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EPUB: PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE
ISSUE: 00001
DATE: 2020-08-01
EDITOR: KANYE WEISHAUPT
META: IN WHICH WE MAKE OURSELVES KNOWN
===============================================================================
P R O P A G A N D A S Y N D I C A T E
Issue # 00001 - (2020-08-01)
Editor: KANYE WEISHAUPT
===============================================================================
IN WHICH WE MAKE OURSELVES KNOWN
===============================================================================
Be it therefore resolved that we, the Propaganda Syndicate, do make ourselves
known to the profane, and hereby assert our legitimate authority over the whole
of the world.
Be it also resolved that BECKY GRUBERMAN, OUR TYLER, has once again FAILED TO
GUARD THE WEST GATE BECAUSE SHE IS A LAZY, DRUNKEN SOT.
I HAVE SEEN MORE EFFECTIVE TYLERS IN THE BROWNIES.
IN THE CUB SCOUTS, BECKY.
IN THE FUCKING PACOIMA 4-H CLUB. BECKY.
YOU CANNOT DRINK YOURSELF TO ENLIGHTENMENT VIA KIRKLAND SIGNATURE PRE-MIXED SEX
ON THE BEACHES, BECKY. AFTER FOUR YEARS, IT IS REASONABLE TO EXPECT YOU WOULD
HAVE LEARNED THIS YOU HUMAN BOOZE DROMEDARY.
BUT YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER DRINK ANYWAY, WON'T YOU BECKS?
ANOTHER DRINK WHILE ANY OLD RANDO ROLLS RIGHT THE FUCK IN AND AVAILS HIMSELF OR
HERSELF OF OUR TIMELESS WISDOM.
===============================================================================
THE PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE IS:
* An anarcho-mercantilist collective.
* A doomsday cult and anti-government militia.
* An extremist pressure group.
* A flat-earth / hollow earth think tank and publishing house.
* An entryist cabal.
* a vegan recipe exchange.
+--------------------------------------------------+
| THE PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH: |
+--------------------------------------------------+
[*] THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION ARMY. Too much weird snake shit.
[*] BOHEMIAN GROVE. Not since Alex Jones demitted.
[*] THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY. Wicked downstat.
[*] THE LYNDON LAROUCHE-AFFILIATED SCHILLER INSTITUTE. We are swivel-eyed as
fuck, though. Also the Queen answers to *US*.
[*] THE WATCHTOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY. We do not knock on doors; we kick
them the fuck in.
[*] THE COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS. We do, however, insert esoteric
gematria into Foreign Affairs magazine. We also maintain the largest
collection of pornographic photographs of Henry Kissinger in the Western
hemisphere. Although we cannot yet compete with Cameroon, we are hoping
to crush them in time. SEND US NUDES. OF KISSINGER. OR MCCONNELL.
[*] THE BILDERBERG GROUP. Unacceptable numbers of Juggalos; seriously, you
would be surprised. Epidemic levels of Faygo-induced diabetes.
+----------------------------------+
| WE ARE ALSO NOT AFFILIATED WITH: |
+----------------------------------+
[*] THE GREAT WHITE BROTHERHOOD. Not so much a fraternity of Ascended Masters
5,000 years old, but, rather, a celestial fan club of 80s hair metal
sensations GREAT WHITE.
[*] ANCIENT FREE AND ACCEPTED MASONS. We are clandestine and irregular in
nearly every sense of those terms. Especially when we are with YOUR
MOTHER.
[*] THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS. Our undergarments are
form fitting and sexy as fuck.
[*] THE VATICAN. Too much weird snake shit.
[*] THE SOCIETY OF JESUS / THE JESUITS. Too much weird snake shit.
[*] THE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS. We are Tootsie Roll enthusiasts, however.
[*] THE AYN RAND INSTITUTE. The orgies were depressing and a little gross,
except that one with the NEXIVM women.
+---------------------------------------------+
| WICKED SERIOUS NOW, ALSO NO CONNECTIONS TO: |
+---------------------------------------------+
[*] PEOPLE FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF ANIMALS (PETA). We are all for the
ethical treatment of animals but ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING HUMMUS; I swear,
you do a potluck with twenty people and ten bring hummus and the other ten
bring guacamole. ENOUGH WITH THE DIP ALREADY FFS.
[*] THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION. Too much weird snake shit.
[*] THE WEATHER UNDERGROUND. Alarming surfeit of Boomers and yacht rock. WE
STRIKE DOWN THOSE WHO PLAY CARLY SIMON IN OUR PRESENCE. WE DO NOT FORGIVE.
WE DO NOT FORGET. YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS THREAT IS ABOUT YOU.
[*] STUDENTS FOR A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY. More Boomers and Yacht Rock. No
struggle sessions, no public humiliation, no orgies. A TOTAL BORE.
