There were 3 high school-aged boys walking down the street in
Washington. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and
he's about to be hit by a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way
and save his life. Bill says "Thank you for saving my life.
I'll grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown."
Bill pulls some strings and gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says "I want to get into West Point, but it normally
requires a Congressional appointment".
So Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and gets the
boy his appointment.
The third boy says "I want to be buried in Arlington National
Cemetary."
Bill says "That's an odd request for a 17-year old!"
The boy says "Yeah, but when my father finds out I saved your
life he's gonna kill me!"
POLITICALLY INCORRECT DEFINITIONS OF WHAT
BILL CLINTON'S REALLY SAYING
What he says............................What he means
-----------------------------------------------------------
"My fellow citizens"...................."Suckers"
"I didn't inhale"......................."I think you're all idiots"
"goals"................................."lies"
"broad-based contributions"............."taxes"
"investing in our infrastructure"......."pork-barrel spending"
"spending cuts"........................."decimating the military"
"jobs program".........................."military base lay-offs"
"Vietnam"..............................."where?"
"Attorney General"......................"the first semi-qualified woman
I could find without a criminal
record"
"God bless America"....................."God help us, 'cause
I don't have a clue"
"Fairness".............................."screw all of you"
"I feel your pain"......................"and I like it"
"Economic program"......................see "investing in our
infrastructure"
"diversity"............................."millionaires"
"opportunity"..........................."federal handout"
"compassion"............................see "opportunity"
"crime"................................."gun control/ban",
ref "Attorney General"
"deficit reduction".....................see "goals" and "Economic program"
"foreign policy"........................see "Vietnam" and "spending cuts"
"Health care reform"...................."nepotism",
ref "broad-based contributions"
"The Big Dinner in Los Gatos: After a couple of Cocktails, President Clinton
and the entire Entourage were finally served. John Sculley was presented
with Grilled Salmon, Garnished with a small bowl of Apple sauce. Hilliary
Rodham had Breast of Chicken. Al Gore had Quail.... Of course. When the
Waiter presented President Clinton with the finest Cut of Prime Rib you
ever saw, He Looked at the plate and said " I ordered the Pork Chops!!"
The Manager (Who was hovering at this point, said respectfully "Mr.
President, I was there when you ordered and you requested the Prime Rib."
Bill Replied "I never said that"..."
US President Bill Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal
to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin..
In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described
as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the U.S. Democratic
Party the political wing of the IRS.
President Clinton had heard of all the starving people in Somalia, and wanted
to get a look for himself. He ordered his aides to prepare Air Force One. On
the plane, the president looked down with his binoculars, and said "My God!
Look at them! Skinny, starving -- where are our troops?" An aide chimed in:
"Er, Mr. President... that's not Somalia. It's Arkansas."
VoiceFromWhiteHouse> Sorry, but we just have to cut all our - non-essential
staff here (voice revealed to be Hillary)
Hillary> So, Bill, I'll give you 'til 5 to get out!
Reporter 1> The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their
blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2> And that concludes our report from the Clinton White House
Slick Willie appoints his wife to chair health care reform and now appoints
yet another Kennedy to be, of all things, Ambassador to Ireland. Who said
nepotism in American government is dead?
Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him who
he is and what he did. Bill replies, "I am Bill Clinton, and I was president
of the United States!" St. Peter says, "Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord."
So they go to meet the Lord, who says "Who are you and what have you done?"
Clinton replies, "I am Bill Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!"
The Lord then says, "Come Bill, sit on my right hand." Clinton then sits down
to the right of the Lord, extremely happy. Al Gore then dies and goes to the
pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Al replies
much the same as Bill did, stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president
of the US. St. Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat
on his left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic. After a while,
Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is and what she
did, to which she replies, "Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife of the president of
the US." Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord who repeats the question,
"Who are you and what have you done?" Hillary replies, "I am Hillary Rodham
Clinton, and you are in my seat!"
