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From: [email protected] (Rob Jellinghaus)
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Subject: The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ list (Part 4 of 4)
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Summary: This posting contains a list of frequently asked questions
   in the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm newsgroup, and a list of
   non-judgmental, frank, and in many cases sexually explicit answers.
   You are encouraged to read the sections that interest you and avoid
   the sections that do not.
Xref: senator-bedfellow.mit.edu soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm:10778 alt.sex.bondage:287669 soc.answers:8587 alt.answers:29019 news.answers:112454

Archive-name: soc-subculture/bondage-faq/part4
Last-modified: 20 August 1997
Posting-frequency: monthly
URL: http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm
Copyright: (c) 1992-1997 Rob Jellinghaus
Maintainer: Rob Jellinghaus ([email protected])

The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ List
Where the kinky knowledge resides!
Part 4 of 4

This list is posted monthly, on or around the 11th.
Last-modified: 20 August 1997
Please send additions, suggestions, etc. to [email protected]
If this posting appears truncated or damaged, contact me, also.

The World Wide Web version of this FAQ is at
       http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm
Please make links to this page, rather than posting separate
Web copies of the text of this FAQ.

This FAQ list is copyrighted.  The full copyright notice appears at
the end of each part of the list; please respect it.

*Introduction* Soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm
is a Usenet discussion group, or newsgroup, about various topics
including sex and bondage. This FAQ list is my set of answers to some of
the most common questions in that group. You may find it interesting
whether or not you've encountered s.s.b-b itself.
This document contains explicit sexual information. If you do not wish
to view such information, I advise you to skip this document. If you
believe this document itself is obscene, I ask you to read my response
to question 20. Check out what's new with the FAQ!
There is an online {http://www.st.rim.or.jp/~tku/ASBFAQ/faq.html}
Japanese translation of the FAQ! Thanks very much to the translators!
There is also an online
{http://www.webcom.com/wunibald/asb_faq/index.html} German translation!
Not only that, there's an {http://www.nsm.it/smack!/italian/asbfaq.htm}
Italian translation too! Not being fluent in any of those languages, I
can't vouch for the accuracy, but that's OK with me. Any other
translators out there? Books could be and are being written about these
questions; remember, this is a thumbnail FAQ list. If you learn
anything from this list, hopefully it will be how many questions there
are to ask, and how much there is to learn! If you're concerned or
curious about issues that you feel are breezed over here, see the very
end of this FAQ for a list of wonderful books and sources of more
information. And if you want more ideas or discussion about anything,
well, what else is soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm for?

*The FAQs Themselves*
PART 1:
1. What do B&D, S&M, D&S, "top", "bottom" mean?
2. What is a "scene", and what is "negotiation"?

3. What is a "safeword"?  4. When is pain not pain?
5. What are some basics of safe SM, emotionally and physically?

6. Is everyone either a top or a bottom?  7. How can I learn to be a
good top?  8. How can I learn to be a good bottom?
9. Why is bondage fun? 10. Why is whipping fun?
11. What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"?
12. What is cutting/play piercing/burning/branding/electrical play? What
are "bloodsports"? 13. What is it about breath control? Is it safe to
make someone pass out?
14. What are "golden showers"? How about "scat"?

15. Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it? 16. What is "fisting"?
17. Does the way I play qualify as "real" SM? What is "real" SM, anyway?
18. What is it about leather/latex/high heels/corsets/other fetishes?
19. What about shaving body hair and/or crossdressing?
PART 3:
20. Why am I defending SM? 21. Is SM degrading or abusive? Were most SM
people abused?

22. Why is SM taboo, and is SM criminal, unnatural, immoral, unethical,
or unhealthy? 23. Isn't the bottom always in control?
24. Can someone _really_ be someone else's slave? 25. What are the
"codes"? 26. My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into SM?

27. I want to throw a play party; how do I go about it?

28. I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?

29. What's the deal with this anonymity stuff? 30. Are SM people being
politically and socially harassed?

31. Aren't there too many different topics on s.s.b-b?
PART 4:
32. I'm sick of certain topics on s.s.b-b. How can I avoid them? Also,
what's with all these ads? 33. I don't have access to
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm; what can I do to get information about the
scene? 34. What are some books/magazines/organizations/stores/news
archives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in the
scene?

*FAQs about the FAQs* Some simple questions, answered simply.

o What about the alt.sex.bondage FAQ? Alt.sex.bondage was the first
Usenet BDSM newsgroup. It is currently overrun by advertising (as is all
the alt.sex hierarchy). When soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm came about, I
asked if I could convert the a.s.b FAQ (which I wrote) to the s.s.b-b
FAQ, and people said "sure!", and I never did it. Until now. The a.s.b
FAQ is now merely a reference to this one. I'm delighted to see how much
of the "a.s.b-of-old" feeling s.s.b-b has recaptured. (Now I have much
more of a life than I did then, which is basically why this FAQ has
slipped... hope I haven't let the community down too badly by doing so
much realtime pervery rather than virtual....) o How long have you been
running the FAQ? Since 1991. I've gotten a lot of thanks and suggestions
in that time, and I hope to make more time to work on the guts of this
FAQ, which is still (to my knowledge) the best free reference about SM
on the entire Internet. (If I'm wrong about this, please let me know
which sites are better, so I can add links to them!)

*The Appendices*

The appendices are available on the World Wide Web version of this
FAQ, {http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm}

*Thanks for reading!* Hope you learned something! Remember, your
sexuality is wonderful; treasure it and nourish it!