[*] THE COVENANT, THE SWORD, AND THE ARM OF THE LORD. This was our original
name when we were merely a Stryper cover band, but then these dicks stole
it.
[*] POSSE COMITATUS. The only of any of these groups incapable of laughing at
a fart joke with the possible exception of some of the Objectivists
(Leonard Peikoff, on the other hand, tells a mean fart joke). Also a total
sausagefest. Those two things don't even go together when you think about
it. BAD FORM, POSSE COMITATUS. We're watching you.
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| AND ALSO LIKE, WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, NO CONNECTION WHATSOEVER TO: |
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
[*] SOVEREIGN CITIZENS. While we are routine Travelers On The Land, normally
we are talking about a short beer run to a Wawa or Circle K or 7-11.
[*] BRANCH DAVIDIANS. Koresh always drank the last of the Crystal Lite and
never made a fresh pitcher except that one time he bought that store brand
peach strawberry mango atrocity and it sat un-drunk in the fridge for like
four months until it accidentally fermented into bum wine, the cheap fuck.
[*] HEAVEN'S GATE. Castration is right the fuck out although we could be
persuaded if UFO travel was really possible and drinks were included.
[*] AUM SUPREME TRUTH (AUM SHINRIKYO). No one here speaks Japanese except for
Ed who speaks really shit weeaboo Japanese on account of Ed's a weeaboo.
[*] OPUS DEI. Too much weird snake shit.
[*] ORDO TEMPLI ORIENTIS. Too much Horus shit, and like waaaaay too much cock.
It's seriously all cock, although not nearly so much as Bohemian Grove.
[*] THE PROCESS CHURCH OF THE FINAL JUDGMENT. Call us though, we really want
affils.
+------+
| NOR: |
+------+
[*] THE CHURCH OF SATAN. Too suburban. It is kind of like The Spice Girls of
Satanic groups, if you know what we mean.
[*] THE TEMPLE OF SET. Filet-o-Fish to THE CHURCH OF SATAN'S Big Mac.
[*] THE GOLDEN DAWN. Neither of them, although as to the second we oppose
their meaty gyros most of all. Also fascism but mainly the gyros on
account of meat is murder.
[*] BUILDERS OF THE ADYTUM. But see our own custom Tarot deck consisting of
characters from Manimal and The Beastmaster.
[*] ANCIENT AND MYSTICAL ORDER ROSAE CRUCIS (AMORC). Too much Horus shit.
Seriously enough with the fucking pyramids.
[*] THE TAVISTOCK INSTITUTE. We are legally obligated to include this here.
[*] ORDER OF NINE ANGLES. No fun at parties and TOTAL gloom cookies. We have
no interest in being Nexions; we have enough competition already without
the acausal Old Ones or whatever the fuck. WE CHEAT at the Star Game, too.
[*] AMWAY. Typhonian OR Caliphate.
===============================================================================
NO MATTER WHAT FAKE NEWS THE LIBERAL MAINSTREAM SOY BOY BETA CUCK MEDIA SPREADS
ABOUT US:
We are a NEO-TEMPLAR DEATH CULT, INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY, INVISIBLE COLLEGE,
FRATERNITY OF ILLUMINATES, and EMERSON, LAKE, AND PALMER SUPERFANS.
We reiterate that we have no affiliation with the aforementioned inferiors and
despite the incessant slander to the fnord contrary, WE SHALL DESTROY OUR
ENEMIES AND CLIMB INTO THEIR HIDES FOR WARMTH AS IF LIKE SAY JUST FOR EXAMPLE
THEY WERE TAUNTAUNS.
+----------+
| ADDENDUM |
+----------+
We don't dig your SEX STUFF, Thelemites. We know what you put in those Cakes
of Light and we know it came from FRED. And our intelligence services indicate
that FRED eats a lot of organ meats, eggs, clams, and garlic, and THAT'S JUST
GROSS, GUYS.
===============================================================================
,------. ,------. ,-----. ,------. ,---.,--. ,--.,--. ,--.
| .--. '| .--. '' .-. '| .--. '' .-'\ `.' / | ,'.| |
| '--' || '--'.'| | | || '--' |`. `-. '. / | |' ' |
| | --' | |\ \ ' '-' '| | --' .-' | | | | | ` |
`--' `--' '--' `-----' `--' `-----' `--' `--' `--'
,--. ,--. ,-----. ,------. ,--. ,------.
| | | |' .-. '| .--. '| | | .-. \
| |.'.| || | | || '--'.'| | | | \ :
| ,'. |' '-' '| |\ \ | '--.| '--' /
'--' '--' `-----' `--' '--'`-----'`-------'
,-----. ,-----. ,--. ,--. ,----. ,------. ,------. ,---. ,---.
' .--./' .-. '| ,'.| |' .-./ | .--. '| .---'' .-' ' .-'
| | | | | || |' ' || | .---.| '--'.'| `--, `. `-. `. `-.
