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Stardate: 20221115.1249 | |
Location: The Lab | |
Input Device: Dell 7202 | |
Audio: the hum of lab equipment | |
Visual: a wall of monitors | |
Emotional: Awake | |
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I should be sleeping but I'm not since my body and my self-will | |
wants to take contrary action. I put some water in the kettle to | |
make some herbal tea. Hopefully I can sleep afterwards. | |
Last night I was so hyperfocused on fixing up the lab that I did | |
not crash until after 3:00 AM. I don't need 8 screens to do my | |
job! I was supposed to work, but called in sick. I slept until | |
2:30 PM. So irresponsible of me! Now my schedule is messed up. | |
Being a "responsible" adult is something I still struggle with. | |
Even though chronologically, I have been an adult for quite some | |
time, there are times where I fail at the responsible part. There | |
is a part of me that still craves irresponsibility. | |
Last night and today were prime examples. I cannot bounce back | |
and just go to work like I did in my 20's after 4 hours of sleep, | |
even if it is remote work. I try and fail miserably, so this | |
time, I just called in sick. Mental health day. Call it | |
whatever. | |
Where I am at these days, the consequences of irresponsibility | |
are m0ar substantial than before, especially with having | |
dependents. It is not so easy to shirk responsiblity and throw | |
caution to the wind like I want to sometimes. Sometimes the easy | |
way is to just be responsible. | |
This evening, I talked it over with some friends. The best thing | |
for me to do is to forgive myself, learn from the lesson, let it | |
go, and try again tomorrow. There is no point in carrying around | |
this baggage since it has come to pass. | |
Time to try for some sleep. | |
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