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 31 July 1997
=======================================================================
*32. I'm sick of certain topics on s.s.b-b. How can I avoid them? Also,
what's with all these ads?*

s.s.b-b, like all Usenet groups, has its share of flame wars. Many of
them revolve around questions of whether particular BDSM activities are
healthy or not (the usual answer: "They're risky, but it's possible to
do them safely and beneficially, and many people do"), or whether
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm is a heterosexist group or not (I'm not
gonna tackle _that_ one here, yet). One common feature of all, though,
is that some people get burned out on reading all the hundreds of
articles in the thread. The solution? Most newsreading programs support
a tool called a "kill file", which is a list of subjects and/or authors
that you are NOT interested in and never want to look at. Different
newsreaders have different ways of using killfiles. I use rn, so my
example will refer to it. (If you use a different program, see the
documentation for that program. To add a particular subject (say, "FAQ
List") to your killfile in rn, go to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm When
you are reading the group, type ^K (control-K). This will put you into
an editor which is editing your killfile for
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. Type the following: /FAQ List/h:j
then exit your editor. What that line says is "junk any articles which
contain the text `FAQ List' in the header." Replace "FAQ List" with the
subject you dislike or the user ID of the person you no longer wish to
read, and presto, your blood pressure will be much happier.

I've been told the following about the "gnus" newsreader:

   In gnus, from the subject buffer, on an article from the person you
   wish to kill: type meta-k [gnus-Subject-edit-local-kill], C-c C-k C-a [gnus-Kill-file-kill-by-author],
   C-c C-a [gnus-Kill-file-apply-buffer], C-c C-c [gnus-Kill-file-exit]."
   "C-a" stands for "control-A", and "meta-k"
   stands for "escape-K." The text in brackets isn't stuff you should
   type; it's just explanation of what each set of keystrokes means.

If you use nn, track down a post written by the victim to be killfiled,
and just hit 'K' (capital-K). Follow the somewhat cryptic prompts, and
respond according to your needs. For example:    nn gives you
                      you respond
  ------------                              -----------
  AUTO (k)ill or (s)elect [...]                   k
  AUTO KILL on (s)ubject or (n)ame [...]          n
  KILL Name: (=/)                                 /
  KILL Name (regexp):                             FAQ List
  KILL in (g)roup 'soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm' or
         in (a)ll groups                          a
  Lifetime of entry in days (p)ermanent [...]     p  [or 21915 to 25568]
  CONFIRM KILL Name perm regexp: FAQ List          y
If you use tin, you can either hand-edit .tin/kill (instructions should
be given in that file), or you can hit control-K while reading any
article. This will toss a nice menu on the screen. Just follow the
prompts. For example:
    tin gives you               you respond
    -------------               -----------
    Kill type: Kill             [return/enter]
    Kill text pattern:          FAQ List [return/enter]
    Apply pattern to:           [spacebar until "Subject: & From: lines" appears, then hit return]
    Kill Subject [...]: No      [return/enter]
    Kill From [...]: No         [return/enter]
    Kill pattern scope:         [spacebar until appropriate choice appears, then return]
Two pieces of jargon related to kill files: Sometimes you will see
someone responding to something egregiously stupid (in the responder's
opinion) said by someone else. The response may look like, "Ho, hum.
<Plonk.>" What is plonk? Plonk is the sound of someone being dropped
into a kill file; the respondent is announcing that they are
permanently killfiling the original poster. Other times, a poster may
be annoying lots and lots of people on s.s.b-b, and someone will post
something like "Everyone PISS on this guy!" PISS stands for Passive
Ignorance Silence Strike, and basically means that everyone should just
ignore the poster, rather than arguing and/or flaming. The idea is that
if the person can't get a rise out of anyone, they will get bored and
leave. It very often works, too... or at least it reduces the wasted
bandwidth. What about the ads? Here, sadly, I don't have much
worthwhile help for you. Usenet as a medium is exceptionally vulnerable
to swine who think the whole world has to know about what they have to
sell, whether or not it has to do with the group it's being posted to.
Hopefully someday there will be a good set of solutions which will make
it easy to ignore the junk mail on Usenet. I remember back in the late
1980s, when the wider world hadn't yet found the Internet, and when
almost every post on s.s.b-b actually had something to do with some
actual person's experience with sex or bondage. Ah, the good old
days... and they will return again once the spam problem is dealt with!
For now, just get good newsreading software that lets you skim over
many ads to read the few good posts, and grin and bear it.

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 18 November 1996
=======================================================================
*33. I don't have access to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm; what can I do
to get information about the scene?*

A question I've been getting more and more often as my FAQ spreads
outwards into the world is, "I can't read soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm,
but the stuff you talk about in your FAQ sounds really interesting. Are
there any ways for me to access soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm, or do you
know of any SM groups or BBS'es near me?" First off: unless you have
access to a system which gets USENET news, and
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm in particular, there is no way for you to
read alt.sex.bondage. There are no mailing-list gateways or FTP
archives of soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. There may be public-access net
sites in your area which you could use to access s.s.b-b. Second: I
don't track very many local SM organizations, beyond the ones I mention
at the end of this FAQ. So please don't ask me for information beyond
what's contained here. HOWEVER: There is a way you can get answers to
your questions! If you have email access to the Internet, you can use an
"anonymous posting service". A posting service is a program running on
some Internet-connected computer. You can send email to the service, and
it will remove your userid from the email, append a newly-generated
anonymous userid, and post your email to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm!
Anyone can send you mail in response, and the service will forward it to
you. So if you have questions about SM resources in your area, use an
anonymous posting service to send your question to s.s.b-b (for example,
"I can't read soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm, but I'd like to know whether
there are any SM groups in Vancouver. Please reply by email"). You will
definitely get more responses than you would any other way. (Of course,
if you _can_ read s.s.b-b but don't want to post under your real name,
you can use a posting service for that; that's what they're mainly for.)
Unfortunately, as of November 1996, the major anonymous posting service
(which used to be at "[email protected]") has been shut down, due to
complaints that it was being used for child-pornography-related
purposes. I know of no other service that really substitutes for it. My
best suggestion right now? Get a trial America Online account, pick a
phony nickname, and post to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm that way. Yes,
that's a lousy substitute. Anyone with better anonymous-posting
solutions, please let me know, and I'll update this information again.