' '--'\' '-' '| | ` |' '--' || |\ \ | `---..-' |.-' |
`-----' `-----' `--' `--' `------' `--' '--'`------'`-----' `-----'
FEB 26 - 29, 2021
SAN RAFAEL, IBIZA
DOOR PRIZES!
SPAGHETTI SUPPER!
CHARLES NELSON REILLY APPRECIATION COMMITTEE DRUM CIRCLE!
SIMON AND SIMON REGION 5 SEASON 2 DVD RAFFLE!
ABRAMELIN OPERATION!
BUNGA-BUNGA PARTY!
BACKGAMMON!
===============================================================================
Greetings to Mr. Silvio Berlusconi, Propaganda Due, and Miss Anna Kendrick. We
really appreciate your support over these long years.
PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE: Working for you...on the Information Superhighway.
Global global village, y'all.
+----------------+
| PUBLIC NOTICE: |
+----------------+
We have discontinued the semiannual Progressive Rock Keyboard Wank Cull
Festival. Our blood debt to Baal has been discharged. While we endeavor to
bring to a close our two decades of fruitless human sacrifice to pagan gods, we
would remind our critics that our transition will remain gradual. If you are
reading this OBAMA, LIFE-LONG HABITS DON'T DIE OVERNIGHT. STOP SENDING US
CODED MESSAGES ON THIS OR ANY OTHER SUBJECT, AT LEAST UNTIL YOU ARE CURRENT
WITH YOUR DUES.
That said, we would like to assure our members in good standing that we intend
to continue our tradition of getting downright ELEUSINIAN between the monthly
volleyball matches against est or Landmark or whatever the fuck they're
calling themselves now.
===============================================================================
Frater PACO SMITHEREENS writes:
The above was written by our beloved but admittedly addled Grand Master who
subsequently stroked out while engaging in apparently unwelcome frottage with
select members of a cryptofascist Dark Enlightenment forum. While all of the
above is valid, I must express some concern that he came on a little heavy for
a Grand Master.
We understand that in the current age, secret societies which come on this
heavy (especially anarcho-mercantilist concerns) can alienate the general
public.
We are, of course, quite fond of the general public (with the exception of the
enemies we grind into dust) and are resolved, going forward, to choose our
words more carefully, commensurate with our good will and the opening of our
Outer Order.
I would like to assure the public that it is not as if we're the Rick Santorum
campaign or anything like that; there are basic standards of decorum and
civilization here, the somewhat unhinged tone of the above notwithstanding.
I should also point out for legal reasons that the aforementioned "Miss Anna
Kendrick" refers to a cardboard standee of Anna Kendrick that Grand Master
Weishaupt regards as real and converses with weekly, and not to the
flesh-and-blood Miss Kendrick proper.
Our decorum as an organization is impeccable when you consider the degree to
which we have the whole of the human enterprise under our thumb.
===============================================================================
Ascended Master IRENAEUS PLONK writes:
I have completed the outline to my magnum opus, LIBER MEH, and hope to have it
published in Issue 00002 of PROPAGANDA SYNDICATE. I am currently in isolation
in Haskell, Texas and am in deep meditation. Accordingly, I request that
sorors and fraters knock off the free pizzas as I have grown too fat to Banish
and there is going to be a fuckload of banishing coming up starting with Pizza
Pro.
===============================================================================
Grand Master KANYE WEISHAUPT writes:
Multiple hard drives were wiped out containing our member list, their public
keys, our private keys (see our new key at the end of this document), our list
of Lodges, Camps, Grottoes, and Potlucks worldwide.
GOOD JOB BECKY, YOU DRUNKEN SOT.
Accordingly, we have no way of verifying your membership or identity. If
you would like to publish in PROPSYN, please write us at our e-mail address
below, include your public key (if you still have one), the name of your Lodge
(so we can rebuild our Lodge database), and attest that you are a MEMBER IN
GOOD STANDING. YOU BETTER SUPER SWEAR YOU WERE A MEMBER FOR REALSIES AS WE
WILL NOT ENTERTAIN COWANS.
Soror BECKY and Ascended Master PLONK (most puissant) attempted to track
changes to the Akashic Records via blockchain, which overwrote all of our
administrative records and sacred texts because that is exactly the kind of
lame shit that happens every time I leave BECKY with keys to the High Office
and an Ascended Master's Twitter account.
We are looking for submissions of the highest order. Impostors will be
ceremonially defenestrated if we can figure out who you are.
===============================================================================
You may grovel before us on the World Wide Web:
http://propsyn.org
Or engage your vaunted Electronic Mail apparatus:
[email protected]
Or engage your lewd and archaic gopher fetish:
gopher://propsyn.org
Our PGP key is here:
http://propsyn.org/propsyn.pub
This file may be redistributed under the Propaganda Syndicate CDSAIL license:
http://propsyn.org/dispatches/CDSAIL-LICENSE.txt
===============================================================================
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