Title: The Magnificent Triumph of "We Are Working On It [TM]"
In the grand and illustrious Office of Unending Affairs, the mantra of
success was emblazoned on every wall, desk, and mouse pad: "We Are
Working On It [TM]" (WAWOI). This phrase, a beacon of hope and a shield
against accountability, had been the cornerstone of the office's
operations for decades.
The office's leader, Sir Reginald Procrastinatus, wore his title with
pride. He was a man of great vision, adept at pushing deadlines with the
finesse of an artist and ensuring that every task was perpetually in the
pipeline. His office was a sanctuary of half-empty coffee cups and
stacks of papers labeled "Pending Urgent Review."
Each morning, the staff gathered for the Daily Indefinite Progress Meeting
(DIPM), where the agenda was a masterpiece of ambiguity. Regina Dilator,
the Chief Officer of Non-Commital Planning, would begin with the customary
recitation of the WAWOI pledge: "We solemnly swear to ensure that progress
is perpetually promised, indefinitely delayed, and consistently
communicated."
"Today," Regina announced with her trademark air of certainty, "we shall
discuss the implementation strategy for the Implementation Strategy Review
Committee's upcoming review session."
A murmur of approval rippled through the room. The Implementation
Strategy Review Committee (ISRC) was legendary, not for its outcomes
but for its impeccably crafted action plans that never saw the light of
day. Their motto, "Future Actions Speak Louder Than Present Words," was a
testament to their commitment to the WAWOI philosophy.
Midway through the meeting, Sir Reginald would often interject with his
signature phrase, "Let's put a pin in that and circle back later." This
phrase was met with nods of reverence, as everyone knew that "later"
was a mythical time when all things would be resolved effortlessly.
One day, a young and enthusiastic intern named Emily Efficient dared to
propose an innovative idea. "What if," she ventured hesitantly, "we
actually finished one of our projects?"
The room fell silent. Sir Reginald adjusted his monocle and cleared his
throat. "Ah, young Emily, while your zeal is admirable, you must
understand the delicate balance of our system. Finishing a project would
disrupt the harmonious flow of perpetual progress. We must maintain the
sanctity of WAWOI."
Undeterred, Emily pressed on. "But what about the report for the
Department of Necessary Delays? They asked for it last year."
Regina smiled benevolently. "Emily, dear, that report is a living
document. By never finalizing it, we ensure it remains relevant. Plus,
the Department of Necessary Delays thrives on the anticipation of future
reports."
Emily, slowly realizing the futility of her efforts, nodded and
retreated. She soon learned the art of WAWOI, mastering phrases like
"in due course" and "as soon as feasible."
Years passed, and Emily rose through the ranks, eventually becoming
the Director of Prolonged Endeavors. She championed the cause of WAWOI
with fervor, ensuring that no task was ever truly complete and that every
initiative remained a perpetual work in progress.
And so, the Office of Unending Affairs continued to thrive, a monument
to the brilliance of bureaucratic stagnation. Projects remained forever
unfinished, reports eternally pending, and the staff perpetually busy with
the noble task of working on it.
In the end, the triumph of WAWOI was celebrated not in achievements or
completed tasks, but in the unwavering commitment to the promise of progress,
always just out of reach.
