous.
Sea serpents are a rare breed of dangerous aquatic predators. It
is known that the Wizard of Frobozz actually kept a baby sea
serpent as a pet.
The Shadowland, also known as the Land of Shadows, is a barren
area of rolling hills, south of Flatheadia and deep underground.
It lies near the point where the Great Sea's eastern shore dips
underground, and has frequent patches of quicksand as a result.
Giant Slugs are essentially immense versions of the tiny garden
slugs we all know and love. One giant slug encountered in the
ruins of a lighthouse near Grubbo-by-the-Sea was as long as a
human is tall. These slugs defend themselves by spraying their
attacker with vile ichors.
Snarfem, a two-player game of removing pebbles, originated in
Mithicus and comes from an ancient Mithican word meaning "to
collect pebbles or small stones." The purpose of snarfem is to
remove the correct amount of pebbles during each turn that will
force the opponent to take the last pebble.
Sneffle was a member of the Guild of Bakers in 966. He gave a
speech to the Final Conclave of enchanters detailing the failure
of the GLOTH spell. Sneffle, dependent on magic, was overwhelmed
by the prospect of a world where the pastries have to be hand-
made.
A snow wight is a vicious monster that hides in snowdrifts wait-
ing for a victim. Armed with long, sharp teeth and claws, a wight
is quite a menace, and any poorly-equipped adventurer is advised
to stay away from one. The only recent snow wight sightings have
been in the southern mountains near Thriff.
Spenseweed: There has been much controversy about the true nature
of this plant. "The Lore and Legends of Quendor" has this to say:
"The healing virtues of this common roadside plant are well
documented. Although it is safe to eat, spenseweed is most
effective when applied directly to wounds as a salve."
This publication also advises us to "avoid the cheap commercial
preparations, which may contain artificial coloring and preserva-
tives." A plant matching this description has been found in the
Westlands, growing among the ruins of Pheebor, and near the vil-
lage of Grubbo-by-the-Sea.
However, early editions of the Encyclopedia Frobozzica call
spenseweed "a deep-rooting underwater plant." Once established,
it can usually only be removed by using certain spells of wilt-
ing. The 883 GUE edition of this publication stated that the
misconception of spenseweed as a roadside weed is grossly inac-
curate. Spenseweed of the underwater variety has been seen
flourishing in the western edge of the Great Sea, and in a fish
tank in Flatheadia. The truth about spenseweed is not yet known,
although it is suspected that the underwater spenseweed might
simply be another name for the morgia plant.
Giant spiders are dangerous creatures sometimes found in aban-
doned buildings. They are identical to their smaller cousins in
every respect except for their tendency to feed on careless peas-
ants.
Squids are bottom-dwelling aquatic creatures.
The Stonewall was the sight of the Battle of The Stonewall in 747
GUE. According to military historians, The Stonewall was a stra-
tegically vital locale, commanding the two most important caverns
of the Eastlands. T.J. "Stonewall" Flathead earned his nickname
and his reputation at the Battle of The Stonewall. When reports
arrived that rebellious natives had captured The Stonewall, T.J.
and his garrison were assigned the mission of retaking it. After
a battle lasting seven weeks, during which T.J.'s men suffered a
casualty rate of nearly 75%, the garrison stormed The Stonewall.
Once in command of it, they discovered that the reports had
been erroneous: The Stonewall was completely undefended, and the
supposedly rebellious natives were actually all vacationing in
the Gray Mountains. Nevertheless, T.J. Flathead's tactics and
strategies during the "battle" were considered brilliant, and he
would henceforth be known as Stonewall Flathead.
Surmin: From their malodorous breath to their lice-ridden fur,
surmins are utterly repulsive creatures. If they get close
enough, they can bore their victims to death by reciting Greater
Borphee County Penal Codes.
Princess Tasmania is the daughter of the platypus King Anatinus
of Misty Island. Tasmania, much beloved by her people, was twice
rescued by a heroic employee of the Festeron Postal Service. This
hero, also responsible for the defeat of The Evil Ove, saved Tas-
mania after she had both fallen in a pit and been captured by
"Corky" Crisp, a henchman of The Evil One. The story of the res-
cue of Tasmania will live in platypus legend forever.
Temporal travel technology, though in existence for many centu-
ries, is still considered to be experimental by the magic indus-
try. Several government agencies are currently looking into its
potential long-term effects.
As this is written, magic companies are using temporal travel
to deliver products before they are ordered, and there is also a
time travel spell called GOLMAC. Also, the ancient Hourglass of
Phee allows travel backwards and forwards in time, although only
in Phee itself. It is also known that another hourglass of time
travel is mystically connected to one of the Cubes of Foundation.
This hourglass allows travel to the early days of an age-old
castle in the Eastlands. Another time travel spell is GIRGOL,
which stops time but allows the caster to move about as normal
for a brief amount of "time."
The Thaumaturgical Institute produced the first reliable Hyper-
bolic Incantation Concentrator (magic wand) in 723 GUE.
Thriff: The strange wandering village of Thriff has, at one time
or another, been located in most of the provinces of the West-
lands. Rumor has it that Orkan, Guildmaster of Thriff's enchant-
ers, constantly moves the town in an attempt to find a more
benevolent climate for his terrible hayfever. In 966 Thriff was
located just south of the Miznia jungle, and Orkan had recorded
in his diary that he moved the village on July 26 by gating it
through the Ethereal Plane of Atrii, because he hated the north-
ern climes they were in previously. Here the village probably
remained forever, because eighteen days later the Final Conclave
of enchanters, of which Orkan was one, helped to bring the Age of
Magic to a close, thus putting an end to Thriff's wanderings.
Thwack of Mareilon classified the Moss of Mareilon in 843 GUE.
Toads: A race of these creatures live somewhere beyond the oceans
of the world. Seafarers report that these toads are ugly, can-
tankerous, and eternally hungry. The only specimen of these of
these toads ever brought back to civilization was a pet of John
Paul Flathead. This toad, named Otto, was not only ugly, but
bright blue and as large as a small shack. In 883 Otto had the
good fortune to eat the Four Fantastic Flies of Famathria, the
objects of utmost culinary lust among his species.
