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EPUB: PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE
ISSUE: 00002
DATE: 2021-01-02
EDITOR: KANYE WEISHAUPT
META: IRENAEUS PLONK - LIBER MEH
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P R O P A G A N D A S Y N D I C A T E
Issue # 00002 - (2020-12-12)
Editor: KANYE WEISHAUPT
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IRENAEUS PLONK - LIBER MEH
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Frater PACO SMITHEREENS writes:
Irenaeus Plonk was born to Mr. Solomon Plonk (a sanitation engineer) and Mrs.
Muffy Plonk (nee Lipschitz), (social worker), on August 16, 1971, in Paramus,
New Jersey. A child prodigy, by his eighth birthday, Irenaeus had already
developed a method of extracting concentrated psychoactive compounds from
popular breakfast beverages. On his tenth birthday, following what he
describes as "an epic overdose of Tang," Plonk ascended, attaining
omniscience while metabolizing over six hundred million percent of the US
Recommended Daily Allowance of Vitamin C.
In so doing, Plonk inadvertently wiped out all cases of scurvy across a 62
Parsec radius, ushering in a new dawn of sea and space exploration on 38
inhabited planets.
Waking from a coma 25 years later, he complained that the universe was "more
boring than you'd ever suspect," that the Akashic Records were "written in a
particularly banal Comic Sans variant replete with odious kerning and frequent
misspellings of "you're," "your," and the disturbingly overused "yore," and
that the Secret Chiefs were a "council of jabronies into dick jokes and Insane
Clown Posse."
Since his re-emergence into the Kenoma, Plonk has occupied his time attempting
to stage a "magickal working" consisting of a game of Monopoly between the
staffs of the Ayn Rand Institute, the Lyndon LaRouche-affiliated Schiller
Institute, and Industrial Workers of the World. As of the date of this
writing, neither the Ayn Rand Institute nor the IWW have responded to
Plonk's many entreaties. The Schiller Institute, it is rumored, has been "on
board since day one so long as they get to be the shoe."
[Addendum from Grand Master KANYE WEISHAUPT]:
Mr. Plonk would like to quash any and all rumors regarding his ascension to OT
VIII. Mr. Plonk has never, despite his best efforts, achieved OT VIII, and
the aberrated individuals who insist on peddling this irksome canard shall be
routed to Ethics.
[Addendum from Tyler BECKY GRUBERMAN]:
Mr. Plonk would also like to answer the abusive comments he has received
regarding his initiation into the Great White Brotherhood. Mr. Plonk notes
that the Great White Brotherhood is actually so-named in tribute to 80s hair
metal giants Great White, and the few human members of the Brotherhood are
disproportionately represented by Korean-Americans anyway.
===============================================================================
Grand Master KANYE WEISHAUPT writes:
What follows is the sacred outline of LIBER MEH, a roadmap of the cosmos in the
coming AGE OF STEVE HAAS, the snickering and petulant adolescent.
So falls Horus, the Crowned and Conquering Child, from his throne, by which we
mean, he shall be demonetized on YouTube, banned from Twitter, and, like,
cancelled.
===============================================================================
LIBER MEH
As transcribed from the Akashic Records by
Miss Prudence Gopnik
Notary Public / Psychopomp
With full authorization and permission of
Googie Forkke of Brussels (Wisconsin)
Ward Cleaver Lodge
25=624 Man of the Girth
Sovereign Order of Queso Fundido #138
PREAMBLE: GENESIS
FOR LO, I HAVE "WE CAN'T DANCE" ON VINYL BECAUSE I FORGOT TO RETURN IT TO
COLUMBIA HOUSE AND GOT COMPLETELY ROOKED ON THE PRICE dammit fuck
SNACK ON WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW.
CORN CHIPS ARE THE LAW.
CORN CHIPS UNDER MELTY CHEESE.
===============================================================================
I. TESTAMENT OF IRENAEUS PLONK
A. LESSER BANISHING RITUAL OF MEL SHARPLES
B. DEGREES, GRADES, AND YELLOW SMILEY FACE STICKERS
C. WE SHOULD REALLY START OUR OWN MAKE-YOUR-OWN REGALIA COMPANY LIKE
CAFEPRESS OR ETSY BECAUSE HOLY FUCK WE BLOW A LOT OF CASH ON FLAIR
D. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE FREEMASONS
E. HORUS DRIVES A 2003 FIESTA AND WHAT'S WITH THE STUPID-LOOKING HEAD
II. ECCLESIA GNOSTICA PATHETICA: PLONKCHURCH. BECAUSE WHERE DOES EVERY
OCCULTIST WANT TO SPEND HIS OR HER TIME? CHURCH, OBVS.