Didja hear that in response to Pres. Bill's habit of dropping in on local
McDonalds the McD's national management has annouced a commemrative double
cheeseburger, the McClinton? Of course, when you get it, the price has
doubled, and it's got half the meat.
How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in-Chief on
the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?).. After throwing one of
his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give
the order, "Let's turn this thang around. We're taking 'er to the dump."
Or "Are there any communists on board? How'd you like to be in charge of a
floor of the Pentagon?"
Or "Those who voted for me, step forward. The rest of you are out of work."
Or "I want you to re-target those missles from Moscow to EIB headquarters."
Or "Admiral, tell me about your plans for Gay Heritage Month..."
Zipity do dah,
Zipity ay,
Billy boy's the prez,
Now we're all gonna pay.
They'll take all your money,
And give it away.
They'll leave you with nothin
for a rainy day.
[ Chorus ]
He's got a big chip on his shoulder
dont ask me why, cause I don't know.
He seems to really hate the mid class
he wants to knock you right down on you'r fat ass.
Zipity do dah
Zipity ay
Congress is behind him
now we're all gonna pay.
Energy taxes are rising each day
my house is gettin colder cause the gas went away
I can't fill my car so I can't get away
Dr. Kervorkian take my troubles away.
The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and
Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the
drunks are gambling with *our* money!
WGST radio in Atlanta reported yesterday that the Clinton's cat Socks arrived
at the White House after being driven from Arkansas by a friend. Acording to
the reporter, "Socks ran around the room becoming familar with the new
surroundings. There was that one embarassing moment though when Socks, as
cats will do, began scratching a post. Unfortunately, it was Vice President
Al Gore."
"A Gore friend told him to urge Clinton to pick Sigourney Weaver for
Attorney General: 'She knows how to handle aliens.'"
After taking un-official office, Hillary wants to have her middle name used
when news reports refer to her, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Since she is quite
assertive and is giving Mr. Bill and others advice on many matters, maybe
she should be called Hillary "Ram-rod 'em" Clinton.
Q: How does Bill Clinton say "F*** you"?
A: "Trust me."
It is said that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party
emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects
a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security
while being screwed.
If Bill Clinton wins the election this November, they're going to have an
air-conditioned sauna installed in the White House -- so he can have it both
ways.
Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he wears his yellow raincoat, people shout,
"Taxi!"
Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton evading the draft: "Do I care if
he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Bob Kerry lost an leg in
Vietnam.]
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
A: One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
A: By the wise look in the eyes.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
A: He's the stiff one.
I heard that some of the women in Arkansas are so fast that they have to put
a governor on them!
"One thing's for sure about Clinton... -- He sure doesn't neglect domestic
affairs!"
Q: What does Gennifer Flowers do when she misses Bill Clinton?
A: Eats Waffles
My brother explained why Bill Clinton is having so many woes: Bill Clinton
has been in the Flowers and weeds!!
So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today
he finally admitted that he had sex with Jennifer Flowers a couple of times.
....but he didn't come.
They said in the debates that Governor Clinton's home state of Arkansas has
the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the nation... I'd like to thank the
governor for wearing a condom."
It's interesting that Bill Clinton chose a a running mate who DID inhale.
Perhaps had the country paid more attention to Jennifer Flowers, Clinton
would have picked Gary Hart instead.
From a Mike Royko column:
Gov. Clinton, after that blond bimbo got up on TV and said you had been her
lover boy for years, you and your wife went on TV and your wife was
affectionate, supportive and calm. Would you care to share with millions of
American men how the heck you managed to talk your way out of that pickle?
Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he makes love to two women at the same time,
they never see each other.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Aides for presidential candidate Bill Clinton hotly denied new allegations of
misconduct. Officials of the company marketing the popular "Where's Waldo"
puzzles noted a striking resemblance while examining the bare-breasted woman
depicted frolicking in the water with an as-yet-unidentified man. Clinton
denies that he has ever met the woman, and says he was with Waldo the whole
time.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and
one to obscure the issues.
