Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit
a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the
cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot
my paw."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much
for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each
other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an
electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
medication!
A group of chess players were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He
sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A string walked into a bar and asked for a drink. "Sorry,"
said the bartender. "We don't serve strings here." The string left
and returned a while later, all twisted and bedraggled, and again
asked for a drink. "I told you we don't serve strings here, and
you're a string, aren't you?!" bellowed the bartender. "Nope," said
the string. "I'm a frayed knot."
A man was fishing and accidentally dropped his wallet
overboard. A large carp swam up, grabbed the wallet in its mouth, and
soon started a game passing the wallet pack and forth with the other
fish. The fisherman was amazed; you see, he had never before seen
carp-to-carp walleting!