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 18 November 1996
=======================================================================
*34. What is role-playing?*

Most children know the thrill of dress-up, let's-pretend,
let's-be-someone-else. Some children play those games and like it
enough to keep doing it as adults.  That's what role-playing is about:
the thrill of becoming someone else.

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 14 November 1995
=======================================================================
*35. What are some web sites/books/magazines/organizations/stores/news
archives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in the
scene?*

This list is (permanently and congenitally) incomplete and needs all the
entries it can find--address corrections especially appreciated. Note
that I don't manage to update this list very often, and note also that
keeping track of all the BDSM enterprises in the world is too much to do
in my spare time :-) This all should get you off to an OK start, though.
Here's what's here:

1. Web sites and newsgroups  2. Nonfiction books
3. Fiction books  4. Videos
5. Magazines  6. Organizations
7. Mail-order houses *Web sites and newsgroups*
Many of the books and stores I list also have web sites; I include those
URLs in the book/store listings themselves. Yahoo has a
{http://www.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Sexuality/BDSM/} BDSM page!
This is one handy place to start browsing, all right! I'm very happy
this page exists; my kudos to Yahoo for having the guts to host it. The
Society for Human Sexuality at the University of Washington has a web
page at {http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/}; it contains a Guide to
Safer Sex as well as a basic how-to of flogging. There are also various
informal BDSM web sites:

o {http://www.netcom.com/~bndgmstr/} Bondage Web & Fetish Central looks
like a fun site. o {http://www.cuffs.com/} D/S Kiosk is a damn fine site
if you are into IRC (Internet Relay Chat) at all; this is where many IRC
BDSMers coordinate their nefarious exploits.
o Steven S. Davis's {http://magenta.com/lmnop/intro.html} LMNOP Page is
worthwhile if you're interested in more from one of
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm's most prolific and worthwhile posters. o
The {http://www.alternate.com} Alternate Sources page looks like a
pretty wide-ranging resource list in itself.

These sites have PLENTY of hotlist links and should serve as fine
starting points for your kinky netsurfing. Elf Sternberg hosts the
alt.sex FAQ list; see {http://www.halcyon.com/elf/elf_sternberg.html}
his homepage for details. Trevor Jacques has a nice SM site up:
{http://SaferSM.org/SaferSM.html}.

Not specifically about SM, but good basic safe sex info:
{http://www.albany.net/~calli/aids1.html} Two of the best-known posters
to s.s.b-b in days gone by were Rosie Marquez and Laylah Martelli.
There are mirrors of their postings at
{http://www.xs4all.nl/~wijnands/rosie/rosie.htm} and
{http://www.xs4all.nl/~wijnands/laylah/laylah.html}. Other newsgroups
that are in some ways related to s.s.b-b are alt.sex.spanking (for
folks who are into that in particular), alt.sex.fetish.fashion (for
lovers of sexy clothes), alt.sex.stories (often there are SM-related
stories posted there), alt.sex.stories.bondage (sometimes there are
some here too), alt.sex.femdom (for stories and discussion about female
dominance), and so forth. And don't forget
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage,
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.fetish.latex, or
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.fetish.leather! Note for posterity: I
actually created alt.sex.stories.bondage and all three of the
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica groups I mention above, and to date I've
downloaded well over 500 stories and 10,000 pictures from the groups!
Ain't the Internet an amazing place? If you build it, they will come...
and come, and come again :-) *Nonfiction books* If you liked this FAQ,
you will very likely enjoy these books. These describe consensual SM as
I have been using the term in this FAQ, and are all excellent resources
for learning.) Pat Califia, _Sensuous Magic_ (New York, Masquerade
Books, 1993). ISBN 1-56333-131-4, softcover. Pat Califia is a legendary
writer about SM behavior and SM fantasy. This is her latest book and I
recommend it unhesitatingly. It is in my opinion hands-down the best
how-to book about SM, combining fictional vignettes with sincere,
quality information delivered as effectively as possible. If you are
into SM, you will learn from this book; and if you liked this FAQ but
want more details, this is THE BOOK for you. Order it from Good
Vibrations (see the store list below). _Different Loving_, by Gloria G.
Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs (Villard Books, New York, 1993,
ISBN 0-679-40873-8), is a thorough, non-judgmental work describing all
aspects of SM sexuality. There are hundreds of interviews and lots and
lots of accurate information. If you ever wondered whether there was
anyone out there as kinky as you, buy this book, and know you're not
alone. It's a survey, not a how-to, but there's lots of safety
information in it anyway. 539 pages! The more of it I read, the more
impressed I've become. There is a {http://gloria-brame.com/diflove.htm}
web page for this book (and for these authors). A brief and excellent
introduction to safe SM is _The Lesbian S/M Safety Guide_, edited by
Pat Califia and published by Lace Publications (an imprint of Alyson
Publications). There is information in here on everything from physical
safety to emotional issues to negotiating with bottoms to consensual
slave contracts. It's written about lesbians, but very little of the
information is actually gender-specific. Excellent. Larry Townsend's
_The Leatherman's Handbook II_. This is fairly widely available, and is
by all accounts the best resource for gay male SM information. I
personally have never read it, but it's widely known. (The first
edition is still available, but II contains more information about AIDS
and safer sex, so it's probably what you want.) _On the Safe Edge: A
Manual For SM Play,_ by Trevor Jacques, with Dr. Dale, Michael
Hamilton, and Sniffer. ISBN: 1-895857-05-8 (pbk.) This new book comes
recommended by many reputable and knowledgeable people in the scene.
It's a how-to with lots and lots of safety information. To order
directly, call WholeSM Publishing (SAN S1196111) at: (416) 962 1040 or
you can reach the authors at [email protected] or through their web
pages at {http://www.alternate.com}.