Cardinal Toolbox was the spiritual guide of the Thriff religious
community in the year 966 GUE. The most important event during
his time as Cardinal was the invasion of the Christmas tree
monsters. Toolbox went for days during this dangerous time with-
out any sleep, leading a silent prayer vigil in hopes that the
monsters would be destroyed by mightier powers.
The Tower of Bozbar, an ancient game of unknown origin, consists
of three pegs and a pile of weights. The goal is to move the pile
from one peg to another, moving one weight at a time, with the
constraint that no weight can ever be placed atop a smaller
weight. Many people say that the Tower of Bozbar is a superb
method of mental relaxation.
The Treaty of Znurg, signed on 5 Jam 474 GUE, ended the Zucchini
Wars.
A troll is a large, stupid monster that lives underground, in
caves, or under bridges. One of the few specimens of a troll
found in the wild was one that had taken residence in the Great
Underground Empire in the Eastlands after the fall of the Empire.
The Evil One also used a troll to guard the entrance to Witch-
ville. Readers acquainted with the writings of Leonardo Flathead
will undoubtedly be aware of his major treatise proving that the
world actually rests on the head of an enormous troll, rather
than the back of a giant turtle.
The Tunnels of Love are a favorite among the Kingdom's honeym-
ooners, located a stone's throw from Aragain Falls. The Tunnels
are well-known for their vast honeycomb of passageways, and
couples have been known to raise entire families just trying to
find their rooms. In 873, the only year on record, rates ranged
from Zm 2 for a room to Zm 10 for a Honeymoon Suite.
Turtles: In the Great Underground Empire turtles can grow to
enormous size and have incredible longevity. One such turtle,
residing on the beach near Largoneth, was once the favored pet of
King Mumbo II. This turtle helped an enchanter defeat the Warlock
Krill in the 940s, and was particularly proud of his rainbow-
colored shell, an enchantment cast on him in the 860s.
The Twenty Treasures of Zork are a well-known part of the story
of Zork. In 948 GUE a brave adventurer traveled through the tun-
nels of the Eastland Underground, and on his way to becoming the
second Dungeon Master, one of his tasks to prove his worth was to
acquire the Twenty Treasures. These treasures were a jewel-
encrusted egg, a clockwork canary, a beautiful painting that was
probably one of the lost works of Leonardo Flathead, a brass
bauble, a pot of gold, a platinum bar, an ivory torch, a gold
coffin, an Egyptian sceptre, a trunk of jewels, a crystal tri-
dent, a jade figurine, a sapphire bracelet, a huge diamond, a bag
of coins that were probably zorkmids, a crystal skull, a jeweled
scarab, a large emerald, a silver chalice, and an ancient map. It
is not quite clear whether the treasures were created by the
first Dungeon Master, or were all relics of the Great Underground
Empire.
Ugh: The unit of weight in the Great Underground Empire. A
100-ugh weight is, for the normal person, quite heavy, and it is
necessary to drop everything to carry it.
U-Mart, a shopping mall, often has sales associated with Dimwit
Flathead's birthday.
A unicorn is a magical horselike animal with a single horn in its
forehead. Most unicorns have fled to the Plane of TransInfinite
Splendor, where they enjoy a carefree existence free from the
cruelty of man. The unhappy few left behind are eagerly sought by
zoos and private collectors. One such private collector in Miz-
niaport actually had his last unicorn freed by a peasant who was
on a quest to recover the Coconut of Quendor.
Unicorns are sometimes used as combat mounts against their
wills. It is also known that a royal princess in the Eastlands of
the Great Underground Empire was able to charm a unicorn so that
she was the only one who could approach and ride it.
It is good luck to kiss a unicorn's horn, but woe to any fool
who harms one.
The Unnatural Acts were written by King Duncanthrax on 9 Dismem-
bur 672 GUE. These acts provided stiff penalties for those con-
victed of selling "Unnatural or Supernatural substances." The
motivation for this legislation lay in charlatans who regularly
fooled the gullible population into buying potions which claimed
to do such things as "reverse hair loss" and "draw Trebled Fromps
in Double Fanucci." The restrictions of the Unnatural Acts were
eventually loosened, allowing the foundation of the first chapter
of the Guild of Enchanters by the great thaumaturge Vilboz.
The Unseen Terror is a shapeless and formless manifestation of
evil. Many centuries ago, this Terror was disturbed from millenia
of sleep. It was so powerful that it required the combined wisdom
of all the leading enchanters of that age to conquer it. A book
of legends found in the Largoneth Library tells how these
enchanters lured the Terror "to a recess deep within the earth"
by placing there a powerful spell scroll. When it had reached the
scroll, the enchanters trapped it there with a spell that encased
it in the living rock. The Terror was so horrible that none would
dare speak of it, and because of this, many years later this tale
was considered to be quite fanciful. No other chroniclers of the
age mention the Terror in any form.
However, in the 940s GUE, a novice enchanter exploring Largo-
neth with the intention of defeating Krill found the location of
the Terror's prison underneath the Largoneth dungeon. This
enchanter managed to retrieve the GUNCHO spell that had lured the
Terror underground, while still keeping the Terror entrapped. It
is known that during the final hours of the confrontation, Krill
pondered the idea of using the Terror for his own purposes, but
the plan came to naught.
Ur-Grue: Ur-grues are thought to be the shades of fallen Imple-
mentors. Skilled in black sorcerory, the ur-grue can envelop
itself in a personal zone of darkness which neither lamp nor
flame can penetrate. Sunlight is the only thing it fears. It is
unwise even to speak of this utterly evil entity.
What little we know about ur-grues is based on a random
encounter in the year 966. A humble peasant stumbled into the
lair of this creature deep under the Mithicus Mountains, and was
able to discover that an ur-grue is actually an Implementor
(resembling nothing more than an old man) who had assumed control
of the body of a grue, and was using it as his guise. This par-
ticular ur-grue was noteworthy for his theft of the Coconut of
Quendor from his former companions, the Implementors. Although
his motives are unclear, it is possible that this ur-grue hoped
to seize control of the entire world.
The Veritassi, who dwell underground near Port Foozle, have two
interesting quirks: They never lie, and they feed unwelcome visi-
tors to ravenous hellhounds.
