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Stardate: 20190427.1216 | |
Location: SBUX | |
Input Device: Gemini PDA, BT Keyboard | |
Software: termux/vim | |
Audio: SBUX Muzak | |
Visual: SBUX counter, barista, coffee drinkers | |
Emotional: Recovering from being busy, uh, overcast? | |
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It has been too busy for me lately and I've had to reinforce some | |
boundaries with what I have been agreeing/disagreeing with doing... | |
with work, with family, with my own wants and needs. It has been a | |
healthy exercise and something that I need to keep in check. | |
There are times where I disregard myself and stop taking care of me | |
and the things that I want and need. Then it just turns out messy and | |
I become burnt and not fun to be around. So over the past week or | |
so, I have said no to many requests all for the sake of taking better | |
care of myself. I have to make the most of my commitments to my | |
yes's and no's these days. I am not too effective when I don't. | |
This has not always been the case. Earlier on in my life, I was not | |
aware of stuff like setting healthy boundaries or taking care of | |
myself. It was mostly about the wants and needs of others, | |
especially if it was for the family or groups of other people. I | |
guess that's the way I was brought up with my family of origin, you | |
always thought about others ahead of yourself. To put your wants | |
ahead of others is being selfish and is shameful. Not like survival | |
or basic needs kinda stuff, but personal wants kind of stuff. | |
For example, today it has been requested that I make an appearance | |
at my cousin's birthday party with my family. Before, I would show up | |
without thinking to much about it, even though I feel burnt out and | |
still recovering from being on call over the past couple of weeks. | |
Before, I would be expected to go and I would just comply because of | |
family obligations...even though we already celebrated his birthday | |
earlier this week. If I did not show up, it would be a bad thing(tm), | |
not just for the family's impression of me, but for my perception of | |
myself and would feel shame for letting down the family. | |
Instead, I took care of myself and kindly turned down the request | |
with no baggage attached to that decision imposed by myself or by | |
others. It has taken a lot of work to get to this point and I seem | |
to be having some success with it. | |
These days, I have been taking strides at de-programming myself of | |
these kinds of unproductive scripts from my past and have been | |
setting better boundaries for myself. It is important for myself | |
and everybody around me. Some don't really understand and quite | |
frankly, it's not really any of my business that they understand. | |
What is important is that I understand and my intentions are true. | |
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