A. FULL RITE AND LITURGY OF PLONKCHURCH
B. ALLEGORIES AND SYMBOLS CENTRAL TO THE RITE AND LITURGY OF PLONKCHURCH
C. NUDE PRIESTESSES: THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES
FOR FREE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES
GENERALLY SPEAKING. WHY NOT JUST PAY A STRIPPER OR SKIP THE NAKED
STUFF ALTOGETHER OR MAYBE JUST STAY AT HOME AND RE-EXAMINE HOW YOU EVEN
GOT TO THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE SERIOUSLY.
D. A COMMENTARY ON CAKES OF LIGHT AND WHY THAT'S JUST GROSS GUYS, C'MON
E. A COMMENTARY ON THE WHORE OF BABYLON, NEW YORK (SUFFOLK COUNTY) AND
OTHER WHORES BESIDES
III. THE HAM GALAXY: COSMOLOGY
A. FOR REALSIES, THERE IS A GALAXY MADE OF PURE HAM, PINK AND INFINITE
B. THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE HAM GALAXY AND ALSO WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE
C. OKAY THERE IS NO GALAXY MADE OF PURE HAM; I MADE THAT UP
D. BUT STILL
IV. PRACTICAL MAGICK: TURNING WHIMS INTO SIGILS AND THEN JERKING OFF TO MAKE
THEM COME (HEHE, "COME") TRUE
A. SERIOUSLY I SHIT YOU NOT, PEOPLE DO THIS
B. HOW TO TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY WHEN DOING THIS
C. HOW TO PRETEND TO TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY WHEN DOING THIS IF YOU CAN'T
TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY WHEN DOING THIS I MEAN YOU'RE WANKING TO A
SCRIBBLE
D. EXCUSES TO MAKE IF YOU GET CAUGHT DOING THIS
E. PROBABLY PEOPLE IN CALIFORNIA DO THIS ALL THE TIME
F. ALSO GOTHS
G. MAYBE JUST GIVE ALL THIS A MISS AND REJOIN SOCIETY
V. WHAT TO DO WHEN THINGS GO HORRIBLY PEAR SHAPED BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DRAMA
QUEENS
A. REAPING PROFITS IN THE OCCULT TCHOTCHKE BUSINESS
B. STUFF TO DO IF YOU'RE WICKED FEMININE, GYNECOLOGICAL, AND STUFF LIKE
THAT AKA "STEVIE NICKSING IT UP"
C. STUFF TO DO IF YOU'RE INTO SOME SERIOUSLY INFERNAL SHIT: DEALING WITH
PARENTS OR ROOMMATES WHO HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP
D. STUFF TO DO IF YOU'RE ALL NEW AGE: THE CELESTINE PROPHECY, YOU ACTUALLY
PAID MONEY FOR THAT; JUST THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE
E. IF YOU WANT ALEISTER CROWLEY TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND JUST JOIN THE OTO BUT
ULTIMATELY IT IS ALL ABOUT COCK; I WILL WARN YOU UP FRONT
F. WHAT TO DO IF MARK PASSIO CALLS YOU BOBO THE CLOWN AND YOU ARE, IN
POINT OF FACT, MAKING A LIVING AS A CLOWN NAMED BOBO BUT YOU'RE
OTHERWISE TOTALLY ON BOARD WITH HIS WHOLE PROGRAM OF TOPPLING GLOBAL
DARK OCCULT CONTROL AND THE WHOLE BOBO THE CLOWN THING IS JUST A WEIRD
COINCIDENCE OR SYNCHRONICITY OR SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE BUT YOUR