_Coming to Power_, by SAMOIS, published by Alyson Press. This is a book
about lesbian SM, written by a former Bay Area women's collective. It
has a huge spectrum of pieces from hot fantasy to personal history to
political pronouncement. Very worthwhile for all who are interested in
SM, lesbian or otherwise. _The Second Coming_, edited by Pat Califia and
Robin Sweeney, published by Alyson Press. HOORAY! This is the 1996
update to _Coming to Power_, and is must reading if you liked the first
book. See how the community has evolved in twenty years. Get a sense of
history. Get a clue. Get your rocks off. Highly recommended.
Mark Thompson (editor), _Leatherfolk_, Alyson Press. An EXCELLENT
anthology about the SM scene in America, from the 1930s through the
present. Focuses mainly on the gay and lesbian SM communities, but
contains much worthwhile material for anyone interested in any aspects
of SM. _Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/M
Lovemaking_, by Race Bannon, Daedalus Publishing Co., 4470-107 Sunset
Blvd., Suite 375, Los Angeles, CA 90027. Available by mail from the
publisher @ $12.95 + $2.50 s/h (CA residents add 8.25% sales tax). Race
is a well- known figure in the SM scene, and by all accounts this book
is quite comprehensive, describing all aspects of safe SM from the
physical to the spiritual. If you liked this FAQ, I'd guess you'd like
this book. _SM 101_, published by Jay Wiseman, PO Box 1261, Berkeley,
CA 94701. $19.95 will get you this book, which is one of the most
thorough and in-depth explorations of SM safety and SM practice I have
had the pleasure to read. I would consider this book very valuable for
anyone who is wondering "how do I get started?"--Jay has many
relatively specific examples and tips on how to make your scenes
delightful and memorable. He's an opinionated guy, but then aren't we
all? Jack Morin, _Anal Pleasure and Health_, Down There Press,
Burlingame, CA. This book has the complete lowdown on all aspects of
anal sex--safety, hygiene, emotional issues, you name it. Extremely
valuable information, well presented. Robert J. Stoller, _Pain and
passion: a psychoanalyst explores the world of S&M,_ 1991, New York et
al.: Plenum, X, 306 pp. ISBN 0-306-43770-8. I've heard that this book
does an excellent job of revisiting (and refuting) the common Freudian
biases against SM, in spite of several far-from-objective judgmental
sections. Two other psychoanalytic books dealing with SM (neither of
which I've read) are _Dark Eros_ by Thomas Moore and _Masochism_ by Lyn
Cowan. _Sadomasochism in Everday Life: The Dynamics of Power and
Powerlessness_, Lynn S. Chancer, 1992, publisher momentarily unknown
(but soon to be added), ISBN 0-8135-1808-3. Chancer's book takes a long,
hard look at the many social contexts in which one group exercises power
abusively over another. It's a fascinating perspective from which to
analyze racism, sexism, etc., and there is a fair amount of material
about BDSM in the sense it's been described in this FAQ.
_Ties that Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style_ by Guy Baldwin,
M.S. Daedalus Publishing Company, Los Angeles, 1993, 244 pages, $14.95.
Baldwin is a therapist who sees many people in the SM community. He has
a unique healer's perspective on many of the emotional and psychological
issues that arise for people in the scene. If you are doing a lot of
thinking about whether SM is right for you, or if you're working on
your SM with your partner and you want another point of view, do
yourself a COLOSSAL favor and buy this book. (You can order it from Mr.
S Leathers, or from QSM.) _The Sexually Dominant Woman, A Workbook for
Nervous Beginners_, by Lady Green. (Lady Green's book is supposed to be
very good for those who barely know where to begin.)
*Fiction books* Not all of the scenarios in these books are what I would
call consensual SM, but as stated earlier, fantasies are not reality,
and neither are erotic stories. Don't take these books as seriously as
you would the ones above. Hopefully everyone is now thinking, "Well,
duh! Obviously!" Anne Rice has written a number of books with SM themes.
As A. N. Roquelaure, she released the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy: _The
Claiming of Sleeping Beauty_, _Beauty's Punishment_, and _Beauty's
Release_, in which the hero and heroine are subjected to all kinds of
wonderfully sensual torments. Something for just about everyone. Also
widely available is _Exit to Eden_, under the name Ann Rampling; the
first part of the book is the most SM-y. Anything written by Pat Califia
(_Macho Sluts_, _Doc and Fluff_, _Sapphistry_, and her new book _Melting
Point_). Alyson Publica- tions (40 Plympton St., Boston, MA 02118, (800)
8-ALYSON) publishes her stuff. She's very well known in the scene and
she is a hot (as in boiling-glowing-volcanic-nuclear-SUPERHOT) writer.
Be warned, though; _Doc and Fluff_ in particular is not for the faint of
heart! If what you want is SM erotica, _Macho Sluts_ or _Melting Point_
are the ticket. _Leatherwomen_, edited by Laura Antoniou, Rosebud Press,
ISBN 1-563-33095-4. $4.95 at most book stores or direct order from
(800)458-9640. This new paperback is an anthology of S/M fiction by
women. It's very very hot stuff! Some of the fiction in this book rivals
Pat Califia's work, which is high praise indeed. Get it.
_The Slave_, Sara Adamson, Rhinoceros Press, 1994, ISBN 1-56333-173-X. A
surprisingly straightforward look at a woman's search for--and discovery
of--a dream life of servitude. I enjoyed it greatly, and not only was it
hot, it made me think. Recommended. Her earlier book in the trilogy,
_The Marketplace_, is also excellent. And even the final book, _The
Trainer_, is now out! Get 'em while they're hot! Some guest
recommendations: "_Masochism_ (New York: Zone Books, 1991). This book
consists of a translation of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's
_Venus_in_Furs_, prefaced by a long essay, 'Coldness and Cruelty,' by
the French philosopher Gilles Deleuze. To quote the dust jacket:
'Deleuze's stunning essay is an attempt to restore to Masoch's work the
rigorous and informed philosophical examination that is due it.'.... I
think Deleuze shows that Masoch has a lot more to say to the BDSM
community than Sade does. "Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female
Sexuality (Carol Vance, ed.) The Scholar and Feminist Conference at
Barnard in 1982 was almost ripped apart when politically correct
feminists tried to suppress feminists who wanted the freedom to enjoy
power exchange. This is a collection of papers and talks from this
watershed of the Woman's Movement. "S&M: Studies in Sadomasochism
(Thomas Weinberg and G.W. Kamel, eds) This is a collection of essays on
the nature, origin and development of what they call sadomasochism. Some
are decent; some have points of interest; a number are so far off the
mark as to be laughable. "A Taste for Pain: On Masochism and Female
Sexuality (Maria Marcus) The author, a self-admitted masochist, explores
the existing literature on sadomasochism from a very personal,
insightful point of view."