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
George Bush:
"Change, change, change... That's all we'll have in our pockets if Bill
Clinton is elected president."
Heard on MTV News:
"Bill's brother who who owns a band, Politics, will be playing at the
inauguration if Bill Clinton gets elected. Bill's brother will bring down
the house just like Bill Clinton will bring down the country."
Did you hear Hillary Clinton ate beans on Friday night so she could take a
bubble bath on Saturday?
BILL CLINTON STATUE COMMITTEE
1040 Bufoo Street
Little Rock, AR 72205
Dear Friend,
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five
million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in
Washington D.C.
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not
wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a
lie, nor beside Senator Joe McCarthy, who never told the truth, since Bill
Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside the statue of Christopher Columbus, the
greatest Democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not
know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on
borrowed money.
Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised
Land!" Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit
on your asses, and light up a Camel, this IS the Promised Land!" Now, Bill
Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of
Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land.
If you are one of the fortunate few who has anything left after taxes, we
expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Fraternally,
The Bill Clinton Statue Committee
Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton's campaign
limo?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing
something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow
manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what ARE
you doing?"
The boy replied, "I am making George Bush, Mister."
Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making George Bush?
Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"
The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Bill Clinton."
"But why not?" asked the man.
The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough bullshit here to make Bill
Clinton."
Arsenio:
I heard that Harris [headed for the gas chamber] was going to imitate
Bill Clinton... He wouldn't inhale...
TRUE STORY
A friend told me he saw this on F-Troop last night: The Captain, the Chief,
and an Inspector General were discussing the Chief's breaking of a Treaty.
The following was the dialog:
Inspector General: But Chief, how could you break the treaty? You smoked the
peace pipe with us!
Chief: Ah, yes. But, I didn't inhale!
HELLO! Sound familiar everybody? Not only can't Clinton tell the truth, but
he plagiarizes his lies!
There was a line in George's speach where he said I raised taxes 1 time and
I lived to regret it. Bill Clinton did it 132 times and loved every minute.
(I thought he was going to add: And it's the same way with adultery.)
Governor Bill Clinton had billed himself as a common man's president. In
order to garner the votes of two states, he decided to go baby-kissing and
flesh-pressing along the border of Louisiana and Arkansas. There, he
encountered a strange fellow working at a gas station, a common man if there
ever was one. "Sir, I'm Governor Bill Clinton, and I'm running for president,"
said Gov. Clinton, extending his hand out for a handshake. "That's mighty
fine! I'm a great admirer of yours, Governor. You've done great things for
the state of Arkansas," replied the man enthusiastically. The odd man,
noticing the Governor's outstretched hand, shook his head sadly and said,
"I'm sorry Governor. As much as I'd like to shake your hand, I can't do it
right here. However, I will shake your hand if you cross the highway with me."
Willing to do anything for a vote, Clinton agreed and crossed the highway
with the man. Upon reaching the other side, the odd man vigorously shook the
Governor's hand. Curious, Clinton asked of the man, "Why is it that I may
shake your hand only after crossing the highway with you?" The man replied,
"Oh, that's simple, Governor. You see, that there was Louisiana, and this
here is Arkansas. Everyone knows that boob touching is legal only in Arkansas."
Reagan speech 8/17/92, referring to Bill Clinton (with veiled reference to
Lloyd Bentson's comment to Dan Quayle during the 1988 VP debate; also after
joking about his (Reagan's) advanced age): All right. Listen to me. This
fellow they've nominated claims he's the new Thomas Jefferson. Well, let me
tell you something. I knew Thomas Jefferson. He was a friend of mine. And,
governor, you're no Thomas Jefferson.
Reagan speech 8/17/92 at Republican National Convention: When we see all
that rhetorical smoke billowing out from the Democrats, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd follow the example of their nominee: Don't inhale.