SPOUSE WORKS AS AN IRS AUDITOR AND AS A CONSEQUENCE YOU'RE ON PASSIO'S
SHITLIST ANYWAY AND HE'S GOING TO DERIDE YOU AS A "LITTLE BOY" AND
"ORDER FOLLOWER" ON HIS PODCAST AND WHAT THIS WILL MEAN FOR YOU IF YOU
SHOW UP IN NEW HAMPSHIRE AS PART OF THE FREE STATE PROJECT BUT YOUR GOLD
AND BLACK BONA FIDES ARE COMPLETELY GONE ON ACCOUNT OF PASSIO EXPOSING
YOU AS THE SORT OF PERSON WHO WOULD MARRY AN IRS AUDITOR AND NOW YOU ARE
QUITE LITERALLY A SAD CLOWN
G. WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF AT A TENSE THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH AN
ENRAGED MARK PASSIO AND IT HAS JUST BEEN REVEALED THAT HALF THE
PEOPLE AT THE TABLE WORK IN LAW ENFORCEMENT
H. WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF AT LENIN'S TOMB WITH MARK PASSIO AND HE
IS GETTING REALLY SHIRTY AND THE RUSSIAN GUARDS ARE LOOKING AT YOU
BELLIGERENTLY AND YOU HAVE NO THORAZINE ON HAND
I. BOOTLIQUOR THE GAME: EVERY TIME MARK PASSIO IS ANGRY, TAKE A SHOT
J. RECOVERY RESOURCES AND TECHNIQUES: EVERY TIME MARK PASSIO IS ANGRY,
REFRAIN FROM TAKING A SHOT
K. METAPHYSICAL SUPPOSITORY: EVERY TIME MARK PASSIO IS ANGRY, TAKE A SHIT
VI. SOLVE ET CALIGULA: THE GREAT WORK. ALCHEMICAL TRANSMUTATION OF GOLD OR
YOUR SOUL OR YOUR KITCHEN, LIKE REMODELING IT LET'S SAY
A. VITRIOL / V.I.T.R.I.O.L. - THE UNIVERSAL SOLVENT; LIKE HOPPES #9 DOESN'T
EVEN RANK
B. THE GREAT WORK: THE CENTRAL SECRET OF ALCHEMY AND THE OCCULT
C. MAYBE JUST TAKE SOME DMT
D. DECODING ALEHCMICAL TEXTS AND EMBLEMS, 400 YEAR OLD PSYCHEDELIC
ILLUSTRATIONS AND WOODCUTS THAT ARE STILL NSFW ON ACCOUNT OF PENIS AND
BOOBIES
E. ENOUGH ALREADY WITH FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST; THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
ANYTHING YOU FUCKING WEEABOOS
F. NO SERIOUSLY, LIKE, THIS FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST SHIT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO
GOOGLE ACTUAL ALCHEMY YOU FUCKING WEEABOOS; EVERYTHING THAT COMES UP IS
A BUNCH OF ANIME NERD BULLSHIT
VII. SUMMONING AND MAGICK: THE SCIENCE AND ART OF CAUSING CHANGE TO OCCUR IN
CONFORMITY WITH WILL BY PESTERING OTHERS UNTIL THEY FUCKING CRACK
A. SUMMONING PIZZA DELIVERERS: DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN ORDER DOMINOS
ONLINE
B. SUMMONING DEMONS IF YOU REALLY MUST AS OPPOSED TO JUST WEARING YOUR
CEREMONIAL VESTMENTS TO, SAY, THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW INSTEAD
C. NO ONE LIKES A DEMON SUMMONER: ON BEING PANTSED BY BULLIES AT SCHOOL
DESPITE YOUR SUPPOSED FACILITY WITH SINISTER ENTITIES
D. KNOWLEDGE AND CONVERSATION OF THE FEDEX DELIVERY GUY
E. KNOWLEDGE AND CONVERSATION OF DWAYNE: RAJ AND RERUN'S FRIEND FROM WHAT'S
HAPPENING!!