Three sources for people who are into spanking in particular: CF
Publications, PO Box 713, E Setauket, NY 11733. Newsletters, stories,
fiction. CD Publishing Corp., 213 Valley St, Ste 228, South Orange, NJ
07079. Information, newsletters, personal ads.
Shadow Lane, PO Box 1910, Studio City, CA. One of the best, with lots of
materials, videos, et al. *Videos*
_Safe, Sane, Consensual SM_ is a documentary consisting of interviews
with 20 experienced SM players, discussing their experiences and
viewpoints. I know several of the people interviewed, and what they
have to say is very worth hearing. $49.95 + $5 S&H; California
residents add applicable sales tax. You must state that you are over
21. B&D Video Production and Distribution Company, 2215-R Market Street
#214, San Francisco, CA 94114, (415) 863-0199 (call for quantity
discounts). Jay Edwards Collection/Close-Up Productions/John Floyd
Productions, P.O. Box 691658, Los Angeles, CA 90069. These companies
release various heterosexual bondage videos, mostly with women as the
bottoms. Very popular.

_Learning the Ropes,_ Ona Zee Productions, P.O. Box 9951, Marina Del
Rey, CA 90295. Ona and her husband Frank have put together seven (going
on eight) instructional videos about BDSM, on topics from bondage to
dildoes to whips and hot wax. I've heard they're very worth getting.
*Magazines* _Sandmutopian Guardian_. A very good how-to magazine,
focusing on the basics of SM play (lots of reader articles and B&W
pictures), with lots of listings of clubs around the US. Get all the
back issues you possibly can. Five-issue subscriptions are $29 in the US
and $39 elsewhere. Sandmutopian Guardian, c/o The Utopian Network; PO
Box 1146; NY NY 10156 or call (516) 842-1711 11am-9pm M-F. Alternativly,
check out {http://catalog.com/utopian} the web page.
_Skin Two_, Freepost, 23 Grand Union Centre, Kensal Rd, London W10 5BR.
A VERY classy magazine, all glossy with excellent articles and photos,
with lots of emphasis on latex but good material for anyone into SM, as
well as a HUGE section of magazine, book, and store listings in the back
of every issue. They take credit card orders at 081 968 9692. Highly
recommended. Check out their {http://www.dungeon.com/~skintwo} web site!