George Bush:
"When Bill Clinton blows his taxophone, America will be singing the blues."
THE ADVENTURES OF PRESIDENT BILL
It's Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.
Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.
RINGGGGGGGGGG, RINGGGGGGGGGG, RINGGGGGGGGGG
President Bill: Hello! Hello!
Voice on the Line: President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just
ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack
against the United States!
President Bill: [take-off on a Clinton tirade against Jesse Jackson]
AW Sh*t!!
HE SAID HE WOULDN'T DO IT!
THAT DIRTY, DOUBLE-CROSSING BACKSTABBER!
SON-OF-A-Bi*ch!!!
BAM!!! goes the receiver back in the red telephone's cradle.
President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk, whirls the combination
locks, flings open the lid, and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes.
A voice comes over the briefcase speaker.
Voice: Mr. President, is this a drill?
President Bill: Listen to me. We're being attacked by the Russians.
Launch a full-scale response immediately.
Voice: Are you sure, Sir?
President Bill: H*LL YES!!! FIRE THE MISSILES!!! FIRE THE G-DD*MN MISSILES!!!
Voice: OK Sir, we're launching them this minute.
President Bill: Thank you, Son!
The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair. Suddenly,
an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room.
Aid: Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh? Sounded real, didn't it? Attacked by the
Russians! What a gag! Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill?
How about a Pizza or something? Say Bill, are you OK? You look kinda pale.
You OK Bill? Bill???
I just realized why Clinton visited Tandem yesterday rather than Sun or HP
which would have brought larger crowds. He thought Tandem would be a
friendlier crowd when he heard they were a "fault tolerant" company.
Saw this on "In Living Color" last night:
Barbara Bush to Hillary Clinton: "Your daughter's so ugly Woody Allen
wouldn't touch her."
New campaign slogan for Gov. Clinton: Smell my lips.....No more Bush
I heard Bill Clinton was Grand Marshal of a stock car race during the Labor
Day weekend. A politician strikes me as an excellent choice to preside over
an event where people drive in circles at high speed.
Ya know, I kinda hope that Clinton does get elected... It will be the first
time in a long while that I'll have been able to *really* enjoy political
humor...
Bill Clinton has been advised by doctors to save his voice and not speak a
single word for the next couple days. Guess this means he'll have to
contradict himself in mime...
Bill Clinton is *so* fat when he sits around the White House, he sits
*around* the White House.
Acronyms:
CLINTON = Chicken Lickin' Idiot Now Taking Over Nation
CLINTON = Crazy Liberal Intent On Needlessly Trashing Our Nation
CLINTON = Clearly Loose Internal Navigation Techniques Occupy Never-Neverland
GORE = Genniffer's Only Remaining Enterprise
GORE = Greatly Oriented to Radical Ecology
EARTH DAY = Ecological Alarmism Retold To Hysterical Dopes And Youngsters
GORE = Great One Regulating Everything
Well, now that the election will be a thing of the past tonight, I guess Bill
Clinton will be glad. Why you ask? So he can put Jennifer Flowers to bed!
[literally]
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving
this year?
A1: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!
A2: Because they can't afford any more pork
A3: Reagan ate all the jellybeans
A4: They've been having turkey FOR YEARS
A5: Because Bill is having Jennifer
A6: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey.
If you don't like BUSH, you're a homo.
About the porno film, Slick Willie bl*** the country.
Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job
Come April 21, Many Americans will be seeing the following 1040EZ, Thanks to
Bill Clinton:
Enter your salary from last year on line 1. line 1_____________
Please remit Line 1 for tax due.
Put all Comments/ Complaints in the box that follows: -------
| |
| |
-------
Yes, I would like to give $1 for a re-elect the president fund...
Does Bill Clinton really live on Bufoo Street? Is that short for buffoon
street?
Subject: something to show for it..