F. KNOWLEDGE AND CONVERSATION OF HAYWOOD NELSON, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED
DWAYNE
H. KNOWLEDGE AND CONVERSATION OF YOUR MOM
I. SOLOMONIC MAGICK: THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF EFFORT TO GO THROUGH MAKING
THOSE MAGICK CIRCLES AND STUFF; WHY NOT JUST GO OUTSIDE MAYBE GET A SNOW
CONE
J. THERE IS ALWAYS AMAZON.COM AND A SECOND JOB IF YOU REALLY NEED TO
PROCURE SPECIFIC OBJECTS
K. ABRAMELIN OPERATION: AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT
L. TALISMANS AND AMULETS: WHAT DO DO IF PEOPLE MAKE CRUEL SPORT OF YOUR
TALISMANS AND AMULETS BECAUSE SERIOUSLY TALISMANS AND AMULETS
M. MAGICK IN DESERT ENVIRONMENTS: I LIKE BIG BUTTES AND I CANNOT LIE
N. THE COB IS IN THE CORN, NOT THE CORN IN THE COB, I THINK THAT'S HOW THAT
GOES OR SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE POSSIBLY; OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
I AM TALKING ABOUT SO LET'S TEXT NUIT
VIII. CONCERNING THE SECRET CHIEFS: THE ASCENSION OF IRENAEUS PLONK
A. THE GREAT WHITE BROTHERHOOD: ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY
B. THROWING OFF THE BELL CURVE: ASCENDED MASTERS ARE DISPROPORTIONATELY
KOREAN-AMERICANS WITH OUTSTANDING ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE FOR SOME REASON,
NOT TO BE RACIST OR ANYTHING BUT THEY ARE
C. ANNA SPRENGEL WAS TROLLING
D. THE AKASHIC RECORDS: COPYPASTA IN .DOC FORMAT, MOSTLY CRIBBED FROM 4CHAN
LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE
E. THE AKASHIC RECORDS: MARGINALIA BY ASCENDED MASTERS, PAST AND PRESENT,
INCLUDING AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PENIS ARMED WITH AN AR-15 MENACING A DMV
EMPLOYEE, ALLEGEDLY DRAWN BY MARK PASSIO (UNCONFIRMED)
F. HELENA PETROVNA BLAVATSKY WILL NOT SHUT UP NOT EVEN FOR LIKE FIVE
MINUTES: THE CASE FOR REINCARNATION EVEN OF THE ASCENDED SO WE CAN HAVE
SOME QUIET TIME OR WHY TENURE IN THE GREAT WHITE BROTHERHOOD LEADS TO
PREDICTABLE MEDIOCRITY EXCEPT FOR ME BECAUSE I RULE
G. ALEISTER CROWLEY IS HERE AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE DOESN'T PUT HIS PANTS
ON I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF HIM WITH THE CORPSE OF MACGREGOR
MATHERS AND I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING; I WILL FUCKING ROCK HIS WORLD
IX: THE TESTIMONY OF IRENAEUS PLONK: THE ULTIMATE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS REVEALED
A. JUST KIDDING, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO QUIT YOUR JOB BECAUSE OF ANYTHING
REVEALED HERE, JUST LIKE ANY OCCULT SYSTEM BUT AT LEAST NO CONSUMPTION
OF BODILY FLUIDS SO WE GOT THAT GOING FOR US
B. YOU SHOULD JUST READ THE SIGIL SECTION AGAIN AND SKIP THE SIGIL PART AND
JUST JERK OFF: A SALUTE TO ROBERT ANTON WILSON
C. OR WRITE A GRIMOIRE AND SELL IT ON EBAY AND START YOUR OWN RELIGION OR
BECOME AN AMWAY DISTRIBUTOR OR GET INTO HERBALIFE OR SOMETHING ALONG
THESE LINES
D. REALLY BORING HERE DESPITE CROWLEY AND BLAVATSKY AND KOREAN-AMERICANS;
AIR HOCKEY TABLE BROKEN AND ONLY BASIC CABLE
E. THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE IS MAKING A LIVING OFF OF SELLING THE
PURPORTED SECRET OF THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE TO PINKS AND J.R. "BOB"
DOBBS WOULD BACK ME UP AS WOULD ALL THE PEOPLE MAKING A LIVING OFF OF
MONETIZING THE OCCULT
F. METHODS OF PAYMENTS I ACCEPT
G. ALL WISDOM AS-IS; NO REFUNDS
H. EVERYTHING IS WICKED COPYRIGHTED AND I WILL SUE YOUR ASS IF YOU EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT ALSO I LURK IN THOSE #BOOKS IRC CHANNELS AND I WILL SEE
YOUR SEARCH QUERIES AND I WILL DISPATCH PAPA LEGBA TO MENACE YOU NIGHT
AND DAY IF YOU EVEN SEARCH ON MY SHIT
===============================================================================
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===============================================================================
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