Congratulations cat! I feel like I can relate to how you are feeling.
My daughter was born on June 6th, 2019 (she is 2 now). In the first
few months after she was born I would often joke with my wife about
going out to get a pack of smokes (I don't smoke, the idea being I
wouldn't be coming back). I was so depressed and felt just completely
helpless. It is a hard thing to adapt to, having a child. Eventually
my wife put a stop to the "joke" and insisted that she was doing ok
and if I needed some mental health time to myself I should take it.
I took a little bit (I tried to shower every day as a piece of self
care... something that prior to the birth would have been a given had
suddenly become a big luxury of time alone and cleanliness).
Babies are so tough in those early months. Not because the work of
caring for them is particularly difficult... but because it is so
utterly relentless. I loved my daughter and wanted her to be well
(I still do of course), but in those early months I just wanted a
bit of time to myself that didnt involve huddling quietly in a
corner somewhere trying to not wake the baby while I read a book
and, if I was luck, eat a sandwich.
I know others have likely told you this, but it is true: It gets
better. It gets less strange. You settle in. It never stops, at
least thus far for me, feeling relentless... but as they get older
and can communicate more and do more things it also gets to be
fascinating and nice and fun.
Try to enjoy what you can. Use the quiet time when they sleep to
read a good book or do something for yourself. This phase will
be over so fast. It wont feel like it while you are in it. But it
will pass you by really quickly and you'll look back and hardly
rememberwhen they were so small you could hold most of them in
one hand.
Hang in there. If you ever need a relative stranger to talk or
vent to about the early days of parenthood, feel free to hit me up.