Vilboz, a great thaumaturge, was the founder of the first and
most famous of all Enchanters' Guilds, in the tiny hamlet of
Accardi-by-the-Sea.
Violet Voss was the Curator of the Festeron Free Public Library
for several years in the tenth century GUE. Violet lived to see
the transformation of Festeron into Witchville by The Evil One.
In fact, Violet was romantically involved with "Corky" Crisp, a
servant of The Evil One.
The Westlands comprise those provinces which lie on the western
shore of the Great Sea, such as Borphee, Gurth, Frobozz, etcet-
era.
The White Cliffs are remarkable underground cliffs near the ori-
gin of the Frigid River at the Flood Control Dam #3. Next to the
Cliffs is the scenic White Cliffs Beach. In the days of the Great
Underground Empire, this area was home to a tourist motel called
the Cliff House.
The windcat is the fleetest land animal, and was the favorite pet
of Bozbo IV.
Wings of Icarus: The Legend of Wishbringer tells of these fabled
wings that give the ability of flight to their owner. The last
person to fly with the Wings was devoured by Thermofax, a dragon,
and the Wings have vanished.
Wishbringer: It should be made clear at the outset that it is not
known whether the Legend of Wishbringer is a tale about humans or
platypi. Ancient texts depict human figures, and yet the tale
supposedly takes place in the Kingdom of Misty Island, a known
platypi home.
In the reign of King Anatinus of Misty Island, a beautiful
peasant girl named Morning-Star was born. The legend of her
beauty spread all throughout the kingdom, and Queen Alexis grew
jealous. Alexis caused the kidnapping of the beautiful child, who
was then raised as the Princess of Misty Island. Morning-Star
grew, and her beauty blossomed. At the arrival of her seventeenth
birthday, Anatinus decreed that anyone desiring of her hand in
marriage must fulfill a Love-Quest of the Queen's choosing,
according to the custom of the kingdom. Alexis, envious of the
horde of knights who descended on Morning-Star, devised horribly
difficult quests that resulted in the death of six young suitors.
Alexis concluded that no one was fit to wed her daughter, and
declared, in the Edict of Alexis, that Morning-Star must remain
unmarried and virgin her entire life. The princess suffered
through life as her beauty faded away. Many kingdoms after, when
the whole incident had faded into legend, a scholar exploring
Misty Island came across the tomb of the princess. All that was
left of her mortal remains was her heart, which, hard and shrun-
ken in the grave, was shining brightly with the stifled wishes of
her lifetime.
This magic stone, said to grant seven wishes to its bearer,
passed through many hands, and eventually came into the posses-
sion of the proprietor of Festeron's magic shop in the tenth
century GUE. The Evil One, desiring power over Wishbringer,
magically turned the village of Festeron into Witchville in order
to capture the stone. The Festeron postal employee who succeeded
in defeating The Evil One magically altered Wishbringer by
transforming it into one facet of a mysterious cat known as
Chaos. Thus the stone Wishbringer, and all memory of Morning-
Star, passes into history.
The Wishyfoo, who live underground in the vicinity of Port
Foozle, alternately tell the truth and tell a lie with every suc-
cessive statement they make. Sometimes they start with a lie,
sometimes with a truth, but they always alternate thereafter.
Saint Wiskus, the patron saint of all those who raise meat ani-
mals, has a holiday in his honor on 6 Ottobur of each year. Due
to a slight etymological misunderstanding, the 883 edition of the
Flathead Calendar made a typographical error that is responsible
for a certain amount of popular confusion between Saint Wiskus
and Saint Bovus.
Witchville: Please see the entry on Festeron.
The Wizard of Frobozz was once a member of the influential
Accardi chapter of the Enchanters' Guild. This Wizard was a
strange little man, usually wearing a long cloak, a high pointed
hat with astrological signs, and a long stringy beard. Once a
court wizard, he was exiled by Dimwit Flathead after accidentally
turning Flathead's castle into a mountain of fudge.
This blunder on the part of the Wizard was probably caused by
his senility and his inability to utter a spell that did not
start with the letter F ("Fudge"). Almost two centuries after
this incident, in the year 948, the adventurer who would eventu-
ally become the second Dungeon Master ordered a demon to kill the
Wizard, thus bringing to a close the life of a confused and
befuddled soul who had confounded other adventurers for years.
Gustar Woomax, known as the Chronicler of Magic, was the author
of a great number of books in the ninth and tenth centuries GUE.
The fact that his favorite author was Bizboz probably inspired
his writing on magic and history, which include A Brief History
of Magic, Bizboz at Galepath, Mage versus Archmage, Revenge of
the Dornbeasts, The Granola Riots (co-authored by Wilbar Mem-
boob), and The Coconut of Quendor: Reality or Illusion? At least
one of these works, A Brief History of Magic, was published by
Popular Enchanting, in the year 927 GUE. (For a reprinting of
this work, please see Appendix D on magic.)
Born in Greater Borphee in 880 GUE, Gustar Woomax attended
G.U.E. Tech from 907 to 911 GUE. His Double Fanucci handicap is
620, and his favorite saying is: "If history can teach us the
difference between good and bad magic, it can teach us anything."
Woomax was present at the Great Conclave of Guildmasters in
966 GUE, when it was decided to preserve the knowledge of Magick
in the Coconut of Quendor. Despite his familiarity with Coconut
lore, Woomax was skeptical of Y'Gael's plan involving the Coco-
nut, due to the sheer improbability of the plan's success.
A worm is a low form of ground-dwelling animal life.
Yellow grotch: These small creatures who prefer to live in hay-
fields are one of the favorite prey of Giant Corbies.
Y'Gael was an Enchantress present at the final Conclave of
Enchanters in Borphee in 966. When the Guildmaster departed on
his quest, Y'Gael realized that the Age of Magic was coming to a
close. She proposed storing all of the knowledge and heritage of
the Age of Magic in the Coconut of Quendor. When an obscure
peasant was sent to recover the Coconut, Y'Gael was able to
assist the peasant in his quest by following him via the Ethereal
Planes of Atrii. She assumed the role of a shopkeeper in several
cities in order to keep track of his progress. It is now specu-
lated that she might have assumed the role of shopkeeper once
before, in Festeron, Antharia, to combat The Evil One, who might
have been her sister. Once the anonymous peasant found the Coco-
nut of Quendor, Y'Gael used her abilities to ensure that, with
the help of the Coconut, the Age of Magic would never be forgot-
ten.