Last night David Lettermen mentioned that Jennifer Flowers is going to do a
"spread" in the December Penthouse magazine. He remarked that it will be
good, for once, to see something that a Presidential candidate has done.
And now something NEW and ORIGINAL...
President-Elect Clinton promises to make the administration more
representative of the population. Well, I think he should consider making
Millie the Dog Secretary of State. After all, President Bush recommends her
highly "knows more about international relations than those two bozos
combined.." and after all, how many dogs have been appointed Secretary of
anything? And finally, the way things are going to be under Clinton, we won't
have any stature as a superpower any more, so we might as well have a
Secretary of State that barks if someone breaks in.
No, but on last night's tv show, Rush mentioned the new song, "Inhale to the
Chief."
November 11, 1992:
Bill Clinton (President-Elect) was at the Arkansas War Veterans Memorial
Service today. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. A DRAFT DODGER "honoring" war veterans
with his presence? Okay, okay. Let's just put this in perspective.
Bill Clinton at the Veterans' Day Memorial is like:
* Sinead O'Connor at Burger King
* Willie Horton outside prison
* Jerry Brown having Earth citizenship
* Gloria Steinem chasing men
* Madonna teaching chastity
* Jack Kervorkian doing CPR
* Earth First! running a logging company
* Fidel Castro joining Amnesty International
* The Sacramento Kings at the NBA Playoffs
* Dr. Spock giving corporal punishment
* David Duke in the NAACP
* Van Halen teaching classical music
* Molly Yard in a swimsuit
* Steve "Dennis Hall" Chaney actually *being* "pro-life"
I thought you'd all like to hear about the potential candidates meeting with
the Wizard of Oz... First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said,
"Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
So the Wiz said,"So be it". Second was Dan Quayle. He said to the Wiz,
"People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense what so ever. I wish
to have a Brain". The Wiz said, "So be it". Third was Ross Perot. "People say
I have no confidence and I lack conviction.....I wish to have some Courage".
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him, and
said, "Well, what do you want?" To which Clinton replied, "I'm here for
Dorothy!"
Q: What was Bill and Chelsie Clinton doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to sc#$w the people!
Four doctors, a German, a Frenchman, a Russian, and an American are
discussing state of the art medicine at an international doctors convention.
The Frenchmen proclaims "Ahh, medicine in France is so advanced that we can
put a liver in a man and have him back to work in 6 weeks." The German says
"That's nothing. In Germany we can put a lung in a man and have him back to
work in 4 weeks." The Russian says "You guys know nothing about medicine.
Surgery in Russia is so advanced that we can take half a heart from one
man, put it in another, and have both out of bed and looking for work in 2
weeks." The American doctor just shakes his head. "You are all so backward.
We can take an ***hole out of Arkansas, put him in the White House, and the
very next day half the country will be looking for work!"
Two guys are sitting at a bar talking politics when one asks the other what
he thinks Clinton should do with the abortion bill. He replies "I think he
should pay the damn thing."
This is a true fact. Shortly before Bill Clinton took the inaugural oath of
office, the band struck up the theme song from Monty Python. If this was
actually programmed by Clinton's staff, it may forbode an interesting four
years. Alternate theory: some undergraduates from Caltech swapped the band's
sheet music.
YOUR NEW OFFICIAL TAX FORM
1. Enter your social security number:
___-__-____
2. How much money did you make last year?
___________
3. Send it in.
4. How much money do you have in savings?
5. Send that in, too.
6. Please enter comments/complaints here: [ ]
Jesse's addendum:
Oh, BTW, we'll be taking your pension fund too. And we're taxing your company
out of existence. Please attach "YOUR NEW OFFICIAL WELFARE APPLICATION FORM".
Clinton: "I will consult both sides of the issue on Free Trade."
Reporter: "Uh, That would be you Governor Clinton!"
