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Stardate: 20190911.1809 | |
Location: Costco SBUX | |
Input Device: Gemini PDA | |
Audio: SBUX Happy Hour Muzak | |
Visual: SBUX table, not making eye contact with other customers | |
Energy: 45% | |
Mental: 40% | |
Emotional: Stewing | |
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I wanted to write about 9/11 since it is 9/11, but I feel like crap | |
and stewing. Stewing too long. I've been trying to do things to | |
cope and it helps, but I still feel like crap and it is probably | |
just all part of this and I just need to feel these feelings. | |
There is anger, frustration, injustice, confusion...just to name | |
a few. This is stemming from my performance review and the current | |
state of things with my boss. My review happened on Monday, which | |
didn't turn out well and there are things coming up that is | |
further aggrivating me in regards to this. It is pointless to | |
go into the detail, but I think what is important is that I | |
acknowledge my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. In light of | |
all this. | |
I worked from home today, so I'm glad I did not have to deal with | |
the craziness IRL, but unfortunately, it gave more time for review | |
by The Committee(tm)...you know, the one inside my head. | |
Well, The Committee(tm) quickly went to work slicing and dicing | |
my review dox and the events that had transpired and got super | |
busy. In the meantime, I'm stewing and the pressure is rising. | |
It finally got to the point where I had to exit the Executive | |
Board Room and find refuge elsewhere in my mind palace. | |
I went to the Listening Room, queued up "Anxiety Reduction" in: | |
my Mindwave app, and proceeded to concentrate on some work, work. | |
That turned out ok and I got stuff done. I was still a bit on | |
edge so I took a walk at lunch on one of the trails at the park. | |
I had the Anxiety Reduction running again and walked a bit. | |
I got to a clearing that had a bunch of rocks by the path. I | |
felt inspired to pick one up and chuck it, just throwing it | |
anywhere. I picked up more and threw more, hitting a cluster | |
of dead trees and the side of this hill. | |
This continued for about 30 minutes...I had the blood flowing, | |
the breathing going, and the energy dissipated. I thought | |
about going a bonus round by shaking down some dead trees, but | |
I had to get back. | |
So if you get all angry and the world has done you a disservice | |
'n shit, go throw some rocks or shake down some dead trees. It | |
might help...it did for me today. | |
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