Yiggam: The glassmaster of the Antharia Guild in the year 966. A
resident of the Peltoid Valley, Yiggam was commissioned by the
Frobozz Magic Equipment Company to handblow beakers, tubes, and
swizzle sticks.
The yipple is a master of disguise, able to alter form to match
its surroundings. If disturbed in the wild, some yipples may
bite. They make wonderful pets, but should never be allowed to
rest in the cookie jar if guests are expected. Yipples are viol-
ently allergic to many kinds of animal wastes.
Yooman, the Musician Mage, was the teacher of Dimithio of Bor-
phee.
Y'Syska: An evil sorceress whose collection of gems and minerals
was without compare. At one time she owned the Crocodile's Tear,
which she protected by hiding it in the Miznia jungle. Survivors
of the jungle came back to report that the Crocodile's Tear
rested on a large idol. This idol, possibly a construction of
Y'Syska, but more likely a remnant of a forgotten religion, was
in the shape of a Crocodile the size of a subway train. Anyone
wishing to steal Y'Syska's jewel would have to climb the idol
without sliding into its mouth, and becoming trapped. It is
rumored that the same peasant who recovered the Coconut of Quen-
dor also successfully stole the Crocodile's Tear, but this is not
a confirmed report. Y'Syska's final fate in unknown.
Sybar Zeebin is the author of a history of the fall of the Great
Underground Empire called The Dark Age of Frobozz.
Zeke ran an underground appliance store that was an official
outlet for all Frobozz Magic Appliances. Zeke's store was located
just off Great Underground Highway # 2, near Egreth.
Zeno was a builder of magic bridges, who lived during an unknown
period. A moderately well-known bridge built by Zeno is one that
crosses the Phee River. This bridge confounds many travelers with
the odd fact that when you attempt to cross it, you only travel
half the distance you want to go, and hence you never get where
you are going.
Zilbeetha: This is one of the oldest and dearest legends in the
annals of Quendor. Zilbeetha, a beautiful maiden, somehow angered
an evil mage, and was placed under enchantment and turned into a
crystal orb on the very day that she was to be wed. The heart-
broken groom, who is always depicted holding a fragile bloom,
sought help from the wizard's goodly twin. The good wizard turned
the groom to stone, that he might stay young until the day Zil-
beetha was returned to him. The legend also has an ominous note;
returning a false orb would result in death.
In the year 883 this legend was revealed to be true fact, and
was concluded on a happy note. The adventurer who would eventu-
ally become the first Dungeon Master was able to find the orb of
Zilbeetha deep underground in the Eastlands, and return it to the
groom's statue, near the Flathead Fjord. The loving couple was
finally reunited, and lived happily ever after.
Zilbo I was the fourth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came to
the throne in 398 GUE, after Zylon the Aged, and was succeeded by
Bozbo I in 423 GUE.
Zilbo II was the sixth king of the Entharion Dynasty. He came to
the throne in 429 GUE, after Bozbo I, and was succeeded by Har-
monious Fzort.
Zilbo III was the fourteenth and final king of the Entharion
Dynasty. He came to the throne in 628 GUE, after Mumbo II, and
was succeeded by Duncanthrax the Bellicose, the first king of the
Flathead Dynasty, on the last day of 659 GUE. Little is known
about what became of Zilbo after 659. Some say he was killed dur-
ing the palace revolt, or simply died from too much reveling
while celebrating the upcoming New Year. There is evidence that
he was exiled to a Mithican villa, where he invented the card
game Double Fanucci.
Zorbel Pass: This wide pass through the Flathead Mountains, at
the southern end of the range, connects the Fublio and Frigid
River Valleys. The Zorbel Pass was the site of the Diablo Mas-
sacre in 666 GUE.
Zork is a classic folk myth about a treasure-hunting adventurer
who became a master of magic. It has been translated into novels,
theatricals, giant wall murals... almost every imaginable medium.
Like most myths, Zork has its basis in reality. In 948 an
unknown adventurer near the former sight of Flatheadia ventured
underground, claimed the Twenty Treasures of Zork, defeated the
Wizard of Frobozz, and became the second Dungeon Master.
The zorkmid was the unit of currency of the Great Underground
Empire, and is still used in most parts of the kingdom today. The
first zorkmid was minted on Augur 16, 699 GUE, during the reign
of Belwit the Flat. This coin bore the likeness of Belwit, the
year, and the coin's value on the front, while on the back it had
a picture of Egreth Castle, with the motto "In Frobs We Trust"
stamped in two different languages. Zorkmids of different denomi-
nations were issued, including the 500 and 10,000 zm coins, and
the 100 zm bill. The largest issue was a 100,000 zm bill. Only
one of these was ever printed, at the request of J. Pierpont
Flathead.
The Zucchini Wars, which devastated seven provinces during the
fifth century, were finally ended by the Treaty of Znurg in 474
GUE.
Zurfs are a suit of cards in the game of Double Fanucci.
Zylon the Aged was the third king of the Entharion Dynasty. He
ruled Quendor for the remarkably long period from 55 to 389 GUE.
Today's system of numbering years started with the first year
of Entharion's reign as king of Quendor, which marked the start
of recorded history. However, legends and ancient tales lead his-
torians to believe that highly advanced settlements existed on
both sides of the Great Sea around the fifth or sixth century
Before Entharion, and that humanity began to make its mark on the
land as long as two millennia ago.
Appendix B
Music
Classical Music
In 732 GUE the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra was formed.
Because of the woeful lack of orchestral music in existence, the
FPO usually settled for playing baroque versions of old folk
tunes and popular dance numbers. Seven years later, the FPO per-
formed their first symphony. The piece was notable because of the
age of its author, a precocious eleven-year-old named Johann
Sebastian Flathead.