The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade
of the year. For 1992's parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton
to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks,
followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers
and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic
jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were
overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and
long-range tactical and strategic bombers. Clinton, who had never been this
close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way
back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men
in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. "Who are
they?" he asked. "Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!" "But I
thought this parade was military..." said Clinton, confused. "Mr. Clinton,"
said Gorbachev, "have you SEEN the damage those men can do?"
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
LITTLE ROCK --- Right before Christmas, President-elect Bill Clinton lost his
voice, probably because of allergies to all the Christmas greenery at the
Arkansas governor's mansion. The President-elect puts up with the allergies
to get in the holiday spirit -- he "hangs pine garlands and mistletoe," but
he was surprised they bothered him because he doesn't inhale. An aide said
the allergies are "nothing to worry about," they just make the president-elect
stuffed up and irritable. The future President was quoted as saying
something like "I doad doe whad de fug yur talkin' aboud. I feel fide. I
could negoadiate a tready. Bud off. Get owda here." Given how often he
loses his voice, his aides say the President-elect is learning "an
internationally understandable set of gestures," in case he has to negotiate
when he is totally voiceless and cranky. In a related story, Clinton aides
refused to explain why there is mistletoe hung over such odd locations as
the secretarial pool, near the women's restroom, and on Jennifer Flower's
automobile dashboard.
Slick Willy's Queen Berets (sung to the tune of The Green Berets)
Falling fairies from the skies;
I broke a nail, oh I could cry;
Don't you like how my tushy sways;
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
Slick Willy's words upon my ears;
"You guys have rights, be proud you queers;"
I once was scared, now I'm OK;
Cause I'm a fag in the Queen Berets.
Put silver earclips on our nuts;
We love the pain, now spank our butts,
The way you walk is awfully cute;
I sure would love to pack your chute.
This Army stuff is really slick;
Free meals and clothes and lots of d***;
When I retire, I'll still get paid;
So thank you Bill, from the Queen Berets.
When my lover gets aids, I will not worry;
If the government won't pay we'll leave it to the jury;
All medical bills paid, I'm no longer afraid;
Thank you tax payers, from the Queen Berets.
I can't wait to jump in a fox hole;
I just hope that it's with Bob Hope;
They say he cares about all us soldiers;
We'll find out, when my hands are on his shoulders.
At the end of day we turn out the lights;
Practice torpedo runs into the night;
Then we practice our fencing, I thay touche;
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
======================================================
FROM NATIONAL REVIEW, February 15 1993, The Week, p.14
======================================================
"Little noted by the press, vegetable-rights activists raided the
kitchen of the Willard Hotel in Washington, D.C., and liberated
several vegetables and fruits that were to be murdered and eaten by
PETA at its inauguration gala."
What's Clinton's executive order #1?
Flowers by his bedside.
Did you hear that Dr. Kevorkian has renamed his death machine
"CLINTONATOR"? Unlike a respirator it doesn't let the patient inhale.
(I think this came from Rush L.)
Besides, where's the Gore quote during the inauguration:
AG: Who's that guy? (pointing to a bust of ...)
Guide: That's President George Washington. (after he had said it about a
minute before)
There's also Chelsea's "rash" comment: She needed medication at Sidwell
Friends, and the nurse couldn't give her any medication without having
contacted the parents. Chelsea said something like, "Oh that's okay. My mom's
been pretty busy lately. Better call my dad."
I've heard there's a new programming language out from University of
Tennessee. It's called Algor. There are some problems with it though. The
syntax is very formal and inflexible. And it's not a very powerfull language
either, since it won't allow you to alter the operating environment.
Personally, I don't think it'll be even around in four years.
Everyone complained when Quayle misspelled potato. How come no one's been
screaming about Clinton's gaffe? He clearly spelled BUTT incorrectly when he
said, "I'm gonna tax your BTU's..." --
(to the tune of "THE ADAMS FAMILY")
They're slimy and they're cheesy
They're dedicated P.C.
