MUSIC FROM THE GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE
(reprinted from U.S. News and Dungeon Report, 9/18/951)
(New Zork Times; Spring 1985; page 8)
Copyright 1985 (c) Infocom
Transcribed by Graeme Cree
Because of the recent craze of treasure-hunting that seems to have
swept through the remnants of the Great Underground Empire (GUE), most people
seem to associate the GUE only with jewels and gold, and forget that it was
once a thriving kingdom of people, replete with traditions, culture, and art.
For example, almost every book or classroom course on the GUE ignores
its find musical heritage. This heritage goes back to the very earliest
years of the GUE. Zilbo III, the last ruler of the Entharion Dynasty, who is
most known for his invention of the card game Double Fanucci, is also the
inventor of the brass Trombuoy, and wrote several sonatas for Trombuoy and
Danvictorhorn.
The most popular music among the masses of the GUE was a type known as
rock music, so-called because it was produced by banging together rocks
(which were left lying all over the place following the construction of the
caverns and tunnels of the GUE) and also because listeners frequently
stuffed rocks in their ears due to the loud volumes involved.
The origins of the GUE's rock music can be traced to the legendary
singer Elvis Flathead, whose first concert in 841 propelled him to stardom.
However, the most famous rock musicians were undoubtedly Sgt. Duffy's Lonely
Hearts Club Band. Their songs include "I Get By With a Little Hint From My
Friends" ("Would you be mad if I should you a bug/Would you stand up and log
out on me?") and "Sandy Cave" ("Sandy Cave is in my ears and in my
eyes/There beneath the Frigid River skies").
A later addition to the GUE's rock music scene was a group called Men
at Zork, whose hit song "Down Under" revitalized interest in the medium ("So
you come from a land down under/Where trolls kill and thieves plunder").
Another popular rock artist was Billy Troll. (Editor's Note: As a matter of
fact, Infocom President Troll Berez is named after him.) Other important
rock musicians of the GUE were a group named Jefferson Bucket (later
re-named Jefferson Balloon) and a cute robot named Pink Floyd.
For the royal elite, more classical styles of music were in vogue. The
most famous is the "Toccata and Fugue and Theme and Variations, Opus No.
69105" by Johann Sebastian Flathead, commissioned by his cousin, Lord Dimwit
the Excessive. The piece was only performed once in its entirety, in 787.
Legend has it that several members of the 98,000-piece royal orchestra,
chorus, corps de ballet, and smoke effects crew failed to survive the
eighty-seven day ordeal.