As the years went by, the history of the FPO, and of classi-
cal music itself, became more and more entwined with the life of
Johann himself. The public attendance of the FPO mysteriously
declined as Johann's symphonies increased in length. Now consid-
ered to be the definitive piece in classical music, his Symphony
#981, the so-called Infinite Symphony, contained over 60,000
movements; over the course of its only performance, several mem-
bers of the orchestra retired and were replaced by their children
or grandchildren.
Eventually, classical music moved out of the concert hall and
into nature. Johann spent his later years composing music for
ever more grandiose instruments, such as his Concerto for Wood-
winds and Waterfalls. Johann was killed in 789 when a mishap
during a rehearsal of his Minuet for Violin and Volcano. Fatali-
ties like this probably explain the general decline in popularity
of classical music.
Popular Music
Popular music reached its peak during the life of Elvis
Flathead. For years following his first concert in 841, fans
would flock to see "the King" sway back and forth to smash hits
such as "You ain't nothing but a hellhound," and "Love Is Blind."
Naturally, Elvis imitators abound, and those aspiring stars
who cannot sing quite as well as Elvis did can be found in Bor-
phee every winter, where the hills come alive with the sounds of
the most dreadful singers in the Kingdom. This event, aptly named
The From Bad to Worst Songfest, allows those truly terrible sing-
ers to gain recognition while vying for the much-coveted prize of
a pair of 18K gold earplugs.
The following is a list of several holiday tunes likely to be
performed during that Songfest:
- Plover the River, and Frotz the Woods
- Dornbeasts Roasting on an Open Fire
- Winter Bozbarland
- Dwaarnyn the Dark Nosed Ur-Grue
- I'm Dreaming of a Black Cavern
- Good King Flathead
Appendix C
Double Fanucci
Legend has it that Double Fanucci (or Fanucci) was invented
by the deposed Zilbo III in the late seventh century. A game of
tremendous complexity and almost infinite rules, King Mumberthrax
proclaimed it the national sport in 757 GUE. This proclamation
merely gave official approval to those who had been holding
annual Fanucci tournaments since 691 GUE. These Championships,
held in Borphee during the first week of autumn, frequently leave
thousands homeless.
Despite years of research, our team from the Frobozz Magic
Appendix Compilers has been unable to get a complete grasp of
this game. Fanucci is in fact so complicated that some who do not
wish to waste the time required to learn the rules simply play a
corrupted version of the game, known as Gabber Tumper. Those who
do elect to brave the dangers of Fanucci are immediately faced
with an immense deck of 174 cards.
This deck is divided into face cards and suits. The 15 suits
(Mazes, Books, Rain, Bugs, Fromps, Inkblots, Scythes, Plungers,
Faces, Time, Lamps, Hives, Ears, Zurfs, and Tops) each have
eleven cards, valued at 0-9 and Infinity. The face cards are as
follows: Granola, Death, Light, Snail, Beauty, Time, Grue, Lob-
ster, and Jester.
At the start of the game a player is dealt four of these
cards, and at any point during the game when the player has less
than four cards, he can take another card from the top of the
discard pile. Play progresses with players taking one turn after
the other, either drawing or discarding a card or using one of
their current cards to execute a special play. These possible
plays are as follows: Combine, One-Play, Two-Play, Pass, Over-
pass, Trump, Undertrump, Reverse, Muttonate, Divide, and Ionize.
This is where our comprehension of Double Fanucci becomes a
little vague. Doing certain plays with certain cards can either
cause you to gain or lose points, or cause your opponent to gain
or lose points. Clearly, some plays are to your advantage, while
others can be quite detrimental. Over the years, Fanucci players
have developed fond names for certain of these plays, and a few
of them are listed here. Plays that are to a player's advantage
are marked as positive, and the number represents the number of
points that the play is worth.
It should be pointed out that to accurately describe the con-
ditions necessary to execute these plays is completely out of the
question. An updated edition of the Fanucci rule book is quite
probably larger than even the Unabridged Version of this Ency-
clopedia. For now, all we can offer the reader are a few minor
points.
- Fanucci players at the Port Foozle Casino typically play
with the Revised Miznian Rules, 7th-Level Amendments, with the
following exceptions: No side-handling after an underfunded dis-
card, two draws after a Skybreaker, and an extra muttonation if
the conditions of Rule 17.4.1.B are met.
- Other Fanucci house rules were adopted by the Fanucci
Casino Rebuilding Act of 817 GUE.
- By Rules Committee Amendment #493, the game is suspended
when one player's lead exceeds 1241, and the game must be
replayed in its entirety, except during a Frotz Moon or in a
6-player game where at least 3 players are of Mithican ancestry.
- Professional Fanucci players make use of a handicapping
system in which the better the player is, the lower his handicap
number. Forburn the Wily, possibly the greatest Fanucci player of
all time, had a handicap of a mere 0.01. Because this system of
handicapping runs contrary to other systems, it is believed that
a player's handicap is the number added to his score at the start
of the game. Thus a poor player with a high handicap would start
off with a high score.
- Three undertrumps after an opponent's discard of a Trebled
Fromp is an indefensible gambit, and is the only known way to win
at Double Fanucci.
Appendix D
Magic
[We are grateful to Popular Enchanting for their permission
to reprint the following A Brief History of Magic, written in 927
by Gustar Woomax.]
The history of magic can be broken down into four distinct
periods: the Empirical Age, the Scientific Age, the Industrial
Age, and the Age of Guilds. Each of these will be explored in
some depth in order to give the reader a sense of the course of
events which has shaped the use of magic in today's society.
The Empirical Age
Primitive cultures had naturally assumed that the disorderly
nature of our world was due to such supernatural causes as magic.
With the founding of the "natural" sciences, however, nature was
increasingly viewed as being orderly. As the sciences progressed,
the knowledge and lore of magic largely disappeared. As early as
the 5th century GUE (Great Underground Empire), however, such
students of the mystic arts as Bizboz and Dinbar thoroughly exa-
mined ancient writings on the subject. Bizboz himself wrote what
became the seminal work in Thaumaturgy, "On the Presence of
Incredibly Weird Stuff Going On," in 473 GUE, in which he claimed
to have discovered "for-the-most-part Natural Rules" by which
this "Weird Stuff" is ordered.
This work was ridiculed by the leading scholars of the time,
leading to Bizboz's removal from the faculty at the Galepath
University, and, eventually, to his tragic suicide in 475 GUE.
