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Stardate: 20200805.0806 | |
Location: Garage | |
Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless | |
Audio: Birds, rumbling of the freeway off in the distance | |
Visual: Cluttered garage | |
Emotional State: Burnt, exhausted. | |
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I'm so fried right now. My on call shift ends at 10:00AM and I | |
cannot wait for it to be over. This past 2 weeks has been | |
challenging and I feel like my physical, mental, emotional, and | |
spiritual resources are depleted., This is a typical state for me | |
after reaching the end of an on call stretch. It usually takes me | |
about a week to fully recover (ugh.) | |
Durng my on call shifts, all of my self-care goes out the window. | |
My sleep is not good since I'm vigilantly listening for my work | |
phone, my eating is terrible and filled with instant junk, my | |
exercise is non-existent, and I always feel like I still have to | |
"get mine" at the end of the day, even if I end up sleeping at 2 in | |
the morning. This, "getting mine" business is basically getting time | |
for myself to do what I want to do. It could be listening to online | |
radio and hanging out in COM/irc, geeking out on the computer, | |
playing video games, working on personal projects, reading, | |
practicing music, watching video, or whatever. | |
"Getting mine" is a bit of a selfish need, but it is one of the things | |
I need to do to keep myself sane and happy, which is important, mmmkay?. | |
Unfortunately, many times, I do not schedule these things for | |
myself and if it does happen, it ends up happening at the end of the | |
day, when the family is asleep or doing their own thing and I can do | |
my thing alone and uninterrupted. By that time, I have no drive or | |
motivation to do anything resource intensive and if I do, forget | |
about getting any decent sleep. | |
For this round of on call, I feel like I have been short-changed in the | |
"getting mine" thing so now I am tempted to overcompensate for lost | |
time. This is a recurring pattern that keeps manifesting and is not good | |
becuse when this happens, I burn myself out even further, do shoddy | |
work on my projects, prolong my on call recovery period, and overall, | |
I'm just not a pleasant person to be around. | |
I think it would be best for me to put forth concentrated effort in | |
respecting the recovery period, let go of the "get mine" of now and | |
resume after I have taken adequate downtime. It will be time well | |
spent. | |
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Stardate: 20200805.2231 | |
Location: Home Office | |
It turns out that I had had enough and decided to unplug at noon | |
today to rest. I was able to take a really long nap. +2 points | |
for self-care, yay! | |
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