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From: [email protected] (Gabe Helou)
Newsgroups: alt.happy.birthday.to.me,rec.music.filk,rec.answers,alt.answers,news.answers
Subject: [FAQ] Lyrics for The Birthday Dirge
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Date: Tue, 01 Jun 2004 04:00:07 -0000
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Summary: Lyrics for The Birthday Dirge
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Archive-name: music/birthday-dirge-faq
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: 1997.10.13
Version: 1.03

Table of Contents
  1. What is "The Birthday Dirge"?
  2. What are the lyrics?
  3. Where did it originate?
  4. Why?


1. What is "The Birthday Dirge"?
--------------------------------
"The Birthday Dirge" is sung to the tune of "The Volga Boatmen".  If you
don't know the tune by name, you know it by sound.  It's the depressing
sounding Russian folk tune that nearly everyone has heard at one time
or another.  The resounding thud that follows each "Happy Birthday!" is
traditionally accompanied by a "HUHN"-like grunt.  The sort of groaning
grunt that workers lifting heavy loads might find natural.


2. What are the lyrics?
-----------------------
The Dirge is know know in various circles as "The Barbarian Birthday Song",
"The Viking Birthday Sang", "The SCA Birthday Dirge", etc.  Those lyrics
most common are listed first.  Variations and additional lyrics follow.
Feel free to pick and choose those verses that best suit the group you
are with and the person being serenaded.


                     THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
                    tune: "Volga Boatmen"

         Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
    1.   Now you've aged another year
         Now you know that Death is near
         Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

         1a.   So you've aged another year
               Now you know that Death is near

    2.   Children dying far and near
         They say that cancer's caused by bheer

         2a.   Children dying everywhere
               Women crying in despair

    3.   Death, destruction, and despair
         People dying everywhere

         3a.   Doom and gloom and dark despair
               People dying everywhere!

         3b.   Doom, destruction, and despair
               Grief and sorrow fill the air

         3c.   Doom, destruction, and despair
               People dying everywhere

         3d.   Death and gloom and black despair
               People dying everywhere

         3e.   Pain destruction and despair
               People dying everywhere

    4.   Typhoid, plague and polio
         Coffins lined up in a row

    5.   Now that you're the age you are
         Your demise cannot be far

         5a.   Now you are the age you are
               Your demise cannot be far

         5b.   When you've reached the age you are
               Your demise cannot be far

Other Common Verses:

    6.   Black Death has just struck your town
         You yourself feel quite run-down

         6a.   Pestilence has struck your town
               You yourself feel quite run-down

    7.   Birthdays come but once a year
         Marking time as Death draws near

    8.   Long ago your hair turned grey
         Now it's falling out, they say

         8a.   Soon your hair will all turn grey
               Then fall out (or so they say)

The Viking/Barbarian Verses:

    9.   Burn the castle and storm the keep
         Kill the women, but save the sheep

         9a.   Hear the women wail and weep
               Kill them all, but spare the sheep

         9b.   May the women wail and weep
               kill them all, but save the sheep

    10.  Burn, then rape by firelight
         Add _romance_ to life tonight

    11.  Indigestion's what you get
         From the enemies you 'et

    12.  May the candles on your cake
         Burn like cities in your wake.

         12a.  May the cities in your wake
               Burn like candles on your cake,

    13.  May the children in the street
         Be your barbequeing meat

         13a.  We love children, yes we do
               Baked or broiled or in a stew

    14.  May your deeds with sheep and yaks
         Equal those with sword and axe

         14a.  May your deeds with sword and axe
               Equal those with sheep and yaks

    15.  They stole your sword, your gold, your house
         Took your sheep but not your spouse

    16.  This one lesson you must learn
         First you pillage, then you burn

    17.  While you eat your birthday stew
         We will loot the town for you,

The SCA Verses:

    18.  We brought linen, white as cloud
         Now we'll sit and sew your shroud

    19.  You're a period cook, its true
         Ask the beetles in the stew

    20.  Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
         Your children plot to murder you

Other Verses:

    21.  Fear and gloom and darkness but
         No one found out you-know-what

         21a.  Just be glad the friends you've got
               Haven't found out you-know-what

    22.  I'm a leper, can't you see
         Have a birthday kiss from me

    23.  It's your birthday never fear
         You'll be dead this time next year

    24.  Now another year has passed
         Don't look now they're gaining fast!

         24a.  So far Death you have bypassed
               Don't look back, he's gaining fast

    25.  Now you've lived another year
         Age to you is like stale beer

    26.  Now your jail-bait days are done
         Let's go out and have some fun

    27.  See the wrinkles on your face
         Like the pattern of fine lace

    28.  Were I sitting in your shoes
         I'd go out and sing the blues

    29.  So you're 29 again
         Don't tell lies to your good friend

         29a.  Tho you're turning 29
               Age to you is like fine wine

    30.  You must marry very soon
         Baby's due the next full moon

    31.  When you've reached this age you know
         That the mind is first to go


3. Where did it originate?
--------------------------
The origins are shrouded in mystery.  My first exposure to it was around
1983 or 1984.  I've heard various forms of the tune performed by various
organizations (e.g. SF fandom, SCA).  This threatens to remain one of
those unanswerable frequently asked questions.


4. Why?
-------
After several sessions of trying to remember what the lyrics were, I
decided to start writing them down.  Then I began to see other versions
on various newsgroups.  Collecting and grouping the verses has become one
of my hobbies.  After enough people asked for copies, I decided to start
posting the collection.

--
---- --- -- - -  -   -    -     -      -       -        -         -          -
This compilation is Copyright 1997 by B. Gabriel Helou ([email protected])
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