His work, however, encouraged others in the pursuit of magical
knowledge, with mixed results. Charlatans, claiming to have
created magical potions and powders, regularly fooled the gul-
lible population into buying potions which claimed to do such
things as "reverse hair loss" and "draw Trebled Fromps in Double
Fanucci." Such appeals to public ignorance led King Duncanthrax
in 672 GUE to write the Unnatural Acts, which provided stiff
penalties for those convicted of selling "Unnatural or Supernat-
ural substances."
The Scientific Age
While the charlatans were at work, serious students took up
the cause of magic, attempting to explain the natural world as a
by-product of the interrelated workings of the sciences of Phys-
ics, Medicine, Chemistry, Mathematics, and Thaumaturgy. Their
success in demonstarting the so-called first principles of Thau-
maturgy, namely Presence, Incantation, and Unusual Effect, led to
a loosening of the Unnatural Acts to allow what became known as
Scientific Thaumaturgy. During this period, the first chapter of
the Guild of Enchanters was founded at the tiny hamlet of Accar-
di-by-the-Sea by the great thaumaturge, Vilboz.
During the reign of Frobwit the Flatter (701-727 GUE), the
art and science of Thaumaturgy flourished. The first reliably
Incantation Device, known to scholars as the Hyperbolic Incanta-
tion Concentrator, was produced at the Thaumaturgical Institute
in 723 GUE. The long, thin, portable device, nicknamed the "magic
wand" by the lay press, became an instant sensation among the
populace, and gained a certain measure of respect for the fled-
ging science.
A major advance in Thaumaturgy occurred when Davmar, working
in newly-crowned King Mumberthrax Flathead's laboratory, discov-
ered a means by which Incantation could be stored on special
Presence-imbued paper. These so-called scrolls were found, how-
ever, to be destroyed during the spells' Incantation. Nonethe-
less, scrolls soon replaced the temperamental and poorly-
understood "wand" as the primary means of Incantation.
The problem of imbuing Presence became a deterrent to the
rapid growth of magical science. The creation of a single power-
ful scroll could take literally months for even the most creative
and productive thaumaturge. This roadblock prevented the widesp-
read use of magic for generations.
The Industrial Age
The Industrial Age dawned in 769 GUE with a discovery by a
little-known thaumaturge named Berzio. Berzio, working for years
in his own self-made workshop and often going for days without
food, drink, or sleep, created the means by which Presence could
be transferred from a scroll to a specially impregnated paper by
use of a simple spell, which he named after his dog, Gnusto. This
paper, in turn, held the Presence even after the Incantation had
been finished, solving the major problem in spell production. The
euphoria which greeted this discovery was tempered by the finding
that very powerful spells could not be transferred in this way.
Nevertheless, spell "books," which were capable of holding dozens
of spells, were produced in great number, leading to the founding
of a new industry.
Another advance in Thaumaturgy occurred with the finding that
certain liquids and powders could be imbued with the magical
Presence. Such potions are of great interest, although their
limitations have prevented them from supplanting scrolls as the
primary method of Incantation. The first of these potions, which
obviates the need for food and drink, was given the name BERZIO,
in honor of the great thaumaturge.
The Age of Guilds
As the use of magic became more prevalent, so did the prob-
lems inherent in its use. Since magic had become available to
people in all professions, conflicts arose. One famous issue
involved the question of whether the plumber's FIZMO spell
("cause stopped-up pipes to unclog") could be sold as a digestive
aid by physicians. The issue came to a head in the aftermath of
the Endless Fire of 773 GUE, so named because it burned for 4
weeks after destroying the city of Mareilon. It was later found
to have been started by a civil servant who thought he was cast-
ing the ZEMDOR spell ("turn original into triplicate") but who,
instead, cast the ZIMBOR spell ("turn one really big city into
lots of tiny, little ashes").
This led Lord Dimwit Flathead (the Excessive) to issue a
series of 5,521 edicts over the following few weeks, wich had the
effect of severely limiting access to magic (and, incidentally,
lawyers). Henceforth, all magic was entrusted to the various
Guilds of Enchanters, which by now existed in many small commu-
nities. Each Guild, whose elders comprised the so-called Circle
of Enchanters, was empowered to form schools for the training of
new Enchanters. This official sanctioning of the Guilds led to
the formation of numerous other chapters, with membership in the
various Guilds in excess of 2,000 by the year 800 GUE. Despite
the fall of the Great Underground Empire in 883 under the fee-
ble-minded reign of Wurb Flathead, the Guild of Enchanters
remains virtually unchanged in character today.
Today's Enchanter
Sincae the fall of the Empire, magic has again become a mys-
terious art, practiced primarily by trained Sorcerers, although a
few spells, such as UMBOZ ("obviate need for dusting") and
NERZO ("balance checkbook"), have been approved for over-the-
counter sale. Upon graduation from an accredited Thaumaturgical
College, an Enchanter is given a spell book with a few spells,
none of which has great power. As an Enchanter continued his or
her studies, new spells may be obtained; these may be copied into
a spell book for use whenever the occasion warrants.
The Enchanter's job is not as easy as is commonly thought. An
Enchanter must memorize a spell written in a spell book before
casting it. (Spells on scrolls and those which have been perma-
nently etched in the memory by training needn't be memorized.)
Moreover, if an Enchanter needs to use a particular spell twice,
it must be memorized twice, since the effort of casting it makes
it a jumble in one's memory. In fact, even a night's sleep will
make an Enchanter forget any memorized spells. But, in spite of
the rigors of spell casting, the personal rewards are great, and
the job of Enchanter remains a popular and well-respected voca-
tion.
An Afterthought
The most fitting words regarding the history of magic were
written over a century ago by the renowned historian Ozmar in 821
GUE. He wrote: "The greatest irony is this: that the ancients of
our kind were nearer to knowing the truth about Science than
those who called themselves Scientists. Science has taught us
much and given us new words for old mysteries. But beneath these
words are mysteries, and beneath them more mysteries. The pursuit
of Magic has given these mysteries meaning and provided for our
people great benefits unrealized as yet by Science. One day,
perhaps, a great union will be formed between Magic and Science,
and the final mysteries will be solved."