Carter Stevens publishes a variety of SM magazines and videos. Check out
his web page at www.smnews.com. <<O>>, c/o Dream Dresser, Inc., 1042
Wisconsin Ave., N.W., Washington, DC 20007. <<O>> is for those who love
latex. Some of the most beautiful fetish photography I've ever seen.
Subs are $150 for six (legal-size, full-color glossy, 80-page) issues.
_Body Play and Modern Primitives Quarterly_, Insight Books, P.O. Box
2575, Menlo Park, CA 94026-2575. This magazine, published and edited by
the celebrated Fakir Musafar, has monthly articles on subjects from
corseting and wasit training to tattoos, piercings, and intense SM
practices. Very well produced. Subs are $45/4 issues. _Bad Attitude_,
P.O. Box 39110, Cambridge, MA 02139. Bigger than _Brat Attack_, and
mostly fiction, again by SM dykes. Some very strong and gripping stuff.
$24/6 issues. _Black Leather In Color_ is a zine for people of color
into SM. It's published a the BLIC collective, who can be reached at
BLIC, 874 Broadway, Suite 808, New York, NY 10003
_Secret_ Magazine is a great fetish mag. Check out their website at
{http://www.secretmag.com} www.secretmag.com. BOUDOIR NOIR, non-fiction
Leather-Fetish- Consensual SM Magazine. Box 5, Stn. F, Toronto, Ontario
M4Y 2L4. Ph. (416) 591-2387; Fax (416) 591-1572; E-mail
[email protected]. Sample $10. Subscription $24 ($50 outside North
America); $6.95 at newsstand. Member Canadian Magazine Publishers
Association. World Wide Web site at {http://boudoir-noir.com}. The
following three magazines seem to be defunct but are included out of
historical interest (and hope of future revival): _Brat Attack_, P.O.
Box 40754, San Francisco, ,CA 94140-0754. A magazine by SM dykes, and
mostly for SM dykes, though the writing is smart and funny no matter
what your crotch looks like. Subs are 10 bucks/3 issues. _Frighten the
Horses_, Heat Seeking Publishing, 41 Sutter St. #1108, San Francisco, CA
94104. FtH has only gotten bigger and more interesting with every issue;
each has a good balance of non-fiction (quite often actively political)
pieces, sexy fiction for ALL kinds of tastes, and news and reviews of
the sexual revolution. Subs are $16/4 issues. Unfortunately spotty
publication record recently. _Venus Infers_, 2215-R Market Street, Suite
294, San Francisco, CA 94114. $8/issue. This is a new, smart, hot S/M
magazine by lesbians for (mostly) lesbians. It's got art, it's got
writing, it's got good design. It's got what it takes. Recommended.
*Organizations* First of all, people who read s.s.b-b or other SM
mailing lists often form social groups in local areas. Sometimes these
groups have meetings which are open to anyone who wants to swing by. The
best way to find out about these is to post to s.s.b-b (see question 31
if need be) and ask whether there's one in your area.
Science fiction cons also often have play parties, which are usually
announced on the net beforehand, and sometimes discreetly advertised at
the con. This is another reasonable way to meet people in the scene.
There are various regional organizations which continually fluctuate.
Look in the back of the _Sandmutopia Guardian_ or _Skin Two_; they
generally include a list in every issue. And look up your local adult
toy store or leather store; they may have leads on any SM groups near
you. Look around--there are lots of people out there who like this
stuff! Here are some of the best-known and most-established SM
organizations: QSM, PO Box 880154, SF CA 94188, 415 550-776 (phones
staffed Monday-Friday 11 AM to 5 PM Pacific time). QSM is the best
organization in the world for learning about SM. QSM holds many
different classes and workshops on all aspects of SM. Write to them to
get on their mailing list or to preregister for classes--they also have
an extensive list of books and magazines available by mail order (all
the books and magazines listed above, and then some. Yes, they have a
{http://www.qualitysm.com} web page! Also an email address:
[email protected]. The Southbay Leather and Uniform Group (SLUG) is an
omnisexual club whose purpose is to promote educational, social, and
charitable activities among people with an interest in Levis, leather,
and uniforms--and all that usually goes with them! The address is SLUG,
Billy De Frank Center, 175 Stockton Avenue, San Jose, CA 95126, (408)
929-SLUG. The Eulenspiegel Society, PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station,
New York, NY 10163-2783, 212-388-7022, [email protected]. A long-running
club for SMers on the right coast. Well known. They put out a quarterly
64-page newsletter. Weekly meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday. Web page:
{http://www.mcsp.com/tes/welcome.html}. The Society of Janus, PO Box
426794, San Francisco, CA 94142. Organization in the SF Bay Area, open
to all genders and persuasions. Janus is a very safe organization for
novices to join. They are aware of anonymity issues, and hold a variety
of workshops and social events, as well as publish a monthly newsletter.
Threshold, 2554 Lincoln Blvd, Suite 381, Marina Del Rey, CA 90291. This
LA-area group is the best-known pansexual SM organization in Southern
California, and holds a variety of events from educational to social to
political. (I do not have a current phone number or email address for
them; can anyone help me out?) BackDrop Club,PO Box 390486, Mountain
View, CA 94039-0486. Office: 415-965-4499, BBS: 415-964-3100, FAX:
415-964-3879. A 4,000-member club, with their own large clubhouse, BBS,
and reference library. They say they are open to people of all sexes and
sexualities who share an interest in SM; play parties, social events,
support anddiscussion all take place through BackDrop. The Black Rose,
in the Washington DC area. (301) 369-7667 (voicemail number with address
information). A pansexual SM support group with meetings every Tuesday
night. They hold a social event once a month, open to those who've
attended at least two weekly meetings. There are also subgroups (one is
women-only). Chicagoland Discussion Group, 3023 N. Clark St #806,
Chicago, IL 60657-5205, 24-hour info-line 312-281-1097. A pansexual
SM/fetish group, with events, a newsletter, parties, and outreach. A
wide variety of interests are represented.

LUXURIA, PO BOX 53063, Ottawa, ON, K1N 1C5; (613)567-9033. A
pan-sexual-orientation & kink group whose main focus is networking and
info exchange. There's a magazine, phone line, and BBS echo dedicated
to it. APEX, the Arizona Power Exchange, 5821 North 67th Avenue, Suite
103-276, Glendale, Arizona 85301. We are a pansexual, panfetish support
and social group, for people with dominant/submissive desires, treating
the S/M, B&D and fetish experience with acceptance, respect and
dignity. For meeting locations, please call (602) 906-0851. The National
Leather Association, 584 Castro Street #444, San Francisco, CA
94114-2500. A nationwide group open to everyone into leather/SM. The NLA
has many local chapters; there's probably one in your area! They hold
social events, support groups, political rallies, and lots more besides.
If you want to meet other like-minded people, the NLA's a fine place to
start. (Apparently their phone has been disconnected, however, so I
don't know how active they are. If you know, let me know!) San Francisco
Sex Information, (415) 989-7374. SFSI is a volunteer information and
referral service for all aspects of human sexuality-- SM included! If
you have a question about some scene you've done or are considering
doing, and you want to talk to someone who can answer your questions
anonymously and nonjudgmentally, give them a call! The lines are open 3
to 9 p.m. Pacific time, Monday through Friday, and from 3 to 9 most
Sundays as well. Atlanta S/M Solidarity, P.O. Box 8361, Atlanta, GA
31106. A Georgia group of SM enthusiasts, with workshops, socials, etc.
The Phoenix Society, 1131 S. Clinton St., Baltimore, MD 21224,
410/385-3369, A Pansexual support, education and social group for
consenting adults interested in dominance and submission. Meetings are
held every Friday and feature discussions and demonstrations tailored
to entertain and inform people at all levels of experience; members and
guests are encouraged to socialize, enjoy themselves and take advantage
of playroom equipment; all play at meetings is nonsexual and all
information about members and guests is kept strictly confidential. For
a schedule of events and directions, call, or check out the web site at
{http://www.bold.ly.com/phoenix}.