They're altogether sleazy
The Clinton Family
da da da da tax tax
da da da da tax tax
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
Their policies are daft
They'll gladly accept graft
Bill dodged the draft
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
They're politics will disgrace
Your income will be displaced
Their daughter is a dog-face
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
The wife is a commie
The husband is balmy
The A.G. is not a mommie
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
Hillary, Billary, Socks,
[RADIO 30 SEC. SPOT]
[SFX - OFFICE SOUNDS IN B.G.]
[ROY] Hey, Dale - I didn't expect to see you at work - I heard you got fired
last week.
[DALE] I was. But that was before I asserted my rights under the Family Leave
Plan.
[ROY] But, Dale - you don't HAVE a family.
[DALE] A minor detail, Roy. I called the Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton and
they took my case, got my job back, got my gay brother an officer's
commision in the Army, and promised to line my wallet with the cash
they're gonna get my soaking my middle-class, fat-cat boss! I'm on
Easy Street. Why, I'm as good as tenured! They couldn't fire me now
if they WANTED to!
[SFX - FADE OUT]
[ANNOUNCER]
Are you out of work? Do you care? At the Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton, we
don't care if you've ever put in an honest day's work in your life. We think
you deserve all the money you can get, regardless of your ability or
willingness to work. Call today, and ask about our "Buy Now, Suffer Later"
program. Your first consultation is free. As an added bonus, the first 50
callers will receive, absolutely free, a pair of monogrammed rose-colored
glasses, and a list of promises not worth the paper they're printed on. So
if you're one of the "motivationally challenged" and want to get what you
feel is coming to you, don't wait. Call today!
[ANNOUNCER #2 - TAG ENDING]
The Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton is a Professional Abbomination, licensed to
steal in 50 States and in the District of Columbia. Call us today! The Law
Firm of Rodham & Clinton - where "Soak the Rich (and the not-so-rich) is our
ONLY business!
BTW - if they get divorced, do you think Hillary will get to keep the house?
There are too many bills to pay without having to pay the one in washington.
As I was walking out of the county recreation center today I noticed a slide
flash on a closed circuit TV display that announced:
Animal Lover's Dance,
at Hidden Pond
Now I realize that Bill and Hillary are in the White House and we're rid of
a lot of those puritanical sexual hangups of the Bush administration, but is
this REALLY the sort of thing our tax dollars should be sponsoring?
Health care costs rise uncontrollably. In England, they have begun rationing
health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for certain
services. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.
"Today that President Clinton commenced the first round of White House staff
cuts. It is also reportedly the first time Mr. Clinton has given a woman a
pink slip that he hasn't asked her to try on first..."
Did you know Bill Clinton has AIDS?
What do you expect when you screw everyone in the country?
Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a Gas station.
As the guy was filling up their car (he was dressed like a typical grease-
jockey) he said to Hillary "I went to High School with you". She recognized
him and agreed with him. Later as they were driving down the road Bill said
"If you had married him you wouldn't be married to the President". Hillary
said "O yes I would - He would be President."
Here are some names for our 42nd president:
Commander-in-thief
Wilhelm von TaxUndSpendenHeim
Bilhelm von Bubbastein
Wilhelm von KleinerStein (Lil' Rock Ark. in german!)
Hillary Rodham
One-term-Willy-Nilly
the Great Pretender
Bilhelm HotAirenHof
etc...
Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: NO FEE - If No Recovery!!!
Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:
If you can read this. You're not from here
The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton's practice of taking
early morning jogs. They got a real scare the other day when somebody threw
a beer at the president. Fortunately, it turned out to have been a draft,
and Clinton was able to dodge it.
"I celebrated Presidents' Day in an authentic manner. I jogged to McDonald's,
had a couple Big Macs, broke some promises from a couple months ago, and then
took some money from some average middle-class citizens."
CLINTONIA - any of a genus of herbs of the lily family with yellow flowers
on a naked stalk.