Ozmar's optimistic predictions will not be realized in our
time. In 966 GUE, the Age of Magic came to a sudden and unex-
pected demise. At the climax of an intense struggle against an
evil "twin", the Head of the Circle of Enchanters was forced to
permanently alter/destroy the Cubes of Foundation upon which the
force of Magic depended. The Age of Magic came to a close, and
the reign of Science began. However, the knowledge of magic was
not lost forever. In the Final Conclave of Enchanters, Y'Gael was
able to use the Coconut of Quendor to store the sum total of the
knowledge of the Age of Magic. It is hoped that the Coconut,
impervious to the passage of time, will outlast the Age of
Science and survive to an age when Magic can thrive again.
For a more complete understanding of the events leading up
the end of the Age of Magic, please see the following entries:
Cubes of Foundation, Coconut of Quendor, Final Conclave, and
Enchanters' Guild.
Spells and Potions
Our team of researchers has been able to compile a partial
list of known magical spells and potions, listed below. The exact
nature of many of these magics remain unknown.
Spells
Spells marked with a * are so powerful that they cannot be
GNUSTOed into a spellbook.
* aimfiz - teleport caster to someone's location
bayala - bodily deformation
blorb - safelt protect a small object as though in a strong
box
blorple - explore object's mystic connections
caskly - causes perfection
cleesh - change a creature into a small amphibian
conbak - build strong bodies 12 different ways
espnis - causes sleep
exex - make things move with greater speed
faift - change appearance to look younger
* filfre - display gratuitous fireworks
fizmo - cause stopped-up pipes to unclog
foblub - glue audience to seats
fripple - erect a magic barrier around a town
frotz - cause object to give off light
fweep - turn caster into bat
gaspar - resurrect
* girgol - stops time
gloth - fold dough 83 times
gnusto - copies spells into a spellbook
* golmac - travel temporally
gondar - extinguish fire
grigpo - ???
* guncho - banish someone to another plane of existence
imali - worsen eyesight
izyuk - fly
jindak - detects magic
krebf - repair willful damage
* kulcad - dispel a magic spell
lesoch - cuase gust of wind
liskon - causes living things to shrink
lobal - sharpen hearing
malyon - bring life to inanimate objects
meef - wilt plants
melbor - protect magic users from harm by evil beings
musdex - bodily deformation
nerzo - balance checkbook
nitfol - converse with beasts
nonav - navigation and boat-guiding aid
onkik - ???
otsung - erase spell written in book with GNUSTO
ozmoo - circumvent death
pulver - dry liquid
quelbo - ???
rezrov - opens locked or enchanted objects
stegaw - turn eggs into ripe guano
swanzo - exorcise an inhabiting presence
throck - causes plants to grow
tinsot - freeze water
tossio - turn granite to fettucini
umboz - obviate need for dusting
vardik - mind shield
vaxum - make a hostile creature your friend
vezza - view future
yimfil - ???
yomin - mind probe
* yonk - augment the power of certain spells
zifmia - magically summon a being
zemdor - turn original into triplicate
zimbor - turn one really big city into lots of tiny, little
ashes
zooka - turn eggs into overripe cabbage
Potions
berzio - obviate need for food and drink
blort - see in dark places
fooble - increase muscular coordination
flaxo - exquisite torture
ignatz - ???
knalb - ???
onbit - ???
sirano - speak in poetry
vilstu - obviate need for breathing
waldoe - ???
Appendix E
World Religions
There are many varied and unique religions in the Great
Underground Empire. Some of these are ancient and obscure, while
others are simply strange and confusing. The following is a
description of the known systems of faith, followed by various
rituals of unknown origin.
Brogmoidism
The followers of the tenets of Brogmoidism believe that
"Thou shalt worship the Great Brogmoid to thine utmost, for upon
his shoulder rests the world -- thus he saveth us from plunging
into the Great Void." Having originated sometime in the fourth
century, the belief had lost most of its adherents by the ninth
century, when an adventurer was able to visit the underside of
the world, and actually witnessed the existence of the Great
Brogmoid. Apparently, a similar Brogmoid stands on this
world, supposedly supporting a world above us. Unfortunately for
Brogmoid faithful, the last known worship site, in Flatheadia,
was destroyed in 883. Like many religions, Brogmoidism was
exposed to much ridicule, particularly by Zorbius Blattus. For
more details, please see the entry on Brogmoids.
The Accardi Town Temple
In the tenth century certain temples were used for prayer and
certain other religious ceremonies. All that is known about these
temples and the beliefs of the worshippers within is that those
who intruded in a sacriligious violation of the ceremonies would
be killed by priests bearing dangerous sacred ornaments.
Demonism
The followers of the evil Krill who assumed control of Lar-
goneth castle held religious ceremonies in a huge primitive
temple. Krill was known to use the altar in the temple as a site
for human sacrifice to a hideous statue that represents some
unknown demon.
Implementors
A loyal cult has built up surrounding the ancient legends
telling of the creation of the world by these Implementors, who
supposedly created this world and others like it as a test for
others of their kind. The Implementors, known to reside on the
Ethereal Plane of Atrii, do not discourage these rumors that the
world was created by them as a plaything, but they do not seem to
the overly creative types. On the contrary, these minor deities
spend all of their ample free time on costly luncheons where
gossip and sweet nectars flow freely. For more information,
please see the entry on the Implementors.
The Land of the Dead
This very strict religious sect centered near the former
location of Flatheadia possibly has its origins in a local reli-
gion already in existence before Duncanthrax's invasion of the
Eastlands. The major tenets of this faith have been written down
in a large black book, a sort of Bible, and engraved in the walls
of the underground caverns where worship took place. Followers of
this religion seem to have been very restricted in what they were
free to do. For instance, Commandment #12,592 strictly forbids
merely speaking the words, "Hello Sailor." (Interestingly enough,
that phrase is the motto of Antharia. Some historians believe
that Eastland natives, fearing Duncanthrax's Antharian-based
invasion, wrote that particular commandment to prevent the
natives from contacting the invaders.)