*Mail-order houses* Most of these places require you to state that
you're 21 or over when ordering. (This list in particular could use all
the expansion it can get, since I know little about toy stores outside
the SF Bay Area. Send me your favorite local shops' addresses, and I'll
put 'em in here!) The best stores list I know of is
{http://login.dknet.dk/~pg/fetish/FAQ/} the alt.sex.fetish.fashion FAQ
list. Yes, it's mostly for kinky clothes, but there is a LOT of SM
material in there, too. As I mentioned above, QSM does mail-order of
books and magazines. Good Vibrations, 1210 Valencia, San Francisco, CA
94110, (800) BUY-VIBE (289-9423), [email protected] (yes, they are
on the Internet!). An excellent non-sleazy erotica store, woman-owned,
with lots of good books and magazines about sex and a nice selection of
basic sex toys. If you want to order any of the books in this FAQ, you
could likely get them from here--and if not from here, from QSM. Not an
SM store, but a good one nonetheless. Send them $5 for
first-class-mailed catalogs of their books and toys. Adam and Gillian's
Sensual Whips and Toys - Serving the SM community since 1987 Adam and
Gillian produce quality whips at reasonable prices. For a catalog send
$3.00 to AGSWT c/o The Utopian Network; PO Box 1146; NY NY 10156, credit
card by phone at (516) 842-1711 11am-9pm ET or FAX 24 hours at (516)
842-7518. Alternatively, check out the {http://catalog.com/utopian} web
page and on-line graphic catalog. Mr. S. Leather Co. & Fetters USA, 310
7th St., San Francisco, CA 94103, (415) 863-7764, (415) 863-7798 (fax);
{http://www.dnai.com/sex-bondage/}. Possibly the best-stocked store for
SM equipment in the world. Lots and lots of really well-made bondage
gear, including metal shackles and leather straightjackets, and a HUGE
handcuff selection, not to mention amazing amounts of leather and rubber
clothing. They have just completed "The New 1996 Mr. S. Leather and
Fetters Catalog", a 208-page gorgeously-photographed catalog with over
1000 photos, and two thousand items; it's available for $20.00 in the
U.S.A., $30.00 foreign. Leather Masters, 969 Park Avenue, San Jose, CA
95126, (408) 293-7660. Leather Masters is a toy store featuring custom
leather, cleaning and alterations, novelties and cards, body piercing,
B&D equipment, videos, and latex. Mail order catalog and newsletter are
available. Northbound Leather, 19 St. Nicholas St., Toronto, Ontario M4Y
1W5. +1 416 972-1037, +1 416-975-1337 (fax);
{http://www.northbound.com/}. This is an up-and-coming leather store
with an excellent reputation for quality and for unusual latex and
leather goods. Two *very* nice catalogues (one clothing, one toys) at
$10 each, applicable towards purchase. Both catalogs and ordering info
are on-line. Fit guaranteed for mail order if their (very detailed)
measurement instructions are followed. Strangeblades & More, 1131-O
Tolland Tpk #157, Manchester, CT 06040 860-741-2965, [email protected]. We
make fashions, accessories and sensation toys in metal and leather. We
have both a "Fetish" and a "Chainmail & Jewelry" catalog available. Our
"Chainmail & More - fantasies in metal" page is at
{http://www.altsex.com/sblades}. House of Whacks, 4017 N. Damen Ave.,
Chicago, IL 60618, (773) 761-6969, fax (312) 761-4375. Specializes in
latex clothing, may sell some toys. Also sells high-end magazines and
catalogs, including a fancy and expensive one of its own. Sponsors
periodic social gatherings. Has a web page,
{http://www.webgraphics.com/HOW/whacks.html}.

Male Hide Leathers, 2816 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago, IL 60657, (773)
929-0069. Primarily gay male-oriented shop, sells stuff of general gay
interest as well as bdsm interest (clothing, toys). Don't know if they
do mail orders.