Punishment for this offense, and for trespassing in the
temple, the place of worship, was to be sent to the Land of the
Dead for eternity. Conveniently enough, the Land of the Dead,
also known as Hades, was actually quite close to the temple
itself, deep underground. A horrible desolation filled with
mangled bodies, Hades was once guarded by evil spirits and
wraithes. A daring adventurer was able to perform a powerful
ceremony involving certain noises, lights, and prayers called
upon an unearthly power to exorcise the spirits.
Other tenets of this cult include the belief that praying
would get rid of small insects, absent-mindedness and the picking
up and dropping of small objects.
For more information, please see the entry on Hades.
Heaven, Saints, and Angels
If we look at several seemingly unrelated sites around the
world, it seems that the last few centuries of the Age of Magic
might have seen the development of a monotheistic belief system.
The first indication of the existence of this religion is a
fresco found in the Fenshire summer castle of the Flatheads. This
fresco depicts the death of Duncanthrax in an optimistic light:
the first king of the Flathead Dynasty is shown rising to heaven
accompanied by a host of angels. This theme is repeated in
engravings that mark the tomb of the Twelve Flatheads.
Another aspect of this specific religion is that particularly
holy men were elevated to the status of Saint. Known examples are
Saints Balhu, Foobus, Honko, Quakko, Bovus, and Wiskus, all
patron saints of various aspects of daily life. (See individual
entries) Some of these saints were greatly admired by the popu-
lace. Saint Foobus for instance had a beautiful shrine in his
honor built deep underground. Complete with a stone statue of the
saint, this shrine was probably more than Foobus deserved.
Shrines like this were not the only site of worship for the
believers of this faith. At least two churches existed in the
last century of the Age of Magic. However, the church in Fes-
teron, Antharia, did not have as faithful a congregation as the
church in Thriff. For example, when Thriff was threatened by
Christmas Tree Monsters in 966 GUE, the church was filled day and
night by believers engaged in silent prayer to their god.
Services at this church were performed at an altar and led by
Cardinal Toolbox. The nature of the rank Cardinal suggests that
this religion was governed by an extensive hierarchy, with Car-
dinal being at or close to the top of a pyramid of people dedi-
cated to serving their god. It should be noted that the nature of
this god is still not understood.
The Oracle of Bargth
Previous editions of this publication have described the
Oracle of Bargth as a silly little legend. It is now known that
deep underground, near the former site of Flatheadia, lies an
enormous serpent's head, with a huge mouth hanging open in an
expression of insatiable hungerh. The Oracle has four glowing
eyes, and an enormous ruby in the center of its forehead.
In earlier days this Oracle offered bits of wisdom to
believers, and even today those who command the power of Bargth
can be transported to either Fublio Valley, Antharia, the Frigid
River Delta, or the Gray Mountains.
The Inquisition
The Inquisition was a crackpot religious sect that briefly
flourished and died in 883 GUE. Centered in Port Foozle and
several other sites around the world, the followers of this sect
believed that the impending doom of the Curse of Megaboz was
caused by widespread sinning, and the only way to appease the
gods was to execute every person in the Empire. For obvious rea-
sons, the Inquisition never enjoyed a widespread popularity. To
this day it is not known how many people lost their lives to this
horrible cult. Oddly enough, the vicious executioners in Foozle
did allow the victims one final wish. If the wish could not be
granted, the person was beheaded. If the wish could be granted,
it was, and the person was subsequently hanged.
Rodent/Serpent Worship
The ruins of an age-old castle in the Eastlands are home to
one of the strangest discoveries of our time. Deep inside this
castle lies a ruined temple to a forgotten god. Black basalt pil-
lars line the way to a tall basalt idol in the form of a huge
rodent. This idol, about twenty feet tall, has sharp fangs and
one staring opalescent eye. Chroniclers of magic have noted that
this crudely carved idol was the hiding place for one of the
Cubes of Foundation.
This idol might have also been the object of animal sacri-
fices fed to a temple snake. An interesting facet of this reli-
gion is that the temple snake was too well fed. Its pride grew,
and in declaring itself the greatest of snakes, it was forced to
swallow its own tail in mimicry of the true master of serpents.
Unrelated Fragments
There are many random relics and assorted historical notes
that hint at the existence of complete religions that remain
unknown to us. What follows is a list of these fragments.
1) The 883 GUE edition of this Encyclopedia, in the entry on
the Four Fantastic Flies of Famathria, mentions a flyswatter as a
ceremonial object from circa 671 GUE.
2) Fublio Valley, home to dozens of enchanters, is the site
of a cairn, or rock pile, of mysterious magical or religious
significance.
3) Lord Nimbus is the unsympathetic God of Rain described in
the platypus Legend of Wishbringer.
4) Idolism: The Miznia Jungle in the Westlands is the loca-
tion of a stone idol, carved in the likeness of a giant croco-
dile. This monstrous idol is approximately the size and shape of
a subway train, not counting the limbs and tail. The maw hangs
wide open, its lower jaw touching the ground to form an inclined
walkway lined with rows of stone teeth. Attempting to traverse
this walkway will cause the mouth to close, leaving the victim
inside the idol, without an exit. There are two possible expla-
nations for the existence of the idol. It could have been a
sacrificial tool to an ancient god, or, according to an old
legend, it could have been built by the evil Y'Syska as a trap to
guard the Crocodile's Tear, which rested on the idol until 966
GUE.
5) Flatheadia: None of the Flatheads were particularly reli-
gious, but that did not stop Dimwit from building the largest
chapel in all of Quendor. Our researchers have not yet been able
to discover exactly what the faithful at this chapel were sup-
posed to be worshipping.
ENGRAVINGS - The peoples of the world tend to be illustrative by
nature, and seem to prefer the use of art rather than writing to
express ideas. This art takes the form of statues, frescoes, and
particularly engravings. These engravings can be found almost
everywhere one chooses to look. The most famous example of wall
carvings is located underground in the Eastlands. It is there
that members of the cult of the Land of the Dead expressed the
major tenets of the cult via cave engravings. Engravings were
also used to tell tales, such as the carvings depicting the Dun-
geon Master, found near his underground realm. The noted scholar
I. Q. Roundhead wrote ten volumes discussing these and other cave
engravings of the Great Underground Empire, and concluded only
that the ancient inhabitants of those caverns were very strange
people.