Black Market Chicago, 1116 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago 60622, (773)
278-6780. BDSM apparel, ewquipment, toys, and books. Sponsors periodic
bondage nights at a local bar. Taboo Tabou (or it is the other way
around? :-) ), 856 W. Belmont Ave., Chicago 60657, (773) SAFE-SEX (or
its digital equivalent). Erotic lingerie, BDSM apparel and equipoment,
other toys, and a wide selection of condoms. Paul C. Leather, 2421 W.
Pratt Ave., Suite 959, Chicago 60645, (800) FETISH-0 (or numerical
equivalent). Leather BDSM wear by catalog order; showroom by appointment
only. Their email address is [email protected]. Pleasure Chest, 3155 N.
Broadway, Chicago 60657, (773) 525-7151. General-purpose sex shop with a
good selection of BDSM apparel and tools. J.R.'s Bonds, (773) 252-2690,
[email protected], {http://www.suba.com/~jrsbonds}. Promoter of BDSM
events in the Chicago area. Slimwear of America, P.O. Box 997,
Eastsound, WA 98245, (206)376-5213 (machine), (206)376-5231 (fax). A
widely-known supplier of rubber-wear and assorted latexery. Clothes
catalog $17.50, hood/gag listing $6.00, both $22.00 postpaid.
Heartwood Whips of Passion, 412 N. Coast Hwy. #210, Laguna Beach, CA
92651. Some of the best leather whips and floggers to be found,
anywhere. Jeanne's whips are works of art, whether they're being used
or not. Bondage, James Bondage, Inc. 7926 Woodvale Cir., Tampa, FL
33615, (813) 443-3658. Purveyors of assorted bondage gear, videos, and
magazines, I believe. If you're looking for leather in upstate New York,
look up Savage Gifts & Leather. The owner's name is Ken Savage and the
shop is at 88 Central Ave., Albany NY 12210. His phone number is (518)
434-2324. He will custom make any leather apparel/gear you can dream up
and he's helped me design some custom harnesses. His shop is open every
day (except Sunday) from noon til 8pm EST, 11pm on weekends. He also
does area shows and welcomes mail orders.
JT Toys, Inc., (800) 755-TOYS, [email protected]. JT (Joel Tucker by
name) has an excellent selection of quality SM equipment and prices
lower than any. Plus he's a great guy to do business with. Their new web
site is at {http://www.stockroom.com}. Cecilia Tan, a long-time presence
on s.s.b-b, now has a business: Circlet Press Mail Order Books, P.O. Box
15143, Boston, MA 02215. She says they carry all manner of kinky and
erotic fiction and nonfiction, specializing in leather/fetishes/SM. A
catalog is free with a 29-cent SASE or by email (she's
[email protected]). Constance Enterprises Ltd., PO Box 43079, Upper
Montclair, NJ 07043. Also Dressing for Pleasure, 590 Valley Road, Upper
Montclair, NJ, (201) 746-5466. An upscale business, selling fashions and
toys for people into BDSM.
Il Bolero, 6846-6842 St-Hubert St., Montreal, Quebec, Canada H2S 2M6,
(514) 270-6065. Don't know much about this store except that it's got a
lot of Northbound Leather's stuff. Bon-Vue Enterprise, Inc., owned and
operated by Bill and Debbie Majors (who sometimes post to s.s.b-b),
produces B&D videos, magazines, comics, art portfolios, pocket books,
and other products; most of their stuff is male dom/female sub. They
also operate the Hedonism BBS at (310) 631-7697. A catalog is $5.00 and
can be obtained from: Bon-Vue Enterprises, Inc., P.O. Box 92889, Long
Beach, CA 90803. They offer a total satisfaction guarantee policy that
is "unique in the adult industry". Phone: (310) 631-1600.

BR Creations in Mountain View makes custom-made corsets--P.O. Box 4201,
Mountain View, CA 94040, catalog $5. Excellent quality. Mark I. Chester
makes spandex body bags and hoods; he's at P. O. Box 42501, SF, CA
94101, (415) 621-6294. For a sharp touch, get some Vampire Gloves from
Leonard at Lucifer's Armory. Contact [email protected], Box 808, 874
Broadway, New York, NY 10003.

ASLAN LEATHER by Carrie, 363 Sorauren Ave. Box 58, Toronto, Ontario,
Canada M6R 2G5, (416) 538-9759. Carrie makes non-leather bondage
equipment, for vegans who eschew animal products in their toys. (She
also makes leather stuff for the rest of us.) I'm told that you can call
(800) 305-5525 for a catalog of modern chastity belts.
The classic magazines of "love bondage" (i.e. pretty women posing in
lingerie and bondage) are available from Harmony Concepts, Box 69976,
Los Angeles, CA 90069. A wide variety of sexy spandex bondage gear is
available from Noelle Nielson Softwear, Box 69826, Los Angeles, CA
90069. Write for information.

Here's a rather hot ad I recently received: "JG Leathers is a
manufacturer of custom, specialized, leather and rubber discipline
harnesses. Types include pony- girl or pony-boy full-body harnesses,
with separate bridle and bit, cow-girl or cow-boy milking discipline
harnesses. All harnesses designed and manufactured to be
suspension-capable, and when used in conjunction with speciallY
modified gas masks can also be used for sensory-deprivation, breathe
control, and electrical 'aversion therapy' techniques. Standard toys
are also made to the customer's specifications. Catalogue costs $5.00
usd/$6.50 cad. The address is JG Leathers, 5324 10A Avenue, Delta,
B.C., Canada V4M 1Y6." The Naughty Victorian (2315-B Forest Drive,
Suite 68, Annapolis, MD 21401; Tel.: 1-800-778-7428; Fax:
410-626-1879). Offering "the finest body of literature, clothing,
implements and accessories" for "the practice of adult domestic
discipline." Catalog available for $5.

For those who enjoy making their own toys, I'm told that a great source
for leather hides and tools is the M. Siegel Company, Inc., 120 Pond
Street (Route 126), Ashland, MA 01721. Phone (508)881-5200,
fax(508)881-5203, orders only (800)932-8956. They keep odd hours and
have certain minimum-order sizes, so call first. If you're in San
Francisco, stop by Stormy Leather, 1158 Howard St., San Francisco, CA
94103, (415) 626-1672. A woman-owned store with an excellent selection
of sexy leather and latex clothes, good basic bondage gear, and a
wonderful magazine and book section. They cater to both men and women,
so they'll have toys to fit you; they also do custom orders. They have
unfortunately stopped doing mail orders. Another great San Francisco
store is Romantasy, which has a {http://www.romantasy.com} web page;
seek more info there.

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 12 December 1995
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
Hope you learned something! Remember, your sexuality is wonderful;
treasure it and nourish it!

Contents copyright (c) 1992-1997 by Rob Jellinghaus.  Redistribution of
this FAQ or portions thereof from soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm to any
online or offline publication requires permission of the author
([email protected]).  Copies for individual use are OK.
--
Rob Jellinghaus   [email protected]   http://www.unrealities.com/robj

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